Still, I stared at James standing right there as if every conversation I had today was coming to haunt me. Something went wrong in my head because I opened the door and let him in. I placed the box on top of a tiny table we had by the entrance without saying anything to get my shoes off. Then I began to take out my coat and he helped me out of it.

"Thank you. You can place yours here," I showed him the rack we had for all our jackets.

"I see you got some pizza there."

"Oh yeah, please help yourself." I came back to myself, to my life here, leaving that wind tunnel I was just in.

"So you took my recommendation?" He asked opening up the pizza box.

"Um yes," I sat down and focused on him."I wanted to celebrate being done with my midterms."

"Perfect night to open this then" he showed me the utensil he had brought.

"Wait. Weren't you going away for the weekend?"

"I finished my midterms early. And one day out in the Hamptons in the dead of fall was enough to make me come crawling back."

"Hamptons? Where's that?"

"It doesn't matter," he did that thing where he laughed at me without laughing, his little huff.

"Is the pizza still warm? If not I can heat it up." I got up to go to the shared microwave.

"It's fine, just get me some cups will you?" He stopped me from going out the door by using his hand to just slightly touch the side of my hip while making eye contact with me.

Oh... His touch was so light it could have gone unnoticed in a crowded noisy place but it was so quiet. Every thing so perceptible to the senses a penny falling created a  ringing inside the room. I lost my poker face again looking at his hand. Then Sam's conversation rushed to the forefront of my brain.

"Um hm," I nodded and went up our step ladder to get two cups for us. "This will have to do," I showed him.

"It'll do," he nodded and gave me his arm to hold on to as I got down.

"Thank you," I gave him the cups and he poured the wine.

"So congratulations on surviving your midterms," he gave me a cup.

"Thank you." I cheered with him and we both drank. "This is really good."

"It better be for about a grand or so."

"A what?!" I almost spilled it out and got up at once to put it down.

"It's a joke. I just wanted to see your face do that deer in the headlights thing."

"Stop it. It's not funny," I let out a grumbling smile from his joke and sat back down although I was still unsure if it was a joke or not.

"So you're just hanging out in your dorm all alone on a Friday night with pizza? Where's your roommate, Samantha, Jenna?"

"The kettle said to the pot."

"You're the subject not me."

"Well I don't really know anyone else. Sam studies more than me. Jenna is the social one. Either way I don't mind staying in with a pizza. Now changing the subject while maintaining the predicate. What's your excuse?"

"There is always a thousand places for anyone to be."

"Yeah right. Example me."

"Especially you. If we were at a party right now anyone would rather you over me."

"Based on what did you come to this what could only be described as an insane conclusion not based whatsover in reality?"

"That's where you're wrong. You're a girl. I'm a male thus making me useless and very replaceable in any social setting. Any other guy with some pocket money would do in those given situations. I'm not required to be pretty, have great style, be interesting, or to have an original thought as long as I have a title, or position, and obviously a designer aesthetic life. You however bat your lashes, laugh politely, and I'm getting edged out of any conversation."

"Of course you would say something like this."

"The truth."

"Only if you think of truth as subjective."

"Prove it then."

"Men should be kind and interesting."

"Kind with their money and own interesting things. I agree."

"No! They should be able to keep a conversation. One that is actually interesting to both parties. And kindness towards others especially to whoever you're in a relationship with. Kindness can be being patient, or not lying, or not playing with their feelings. Men should be softer than they think they ought to be."

"Ought to be?" He stopped me. "Have you been to Central Park lately?"

"What kind of weird question is that in the middle of a debate?"

"Sorry. Proceed, please."

"Anyways to your point about material things which is the only point you seem to make. No one of the male species should complain about women who want a financially secure partner. Women are underpaid and underprivileged. It's much easier for men to rise to better paid positions and have job security. So women will always be at a disadvantage in their career just for being born a female. And then most men cheat in what should have been a monogamous relationship but it's not like their significant other was hoping they would. So at the end of the day no female is getting content, kindness, and what do they settle for? Financial security. So don't think it's by choice, but rather by a serious lack of qualities from your chromosomes buddies. Don't judge us by your standards but by the standards your kind has set as acceptable. Hence my hate for the Roman Empire. Stupid Romans."

"What?"

"The Etruscans were the last civilization to have equal rights for men and women before the Roman Empire went and ruined everything. Look it up."

"Understood. I never knew. Very interesting. But to your previous point. So basically girls are settling for me?" He pointed out.

"Probably," I teased him.

"Would you?"

