ALYSSA

"Here are those finalised contracts which you asked me to check over, Mr Collins," I walked into his office and put them on his desk. This was the first time I had stepped foot in here since I walked through the doors almost four months ago and, in that time, I am sure the space in here had become somewhat bigger. The cabinet which had previously contained alcohol was now gone and in its place were two filing cabinets, his desk was on the opposite to where it had been before, and there was a four-seater sofa in front of the window with a glass coffee table in front of that—it was actually more refined than I remember it being and perhaps the reason it felt bigger was because the walls were now longer a dark shade of grey, but a light shade of blue with the one behind his desk being magnolia.

"Thank you, Miss Lopez, I appreciate you doing these for me at such short notice. Did you also manage to complete the finances which The Board requested?" Andrew didn't even look up from his laptop when he replied, and this is how it had been since that night in my apartment almost two months previously, with him barely looking at me and only actually speaking to me when he wanted me to do something for the company. Things had become even more awkward than they had been before, which I didn't even think was possible, until I experienced it for myself.

I found myself wishing that they weren't this way though and I actually imagined all the ways in which I could get him to speak with me about something besides business, but they all seemed stupid and so I never followed through with them, not wanting to make things anymore awkward between the pair of us than they already were.

Darren understood that I only wanted space for a week or two before I was ready to speak with them again. Granted, the first few conversations between Darren and I were hard, and they almost always ended in an argument, but we managed to get past that and we are now friends with each other. He had even agreed that I could bring Jenni to the restaurant one night and he would pay for everything, as a gesture of goodwill to show how much my friendship meant to him, and to show me that he was serious about proving his worth to me as a boyfriend.

I made it clear though that, after everything which had happened and what he had done to me, there was never going to be anything other than friendship between us again. I couldn't trust him, I couldn't even forgive him properly for the way in which he had used me, but that hadn't stopped him from trying to get more than friendship for me and it also never stopped him from being disappointed when I rejected him each time—I was hurting too much to allow something to escalate between us again and, though Darren lacked a basic understanding about the many emotions which he had made me feel, he has actually been a pretty good friend to me over the last couple of weeks.

Andrew, on the other hand, didn't even attempt any form of reconciliation with me and he simply allowed our relationship to further deteriorate. I wanted to be the one who made the first move, and I wanted to be the one who actually made the effort to form a friendship of some description between the two of us, but I didn't believe that I should have been the only one who wanted something other than silence between the two of us—I wanted to get in his bed and I wanted to satisfy my growing urge for the man—but that was neither here nor there, and it also wasn't a reason to put my neck on the line in an attempt to form something between the pair of us.

"I was just about to finish them. I will be sure to email them to you, so that you can check them before sending them off, and then I shall be off for the weekend," I just about managed to smile, even though he was still focused on his laptop screen and wasn't even bothering to look at me. It hurt that he couldn't look at me and I don't know why, I wasn't dating the man and I wasn't married to him either, but I wanted to see his eyes again or to even hear his voice as he shows the side of him which I had actually grown to like in the first week we had known each other. I would even take a childish argument with him if it meant he would acknowledge me and give me some form of attention.

"Enjoy your weekend, Miss Lopez," I know that was an invitation to leave the room, but I couldn't bring myself to move or to even look away from the man in front of me, mostly because I hated seeing him in this way and knowing that I was part of the reason for his behaviour.

I know I was an idiot to feel something for him, Jenni had made sure to tell me that one after I admitted to her the thoughts which I had been having, but I couldn't prevent the thoughts and I couldn't deny the way in which he made my heart miss a few beats whenever I saw him either. He was an ass who took pleasure in treating me like shit but he was the first man who made me feel things which I hadn't felt since the beginning of my relationship with Dean, and that meant that I didn't want him to suffer because of something which I had said to him in the past.

I didn't ever want him to be alone, and I didn't want him to hurt either. I didn't want him to deal with Rebecca alone, not when she was refusing to let him anywhere near Ella, not even when he agreed to see her on Rebecca's terms and at Rebecca's house, she refused to let him anywhere near his own daughter. And, after my sister had refused to let him anywhere near his daughter, I hated the idea of him returning to his home alone because I knew what he was capable of doing and I didn't want him to do something stupid, such as drinking himself into oblivion again because of the same selfish woman.

"Was there something else I could help you with, Miss Lopez?" Andrew finally asked when he realised that I was still stood in the room and that I hadn't made an effort to move from the spot which I occupied.

