I'M always afraid, you know. This fear... it wasn't supposed to manifest if only plans are meant to unfailingly go as they should be. But they don't so, we have to make do with it like how we tearily have to swallow bitter medicine. After Caesar stormed out of the café without sipping a drop of coffee or biting one of the dozen pastries he'd put on my tray, my days passed just like that. And as if they're mocking me, the clouds have all gathered to rain upon my anxiety.

"Do you dislike the rain, Mrs. Montelier?" a deep, yet honeyed voice asked. "If you wish, we could move into the lounge. You are our honored guest, by all means."

Sa pagtapik sa 'kin ng reyalidad, may impit na ngiti kong ibinalik ang atensyon ko sa mga mahahalagang dalaga at ginang sa bawat negosyong pinatatakbo ng Familia de Montelier.

"On the contrary, I like them," I admitted as I coyly tilt my head to the side, appearing as mysterious as I can be to poke their curiosities. "After all, I also met my husband in such unruly weather."

The ladies' mouths turned round just like the scones in their plates. Some who initially didn't bother to participate in this rainy afternoon tea party turned their heads as if a new breeze has come in. I also saw how Reinald Cortez silently glanced in my direction from a corner, mentally taking notes of every single thing I mentioned so that we can keep the 'love story' consistent with those we have to deceive.

"Oh my! I know it'd be rude, but since the rain might keep you here longer, would you like to indulge us, Miss Quinzel?" this gathering's host, Mrs. Teresita Dolores, excitedly inquired. Her being a chatterbox is quite well-known, which others are wary of, but so was her beauty when she was young. But alas... what I need from her is not the latter.

Pakunyari kong pinaglaruan ang mga daliri ko habang nakapatong sila sa lamesa, nagpapanggap na nahihiya kahit na ba nakaukit na sa dila ko ang mga salita. "Kapwa estranghero kami sa isa't isa. May kalakasan ang ulan pero parang humahaplos lamang ito sa balat. Natagpuan ko siyang basa't bahagyang nangangatog sa lilim ng isang malaking puno," pagpapanimula ko ng kwento na siyang ikinaayos ng pagkakaupo ng lahat.

This is Teresita Dolores; she's the key to hearing the conversations men usually hide and bury to the ground. Though her house is humble compared to the Montelier, her reign in high society says otherwise. It is her we need to keep Caesar's plans at bay, for everyone sometimes forgets a cold truth. Where wars only truly start and end is on the white-lacey table. And when that table has a woman, she needs neither her temper nor a sword, but her wits alone.

And what better way to get the Teresita Dolores to my side if not showing my prowess to her favorite war approach?

"However, I was cautious and aggressive at the same time; I brandished a dagger at his neck before I could even ask him who he was."

Sabay-sabay na napasinghap ang mga tagapakinig. Maging ang mga kasamahang mayordomo nila'y nagsalitan ng tingin sa gigilid. Sino nga naman ang mag-aakalang may isang babaeng maglalakas ng loob na tutukan ng patalim ang lalaking higit na kinatatakutan na banggain ninuman?

"You did?!"

"But isn't your husband infamous for being the greatest predator in the Underground?"

"Hindi ka ba natakot sa kaniya? Nanlaban ba siya?"

Hindi mapirmi ang kababaihan sa kanilang mga katanungan. Ang tsa-ang kanina'y bukambibig nila na puro't nanggaling pa sa Europa, tinalikdan na nila. Lahat para mapakinggan ang kwentong tiyak na magagamit nila sa tsismisan at inggitan sa susunod na mga pagsasalo't pagdiriwang. At iyon ang pakay ko rin. Ang hayaan silang akitin ang mga usang hindi ko pa masasamo sa ngayon. Nang sa gayo'y sila na mismo ang maglalatag ng kani-kanilang mga sarili sa huli nilang hantungan.

I shook my head and shyly chuckled. "Agad ko ring ibinaba ang patalim," bunyag ko.

"Eh? Pero hindi mo pa rin siya kilala no'n, tama? What made you draw back?"

For a second, I was a bit taken aback by the question in spite of expecting it to sprout. I was a bit in a daze as if I didn't know the answer myself. What made me draw back, I wonder? What made the past 'me' hesitate as soon as I turned my head to him?

