THE bells over the front door of the bakery chimed as we entered. The grin on my face couldn't get any wider as soon as we were welcomed by a whiplash of fragrant aromas coming from the visible kitchen behind the counter. There, a few of the bakers in their white uniforms caught a glimpse of us and smiled while their hands were enveloped by flour.

"Welcome to the Sweet Room, ma'am and sirs!" they enthusiastically greeted us in chorus.

"You're here again?" the person manning the sole counter said. "And you've brought quite a bunch of good-looking people. Did I owe you or something?"

"You should be glad. We, attractive people, bring you nice profits, you know," Rupert smirked as he smugly put both his hands in his pockets.

Kasing bilis ng pagkumpol sa papel ang paglukot ng mukha ng nasa counter. "Ang sabi ko 'yong mga kasama mo, hindi ikaw," panduduro pa nito na siyang hindi kinatiisan ng guwardiya ko. Ang sumunod na lang naming nasilayan ay may hindi na kaaya-ayang eksena ng karahasan sa may counter.

And here I thought we'll be saved from another bickering show since Reinald chose not to come.

"Christ. May kaaway ba siya sa bawat lugar? If he does, nakakagulat na hindi pa siya nagi-gripuhan ngayon," tahimik na komento ni Caesar habang may panghuhusgang pinapanood pa rin ang eksena. Agad naman niyang pinutol ito nang mapansin niyang nakatuon ang tingin ko sa kaniya. "Tsk. And you said, he's gonna help you choose what to eat." 

Kahit na ba parang handa na muli siyang manermon, hindi ko maiwasan ang mapangiti. 'Pagkat sa bandang huli, sino bang natalo sa pangungulit ko at sumama pa rito kahit na ba pilit niyang pinagbabawalan ang paglabas ko?

As if he could read my mind, he instantly grabbed my right cheek and pinched it. "Masaya ka ba na pinayagan kita, ha?" tanong niya nang naniningkit ang mga mata. "Even if the cat's out of the bag now, you do know it's actually more dangerous for you now, don't you?"

"I know, hehe," I beamed.

He frustratingly sighed at how nonchalant my response was. Dissatisfied, he pinched harder. "And for saving my face back there, you only want to personally visit a bakery and eat to your heart's content, is that it?"

"Yep, pretty much? Hehe," I tilted my head, smiling. But seeing how his grip was not getting loose, I gasped at the possibility of my answer offending him. "Did I get it wrong?" My shoulders melted in worry.

At tulad ng kanina, tiningnan lang ako ni Caesar na animo'y sinusubukan niyang matukoy kung saan nanggaling ang mga salita ko. Sa isang banda, muli rin niyang tinakpan ang mukha niya ngunit hindi makatatakas sa pandinig ko ang tila pagpipigil niyang humagikgik sa harap ko.

Nagugulumihanan, kinurot ko ang kamay niyang nasa pisngi ko pa rin. "What's so funny?"

"Oww! Sorry, I didn't mean to laugh, and no, you didn't get it wrong." Despite his denial, he didn't dare hide how happy he is messing with me. To end the argument, he pulled his hand away and turned me toward where various pastries were laid in the center of the shop.

"Hindi mo pa rin sinasagot 'yong tanong ko!" ungot ko habang marahan niya akong tinutulak paabante. Sinenyasan niya rin si Ethan na mauna na at mamili ng nais niyang kainin.

"I already answered, didn't I? You're not wrong. If you want to visit somewhere, you may do so. If you want to eat something, you may do so." Nang nasa harapan ko na ang pagkarami-raming bandeha ng mga tinapay at matamis, inilapat niya ang mga kamay niya sa magkabilang balikat ko't nilapit ang mukha niya sa 'kin. "There's nothing you can't do, okay?"

"And even if, somehow, there is, so what?" he said, shrugging.

"Well, they might say mean things, you know..." I tried to back away, but he slid his hand on my back, preventing me from flying away from his grasp. Our bodies ended up getting closer, my spine tingling over the mere presence of his palm. 

"Then that's the last thing they'll ever say before they go straight to the morgue." 

Fuck it. In my anxiousness, I used my left hand and pushed his face away gently so as not to look like I was trying to run away. "You're too close," ani ko at ibinaling ko na ang atensyon ko sa tunay na pinunta ko rito.

"Pfft. Alright. I'll let you be. Anything you say, mon amour," dagdag pang-aasar pa nito at kinalas na niya ang mga kamay niya sa 'kin. Nang hindi ko na siya matanaw sa gilid ng paningin ko dahil sa pagsinsin sa mga pangalan ng bawat himagas, ang akala ko ay nilubayan na niya ko at humanap ng mauupuan naming apat.

