Patrick,

I decided to bring the kids home with me. Don't worry, I'm sober. They were happy to finally be home where they grew up, back in their comfort zone. Bronx and Saint played video games together while Declan played with his toys. It was almost as if they never left the house, like everything was back in order. Except one thing, of course; you're still not here.

Saint asked where daddy was and Bronx looked at me waiting for an answer and even Declan stopped what he was doing to give me an expectant look. Because that's the big question. Where's daddy? And all I can say to them is 'I don't know'. Bronx is a smart kid, he sees what's happening to us and I know he's really close to asking why you hate me so much. I don't think I could ever bring myself to tell him what I did to you, I don't want our oldest son to hate me too.

The kids miss you. And I can tell that you not being here is taking a toll on them, they're not as lively as they used to be. They're much more depressed than any child should be and it kills me inside because it's my fault they're like that. But I promised them I'd find you and bring you back to us, and you know how I am with promises. I'm not one to break them, and a promise is a promise.

I know for sure that you can't be too far. I've sent all of these letters to your parent's house, if anyone knows where you are it'd have to be them. I hope they're giving them to you and I hope you're reading them. I hope you know that everything I'm saying is genuine and I mean every single word. I'm a complete wreck. I'm a mess. The kids know it, our friends know it, everyone knows it. And Bronx is woken up sometimes in the middle of the night because of my fucking crying. I'm an asshole, I've ruined us.

I love you and only you, nobody else even compares to you. You're the person I want to spend the rest of my life with, grow old with, forget about this patch that we're going through like it never happened.

Oh, and I've been awake for three days, just in case you came back during the night. I should probably get some sleep but what if you stop by and I miss it and you leave again? I can't take that chance.

I think these letters are getting shorter as I write them, I can't really tell but it seems like it. Maybe I'm just running out of words to say to you but I don't think that's possible. There's always something I'll want to tell you, whether it be about the kids or just me saying how much I miss and love you, I'll always have words for you. But for now, this is all I can muster.

So, I'll be here waiting. Forever if I have to. I love you, Patrick.

-Pete