"Ah I forgot the last point!" I remembered just in time to get me out of his question. "You have obviously not experienced enough of me in a social setting. Hence I stand by my statement. You are so wrong. You will always be a better choice in a social setting than I could ever be. Therefore taking away the only space women are allowed or rather expected to thrive in." I finished my cup.

"Well my dear this is where you lost the battle."

"No I didn't."

"Ah but you did, because I have experienced you in a social setting and I thought you were the only fascinating element in the room."

"Why do you talk as if I never know better when I do?

"You do know better."

"You're patronizing me."

"I'm not. You know better. But not when it comes to you."

"What?"

"One can ever rarely be objective about oneself, but watching you is quite the sight you know?" He leaned back watching me.

"You're trying to take my win from me by saying pretty things but I won't let you. I won fair and square."

"You think I say pretty things?"

"Let me win."

"Oh another thing I had no idea content was so scarce. I guess I should finally get a personality. My ego wouldn't be able to take it if someone settled for me."

"You already have a personality."

"Well then..."

"I never said it was a good one," I teased him and he laughed out loud.

"Okay then I'll work on it. I'm actually just surprised you haven't kicked me out yet."

"I can't," I said pouring another cup.

"Why not?"

"Because you helped me pass my midterm."

"And here I thought you were just happy I hadn't drooled all over your books."

"Oh you drooled alright."

"Liar."

"Maybe," I shrugged.

"Did I really drool?!" He asked concerned.

"Maybe."

"Come on, that's not fair!"

"Life isn't fair. Grow up Mr. James." I teased him.

"Funny, very funny," he poked me where it tickled and I got up to get away from him. "Hey where are you going? Come back here!"

"Um um," I shook my head and he finished his cup and came towards me. "No don't tickle me," I said laughing holding my cup.

"Fine," he came super close to my face and grabbed my cup. "I'll get us more."

"Thanks," I said getting away from another moment with James I did not want to have.

*

"Is there anything good to watch?" He asked getting me more wine.

"Yes. I was thinking of rewatching a favorite of mine."  He gave me the cup and I quickly emptied it by half.

"Slow down there."

"Sorry," I smiled sheepishly after getting caught.

"So what's the movie?"

"Lost In Translation." I said and he looked down and smiled as he usually did. "What now?"

"Just art imitating life."

"How so?"

"Sweet, lonely, naive, Charlotte, in a city full of strangers," he touched my cheek slowly at first then quickly recoiled his hand.

"But I thought you were my friend."

"What?" He asked confused.

"You said in a city full of strangers but you're not a stranger anymore are you?"

"I'm not." He smiled happy I dare say about being my friend. "But you are. So very strange."

"I can't possibly be more weird than the people you hang out with."

"Oh trust me you are. By far. The weirdest. A total weirdo."

"Why? What's wrong with me?"

The wine messed with my steps on the way to the mirror where I stared at my reflection.

"What's wrong?"

James came behind me and pulled my hair up as if in a ponytail. I noticed he was quite a bit taller than me but not taller than Adam or Jeremy.

"You don't like my hair down? Should I change it? Well I did already. My actual hair color is a shade darker than this. Or two? Does it look bad? And these stupid bangs. I can never get them out of my face." I went on and on.

"Here I'll help you get them out of your face. Look at me for a second?" I turned my head and his hand was still holding my hair up but just like that he tilted my head back and kissed me.

All of me felt an instant rise of warmth from the bottom to the top as I braced myself feeling the tension from my curved shoulders to my fisted hands instead of welcoming it. So afraid of James' kiss I couldn't move or breathe. He noticed and stopped at once.

"Are you okay?" He asked.

"Um I... I. I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"For this." I said it obviously.

"I rushed into it. It was my fault."

"I..."

"You don't need to say anything. I just don't think I can stay. I don't want to make you uncomfortable."

"I'm not. I just..." I undid my fist trying to get an explanation together. "I told you before. You..."

"Distract you."

"Yes."

"You distract me too," he said getting his coat.

"What?"

"Enjoy the wine. And I'm sorry for overstaying my welcome," he acted all too genuinely instead of annoyed at me which made me want to ask him to stay.

"James..."

"Goodnight," he smiled at me then closed the door behind him.

"Ugh!" I fisted my hands again wanting to punch Adam, or myself, but not James.

If only I wasn't me, if only I had never met Adam, if only I could go after James but I knew better than to try to walk in a straight line with these still wobbly legs...

*************************************************
No part, character, names, plot, setting, conflict or resolution, point of view, theme or symbolism of this story may be replicated.

Copyright: All Rights Reserved to A. Sena Gomes.