"No. Nothing, Mr Collins. I was just leaving," I sighed and walked out of the office so to return to my laptop and finish the finances which The Board had asked me to do, and I had to ensure they were completed before midnight tonight, otherwise it was going to come back on Andrew and he was going to be the one who looked bad. Andrew was supposed to have done it last week but, since he had been focused on Ella and trying to force his ex-fiancée to allow him to see his daughter, he asked me to do it on his behalf and I had no problem in helping him out in this instance.

"Miss Lopez—" I looked up to see Andrew leaning against his office doorframe with his arms across his chest and his hair a complete mess from the number of times he had run his hands through it in the last couple of hours.

"Yes?"

"I would like for you to take the week off work."

"There's no need for you to do that for me, Mr Collins. There's sti—"

"You have done more than enough for me already so, please, I insist that you take the week off and enjoy yourself," I wasn't sure where this sudden kindness was coming from, especially not when I had been told that Andrew didn't allow people time off work unless they were dying or already dead, "though do be sure to keep Tuesday through Friday clear."

"Why?" I asked suspiciously.

"Because I have arranged for my private jet to fly you to Spain for that period of time. I know how much you have been wanting to see your parents since you started here," Andrew said and, for the slightest moment, I almost thought that he smiled at me when he spoke to me.

"Th—Thank you," I stuttered over my words because of how surprised I was at his generosity.

"You are welcome, Alyssa. Now, please, enjoy the rest of your weekend," Andrew definitely smiled at me this time and then he retreated back into the safety of his office, closing the door behind him so that he could continue his work without another disruption from someone.

And that's how I ended up here, in one of the busiest nightclubs in the city with Jenni grinding against some random male she had found at the bar, downing shots like there was no tomorrow, and all because she wanted to make the man she was madly in love with jealous because neither of them had the balls to ask the other on a date—it was almost childish that the both of them felt the need to flirt with other people, especially when they loved each other as much as they did, but it was their life and I had tried to stop them several times, so I just allowed them to do what they wanted and I never commented on the way in which they felt the need to get their attention.

Jenni had asked why I was so happy when I met with her outside of this place, with her first thought being that I had fucked someone when I finished work which was followed with an obnoxious giggle, but according to her that was the only reason I could be as happy as I am. I didn't bother correcting her and telling her that Andrew had given me the week off, I thought it would be amusing for her to discover that for herself on Monday when she went into work and I wasn't there, and she would have to find someone else to annoy for the entire week—I did tell her, however, that I was going to be seeing my parents again for the first time since my ex-husband was put in prison, obviously missing out the part where Andrew organised the entire thing.

"Are you going to enjoy yourself or are you going to just sit there all night, looking like you would rather be somewhere else?" I turned to see that Jenni was now sitting beside me. Her hair, which had previously been in a tidy bun, was now all over the place and the straps to her dress were falling slightly off her shoulders, even her make-up was smudged; she was a whole lot more drunk than I was and I didn't like it when that happened.

Jenni was dangerous when she was drunk, not just for the next male she managed to sink her claws into, but also because I was the one who had to look after her since I was the mug who remained sober. I had always had a high tolerance level for alcohol though and it took more than a couple of shots of tequila to get me drunk, so that meant I was always the one looking after Jenni, and I was the one who would have to deal with the jealous rage of Danny when he caught her all over another male.

"Perhaps, and this is just a suggestion, if you could keep your hands off the male population, I feel I would be able to enjoy myself a whole lot more," I shrugged with a playful smirk as I lightly punched her shoulder at the same time.

"We both know that's never going to happen," Jenni laughed and I really did expect nothing less from her.

I wouldn't class her as a whore, even if she was using men simply to make Danny realise how much he wanted her, she was just after a good time and she found that in the arms of another male.

If a male was allowed to sleep around with however many females he wanted, without being labelled as something as crude as a whore, and his friends were allowed to congratulate him for finding his next fuck, then a female was allowed to do the same without earning herself a label. A female was entitled to just as much fun as a male, and they shouldn't be branded for doing so either, but that was sexism at its best from the world in which we live in today.

"Shots?" I asked her with a knowing grin. It didn't matter how drunk she was, she would never be able to refuse alcohol when it was offered to her.

"Danny, line 'em up, there's a darling," Jenni called across the counter, banging her hand on the top with excitement as she jumped from her seat, which caused Danny to turn and send a quick glare in her direction before he turned to me with a smile on his face. He didn't waste time in lining up ten shot glasses, filling each of them with tequila in quick succession, and then turned to look at Jenni with his hand extended. "I'll pay you later. I've currently run out of money."