Subalit laking pagkakamali ko nang matapos ang ilang segundo'y inilahad niya ang isang libreng bandeha sa harapan ko. "Here, let's put your picks here. Don't mind me, I'll just carry the tray for you," Caesar told me as he lifts a tong with his other hand. "Come on, point it and we'll get it."

Are you a sugar daddy or what? Gusto ko sana itong ikantyaw sa kanya gawa ng mga linyahan niya pero kung gusto kong makakain nang matiwasay nang hindi sumusuka ng dugo sa katirikan ng araw at sa harap ng publiko, mas minabuti ko nang itikom ang bibig ko.

"How about this one?" he pointed at a diamond-cut layered pastry whose sign has the name 'Baklava' on it. "I'm not that fond of it because it's really sweet, but I don't know what you'd like. It has cinnamon, sugar syrup, and walnuts, mon amour."

"Get this one too, sir!" Ethan suddenly appeared on the other side of the center, tapping a puffed bread with slices of strawberries and cream cheese with his tong. "Oh! If you don't like strawberries, they have those with guava too!"

"Then let's have her try each variant they have," suhestiyon ng amo na siya namang kinasang-ayunan agad ng kaniyang alagad. Matapos nilang magsalitan ng opinyon sa mga panghimagas, nagtuluy-tuloy na ito hanggang sa makapuno na sila pareho ng isang bandeha nang 'di na tinatanong ang palagay ko. At maging nang puno na ito'y pinag-iisipan pa nila kung sapat na 'yon para sa mga titikman ko.

Akala ko ba ayaw mo sa matamis, Caesar? E ba't para kang nakapag-aral sa France ng patisserie kung makapag-rate at manghusga ng desert?

"Lechugas kayong dalawa. Nawala lang ako 'e parang layunin niyo nang bigyan ng diabetes si Miss Quinzel." Nangungunot ang noong tinitigan ni Rupert ang 'di magkamayaw na pagkakapatong-patong ng mga tinapay sa bawat bandeha. "Nahiya pa talaga. Siguro nga dapat binili na lang natin 'yong bakery," nakapamewang nitong pangki-kritiko sa dalawa habang pinagigitnaan ako. Ako na pumalyang pigilan ang dalawa sa pagdampot ng kahit ano.

However, as shameless as they are, Caesar and Ethan have these droop expressions as they check the assortment of cakes and pastries they got. It's as if they are indeed considering the suggestion that is supposed to be a sarcastic remark.

Sa takot na baka dumiretso ang dalawa sa manager's office at maglabas ng tseke, agad na kinumpiska ni Rupert ang bandehang hawak nila. "I'm going to have these prepared and served. Come with me, cheesecake monster," he authoritatively ordered Lee and shoved his tray back.

Sumunod naman kaming binalingan nito. "As for you, two, save us some seats, please. And do avoid displaying your affection publicly while you're at it," istriktong habilin nito at saka sinampal sa likod ang kasamahan papunta sa counter. I can almost imagine Ethan as a bunny whose ears are down and bouncing as he stops taking more sweets.

"I'm sorry... I must've overdone it," nangangamot ulong paghingi ng paumanhin sa 'kin ni Caesar na nakatawag sa pansin ko. "It's just that I want to make it up to you. I wasn't able to visit with you for the past days. I... I was busy."

I lowered my gaze to the floor, not knowing what to say. It's not like I minded it much, for every second of every day that passed was filled with worry for your safety and nothing more. But yes, I do wonder. For the days you didn't get to see me, did you even think about mine? Or is it something more than I can ask for? 

In an attempt to sway me to forgive him, he laced his hand with my left hand again and led me to the corners of the shop to find vacant seats. I can even care less about the vintage items that decorate the place, and so are the pastel colors its walls were painted with. Even the playing jazz song that serenades the customers and their hot beverages' smoke cannot beat the sudden silence between us.

Even until we had our seats, Mr. Montelier kept a bitter smile. From how he glances outside where people glide left to right and up to how he shifts his bronze eyes back to me, it doesn't feel like he's avoiding the question pasted on my face. Rather, it felt like I was the one who he was waiting for to speak, that I was the one who should be unveiling something to him. 

Sa pagkakataong ito, ako ang nagkaroon ng mapait na ngiti sa pagkakatanto. "Please tell me you didn't hear it," pakiusap ko bagama't halata na ang tunay na dahilan kung bakit niya nasabing bumabawi siya. "Tell me you won't mind it."

"I'm going to be honest. I brought it up without knowing there is something I must hear, but seeing how you responded to it, I think there really is."

Halos mapapitlag ako sa pagkakahuli niya sa 'kin. I didn't mean to hide it or to reveal it. Neither do I have a reason to do either, anyway. It's just there. It's not like Aljaz Tyrell's insults and criticisms are the worst I've got in this life. They would've remained in my mind, I know. They would've killed someone, but that will certainly never be me. Again, it's just there.