Like little raindrops coming to form a solid and vivid image, I have the scene playing in my mind. A scene where it was raining hard enough to prick the leaves yet felt like persistent taps on our skin. The glistening blade is close to Caesar's throat. He's alone, his clothes ragged and stained by blood. And should I will to push my dagger closer, his clothes will no longer be the only ones reeking of metallic scent. In spite of all that, he looked at me straight in the eye, devoid of fear and tears. He seemed hopeless enough to submit his life to me, yet the calmness mixed in it made me look like a child trying to move a mountain desperately. It's as if he already knew. He knew I couldn't, and I... I didn't.

"I... I unexplainably succumbed to the endless bronze desert in his eyes. I was drawn to it, entranced by it as if I was meant to be pulled down by a quicksand. And then, I just knew, I couldn't take my eyes off of him. I want to see myself reflected in them a little longer. I want to feel the warmth of countless sand and the sun shining above it all."

Sa oras na nabulalas ko na ang kasagutan nang hindi man lang dumaraan sa apruba ng lohika ng utak ko, halos gusto kong takpan ang bibig ko at itanggi ang bawat kataga. Pakiramdam ko ay nilantad ko ang sarili ko nang hubo't hubad nang hindi namamalayan.

"You didn't seem like it, but you're quite the romantic, Mrs. Montelier!" one of the ladies amid their squeals teased, blushing.

"Indeed! You're good with words, young madam! The contrast of you seeing a desert in his eyes while it's raining, in reality, is such, ugh, deserves a chef's kiss!"

"I mean, sino bang hindi magiging romantiko kung isang Caesar Montelier din naman ang masisilayan mo sa araw na maulan? It's almost like a scene out of a classic novel!"

Nagpatuloy ang mga papuri't hagikgikan nila. Samantala, nayuyuko akong ngumiti't ibinaba ang mga kamay ko sa aking mga hita. Anong ginagawa mo, Quinzel? Wala namang halaga sa mga naririto kung katotohanan o kasinungalingan ang binubulalas mo sa mga tenga nila. Ang mahalaga'y kapaniwa-paniwala ito at sapat para antigin ang mga puso nila.

"Kung ganoon, siguro't miss na miss mo na ang mister mo, Miss Quinzel—"

I instantly raised my chin. "Please. You don't have to be too formal with me. Just call me Quinzel," I said politely. My offering them the once-in-a-lifetime chance to be casual with the lady of the Montelier House almost stretched both sides of their lips up to their ears.

Napatikhim ang ginang upang pahupain ang hindi niya matagong saya sa pakikisalamuha ko sa kanila. "As I was saying, I heard from Mr. Trasanto that you just arrived from a trip last week. Pero heto nga't dahil dalawang araw na lang ay Queen of the Hunt na, siguro ay natatabunan ng trabaho ngayon ang asawa mo. Nakakauwi pa ba siya?" pang-uusisa nito bago damputin ang kaniyang tasa.

'He hasn't come home once' is what the truth is. I would've asked the same question if it wasn't my fault that he was not coming to me.

"It can't be helped," I giggled to cover the bitter taste on my tongue. "As you all know, my husband is the second highest-ranking executive of the Red Circle. It'd be immature of me not to try to understand his circumstances. It's not like the hunt can overwhelm the eternity we promised to each other."

Ngunit hindi ang katotohanan ang nais ng ginang. Bagkus, ang hukayin ang butas na maaaring hango lamang sa piratang imprinta ang relasyon namin ni Caesar imbes na sa isang klasikong nobela.

"Aww. But you're newlyweds!" the younger sister of Mr. Salonga, the naïve little deer who dared to point his finger at Caesar last time, argued in a fit. "Aren't you even a bit sad that he's not with you?"

Who said I'm not?

'Di tulad ng kaniyang kuya ay nakagigiliw ang pagka-isip-bata ng dalaga. Halos maging ang platito ay mahiwa niya sa kung paano niya karahas na hiwain ang panghimagas sa harapan niya. Hindi ko tuloy maiwasan ang mapatawa't magpasalamat sa simpatya niya.