"You've always run out of money. Or perhaps it's just because you don't actually leave the house with any money because you know how the males will be queuing up to offer you something to drink," Danny retorted bitterly. The man had fallen hard for her and, I don't know whether she simply didn't see it or whether she just enjoyed getting on his last nerve, she stuck her tongue out immaturely in his direction as he walked off to serve a group of waiting females.

"Here's to having an asshole, who just happens to be ridiculously hot and your fuck-buddy, that you're so in love with to the point that your life doesn't even make sense without him," Jenni raised her glass with a morbid expression now covering her face, gone was the Jenni who had been enjoying herself and in her place now stood a miserable Jenni who didn't know what to do with her life because she didn't have the guts to tell a guy that she liked him, much like he didn't have the balls to tell her even though the both of them knew the truth. I quickly downed the shots in succession and then turned to look at Jenni, who was already looking at me like she was in deep thought, "does he even like me or is he just playing the same game that I am playing?"

"No, Jen, I don't think that he likes you at all—" I put my hand up the moment she opened her mouth to protest against my choice of words, "—I know that he likes you and he gets stupidly jealous when he sees you all over another man."

"I don't know what I am doing anymore, Alyssa, I am in love with the guy and I can't even find the words to ask him on a bloody date," I knew that feeling only too well because, even though there were still some negative thoughts circulating my mind which related to Andrew Collins, I couldn't find the words to speak with him about anything other than business and I couldn't even find the words to ask him out for drink so that we could attempt to resolve the issues between the pair of us. "Maybe I should just do it now, tell him that I want to go on a date with him, but then I should wait for him to ask me. It should always be the man who asks the woman, right?"

"I think that you should wait until you're sober before deciding to do anything," I smiled. It was only when she was drunk that Jenni would open up and you would be able to see just how vulnerable she actually was, how insecure she was behind the make-up and short skirts, and she would put her feelings on a plate which she would never do while she was sober. It has been on many drunken nights out where I have learnt the most about Jenni because the alcohol blocks the filter between her brain and her mouth.

"No. I need to do it now. Because those bitches, those bitches right there," I looked in the direction of her finger and I could see the bitches to whom she was referring, all three of them were blonde (definitely fake given that two of them had dark roots beginning to appear) wearing dresses which revealed more than their cleavage, twirling their hair around their fingers as they tried to flirt with Danny who, because he was pissed, was giving them the satisfaction of replying to their lame attempts to get him into their bed, "are trying their luck with a man who is already taken."

I laughed to myself as I stood up and followed behind her to the end of the bar, ensuring that I remained behind her because she couldn't walk in a straight line and she was wobbling all over the place, she wasn't even able to avoid the chairs which lined the bar and she muttered string of profanities every time she hit her leg against one of them. I knew that I was finding it more amusing than I should have been, especially since she was my best friend and I should have been supporting her, but she was about to declare her love to the man she had spent the last eight months making deliberately jealous—she had even admitted, while she was drunk of course, that the two of them had slept together more than once in the last year and that's how she developed feelings for him in the first place.

"Danny. I need to talk to you," the three blondes all turned to look at her, muttering things to each other and laughing at whatever they had just said to each other, but Danny didn't seem to pay attention to them as he looked at Jenni and Jenni was too drunk to give a shit about what three people she didn't even know thought about her, "there's something I need to tell you and it's really important that I do it now."

"Let me finis—"

"No. I need to do it now before I change my mind and run off, like I always do when it comes to being in the same room as you for longer than necessary," I was impressed that she was still able to string a sentence together in her current state, but her slurs were still very much understandable, and her annoyance was more than obvious when she glared at the three women who didn't appear to be impressed that their hunk was talking to someone other than them. "Please?"

"James. Take over for me here, I need to deal with Jen, before she scares off my customers," Danny laughed and James nodded with a smile as he walked over to the girls, who were now all over James and trying their best chat-up lines with him, but I knew they were never going to work because they weren't the type of woman he usually went for, "what is Jen that's so important it couldn't wait for me t—"

"Go on a date with me," she blurted out quickly with her eyes now on the floor because of the sudden shyness which had come over her. Danny put his fingers under her chin and forced them upwards so that she was now looking at him, and he wasted no time in placing a passionate kiss on her lips, his left hand on her cheek and his other supporting her by her waist, while her hands moved to his shoulder and she pulled him even closer to her body.

