^^An Impression of Winter by Claude Monet.^^

September 1786

Thomas

Ray's wedding was held at the small church in the village. He had not fully recovered from his injuries, because he was leaning on a crutch with his leg bound when he and Lady Violet said their vows. We kept our word and attended, running into Lord and Lady Eden — quite an unpleasant experience all around — and Charles Ashbury, accompanied by his father the Earl of Northampton. I could not understand, though I tried, why Ashbury was everywhere. He and Ray had never even got on very well. I suppose, however, that Ray had invited him out of cordiality – he had a very hard time telling people when he did not like them, and so kept them around.

"Well, you are finally a married man, Ray," I told him at the reception, in the gardens at Radford Manor. "How does that feel?"

"I will admit, frankly, not that different." He took a sip of his brandy, squinting out at the crowd dressed in their finery. "Lady Violet has proven herself quite loyal, and for that it feels we have already been married."

"Indeed." I knew what he meant. After our misadventure in Southampton, Lady Violet had taken it upon herself to help nurse him back to health. She had much more heart than I'd given her credit for, and I could already tell she was ready to take Emmeline under her wing. "Either that, or you have a very strong constitution."

"It's not that, I assure you." He rolled his shoulders back and winced. "Bloody pirates. I'm lucky I'm here at all."

"How about we put off business for a little while, shall we?" This was a day of celebration, after all. We would begin talking serious matters when it had died down.

Ray grumbled, but didn't persist.

It was just then that Lady Violet emerged from the crowd, her arm linked with Emmeline's. Lady Violet was flushed, beaming, and radiant, while my own wife was looking wan and a bit ill.

"Captain Haywood! How lovely to see you!" She let go of Emmeline to pull me into a rather unexpected embrace. "Or do you prefer Tom, now that we are four?"

"Whatever you decide to call me, Lady Violet, that is what I will respond to." I smiled and kissed her hand. "Congratulations again."

She gave me a curtsey. "Your disdain for convention may be an asset one day, Captain."

"That's the hope," I said, and then turned my attention to Emmeline as she spirited Ray away. "Are you all right? You're looking pale."

"I'll be all right," she said, with a weak smile. She'd been unwell for days, leaving the room with no warning and returned appearing worse. Even now she pressed a hand to her middle. "I've got a bit of an upset stomach. It's nothing, I'm sure."

"Do you want to retire early?" I caught her elbows, pressing my lips to her forehead. She didn't feel feverish, which had been my first thought. "If you are feeling out of sorts, I'm fairly certain Ray will understand. He has not been in top shape lately either."

"Tom." She gave my arm a gentle squeeze. "I appreciate your concern...but I'll be fine."

Still, I kept watch on her. I noticed her pinching colour into her cheeks at one point, but she didn't touch any of the food. Even when Lady Violet took her from my side again, I saw her hand go to her stomach.

I found myself accosted by Charles Ashbury as I wandered the perimeter of the gathering, looking for a quiet moment. In fact, I didn't see him until he was nearly on top of me, and he spoke from right next to my shoulder.

"Finished socialising, Captain Haywood? This event a bit much for you?"

I startled and rounded on him, so suddenly it made him recoil. "Lord Ashbury."

His cool grey eyes stayed impassive. "Seeing your close friend be married is quite an occasion, is it not? Enough to bring you out of your seclusion?"

"About as much of one as you turning up unexpectedly," I said, making him bristle. "You never got on with Ray well, and yet here you are, at his wedding reception."

"Our fathers knew one another quite well." He raised one eyebrow, folding his hands behind his back. "And yours too, apparently."

I didn't reply to that. Instead, I said, "Now it seems only a matter of time before you choose a wife for yourself. No doubt you would have a wide selection."

His eyes narrowed, and he flicked an invisible piece of dust from his brocaded waistcoat. "You and your wife seem to take great pleasure in goading me, Captain Haywood. In that way, you are a perfect match."

"Only because you take equal pleasure in antagonising us. Tell me, what is it about us that irks you?"

"Your choice of wife, for a start," he fired back. "The girl seems to have a mind of her own. Doesn't know what is proper."

"Better than not having one at all." I gave him a small smile and a single nod. Then I turned on my heel and left him there.

||

I woke to the sound of Emmeline retching in the water-closet. I sighed, climbing out of bed and lighting a candle first before going to the open door and looking in. There she was, bent over the bowl, just now wiping her mouth.

