Looking up with tear soaked eyes cheeks moist in trails down to my neck

This wasn't the worst my panic attacks could offer, I've survived worse

But I'm getting weaker with every attack no matter how small

The toll my mind had taken

The drugs the doctors prescribed never working

The side effects said drugs had on my body

I'm weaker now than I was when I was diagnosed

Is this really the help I needed?

Is it worth the help?

Am I worth the help?

I should be used to this by now

*

I'm thrown into the hazy darkness of my mind again

My staggered breathing and absurdly fast heartbeat is all I can think about

Negative thoughts become physically audible through the 'in between'

The 'in between' grasps me by the heart

Jerking downward my heart feels dislodged to the bottom of my stomach it sinks

"Your always so dramatic! Everyone feels sad...get over yourself and stop breathing like that it's so unsettling"

Memories of the last time someone was present for my attack play on a loop

The 'in between' uses this to it's advantage

'Just end this already your too weak to take me on'

My heart jerks to the left

"Here's a list of coping methods this is manageable with medicine and...."

I'm drowning out the 'in between' with my coos

It fights back with vigor as it slams my heart into the walls of my chest

"We don't want a friend like you, Freak"

My ribs are bowing outward. I'm going to burst from the inside out

'Freak loner bitch dramatic cunt selfish unworthy'

I'm losing

I freeze in his presence

I feel a warm hand thawing my cold shoulder

"I'm here breath"

The 'in between' losses its grip

Strong arms envelop me shooing away the clouds in my mind

My heart returned to it's rightful place slowing it's frantic pace

The 'in between' cowers into the back of my mind

His hand rests gently on my head massaging through the sweaty roots

My breathing steadies itself

I open my eyes with difficulty. Dried tears seemed to have glued them shut but I manage

His scruffy beard caress my forehead while soft plump lips make contact with the skin

I'm saved

This time