"Don't worry, Ms. Salonga. May iba pa namang paraan para maramdaman namin ang presensya ng isa't isa. Halimbawa—"

"Excuse me, Madam Dolores. A delivery has arrived. It's said to be addressed to one of our guests," a butler announced from the doors of the huge enclosed greenhouse we're in.

Agad na napatigil sa paghahalo ng kaniyang tsa-a ang punong-abala, senyales na wala itong inaasahang padala na puputol panandalian sa pagtitipon. Gayunpaman ay ipinaabot niya ang permiso upang dalhin sa pagkakasaksi naming lahat ang tinutukoy na padala. Subalit laking surpresa namin nang magsipasukan ang mahigit sampung tauhan niya na may kalong-kalong na mga malalaking bouquet ng pulang rosas sa kanilang mga bisig.

"Goodness! I thought it's only addressed to one of the guests? How come every lady gets to have one?" Mrs. Dolores exclaimed in both delight and shock. As soon as she was handed her piece, she stood up from her seat to admire it and smell its fragrance.

The petite maid who she called to assist her on finding a vase then answered meekly. "Opo. Kaso ang sabi po sa 'min ng mga naghatid, gusto raw po ng nagpadala na kayo po mismo ang umalam kung sino ang pinadalhan niya bilang parte ng surpresa." Sunod namang ipinagkaloob nito ang isang asul na sobre na natatalian ng kulay pilak na laso.

That combination of color... With all the ladies, including me, having our hearts stop waiting for the revelation, I quickly looked in Reinald's direction to see if we had the same name in mind who the sender was. Even so, I found no ash-brown-haired man who was holding his black notebook and pen in the corner, prompting my inner self to scream hysterically.

"The bouquets of roses symbolize my gratitude for the ladies whose humor and stories will most likely plaster a smile to mon amour. On the other hand..." Sa saglit na paghinto ng ginang sa kaniyang pagbabasa ay saktong pag-usbong ni Cortez mula sa likod ng hilera ng mga tauhang may dala ng mga bouquet. But he came back neither empty-handed nor with his precious notes.

"On the other hand, the sunflowers are a symbol of my hope that once I see her, the gloom of the rain over us has calmed, and the rays of the sun will offer me the answer I need," the hostess continued, her narrowed eyes following the only bouquet that's different and bigger among everyone else's.

Nahihirapan ang dibdib ko na magtaas-baba sa paglapit sa 'kin ng palumpon ng mga malalaking mirasol. Para bang kasing bigat ng angkla ng barko ngayon ang bawat dagundong ng puso ko na maging ang paghinga ay tila imposible.

"To the one and only Mistress of Wisterias, Quinzel Montelier."

The second the bouquet finally rested on my arms, I realized there's more to Caesar's swooning words than what other people thought of it on the surface. He isn't wishing for the rain to stop but the gloom between us, which means the indefinitely dark distance we've put between us. He wasn't praying for the sun for answers but to me, because Quinzel means 'ray of sun' in another language. He didn't call me 'Mrs. Montelier,' he called me Mistress of Wisterias, the very flowers that gave the name, Wisteria Manor to the nest of all Monteliers.

"Mukhang totoo nga ang sinabi mo, Miss Quinzel," ani ni Bb. Salonga na ngayon ang mga kamay ay magkadikit at ulo'y nakapahilig dito na parang nahihimbing. "May iba pa ngang paraan para maramdaman ninyo ang presensya ng isa't isa."

Kapwa nagsibuntong-hininga ang mga kasama kong bisita.

"Kung ganyan lang din sana ka considerate ang asawa ko ay baka hindi ko siya hiniwalayan!" biro ng isa na siyang nag-udyok ng tawanan sa lamesa.

"Don't give us that bull, sister. You dumped him for bigger adversaries!"

Salamat sa palumpon ng mga mirasol, ang paksang hinuha kanina lang para atakihin ako ay tinangay na ng hangin at nalihis ng landas. Kagaya ng masaganang pagtubo ng mga rosas, gayon na rin ang mga panibagong talakayan na maaari ko nang hindi masyadong pagtuunan ng pansin.