When they finally pulled away from each other, with Danny resting his forehead against hers, his stare never leaving her gaze when he breathed out a simple yes in reply to her question. And I couldn't ignore the pang of jealousy which hit me right in the gut, not because I was jealous of my best friend who had Danny, but jealousy because they now had what I once shared with Darren, and now I have nothing other than an empty apartment and a cold bed waiting for me when I get home each night.

"Now, if you'll excuse me Aly, I think it's time that I put Jenni here to bed for the night. Are you going to be alright on your own?" Danny asked. He was always concerned about me when I was left alone because he was like the older brother I never had though, if I did have one, I imagine that he would be very much like Danny; constantly worried about me and always wanting me to have the best.

He had once told me that, because he was an only child and never had a sibling of his own to love, I was the little sister he had always dreamed of having and he loved me as such. He scared off his fair share of males who had gotten too close to me for my liking and, by scaring, I mean that he threatened to beat them limb from limb if they dared to come within spitting distance of me again—it never failed to make me laugh when he brought out that, mostly because I knew that he would never actually do that to someone, but also because each male would leave me alone for the rest of the night to the point that he wouldn't even look at me again.

I had reminded him more than once that I was twenty-nine and was more than capable of handling myself, but he told me that it was his responsibility as my older brother to make sure no harm was ever brought to me, and he also made it his job to be extremely overprotective of me whenever I was in his nightclub or he was out with us. He also felt the need to remind me that he was a thirty-four male and, because of that fact, that meant that he knew the male mind better than I would ever know it, so that meant he was also allowed to kick their asses if their intentions were anything besides friendship.

"I'll be fine, Danny, I will have one more drink and then Robert will pick me up," I smiled and reassured him with a kiss on his left cheek.

"James will keep an eye out for you. He kicks ass almost as well as I do, so at least you know you're in safe hands," Danny laughed with a now sleeping, and drunk, Jenni drooling on his shoulder with her arm hanging from his waist. I couldn't help but smile because, for all the foolish ways she had tried to get Danny's attention, she deserved to be happy and she deserved to settle down with someone. Danny was the decent something which she had been waiting for and, with his help, she would have the life which she had always dreamed of having when she was younger.

"Almost? We both know that I could take any day, Danny," James smirked. I remember the last time James and Danny had a battle of egos, each of them claiming to be the best, and so they actually fought to discover who was stronger and who could kick ass the best, and it was rather hilarious when James had Danny on the floor after not even sixty seconds of fighting.

"When I don't have a hot drunk woman passed out on my shoulder, who is going to be my girlfriend before she leaves this place tomorrow, we will put that to the test again. But, until that happens, I know how to kick ass better than you," Danny laughed again as he put his free arm under Jenni's legs and effortlessly lifted her from the ground, carrying her behind the bar and out of the backdoor, which I knew led to the flat above this place which he lived in on the weekends because it was easier for the sake of work for him to do that rather than commute from one side of New York to the other three days a week.

"Before I head over there and continue serving those annoying blondes, is there anything I can get for you?" James smiled. When he was first employed here, Jenni informed me that he was twenty-three and single, she also told me that I had caught his eye the moment I walked in here during his first shift, but never told me because he feared rejection. I don't know whether that is true or not, but he has only ever treated me like a friend and never asked for anything else in return, for which I was highly grateful because I didn't need any further complications in my life.

"Vodka and Coke," I smiled when I pulled a ten pound note from my purse, "and make it a double, please."

I attempted to hand him the money when he placed the drink on the bar, but he refused to take it and insisted that he would pay for it when he had finished work, and that I should just enjoy the rest of my evening before I headed off for the night. I gave him a quick thank you, making my way through the crowds of people, getting all manner of looks from the males who were on their own as they sized me up, but I ignored them and breathed a sigh of relief when I reached the place I had been looking for.

The smoking area. I didn't smoke, I had tried it once when I was fourteen because all my friends were doing it and decided then that it was something I never needed to try again, but I would usually find myself sitting out here because it was the calm away from the madness and it gave me time to think without worrying about anything else. I could relax with my drink, at least for a while before someone came out and ruined the silence, but I didn't have to worry about anyone other than myself. I would only return back to Jenni when someone came out here for a smoke of their own, or I would walk down the alley and head towards the front of the building if I still wasn't ready for the madness.

I must have been sitting in complete silence, admiring the stars which I occasionally sipped from my drink, for about half an hour now, but I felt like it had been so much longer than that. I was imagining what it will be like when I go back to Spain and how I will feel when I see my parents again, and how the first thing I plan on telling them is just how much I have missed them, right after I have apologised for the lack of contact with them.

