The Yankee's Wife Tries to Make a Sandwich

Guess I'll start this off by tell'n you that the feud twixt me and that Yankee's wife - over the whole roadkill stuffed, flowerbed fox incident - is finally over. And I don't mean to brag, but it was all due to me take'n the bull by the horns and step'n up as the bigger person.

Now, round here, folks set a lot of store by be'n the bigger person. Here's an example: if both feuders turn up at the annual Grange Turkey Shoot and Bake Sale with the same dump-cake , the bigger person will sell out first - See?

So, since I haven't had a lotta practice at it, I just decided that this was a good opportunity to be the bigger person and take that Yankee, and his wife, a plate of snickerdoodles.

When she opened their front door, butter wouldn't melt in her mouth as she said hey and come on ... in that way she has...

"Halloo, won't you pulleeze come inside? This is a sir-prize. Did you see en-nee-one on yooer way in? "

(I swan! it's pretty dang clear why that Yankee's wife keeps say'n she's so all-fired tired all the time. All that quick

say-ev-er-ee sow-N-D...

in ev-er-ee w-er-D

aZ Kwi-k as you can

would tire out a Saint and turn em purple!)

But, I was determined to be that bigger person, so I want you to know I was right gracious bout her question...

"No m'am", I even smiled! "Didn't see a soul and no one saw me... least that I know of. "

(See, I knew why she asked that... ever since the day I messed up her fancy fox debut, she'd been given me the noodle eye. Now here I was, beat'n her to the bigger person punch, and she didn't cotton to a witness! But, I'm easy with stuff like that)

"Thought you and the Mister might like a little treat."

She took the plate from me and turned to place it on a sweet, little, curly-leg table. I guess I started to stare at that table, cause the next thing you know I heard her say, "Do you like it? It's a pliadtiamotlr, vermillion, French reorduplivity! For the Emoirsforus! They played tea party with their nanny... it's all written up in the Histoiousippy of Louisabadito the third."

Wellsir! I can tell you, it was my turn to give the noodle eye! But, at the last second, I remembered bout be'n the bigger person and bit my eyes! My mind was flop'n round, try'n to figure out what to say, so I tackled on the only thing I had understood.

Tea party!.... "Hey! wouldn't you like to come to the Lady Rams send-off Tea Party? "

Both of us were just as shocked as we could be! I had just gained a full lap on her, in the bigger person department, and she blurted out, "Yes!", fore I could take a breath!

I started to back toward the door "your Mister is assistant coa... "

"Yes! He told me... volleyba... "

"Volleyball! Yes m'am... he can... "

"He can take me there! What should I bring..? "

"Sandwiches! Nana ones... ok? " I backed out the door and shut it as I heard her say

"What?...nana? Bana? ... wait! "

But I was run'n! Be'n the bigger person had turned out to be bout as complicated as a tangled up triple hook on 6 lb. test! It just bout did me in, so I ran all the way home.

That next Friday afternoon, our Booster club had taken over the cafeteriauditorigym. The Lady Rams Volleyball team was headed to State Regional, and we planned on give'n em a tea party send-off.

Now, we don't normally do tea parties; but the lady whose turn it was to choose had just visited her sister, up in Richmond, and they had gone to a teahouse. Anyway, we had tried to do our best to decorate it - from the brochure she showed us - with foldy-out fans and hanging lanterns left over from last year's Halloween ghost house. - - It looked right festive, if I do say do myself. - - And the groan'n board was just decked out to beat the band: covered in tricky little treats, stuck everywhere we could reach, with tiny, tissue umbrellas.

Consider'n that he had had to duct tape a chunk of his accordion bellows up - after our mascot had fed on it at the last pep rally - Boyd Ray did a real fine job of play'n the team in with the victory march.

And all us Lady Ram boosters lined up behind our plates of goodies - ready to serve the crowd.

As I uncovered my platter of deviled eggs, I peeked down the row to see what that Yankee's wife was up to. And, by golly! There she was! I watched as she uncovered a plate of... of...

Now here... I have to say... I will never be a bigger person than I was right then.

On her plate she had banana halves laid out like dead soldiers. Each half had been split, stuffed with somethin pink, and stabbed together with toothpicks. That Yankee's wife had brought maraschino cherry and cottage cheese filled banana sandwiches!

In look'n back on it, I still don't see that I had a choice. It was either do what needed to be done... or spend two hours watch'n her stand behind a plate full of weird look'n, bleed'n-pink bananas... get'n sadder and sadder as people just walked by say'n things like

What the Sam Hill is that?

Are those things 'nanas?

Looks too fancy for me!

Edna! Stop pinch'n me! I ain't gonna eat pink food!

So, I ate em.

Obviously, if this pitiful woman is gonna stay round these parts, she needs me. So, next week, when she calms down bout the pink mess I made on her shoes, and I can stomach 'nana smell again, I'm gonna take the poor thing under my wing and teach her how to make a 'nana sandwich.... and after that... sweet tea.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A Southern Staple for fellowship hall potlucks, funerals, wed'ns, and picnics on the grounds.

For your pleasure...

The 'nana sandwich

the 'nana Sandwich with edges still on

Ingredients

A loaf of white bread

A jar of Blue Ribbon mayonnaise *

A jar of Jif or Skippy **

9 or 10 ripe bananas

Directions

Lay out the loaf in two, even numbered rows.

Slice the 'nanas into pennies

Generously spread half the bread slices with mayonnaise

Generously spread the other half with Jiff or Skippy

Lay all your little 'nana pennies on the mayonnaise side... like soldier rows.

Top with your Jiff slices and smash down.

Now, cut off the edges... but be generous and pile em up on a separate plate. (Lots of people think the edges are the best part)

Cut the centers into little triangles and pile on a platter.

There's a tricky bit: you need to make sure your pennies are buried in there... twixt the mayonnaise and the peanut butter so that they don't turn brown.

(A platter of browned nana wedges is a rookie mistake)

*I hear, down there in NC, they use Dukes mayonnaise... but then... they like that yella BBQ sauce... so there's that.

**LuAnn - she works in the deli at the Piggly Wiggly, so she should know - says to tell you not to forget to salt your Skippy.

©Naomi Marshall 2017