B Y U N   B A E K H Y U N

I felt another sob threatening to escape my mouth so I swallowed, forcing myself to frown instead. "What?" I croaked. "What are you saying?"

Kim Taeyeon threw Taehyung a glance and as if sensing his presence is not needed, my cousin excused himself, telling me that he'll be waiting for a call if I need him. "Take care." he whispered before heading out the door.

"Baekhyun," Taeyeon started as she shut the door slowly behind her. "I'm really sorry." she sobbed, looking at me with her hands clenched to each side of her. "Everything got messed up. Everything went out of control."

"Where is he?" I hissed between gritted teeth and I fought my tears. I could feel it. I know I'll be able to get answers from Taeyeon right now. Her eyes seem full of emotions and words I can't understand or comprehend for now.

"Listen to me--"

"No!" I shouted, shaking my head. "I know you've been hiding something from me, Taeyeon! Tell me! Tell me where's Chanyeol, goddammit!"

Taeyeon sobbed, burying her face in her hands. "W-we're keeping him," her words are slurred and low it's almost unintelligible. But it's enough to make the lump in my throat return, choking me until I am gasping for air.

I managed a, "What?" as I fought the sobs. My heart shrinks like it had been deprived of blood and oxygen. I can't breathe and I can't feel my own body as Taeyeon continued to cry in front of me, regret and fear filling her face and eyes. I have never seen anyone this messed up, this stressed out, this emotionally damaged.

Her trembling hand reached for the doorknob. "Follow me." she breathed and she says it as if she used them before, in another instance, another time. And something in me, some unknown feeling, tells me there's something off with the words.

The world feels like shaking. My sight is blurry with tears and my own body feels weak to the core. I followed Taeyeon to who knows where, I can't make out the walls and the floor of this part of our house. The lights are dimmer and the air feels a lot colder here. I grabbed the walls for support, feeling the coldness. I am wearing a thin pair of pajamas and my feet are bare, making me feel like ice.

"It's one of your father's study rooms," Taeyeon whispered. "There's something behind... the shelf."

I nodded, my mouth feels so dry I can't talk.

After some time, we reached a wooden door covered with unknown carvings. Taeyeon gripped the door handle and without a pause, pushed it open. Warm air welcomed us and it's undoubtedly coming from a fireplace at the far end of the room. There's no one inside now but us and I didn't waste anytime, walking fast towards the fireplace. Andrenaline is fueling my movements, I know.

"Where is he?" I hissed, glaring back at Taeyeon.

"The Byun mansion has dungeons," Taeyeon whispered as she moved towards a shelf just beside the fireplace. "And this is one of them." She pushed the shelf with a groan and I gasped when it slowly revealed a dark passage behind it. The air inside seems humid and foul; and when Taeyeon stepped inside, I hesitated.

Am I doing the right thing here?

"Chanyeol." I muttered his name though it pains me. "You keep him... there?"

Taeyeon averted her gaze. "I'm sorry." she whispered. "This is the only way I know to save my own family." She then gave me a long, lingering stare before proceeding deeper into the dark passage until I can't see her anymore. Until I can't see anything but the blackness.

I glanced behind my shoulder and in a heartbeat, I followed suit, wrapping my arms around my body to protect myself from the cold. As I predicted, the air is humid and the place smells like copper and water. The darkness didn't help and I occasionally call for Taeyeon, breathing only in relief when I hear her reply.

"Let's move fast," Taeyeon whispered after a minute. "Your father might..."

"What would my father do?"

"He might know this and..." there's a long pause. "I don't want to lose everything, Baekhyun."

I wanted to throw her the deadliest glare I could muster but I didn't. I kept quite, listening to the sound of her heels hitting the cold floor underneath us. Part of me wants to run back and scream at the top of my lungs, knowing Chanyeol would never be back again. But here she is, taking me to where I should be right now-- with him.

But then, my mind kept on blocking a thought the very moment Kim Taeyeon said they're keeping him and I try to brush it away. I bit my lip as a tingling feeling of fear crept from my soles to the center of my heart.

Is he still alive?

"Taeyeon," I whispered, unable to hide the fear and worry from my voice. "Please tell me... Chanyeol is still..."

The sound of her heels stopped abruptly. "What?" she asked.

I slowly shook my head and stared right into the darkness. "He's still... there, isn't he?" I breathed. "He's alive."

Taeyeon breathed and it's a long sigh. "Yes." she whispered back. "And now we better hurry or we'll never catch him alive."