"Quinzel," tawag sa akin ni Caesar nang may impit na buntong hininga. Sa pag-angat ng ulo ko upang kaharapin siya ay napapapikit niyang ginulo ang sarili niyang buhok sa pagkakaayos nito. "Hindi ko aalamin ang mga sinabi sa 'yo ng gagong 'yon kung hindi mo gustong malaman ko. Tanggap ko na may mga tinatago ka at hindi rin kita pipilitin ilahad lahat ng 'yon."

"You can hold onto those secrets for as long as you want but hide them better, I beg you," he stated intimidatingly, his words as clear as day. It faded so fast and swiftly. The room that was supposed to be sweet and warm turned out to be just as cold as the dungeons I once laid my small and starving body.

"I know this marriage is contractual and simply made out of our hopes for mutual benefits. And I know I might be overreacting right now, but I'm discussing it because it seems you tend to let it slide continuously."

Ah, he's... angry. I cannot deny how hard my chest is throbbing as he proceeds with a different tone. Tonong mas malapit pa sa ginamit niya kanina sa pangangaso ng mga tampalasang bisita kaysa sa tonong para sa panenermon. Sa paggamit niya nito... hindi ko mapigilan ang tanong na umusbong sa isang gilid ng isipan ko. Isa rin ba akong usang tulad nila sa pangangaso mo?

Inilapag niya ang mga siko niya sa mesa't patuloy akong tinitigan, tila may hinahanap ngunit kahit anong ulit ay walang matagpuan. "Sinabi ko na sa 'yo, hindi ba? Pwede mong gawin ang lahat. Pwede kang magsumbong sa 'kin. Pwede kang magreklamo sa 'kin. Kung gusto mong hindi ko palapitin si Jaz sa 'yo kahit kailan—"

"That's not—"

"Kung ganoon, magsabi ka sa 'kin nang diretsa at walang patumpik-tumpik, Quinzel de Agustin," bulalas niyang nakapagpapigil sa akin sa pagsasalita. Parang baha na rumaragasa ang mga pangungusap ni Caesar at walang puno o bato ang makahahadlang sa daraanan nito. At sa bahang kay lalakas ng hampas at tulak, nalulunod ako. Hindi ako makahinga at hindi rin ako makahingi ng saklolo.

"I never liked guessing. God knows how much I'm holding back digging about your past. I didn't because I promised. I promised na kung sino ka ngayon, 'yon lang ang Quinzel na kikilalanin ko." Nagngingitngit ang mga ngipin niya. Maya't maya niya ring binabasa ang mga labi niya na animo'y natutuyo ito sa salat na usapang ito. 

"So, never hide anything that's happening to you right under my nose in the present. And if you don't like that, tell me. Draw the line between us... and I will do the same. I'll stay put on the other side of the line," he added, his lips itching to say more, yet chose not to. 

What he said is undoubtedly an ultimatum that'll decide what will happen for the duration of our marriage. Indeed, this might be an exaggeration to others, but again, this is no normal marriage. It's a partnership. Before something springs to wreck it, we must reap it and shred it, or else we'll be the ones who'll crumble in the end.

Habang abala pa kong pagtagpi-tagpiin ang mga nangyari at mga posibleng mangyayari, tumayo na si Caesar mula sa kinauupuan niya. Sa pag-aayos ng suot-suot niyang coat ay may dinukot din siya sa bulsang nasa loob nito at iniitsa ito sa lamesa nang hindi inda ang ingay na malilikha nito.

"It's a pager. The house is ready. Victor will escort you there. If there's anything you need, have the maids deal with it. I will hear your answer once I get there so..." Sandali siyang napahinto sa kaniyang pagpapaalala. Sa loob ng ilang minutong walang preno niyang nilalathala sa 'kin ang saloobin niya, ngayon lang siya tila nilulubayan ng mga letra't salita.

Ayan ka na naman, Caesar. Tinititigan mo na naman ako na para kang may hinahanap.

"I will abide whatever you say, so... tell me if you do not want me to act like this, Quinzel. Please tell me if you do not want me to care. Tell me if you do not want me to listen and see."

I also want to ask you something once we meet again. I want to ask why you're confusing me these days. But I never get to ask that. Not yet. Because he never got there. I had been waiting for days, yet he never came. 

******

BETA READER x AUTHOR CORNER

Us when Caesar is being a supportive husband to his wife's sweet tooth:

My beta reader complaining about why the sweet moment became filled with angst:

Me: "Ghorl, wala pa tayo sa exciting part." 

Read. Like. Comment. Follow.

Happy birthday to me! Merry holidays to everyone! <3