I couldn't wait to hug my father, enjoying the safety which his arms offered when he hugged me back, without any words spoken between us as I waited for the kiss on the cheek which he would always give me after he had hugged me. I even couldn't wait to hear my mother's voice again as she told me about all the things I had missed out on, and it would be the first time where I wouldn't tell her to shut the hell up, because I had missed the sound of her voice more than I ever thought I would.

"You know," the voice startled me and dragged me from my thoughts, the figure leaning against the wall in the shadows, a cigarette in one hand and a glass of something in the other, "for someone who hates smoking, told me numerous that they would kill me if I remember rightly, you sure do spend a lot of time out here."

He didn't even need to walk out of the shadows for me to know who is was. Though, when he did walk towards me, there wasn't a single crease in his suit and, though he was now lacking the tie he had been wearing earlier and had the first three buttons of his shirt undone, the only other thing which was out of place was his dishevelled hair which was pointing in various directions.

"I only come out here when there's no one around. There's something peaceful about the silence at night," I replied without much thought. I brought my glass to my lips, taking a refreshing mouthful, before I turned my attention back to the sky.

"I am here though," he sat down beside me with a slight chuckle and stubbed his cigarette out in the ashtray which lay in the middle of the table.

"How do you know that I spend so much of time out here anyway? That's not something I have ever mentioned in conversation," I asked.

"Jenni and I do talk, you know. She often tells me stories of what the both of you get up to at the weekend, and I have heard some interesting stories," I could feel the heat rising to my cheeks, and I wasn't even sure why that was happening, but I would like to think that it was the embarrassment of Andrew knowing what Jenni and I got up to on our nights out with each other.

"Like what?" I didn't want to know what Jenni had told him, because there was any number of thing she could have told him, but I didn't want to stop talking to him and I also wasn't ready for him to leave me either. After two months of nothing other than business conversations between us, I was glad to be able to talk about something else, and I was also glad to see that he was out rather than at home, where I knew he could drink away his sorrows and end up doing something which would only lead to trouble in the end.

"I am joking, Alyssa. The only thing which Jenni has ever told me is of her love for some guy named Danny and about how this guy has made it his job to protect you while you're out with Jenni which, honestly, I am glad there is someone to watch over you because I would hate for some male to think he was allowed to have his way with you," Andrew said, trailing off slightly towards the end, but it warmed my heart somewhat to know that he was concerned about me and that he also appreciated there being someone to watch out for me.

"They're going on a date. I would say that Jenni asked him, but she more told him it was happening, and then passed out on him," I chuckled lightly.

I turned so that I could get a better look at Andrew but, once I had done it, I wished that I could erase the look on his face. There was a smile on his face and the sound of his laughter was refreshing, but I could see the sadness in his eyes and the pain which was etched on his face, the emotions all contradicting each other and I actually found myself wanting to hug the broken man in front of me now.

"You probably shouldn't have told me that. Because I will now have to mock her for that at work," Andrew laughed once again and, I don't know what it was about that sound, but it made me smile and it gave me a sense of happiness, knowing that I was one who had made him feel the need to laugh was enough to make my night, and even I knew there was only so much longer I could go without denying my own feelings for Andrew Collins. "You know, I've actually missed our arguments. How sad is that? I've missed your sarcastic retorts to my unnecessarily cruel comments, I've missed you always being right even when everyone else is telling you that you're wrong, and I've even missed you insulting me. I've just missed you, Alyssa."

Unlike the last time he had said those words to me, there was something different about them, and I could tell that he genuinely meant each one of them. Hearing them for the second time, I didn't know what to say, but I didn't have a bitchy remark to come back with and I didn't have a sarcastic comment on the tip of my tongue, I didn't even have a sarcastic comment. I had absolutely nothing.

I had spent the last four and half months protecting myself from Andrew, and the last month figuring out my feelings for the infuriating man, but now I felt weak. I had kicked him out of my life and had minimal contact with him, a small part of me hoping that it would quell the emotions which were building towards him but a greater part of me wanting to feel everything he was making me feel, and I had felt strong for a period of time. But, right now, in this moment, I had never been weaker.

"I've missed you too, Andrew," I practically whispered the words as I allowed my head to fall against his shoulder and my eyes to close because I didn't know what the hell to do anymore.

Why?

Because Andrew Collins had truly fucked with my emotions and he wasn't going anywhere in a hurry.

INSTAGRAM: emmaalouisaaxo_

TWITTER: EmmaaLouisaa__

© 2015 Emma Norman. All Rights Reserved.