Swear warning, or whatever.

Clouds of warm air rose from her lips into the pale grey sky that was mercilessly shedding cold white snowflakes. Some managed to get into her eyes. She grumbled, coughed, and kept walking up the hill.

"Of course I make that joke," she said to herself. "Of course I get scolded, of course it's inappropriate, of course, of course, of fucking course!"

The library books were slipping from her grasp. Giving up on trying to keep her bare hands warm, she took them out of her coat pockets and grasped them tightly.

Why am I here? She thought. Ugh, if I were fictional, this wouldn't happen. I could live in a country that wasn't America. I could be in the arms of someone who loved me, who would treasure me, who-

"I'm depending on fictional characters for comfort!" She cried, kicking a lump of snow into the sidewalk. "What the fuck is wrong with me?!"

She walked one more block and made it to the library. Sighing, she shoved the books into the return slot outside. "Goddamn Sundays," she grumbled. "Making me stay outside and unable to pay the stupid fines." She turned around and started walking back to her house.

She would've gotten home quicker, had there been no traffic. But since there was a steady line of cars and trucks going down the street and she didn't like having to stop the drivers, she turned the opposite corner and walked around the streets surrounding the library, making a large U-turn.

As she walked around, she finally reached the end of the street, where she had previously stood before. Looking up and down, she saw no cars that were close enough to hit her. "Damn," she said. "It'd be nice to get hit. Wouldn't have to deal with the assholes at school."

I'd also be dead. Which means I could stop hurting people.

Hold on, me. I'm not that mean, am I?

The girl thought back to previous years, previous months, previous weeks even. Every time she'd gotten in trouble was because she said something wrong or did something wrong. She'd actually let her class get away with bullying her for two months before a teacher found out. At a Catholic school, nonetheless.

Crossing the street quickly, she walked a little further before the church bells rung to signify fifteen minutes passed.
"2:45," she murmured. "That long?"

After a few more feet, she stopped at a crossroads: one path would lead her home quicker, the other would take an additional five or ten minutes. The girl quickly decided on the longer path. "Straight ahead, anyway," she reasoned.

All too soon, the final turn for her house arrived. She had slowed down, and then completely stopped. Why was she here? Why did she exist on this planet? Why would anyone love her?

Random memories pulled at her, one at a time. Finally, a singular image of a boy with messy, short dark hair and dark brown eyes appeared. He was smiling and sitting in front of her. She could remember her heart racing and her face quickly turning down at the picture the teacher had handed out for a 3rd grade Halloween party.

The tiniest smile appeared on the girl's face. "Jeez. The one kid who didn't treat me like a freak back then. Ellingson."

Shuffling forward, then right, she made her way down the road before stopping in front of a pale yellow house. She sighed one more big puff of hair, and trudged through her yard. "Maybe that's why I fell for him."