Looking down at my fist all i could see was the glass embedded into my now scratched up knuckles.

'It's not your fault i promise' is all i kept repeating in my head to make sense of all the feelings i currently contained.

Droplets of my blood and tears were on the cold tiled floor in the bathroom mixed with the long hair i used to love.

I could hear the buzzing off my phone that wouldn't shut up and just kept going off sounding like a damn bumble bee.

"Shut up!!!!" i screamed clutching my head trying to make the pounding in my head go away.

It felt as if a construction worker was using a drill on my temples. i wanted to curl up and cry but i couldn't let my self do it.

The buzzing stopped finally so i pried my hands off of my head. A burst of anger rippled through my whole being at thinking of what they did in my bed.

I walked up my stairs and saw the sheets and grabbed my lighter i kept in my bedside table.

flashback

"i'm going to light the candles baby so it can smell good in here."

I say while slowly getting up. he bought me a zippo lighter that was purple with black swirls on it.

He bought it for my birthday this year. i got up and went to light the candles that scents were gingerbread men and vanilla.

The wicks turn a bright blue as I go put the lighter away. The click of the wood drawer being shut was the only noise as I crawl into bed and cuddle with Doug.

"I love you baby girl remember that." Doug whispered in my ear.

Once I start to fall asleep I go and blow out the candles.

end of flashback

The tear that run down my face feel like the last I could ever let out of my tear ducts. Dry and empty was how my body felt from dehydration as I look at the bed with disgust.

We used to lay down in that bed together talking about how we would travel around the country.

Something gleamed next to the bed, curiosity struck me and I proceed to walk towards it. The shining object was the ring I gave him last year at our two year anniversary. Ironically enough next to it was a bottle of whiskey and it was fireball whiskey his favorite kind.

A tag was around it that says

'hey babe I love being with you so much from Lilah'

that was one of the hardest blows to my emotions.

I look at the whiskey, walking towards the bottle, I grab it with trembling fingers and open it. The seal breaks and the strong smell comes out of spicy alcohol.

I take a big swig out of the bottle and dump the rest on the bed making sure I douse it in the liquor. once that is done I open my zippo lighter and light it.

The flame looks at me comfortingly and I smile at it as I throw it onto the bed. the flames engulf the bed and all the clothes that they touched on it.

I didn't care that it was engulfing the whole room and walked out with a smile on my face.

I unlocked the door and went out through it. I knew the neighbors would call the fire department to put it out.

when I come back I will act as though I don't know what happened. I walk to my bike start the engine got on it and leave as my house was engulfed in flames.

This was my third act towards insanity and I loved it more than the last.