Thanks to Adam I was too cold to let my heart be warm again. The warmth of James's touch panicked me. I didn't want to fall into it no matter how much colder the weather got. I wondered how long I'd be isolated to my own personal Siberia. Would I miss the warmth one day? Would I be okay with being embraced? With feeling something? All I knew is I was sure I had seen Adam, at least in my dreams where he began to haunt me again.

Last night's dream was about him leaving again. He drove me furiously to his place above Rachel's garage and packed up as I scrambled to tell him to stop. I cried and he yelled at me putting a framed picture of him and Olivia into his bag.

"Stop crying! I told you I need to get back to her! Stop it!" He yelled at me but I cried still.

"Don't yell at me Adam. Please... Why are you doing this to me?" I asked standing frozen watching him pack but we both kept saying the same things in a cycle that never changed.

So he pulled me back into his car and dropped me off at church. Right up front, in the middle of the day where everyone passed by and stared at me like the latest attraction in town.

"Cold?" My roommate asked as I walked back into bed with my mug. I had never experienced such low temperatures before. The wind almost howled outside between the buildings.

"Yes. You?"

"I'm from Canada."

"Wait what?"

"Oh did I not tell you that?"

"I would've remembered."

"So thanksgiving plans?"

"Yeah. Wanna come?"

"No, I've got plans too. Have fun."

"Thanks."

"Oh also here you go. I almost used the other day thinking it was mine," my roommate gave me James' scarf thinking it was mine.

"Thanks." I accepted it back wondering how he was doing after what happened between us.

James' scarf was soft, plaid, warm, and the tag said it was made of vicuna wool with some kind of pretty emblem on it. I didn't know what vicuna wool was but I put it around my neck to see just how warm it was and pretty soon I was so warm I ended up giving up on my coffee to get ready to go to Sam's place. It was Thanksgiving after all and the first one away from our families.

"Let's star with dessert then. The chicken and vegetables are half ready in the oven." Sam said as I handed her my apple pie I'd made in our tiny shared kitchen.

"Okay. Let it out. What happened?" Sam noticed it right away.

"I don't know."

"I don't see you for a few weeks and now you have secrets?"

"No it's just I'm not sure. But... I think I saw him."

"Him who?"

"Him."

"Him?" She asked still confused.

"Yes."

"Him?!"

"I'm not sure though. Maybe I was delusional or high."

"High? But you hate those things."

"Form of speech."

"Sorry it's just people talk about it so casually here I've had to stop doubting their words. Everything is at face value."

"Right? It's so weird. This would never fly in Huntswood. Weird."

"Very. But anyways. Where?! How? What did he say?!"

"Nothing. I went to get pizza and he was there at some table. But I turned my face right away and I don't think he saw me or recognized me. I got out of there as soon as I could."

"Wow, just your luck."

"I hope it was a mistake. Since he didn't approach me or anything. Not that he would have approached knowing it was me. It could be he saw me and dreaded me just as much as I did seeing him. Or it wasn't him at all just someone who looked like him. There's plenty of that going around here."

"Hey, stop it, you always do this, make up a thousand scenarios just to come back to the same conclusion. You saw him. What now? How do you even feel about him? Does he still matter?"

"No. I just want to never run into him again."

"Okay." Sam nodded.

"Dessert?" I reminded her.

"Yes."

"By the way are you cold?" She asked me.

"No why?"

"The scarf."

"Oh sorry I'll take it off." I took off James' scarf from around my neck while Sam got us plates and wine glasses so we could start our Thanksgiving.

Everything was delicious, our families in their own mysterious ways had prepared us well to survive. We ended up calling Jeremy and Jackie to wish everyone a Happy Thanksgiving. They were spending it together as a family. It was good to hear their voices, the updates still remained somewhat the same. The only news going around town was the new location for the bakery mom had attained in Winchester.

"What are the colors they chose?" I asked Jeremy.

"I haven't seen it yet but your dad will be doing most of the work is what my dad said."

"Right. I bet he'll do a good job."

"Do you want me to send you pictures?"

"Uh... sure. Yeah. Why not."

"And when are you coming down to see us?"

"Winter break I'll be at grandma's."

"Alright talk to you then and try to enjoy your time there."

"I am. And you send me your stuff. I'd love to watch it."

"Well actually I was wondering if you'd do some takes for me once you're here."

"Jeremy when are you going to find a real actress?"

"I don't need a real actress I need someone who's genuine and you've got it by the truck load as my dad likes to say."

"And how's the unspeakable?"

"She's disappeared again. She left Jackie some half assed letter about an opportunity in California and adieu."

"She is no one's cup of tea is she?"

"Not even the liquified corpses in the cemetery I bet."

"Ugh gross Jeremy."

"Also you better bring me back something cheesy from New York. I'll be expecting it."

"Hey don't ruin the surprise!"

"I'll stop talking now. Bye Emmy. Miss ya."

"I miss you too."

Not being able to run into Jeremy's arms when I needed was still something I was getting used to. We didn't live in the same town where we could get away for some ice cream anymore. We had scheduled visits and plans to see each other.

In the mean time my new comforts were yet to be determined. A comfort spot, comfort food, comfort walking spot. It was hard to see Sam more than once a month. I was still finding what would be the thing I could fall into, that comfort that would make New York feel like home. And not exactly like my home, but the way grandpa felt to me, like a cold iced tea during a sunset on a summer day. But it was too cold for iced teas here, so a hot chocolate would have to do.

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No part, character, names, plot, setting, conflict or resolution, point of view, theme or symbolism of this story may be replicated.

Copyright: All Rights Reserved to A. Sena Gomes.