"It's very pretty," I mumbled as I caress the golden petals ever gently, smiling. "Thank you."

"I'm sure Mr. Montelier would be glad to hear that personally once he comes back," Cortez suggested with a smirk, hinting me that tonight, finally, Caesar will see me and is prepared to receive the answer he told me to think about.

The sense of relief the news gave to me allowed me to see the bouquet in greater beauty. And though I'm still not certain of what answer I'll give once we get to see another, it was enough. It was enough to wash away my own gloom.

Nang magtapos ang pagtitipon, marahan akong tinapik ni Donya Teresita upang abisuhang magpaiwan. Isa-isa naming hinintay ang paglaho ng bawat bisita at mga boses nila sa pasilyo hanggang sa kami na lang ang maiwan at pawang ang ingay ng buhos ng ulan na lang ang maririnig.

"For your first gathering, you've done exceptionally well today, Madame Quinzel. You make me wish that I have a daughter like you to assist me on maneuvering those ladies from time to time," the doña praised as she grabs a hold of both of my hands.

"Thank you, madame. I'm sure if you had a daughter, she'll be just as excellent of a lady as you are. Not to mention, just as beautiful," balik papuri ko rito nang hindi iniinda ang tila humihigpit niyang paghawak sa 'kin at unti-unting paghila sa 'kin papalapit sa kaniya.

Teresita sighed in relief. "Dear, I know why you came for me. I admit, I'm a little upset that my party has become a romantic display of the Montelier couple but..." she paused and carefully unlatched herself from me.

Tulad ng inaasahan, walang punong-abala ang nanaising masapawan sa sarili niyang kaganapan.

"Nagawa mong ipaalam sa lahat ang presensya mo nang hindi nagpapatiklop sa mga mas matanda sa 'yo. With that, I'm impressed, and very much looking forward on your next visit." Mrs. Dolores then proceeded to slip something out of her skirt pocket and pushed it into my hands.

Parang batang may ginhawa't naipasa na ang pagkakataya sa habulan sa iba, ngumisi ito at wala nang ibang pasabing rumampa na papalabas ng greenhouse. Uh... excuse me?

I was a little dumbfounded when the doors closed but when I flipped my hand and opened what she stored, it revealed a small golden medallion with the crest of the bleeding red rose. "This is..."

"Madam, I've already put your bouquet in the car—"

Reinald came in but halted his steps as soon as he recognized what was in my palms. "You've succeeded, Miss Quinzel! You got an invite for the secret salon!" maligayang pagbati nito sa 'kin at lumapit pa upang mas maipakita ang pruweba ng paghihirap namin ngayong araw.

"It's either she wants to gets even dahil muntikan ko nang masapawan ang presensya niya o... sadyang nakuha ko nga talaga ang kiliti niya."

"Still... it's a victory, nevertheless," he persisted and I am left with no response but a sigh.

Now, the Monteliers will have an access to a bigger network of information. At para sa 'kin, mayroon na akong magagamit na dahilan kung sakaling paghinalaan nila kung saan nanggaling ang mga kaalaman ko na lingid sa marami maging sa kanila. Mga kaalamang ang dating ako lang ang nakaaalam.

"You've probably won her with your story."

"Pardon?"

"The story about how you guys first met," the consigliere answered. "It's short but appealing. You made the predator of the Underground look desirable. You made them think that there's more to him than being known as Don Julian's grim reaper. They will be more interested on what our master has to offer."

Bagama't nauunawaan ko ang tagumpay sa wangis nito, hindi ko maiwasan ang mapatameme at manghina sa loob-loob ko. The story, huh...

"If I didn't know better, I would've really thought that it's true," he added and shrugged his shoulders before he shifts his attention back to our remaining appointments for the day.

Bahagya akong napasimangot. It is true, though. That is how the 'me' who was ordered to lead the slaughter of all Monteliers met Caesar, the last of them, for the first time. 

******

BETA READER x AUTHOR CORNER

Us when Quinzel unconsciously (and lowkey) confessed what she liked about Caesar (and what made her stop from harming him): 

My beta reader at the revelation sa dulo:

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