"BLARRGH! Blechh!" Ah, ito na naman. Heto na naman tayo.

I gritted my teeth, hoping it would serve as a gate to keep anything from leaking... from spilling. I clasped my hands onto the white sink, wishing my endurance was enough to suppress my physical pain. For a few times, I'd raise my head to the high ceiling, praying it would just stop and end. Please.

Pero hindi. Ang bibig kong kay dalang kong buksan, bumulwak ang sankaterbang dugo mula rito. Nakapandaraya ang pakiramdam sa tuwing napapatingin ako sa salamin at makikita ang sarili kong maluha-luha at may bahid ng dugo sa leeg at mga pisngi. 'Pagkat sa karamihan, maaaring idaan sa mura ang sakit, samantalang ang isang hiyaw mula sa 'kin ay makakapanakit pa nang higit.

"Quinzel, the Queen of the Hunt is one of the three-part Underground's Queen Quests. Many will ask for your assistance to make them win, to achieve the glory it offers, and to earn the prize that will make men kneel."

Suddenly, the same breathy sinister voice that reminded me of the pending danger in Caesar's life rose again from the deepest pits of my past, and I knew shutting my eyes off won't be enough to silence it. How could it be? It's already been engraved in me. Scarred, even.

I remembered how confused I once was, not knowing why I should bother myself with making men kneel when I was already happy by willingly surrendering myself to the feet of the man who gave me a name. A human name. Me, who's never really lived as a human before. Me, whose entirety was made of others' blood and bones.

Animo'y batid niya ang tumatakbo sa isipan ko, hinablot niya ang baba ko't iniangat ito. "You look uninterested, my favorite. Does the thought of winning not enticing enough?" he asked, an amused smile already curled in his face.

"You know very well the only prize I want," I timidly replied, staring at that very prize.

Inilapat niya ang hintuturong daliri niya sa mga labi kong nagmamakaawang malapatan ng kanya. "And you know very well what you have to do to get it, don't you, sweetheart?"

I pursed my lips against his finger, not batting an eye. My satisfaction lies with him, and so is my love. Thus, I was at his mercy. "And what if I also succeed on 'that' quest you've been preparing me for years?"

"You mean ending the Montelier line?" my master chuckled. "Now that's a mission worth the grandest of prizes."

"Do you not believe I can accomplish it?" 

"On the contrary, I know you can. It's just that... I wonder if you will." 

My shoulders have fallen. Even after serving him for years, even after forming the Silver Initiation from scratch for him, even when I gladly went through his unending tests of my love and loyalty to him, doubt remains in his chest. I wonder what he truly fears: the plan's failure or my greed for him.

"Should I tell you what it is so that it can give you a bit more motivation?" He reached for the loose strands of my hair, playing with it as he always did. 

The chills I felt when he leaned to my ear crawled to my spine once again in the present, wriggling every inch of me to mouth the answer.

"My love."

Huminga ako nang malalim, tulad na lang nang kung paano ko nais na ibaon sa limot ang memorya ng may-ari ng tinig. Gayunpaman, hindi ko maiwasang pagnilayan ang nakaraan, lalo na ngayong may bago nang tao akong sinusundan. Sa pagkakataong ito, kay layo ko na sa mga aninong dati kong taguan. Nakakapanibago; ang makilala't masilayan ng mga taong para sa 'ki'y mga karakter lamang noon sa entablado.

You're Quinzel de Agustin. Twenty-six. You are free now. You don't have to fear anything at all.

"Mrs. Montelier?" I heard Aljaz Tyrell call from the outside.

Agaran kong binitawan ang magkabilang gilid ng lababo't ginamit ang mga kamay ko para linisin ang natitirang bakas ng dugo rito sa banyo. Habang kinakalma ang paghinga ay aligaga kong binaliktad ang panyong pinampunas ko sa leeg at bibig ko. Sa isang saglit lang ay binuksan ko na rin ang pinto at sa harap nito'y si Tyrell na nakasimangot.

"H-Hi, Al—"

"Pupurihin na sana kita kung pati paghatid sa mga bisita papalabas ng silid ay nagawa ninyo," diretsa't walang patumpik-tumpik niyang ani sa 'kin. "Kahit na ba anong rason, sana pilitin niyo munang isantabi sa susunod. Hindi lang ang buhay mo ang nakasalalay sa misyong ginagampanan mo."

Ang ngiti sanang itatapal ko sa sakit na hindi pa lubusang humuhupa, ni hindi nabigyan ng pagkakataong maibanat.

"We're at war, ma'am. Do you think you can simply pause the war for a bathroom break?" dagdag pa niya kasabay ng pag-ekis ng mga braso niya.

Caesar told me I did very well before he escorted the guests out, though. Was that a lie?

Malakas na buntong-hininga ang sunod niyang ginamit upang ipaalam sa 'kin ang dismaya niya. "Ni hindi niyo man lang tinapos ang tsa-a na kung tutuusin ay regalo ng ibang pamilya kay Don Caesar. Paano kung ikwento ito ng mga bisita at magkaroon ng hindi pagkakaintindihan sa pagitan ng pamilya na 'yon at ng Montelier? Hays, ano pa nga ba ang aasahan ko sa inyo..." napapakamot ang ulo nitong kritisismo habang kunot-noong tinitingnan ang mga naiwang baso sa mahabang lamesa.

