ANDREW

"You know," when I realised that it was Alyssa who was sitting there, I couldn't fight the urge to speak with her, not when it had been so long since we last spoke about anything other than business, but that's what she had wanted and I wasn't going to ignore her request this time, especially not after the last time I ignored something she wanted from me, "for someone who hates smoking, told me numerous that it would kill me if I remember rightly, you sure do spend a lot of time out here."

I knew that she would know it was me, before I had even stepped out of the shadows, there was no way that she wouldn't be able to recognise me because I was the only person she knew who both smoked and drank whiskey on the rocks, but that didn't stop me from acting like a weird stalker. I had taken my tie off, throwing it on the back seat of my car, and undone the first few buttons of my shirt before I even walked into this place—I didn't want them to assume that I thought I was better than them by walking in here in my suit, not when I was here to get wasted and forget about the day from hell.

"I only come out here when there's no one around. There's something peaceful about the silence at night," she quickly replied and then turned her attention back to the sky, a slight smile now gracing my lips for some unknown reason, but I would like to think that it was because Alyssa had actually engaged in conversation with myself about something other than the contracts which she had signed on my behalf.

All the other times I had spoken with her, she had always sounded professional, but now she sounded more like the Alyssa who had first walked into my office and she sounded like a woman who hadn't had anything to do with my family.

"I am here though," I chuckled as I took a seat beside her on the bench and stubbed my cigarette out in the ashtray which was provided.

"How do you know that I spend so much of time out here anyway? That's not something I have ever mentioned in conversation," her attention was still on the sky as she asked the question and it appeared that she as in deep thought about something.

I couldn't help but take a quick glance at her and, in the evening light, she looked even more stunning than she did during the day. Since the day we had stopped speaking, she had done nothing other than plague my thoughts and, whenever I closed my eyes, she was always there and she was the one who invaded my thoughts when I was alone. Even when I was busy and had work to fill my time, she was still there, and it didn't matter what I did, I could never erase her face from my mind.

It was driving me insane now. No girl had ever had this effect on me before and I didn't know how the hell to deal with it, even though I know she is never going to come anywhere near me, but that didn't mean I wanted her any less and that also didn't mean that I didn't want her to see how sorry I was for the things which I had done to her and the harsh words which I had spoken in the past.

"Jenni and I do talk, you know. She often tells me stories of what the both of you get up to at the weekend, and I have heard some interesting stories," I laughed because it was impossible to miss the slight pink tinge to her cheeks as she wondered what her best friend had told me about their nights out together.

"Like what?" I could hear the nerves in her words, but there wasn't really anything for her to worry about, not when Jenni only ever raved about some guy she had fallen in love with but she didn't have the courage to ask him on a date, and so she used other males to make him jealous in the hope that he would ask her on a date instead, but her plan had so far failed given that she was still single and the love of her life was happily flirting with other females. She had also told me how said guy had made it his job to play the role of overprotective, older brother to Alyssa as well.

"I am joking, Alyssa. The only thing which Jenni has ever told me is of her love for some guy named Danny and about how this guy has made it his job to protect you while you're out with Jenni which, honestly, I am glad there is someone to watch over you because I would hate for some male to think he was allowed to have his way with you," I said truthfully.

"They're going on a date. I would say that Jenni asked him, but she more told him it was happening, and then passed out on him," Alyssa chuckled as she finally moved her attention from the sky and turned so that she was looking at me and, try as I may, I was never going to be able to hide the pain and sadness which my eyes held, but I offered her my best smile in the hopes she wouldn't see through the façade which I was attempting to pull off.

"You probably shouldn't have told me that. Because I will now have to mock her for that at work," I found myself laughing. Jenni was an amazing woman, and I may have slept with her both before she was hired and after she was hired as well, but it was time that she found someone to make her happy and someone with whom she could properly settle down with. She deserved it more than some people I knew and I was glad that she had found that someone in the shape of Danny. "You know, I've actually missed our arguments. How sad is that? I've missed your sarcastic retorts to my unnecessarily cruel comments, I've missed you always being right even when everyone else is telling you that you're wrong, and I've even missed you insulting me. I've just missed you, Alyssa."

