"L-LEAVE me alone..." nanghihinang ani ni Caesar sa 'kin nang sa wakas ay nalasap na niya ang ginhawa sa pagkakahiga sa malambot na kama. Pawang tinatakpan niya ang sariling mukha ng kanang kamay ngunit kahit na ba wala ang kamay niya sa pagkakadantay, sa ibang direksyon pa rin nakabaling ang ulo nito.

Animo'y pinaparating na tutuon siya sa kahit na saang direksyon liban sa kung saan ako naroroon. 

"You're bleeding, and lying down won't help it stop. You should've gone to your room," I suggested, handling my disappointment with a stiff lip. 

However, Caesar neither budged nor responded at all, treating me like a part of the many decorations hung here in my room. A single sting of a prick became a vivid pain traveling down to my every vein, remembering this isn't the first time he's ever avoided me since he brought me upon the protection of his raven wings. 

'Quinzel, hindi mo lugar 'yan,'  one part of my mind reminded. I pursed my lips and sighed softly as silence between us becomes more unbearable with the stronger gnashes of the skies. "Kung ganoon, tatawagan ko na lang si Eldridge at Reinald. Don't move too much, 'kay? Wait for me, I'm going to get something to stop the bleeding."

Gawa ng hindi ko batid kung gaano siya nasugatan at kung bakit, balak kong magmadali't tumawag na eksperto para mapatingnan siya. Mahirap na at baka may mamintis ako na nagpapasakit sa kaniya. Subalit bago ko pa maialis ang sarili ko sa kama ay marahas na hinatak ako ni Caesar. Sa unang pagkakataon matapos ng nangyari sa café, nagkatagpo ang tingin naming dalawa; ang kaniya nagngangalit at ang akin nangliliit. 

"Don't," he growled, his grip on my wrist tightening as much as wandered deeper into my eyes.

There you go again, searching for something or perhaps, someone else in me.

His search was instantly ended when pain pulls him back down to the bed. He groaned and almost curled to it, yet despite all that, he yanked my hand away brusquely. "If it bothers you so much, go get yourself a different room tonight and leave me the fuck alone," he dismissed me before finally turning his back and shoving a blanket on his huge frame.

Dumbfounded by how he told me off, I retorted. "You mean to sleep peacefully once I leave you here to die?"

"Yeah, sure, why not?" Caesar replied sarcastically in a flash. 

"Hey, do you not have any care about your well-being?" This time, I can definitely swear I'm hearing myself raising my voice. And as much as I want to lecture him about well-being, I'm aware I'm ignoring mine too by being persistent to argue with him.

"Hah!" he exclaimed, yanking the blanket closer to cover himself. "Then why do you care? Didn't you want me to turn a blind eye toward Aljaz's insults to you? I am following what you want so, do the same with me. Simple." 

Napalunok ako sa pagbabalik niya sa 'kin ng tanong. 'Di dahil wala akong maisagot kundi dahil hindi ako makapaniwalang pinapairal niya ang ganitong pag-uugali gayong tagaktak na siya ng pawis at patuloy niyang hinahabol ang hininga niya. Alam kong tungkol pa rin ito sa nangyari noong nakaraan. Alam kong sa isang banda, ako ang nagtulak sa kaniya na pagsalitaan ako nang ganito pero kailangan ba niyang umasta na parang bata ngayong nahihirapan siya?!

"T-Then why did you even send me a bouquet of sunflowers and a damn cringy letter?" I asked, pissed. "What is the meaning of solving the gloom over us and praying to the rays of the sun?"

I was waiting obediently because he said I should take my time to come up with an answer. I was holding back because there are more variables in our current relationship than we both know and there just might be some that none of us can handle. I was trying so hard not to get close because once the job is done, I must go. There's no point revealing yourself when you're only temporary. 

"Ginawa mo lang ba 'yon para pagmukhaing totoo na mag-asawa tayo, hmm?" nagtitimping dagdag ko. "Ginawa mo lang ba 'yon para tiyakin na makukuha ko ang tiwala ni Donya Teresita? Bakit? Kasi wala kang tiwala sa 'kin? Kasi baka tarantaduhin ko 'yong plano at napagkasunduan natin dahil hindi mo lang naman ako kinibo nang isang beses kundi dalawa. 'Yon ba?"