Naiyuko ko na lamang ang ulo ko sa hiya. Tama siya. Hindi sumagi sa isipan ko na maaaring may espesyal sa tsa-ang nilagay ni Reinald sa harapan ko. Hindi ko kinonsidera na maaaring ang maliit na detalye ay maaaring maging malaking sagabal sa plano. Hindi ko pinagtuunan nang maigi ang anggulo na 'yon.

What a lousy mistake. All because I was so into punishing those who treated Caesar that way—

"I-I'm s-sor—"

"What would your apology make, de Agustin?"

Bahagyang napamaang ang bibig ko sa pinili niyang pangtawag sa 'kin. It was neither a formal ma'am nor a polite miss but simply my maiden name. He wants to remind me of my place.

"I-I'll make sure not to let it happen again," I gulped, both my wounded pride and the pain from my chest.

I knew that after I swore that Aljaz Tyrell was looking at me. He was looking at me so intently that I thought he was drilling a hole in my skull and piercing my brain for my mistake. I wanted to tell him, 'Hey, I did as much as I could,' but certainly, it will only give him a fouler mood.

Sa bandang huli ay wala akong naiutal, ni pagprotesta sa pamamagitan ng pagsinghal o 'di kaya'y makipagtagisan ng titig pabalik. At marahil para sa kanya'y nagsasayang lamang siya ng oras niya. And so, he eventually turned his heels away from me, but before he could even reach the door, he made sure to gift me another yank towards reality.

"Just because you're wearing what a Montelier would doesn't make you one."

The loud thud of the door closing was followed by that silence again. That silence that is completely filled of suffocating detestation and plain contempt. May pag-aalinlangan kong inabot ang laylayan ng coat na kasing kulay ng buhok ni Caesar. Hinaplos ko ang mga butones na gawa sa pilak at maging ang mga aksesoryang madalian kong isinuot kanina.

Ah, for a second, it felt empowering, yet in the next, gross and pitiful.

"...zel! Miss Quinzel!"

Hindi ko sigurado kung gaano ako katagal na naiwang nakatulala matapos lisanin ni Tyrell ang silid, ngunit sa muli kong pagkurap, nasa harapan ko na sina Rupert, Ethan, Reinald, at higit sa lahat, si Caesar. Kapwa nila akong pinagmamasdan, animo'y atensyon ko'y kanina pa nila hinihintay.

"Ah! Don't clench your clothes too much! It will get wrinkled!" Rupert exclaimed frantically while tapping my hands I didn't even remember forming fists.

As if he'd seen another act of insolence and misbehavior, Reinald didn't hesitate to flick my guard's pierced ear. "Stop making a fuss. I already have our shoppers deliver two dozen formal sets for Miss Quinzel. What she wears right now cannot even compare to the ones I chose from the new catalog," he bragged proudly as he adjusted his golden spectacles.

"Two dozen? Can't she just wear this set again once they're washed and ironed?"

Offended, the consigliere instantly raised his brow. "Excuse me? I think you're forgetting she is Mrs. Montelier. Huwag mo siya igaya sa sarili mo na umaabot ng isang linggo ang mga sweatshirt at hoodie."

Bago pa tuluyang magkahablutan ng buhok ang dalawa'y nangingiti ko nang hinatak ang laylayan ng mismong hoodie ni Rupert na pinag-uusapan. "I thought you said you trust his judgments and decisions just a while ago," I mischievously revealed.

Tila pintong lumalangitngit ang ulo ni Rupert nang bumaling siya sa 'kin. "Miss Quinzel???"

"Hehe." Maang-maangan kong kinaharap ang mukha niyang hindi makapaniwala sa pagkakalaglag ko sa kaniya. And while he's left speechless, I turned to his nemesis and winked at him.

Reinald was quick to understand; I'm siding with him this time. "Ohhhh, is that so, Rupert Albert Victor?" he said, amused. "You trust me, huh?"

"I didn't say that!" giit pa ng guwardiya at saka salit-salitan kaming tiningnan ng consigliere. "Ehhhh, Miss Quinzel naman 'e!"

Kalauna'y lumukot ang mukha niya sa pagkakatantong hindi siya mananalo. And as soon as he did, he curled his tall stature and clung to me with both of his arms. "Miss Quinzel is mean! But you showed those dogs who's boss, so I'll forgive you," he murmured with a pout.

"Hahaha! Okay, I'm sorry, and thank you for that," and I patted his head.

"What do you want to try later on, by the way? Blueberry cheesecake again? Éclair? Croissant? Macaroon? Muffin? Cinnamon Bun?"

This time, it was my turn to check the rest of the guys' reactions like a robot. My guard's enthusiastic recitation of the nearby bakery's menu instantly reminded me that I'm still under observation as a new employee, and my newly-wedded husband has yet to approve of our plan, much less hear it.