Her words wrapped around my heart in the most unpleasant way possible and I tried and tried not to drown in them. Occasionally, I would trip on my own feet, stumble through the darkness or feel my bare soles scraping on something sharp, but I don't care. I am heading for him after more than a month of absence. Finally. Just finally.

At the end of the passage is a small, dimly lit circular room with cobwebs and old yellowish lightbulbs planted loosely on the brick walls. There are four passage doors in which all lead to a series of stairs that leads underground. It's only in that moment that I realized we're not just in a dungeon. We're in the catacombs.

"Here," Taeyeon called as she walked towards the first passage in our right. "He'll be downstairs."

She descended and I followed, only finding the air colder making it harder for me to breathe. I gripped the edges of the wall as another darkness started to envelop us. I can't believe they're keeping Chanyeol in this kind of place. I just can't imagine him alone, with no one but himself in this solitary, hell of a place. They're demons.

Suddenly, Taeyeon froze, stopping so abruptly I almost bumped into her. I felt a hand rest on my arm. "Please," she whispered. "He's in there."

At first, I didn't realize what she's trying to tell me. But then if I squint a little harder, just a little more, I could see the outline of a door at the end of the way. It's an old one: with rusty brass knob and web covered corners. The door is engraved with some things I don't understand but probably something about death.

Without thinking, I rushed to the door, griping the cold, dusty doorknob in one hand and pushing the door open as it creaked painfully. This time, the room isn't as dark as it is outside. I could make out the four corners of the catacomb, the brick walls, the candle lights like it is in old movies. I could see everything more clearly now.

And I could see him.

"Chan," I gasped, my hand covering my lips as I ran to him, not even caring if I trip or stumble on my own stupid foot. He's here. He's finally here.

He seems asleep before we got here because when I wrapped my arm around his neck, he jerked upright, not being able to process everything in a split second. I felt his large palms grip my waist, as if about to push me away but when I buried my face in the crook of his neck and started to cry like hell, his grip slowly loosened and the rising and falling of his chest fastened.

"Baek?" his voice is raspy and tired. "Baekhyun?"

I nodded against his neck and he slowly pulled me to his lap, hugging me so tightly as he kissed my cheek and jaw. I could feel my cheek starting to get wet as he too, started to sob against my shoulder. Having him this close to me again, I could finally pay attention to the minor details of his present state.

Very slowly, I pulled back from him, my hands gently touching his face. I ran my gaze over the bruises on the sides of his lips, the wounds, the small bump on his head. He's still wearing the same pair of pajamas the very last night we slept together. "What..." I sobbed in disbelief. "What happened?" Tears ran down my face and I can't stop them a bit. My heart feels like being crushed right now.

A month. Chanyeol's been here for a month.

That thought I could never ever accept.

Instead, Chanyeol took my hand that's on his face and he kissed my fingers. "I'm fine," he whispered. "I'm fine, Baekhyun."

"No! You're not fine! What did they do to you?" A sob escaped my lips and I can't find the strength to get angry anymore. "Chanyeol, please... Just please, tell me..." I wiped my tears with the back of my hand and bit my lip to keep myself from more crying. It's so painful seeing him like this and I don't think I'll be able to erase this image from my mind anymore.

Chanyeol reached for my face, wiping my tears away. "Don't cry now, Baby." he breathed, smiling crookedly. "You're here. I love you."

"Is it me?" I sobbed, looking at his tired eyes. "Is this because of me?"

He pursed his lips. "Everything is worth it when it comes to you, Baek." he said and I can't help but to start sobbing again. I ran my thumb on his cheek, watching his tears well up in his eyes and flow down to his face and neck.

"How could you say that?" I sobbed. "I'm not worth any of these."

"Byun Baekhyun, you're my life." Chanyeol said in a low voice. "You'll always be worth everything."

I kissed him then, because part of me believes this would be the last time I'd be kissing him like this. His lips tasted of blood and it punches my heart painfully. But I continued kissing him and he continued kissing me back and I knew nothing else but his skin under mine and his lips against mine.

Right then I knew this would be the only place I would ever belong to.

"I love you." I said between kisses and I felt his lips twist into a smile.

He caress my face slowly. "I love you."

And when the gunshot rang inside the room, I felt the bullet pierce my back, going straight through my heart and cutting my breath away. Another deafening shot and this time, Chanyeol felt the bullet cut through his chest.

I fell into his arms, his head dropped to my shoulder.

Everything feels like floating.

Now I know what death feels like.