Sa lahat ng tinapon kong katanungan, wala ni isa ang inimikan ni Caesar. Pasalit-salit ang mga mata ko sa kabuuan niya, pasensyosang nag-aabang ng kahit anong igtad o reaksyon na maaaring magsilbi bilang sagot. Batid kong nagsisimula na namang magliyab sa sakit ang lalamunan ko sa kakadada ko pero para bang mas nilalamon ng katahimikan sa pagitan naming dalawa ang lakas ko. 

"Hindi ko rin napapansin si Dr. Pherenn nitong mga nakaraang araw," kinagat ko ang ibabang labi ko. "Perhaps, he's already finding a replacement, hm? Someone who won't disappoint you, I guess?" 

Again, nothing. Nada. Niente.

Feeling that my heart could burst any moment if he drags this out any longer, I decided to raise the white flag. "Just because you're wearing what a Montelier would doesn't make you one," I stated fluently, making it sound as close as possible to how Aljaz Tyrell said them to me.

"He told me I don't have the luxury to be childish like Rupert. Huwag na raw akong dumagdag sa sakit ng ulo. He warned me not to cause any trouble for you. Kasi nga naman pahirap na nga na hindi ako pwedeng palaging nagsasalita, tama? He doesn't see me fitting standing beside you. I know he's not the only one who thinks that way. Are these what you want me to say that day?" My voice cracked at the end, but I thought it no longer matter. It doesn't matter because I can't even deny I'm overwhelmed with how he avoided me for the past days.

Funny, I'm not even the type of person to get discouraged easily. If anything, I have the utmost confidence in my skills and capabilities. But...

"Hindi ba pwedeng patunayan ko ang sarili ko nang hindi ako nawawalan ng mukha sa harap mo? Hindi ba pwedeng hawakan ko 'yong dignidad ko nang tahimik lang? Ayaw mo ba 'yon? Tahimik lang... Walang away," nayuyukong pakiusap ko. "Simula pa lang mukhang palyado na 'ko 'e. I told you before, didn't I? I'm not suited on being your wife."

But whenever someone reminds me that I might be the one harming you instead of the enemy, it just inevitably breaks me, for the last thing I'd ever want is to be a weapon meant for you.

I clutched at the bed sheets as I feel my willpower and strength slipping out. It wasn't surprising since I knew from that start that it's bad news getting swayed to an argument I'm bound to lose. What surprised me, however, is myself, over and over. Why do I keep painting myself as good when I knew better?

"Were they really that hard to tell me, mon amour?"

Nakaramdam ako ng malalamig na mga palad sa magkabila kong mga pisngi. Inaalok ako nitong iangat ang aking tingin ngunit 'di ko mabuhat ang sarili na gawin. I just spoken the unspeakable. It'd be a flogging for a day if it is him, but Caesar is not him...

"It's not my blood," the root of all my anxiety admitted. "Napaaway, oo, pero gasgas at pagod lang naman ang nakuha ko. Medyo naging makalat lang."

Sa puntong ito, ako naman ang hindi makaimik. Hindi ko alam kung sa loob-loob ko, nangunguna ba ang sakit o ang hiyang ayoko ipasilip. Gayunpaman, hindi ako pinilit ni Caesar na tumingala, na tumingin sa mga mata niyang alam sa 'kin na naman nakalapat. Matapos ang isang buntong-hininga, ibinaba niya ang mga palad niya papunta sa 'kin na nakayapos pa rin sa punda ng kama.

"I'm sorry if I worried you. It's not my intention to distress you like this." He rubbed his thumbs against my skin, caressing it. "I didn't send you those flowers and letter to make you more troubled. I sent it because women are harder to handle in conversations than men. I do not entirely know everything about you, but as far as being my wife, it's your first time meeting them, clashing wits with them. It's not that I did not trust you. On the contrary, I'm confident you'd do well. I just thought I might give you a piece of luck, a proof that I care, you know, just in case," he explained, his voice tender and gentle like how it used to be.

Marahan niyang tinapik-tapik ang nanginginig kong kamay, ini-engganyo ang mga ito na kumalas sa pagkakahawak sa sapin ng kama. Nang magtagumpay siya ay inilahad niya ang kaliwang palad ko at pinisil-pisil ito.

"Pumunta ka ba kay Pherenn tulad ng sinabi ko?" pantitiyak niya na may bahid ng tonong panenermon. Maingat niyang iniangat ang mga kamay ko at hinatak ito sa kaniya papalapit. Sa pagtanto ko sa kung ano ang maaari niyang gawin niya rito, sandali kong sinubukang hatakin ito pabalik ngunit sunod ko na lamang na napagtanto ay nagtagpo na muli ang tingin naming dalawa.