"Mon amour," Caesar called as sweetly as he did before. His eye smile, on the other hand, is saying otherwise. "What does your guard mean by 'to try later on,' hmm?"

Maaaring kakampi ko nga si Rupert palagian pero sa harap ng amo niya, agad siyang kumalas sa braso ko't napapasipol na tumabi nang 'di matamaan ng titig nito.

"Una, wala ka sa kwarto mo no'ng bumalik ako sa meeting. Pangalawa, rumampa ka sa conference room nang hindi namamalayang dumudugo ang palad mo. Ngayon, ano na naman ang binabalak ninyong dalawa, hmm? Bakit parang wala nang dumadaan sa akin na kahit ano tungkol sa 'yo?"

Paano mo malalaman kung ni sulyap hindi mo ko tinapunan nitong mga nakaraang araw? Alas, I pushed the impudent thought aside. I shouldn't cross the line. Nagbabaka-sakaling hindi matuyot ang tyansa na payagan niya ko, marahan akong humakbang papunta sa kaniya, sa kaniya na patapik-tapik na sa mga braso niyang naka-ekis.

"Uhmm... gusto ko sanang pumunta sa bakery," maingat kong tugon.

Pumahilig naman sa pagtataka ang ulo ni Caesar. "We can just ask someone to order for you. And if you want, we can call a professional baker from one of our hotels. Just tell us which pastry you'd like."

What a silver spoon. Nangingiwi akong bumuntong hininga. "Pero gusto kong personal na tumingin at pumili ng kakainin ko."

Sa pagkakakitang wala akong balak na sumuko sa pakiusap na 'to, malisyosong sinulyapan ng kausap ko ang guwardiyang nadulas sa kanyang mga salita. "Is this your idea?"

"Boss! Pinagsabihan ko na 'yang asawa mo pero ang sabi niya kukumbinsihin ka raw niya," tanggi nito nang pumoporma pa ng malaking ekis gamit ang dalawa niyang kamay. "Tamaan nawa ako ng kidlat kung nagsisinungaling ako."

"Kahit hindi, nawa tamaan ka."

"Narinig ko 'yon, Cortez!"

Habang nagsisimula na namang muli ang rambulan ng dalawa sa hindi kalayuan, mas sinarado ko ang distansya naming dalawa ni Caesar tulad ng una kong pagpasok kanina sa silid na 'to. And just like he did before, he followed my every move and waited for words to spill from my lips.

"I won't be going alone. I'll have Rupert and..." I glanced at Ethan, who's been silently standing beside us. "...and if you'll permit it, can I take Ethan as well? He likes sweets, and I'm sure he can give me a few recommendations."

Katulad ng pagsiyasat niya kay Rupert ay tinuunan din niya ang sariling guwardiya. "Would you like to?" aniya na siyang kinaangat ng ulo nito nang nanlalaki ang mga mata.

"Errr..." Lee reluctantly looked at me, his hazel orbs swaying left and right.

Seeing him wary of saying yes to his favorites reminds me of a kid who wants to point at the candy shop but is worried that his parent might get mad at him. And so, I smiled and nodded in encouragement.

Fiddling with his fingers, he lowered his head again. "Kung papayagan niyo po ko, Mr. Montelier," sagot nito sa mahinang boses.

Muling bumalik sa akin ang tingin ng taong makakapagbigay tuldok sa paksang 'to. Hindi lingid sa ekspresyon niya na hindi talaga niya ko nais na palabasin. Marahil siguro sa balita na sisimulan na ang Queen of the Hunt. Tiyak kong hindi estranghero si Caesar sa mga balita ng pananabotahe sa tuwing bago magsimula ang okasyong ito. Kung may desperadong manalo para maging reyna ng okasyon, hindi malabong sa hukay o ospital ang diretso ng isang kalahok.

I wish I could tell you. That if you'd like me to win it as my former master did, consider it done.

"You told me I did well today, mon amour." I took a page out of Rupert's book and pretended to sulk. "Is that a lie?"

The head of the Montelier stared at me. After a moment, he heaved a loud sigh and covered half his face.

"Haaa. Putangina. Fine, you win."

And all saints know how my heart rejoiced with him admitting his defeat. My victory, however, is sullied as quickly as it was given.

"Pero sasama ako," he added. Soon enough, he took off his hand from his face and snatched mine.

"M-Mr. Montelier!" I attempted to complain.

"Uh-uh, that's wrong. It's mon amour to you, and nope, you won't be able to dissuade me. If you try to get rid of me, I'll buy all the bakeries around the area and put them under your name."

Kanina ko pa sinasabi 'e. Gusto ko lang naman magpunta ng bakery at kumain, huhu. Ba't ako bibigyan ng mga bakery sa pangalan ko? 

******

BETA READER x AUTHOR CORNER

Us with Jaz this chapter:

My beta reader when she realized Caesar didn't visit Quinzel for a while until he called for her last chapter:

Read. Like. Comment. Follow.

Happy holidays, Reapers!