I don't know where the words came from, but they were all true, and I genuinely did miss her because my days just weren't the same without her smart mouth and sassy comments which never failed to put me in my place. My life had become boring without her sarcasm and, strangely, I found the way that she had an answer for everything attractive and I loved that she was nothing like the other woman I had come to have in my life.

She was the only girl who could break through my walls in this way. The only girl I had ever wanted to have more than sex with. The only girl who could make me feel like this without any explanation and without reason. She was the only girl my heart would beat for and my stomach would do strange things for. She made me feel things which not even Rebecca had managed to make me feel and I hated it—I hated it because I didn't know how to deal with it, or even how I was supposed to cope with it, I hated that it was Alyssa Lopez who had this effect on me.

"I've missed you too, Andrew," Alyssa's voice was barely above a whisper as she allowed her head to fall against my shoulder and her eyes closed for a moment's thought, and I could bet any amount of money that she was thinking about the same things which were going through my mind, she was thinking about the effect which I was having on her and she was thinking about all the ways in which she could murder me for making her feel this way.

"You know," I sighed as I closed my eyes too and threw my head backwards slightly, "these two months have been so damn hard. I saw the way you were getting close to Darren again and, as much as I wanted to speak to you about something other than work, but I could never really find the words to say. You wanted your space and so, as you asked, I gave you your space, but now I don't know if I can stay away from you any longer. I just miss you too much."

"Are you drunk? Or on drugs? Or perhaps it's a mixture of both?" I opened my eyes to see that Alyssa was intently staring at me, attempting to figure out whether I was lying, which wasn't surprising because of how cruel I had been to her in the past, and even I didn't know where these words were coming from, but they were all true and I meant every single word I was speaking.

"Just one drink, and there are definitely no drugs involved," I smiled at her, "but I would be suspicious of me too."

"I don't know where you doing with this, Andrew, but please don't go there. You don't even understand how hard it is to be me at times," I could see the tears in her eyes and that was all it took for me to wrap my arms around her and pull her into my side, her head fitting perfectly in the crook of my neck, while her hands tightened around the front of my shirt with her tears soaking through my jacket.

"I am sorry, Alyssa, for everything which has happened to you. I was an ass, an absolute fucking ass in fact, when there was no real reason or need for me to be," I whispered with my hand on her back, my thumb rubbing small circle at the bottom of her back in an attempt to comfort her and, never having had the requirement to comfort a woman before, I didn't know what the hell I was doing, so I just did what I assumed to be the right thing in this situation, "I had no right to act the way that I did, because you are truly amazing. You are amazing, Alyssa. You are beautiful, brilliant, smart, sassy, and I fucking love the way in which you have an answer for everything. You are so far from worthless that I regret ever making you feel that way. I am sorry, and I am never going to stop apologising."

"Pretty sure I just told you not go wherever you were going," she chuckled and, as I held her in my arms, I couldn't help but think of just how right it felt to finally hold her. I found myself not wanting to let her, I wanted her to be the woman I woke up next to each morning and the woman I slept beside each night, and I actually wanted her to be in my life for as long as she could put up with me for, "but then you never have been one for listening to what I want from you."

"You do things to me which no other woman has ever done to me before and I don't understand it. I don't understand you, Alyssa Lopez," I sighed.

"You have fucked with both my head and my heart, Andrew. I never wanted to feel like this, I especially never wanted to feel like this about you, but I guess it's too late to force myself to stop feeling the way about you," Alyssa admitted and, when she pulled away from me, I caught the hurt in her eyes but I don't what she hated more; the fact I was telling her things which she obviously didn't want to hear or the fact she was telling me that I made her feel things which she had never wanted to feel for me, "I think, maybe, I just need a little more time before anything happens."

"Yeah. Of course. We should just go back to the way it was before, no communication other than work, because that was definitely easier for the both of us," I didn't want her to know how much her words hurt, especially after I had put my own emotions on the line by admitting all of this to her, so I did the only thing I knew how to do, I was an ass who walked away from the woman I was in love with.

I left a lingering kiss on the top of her head before I turned and walked back down the alley towards Robert, subtly wiping away the tears which had formed in my eyes because I didn't want either Alyssa or Robert to know that there was something wrong, and I couldn't wait to be back in my lonely apartment so that I could sleep and pretend that this evening had never even happened.

Because, once again, I had managed to fuck up the best thing in my life.

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