"Did you?" he repeated. "Answer me or the only place he will sleep in from now on is the morgue."

With that threat out of the blue, all I was able to do was nod faintly, and then, my eyes are back on drooping quietly.

Hindi pa rin bumibitiw, dinakot pa ni Caesar ang kanang kamay ko ng isa pa niyang kamay. At bago pa ako makaalma, dinala niya na ang nakalahad kong mga palad sa mga labi niya at nakapikit na hinalikan ito nang tatlong beses.

"You think I wouldn't know?" Caesar opened his eyes, his gaze intense against mine and his breath glazing my sensitive skin. "You were hurt because you're mad at how bad they're treating me that day, weren't you? You were listening to them mocking me behind the door, weren't you? I don't know what exactly your plans were, but I'm quite certain you're not supposed to crash in and render the guests speechless."

For a second time, he pulled his lashes down and kissed my palm. Every part of it that sometimes, my fingertips could almost tap on his adam's apple.

"S-Stop it... Mr. Montelier," I awkwardly said as my efforts to take my hands back keep failing against his kind yet unyielding force.

"Sa susunod, huwag kang magdadalawang-isip na magsabi sa 'kin. Pwede ba 'yon? Pwede bang hindi ko na sa iba marinig ang mga nangyari sa 'yo?"

Halos manindig ang mga balahibo ko nang ipahilig niya ang ulo upang mapantayan ang lebel ng paningin ko. "Our deal is to protect each other, don't you remember? Now that you're exposed to all gatherings and gossips, you'll be in far more danger than I am every day. You are shielding me so, why..." he paused for a second as if a gasp and a gulp are needed for him to bring himself to continue. "The least I could do for you is to provide you an environment wherein you're comfortable and safe. Why won't you let me do that for you?"

Ngayong nasisilayan ko si Caesar na ganitong may lumbay sa kaniyang ekspresyon at tila hinahanap-hanap ang presensya ko, may napagtanto ako. He wasn't angry I allowed myself to be insulted that day. He was upset. Upset that I didn't tattle Jaz on him. Upset that he seems to be the only one receiving.

This idiot. Little did he know, he already granted me everything.

Gusto kong umismid at ilantad sa kaniya na ako ang mas maraming natanggap kaysa sa kaniya. Pero bakit kamo hindi kita hinahayaan? Hindi ba't parang pandaraya na kung hihingi pa ako nang higit pa sa sapat? Hindi ba't parang inaabuso ko na ang lahat ng pagkakataong nilatag mo sa paanan ko kung hindi ko 'yon paghihirapang tanawin sa katangi-tanging paraan na alam ko?

Nang lumuwag ang kapit niya sa 'kin ay ipinalingkis ko naman ito sa mga palad niya. "Pwede ba talaga?" pagtataka ko nang yinayapos din ang mga kamay niya at saka siya binalingan. "Can I really demand that from you?"

Nagsitaasan kaagad ang magkabilang sulok ng mga labi ng kaharap ko. "I wonder what took you so long to realize that when I literally mentioned that in my vow," he sheepishly grinned, like a boy that won his first basketball league, like autumn relieved on finally welcoming the most awaited spring. "Cortez highly praised your memory, I doubt you've forgotten it."

At sa pag-uukit ng tuldok sa naging suliranin sa pagitan namin, payapang ibinalik na namin sa isa't isa ang aming mga kamay. Laking ginhawa na sana ito, lalo na't parang nag-iwan ng ilang paso ang mga labi niya sa palad ko. Ngunit sino nga ba ang niloloko ko? May kapalit ang bawat katagang magmumula sa bibig ko.

"Quinzel!" I heard Caesar call in a panic.

With my vision deteriorating and my body limping right away from enduring the toll of all words I've spoken, it's almost unbelievable I get to learn one more thing before darkness takes over.

That familiar voice. The figure who caught me after I escaped from the fire in Calvin's unit.

It's you, Caesar, isn't it?

******

A/N: The story actually has slow pacing. If you think na medyo mukhang mabilis by the way things are turning, wait kayo pagtapos ng Chapter 20 hehe. Caesar's POV will fill the gaps, especially the small time skip after malaman ni Quin ang 'seven months.' :) Labyu ol. Happy holidays ulit! xoxo