"Emmeline," I said.

Her head jerked up in surprise. "Tom. You're awake."

"Tell me, Emmeline, how long has this been going on?"

She bit her lip, her expression sheepish. "Five days? Six, possibly? I'm not sure exactly when it began."

"And you have no plausible explanation?"

She hesitated, and for a moment it seemed she was going to answer. Then she hunched over and her body heaved. This time, nothing came up. When she finished, she sat up again and pushed her hair behind her ear.

"Well?"

"Tom, I meant to tell you...I did..." Her brows furrowed, pulling up in the center. "Except...after that night, I..."

I knew what she referred to. A few nights after my return from Southampton, we had lain with each other for the first time in our marriage. She was hesitant at first, but that had fallen away quickly.

"You are with child," I said, and she nodded. "How long have you known?"

"A month," she answered after a hesitation. "Possibly a bit longer."

I entered and knelt down next to her. I caught her hand, clenched into a fist, and laced our fingers together. She lifted our hands to her lips and kissed my knuckles.

"We will have a child," I said, looking over at her and smiling. "We will finally be a family."

She smiled back, just faintly, and leaned against my side, her head dropping to my shoulder. I rested my cheek on her hair, and then kissed her forehead. I could hardly believe this was the same terrified, cowering girl who had turned up on my doorstep almost a half a year ago, the same one who had shied from any human touch. Now she was about to bring another life into the world, and with it our happiness.

||

As the weeks passed, the baby continued to grow. At first it was almost nothing, barely distinguishable. By December, however, there was a visible swell in Emmeline's abdomen.  I wondered, watching her sleep next to me at night, if the baby would resemble her or me. Or if it would be neither.

But it was the night before Christmas Eve that changed just about everything. I was riding home from the village, where I had been meeting with the manager of the textile factory and a few organisers of the riot. Coming up with a compromise proved to be an arduous process.

Perhaps it was the shadow that the moon cast across the frost, or it was the way the skinny hunched figure moved. I tapped Thor into a canter, drawing up next to it.

"What are you doing out here, sir, on such a cold night?"

A head emerged. Instantly I recognized the face — it was Johnny Burke. "Cap'n 'Aywood, sir."

"Good God, Johnny." I pulled Thor to a stop and dismounted. His feet were bare, and so were his ankles. "Your feet must be cold as ice."

He stopped when I stepped into his path, gripping his shoulders. He was holding a ragged sack in one hand, and a battered tricorn hat in the other. But he said nothing.

"Are you running away, Johnny?" I gave him a once-over, noticing his thin threadbare clothes that were completely unsuitable for the cold of winter. "Has your mother expelled you from the household?"

"No, sir," Johnny mumbled.

"Have you had a fight with her? Argued? Slammed doors, threatened to never return?"

"No, sir, I 'aven't," he said again, a little louder this time.

"Then what is it, boy?" I was unable to bring myself to shaking him, so I squeezed his shoulders, hard enough to make him tense. "Why are you out here all alone? And in this cold?"

"'Opin' you could 'elp me, sir. Cap'n 'Aywood." The boy was shaking, and now by the light of the moon I saw frozen tear tracks on his cheeks. His expression was stricken.

That softened my touch. "Then let us get you inside and warm first."

I hoisted him onto Thor's back and then swung myself up after him. Then I flicked the reins with one hand. Thor broke into a gallop, and I kept one arm securely around Johnny's waist as he did. The front gate appeared over the next rise, and I yanked Thor in that direction so roughly he nearly threw the both of us.

"Mrs Shute!" I called as I dismounted, Johnny gathered in my arms. "Lucian! Some blankets and a fire, if you please!"

There was a flurry of activity as I entered. I found Emmeline in the drawing room, sitting by the fire with a book in her hands and a shawl around her shoulders. But the moment she saw me she stood, thumping the book shut.

"What is it? What's happened?" She knelt beside me as I set Johnny as close to the fire as I dared.

"Johnny Burke. I found him wandering along the road."

"He's cold as death..." Emmeline pressed her hand against his cheek, and then unwound her shawl and draped it over Johnny. Her eyes flicked up to mine, filled with worry. "Is he...?"

"He's alive," I said, just as Mrs Shute came in with more blankets. "Only just."

"What was he doing out there?" Emmeline gently pushed Johnny's hair off his forehead. The boy was still shivering, his lips tinged slightly blue.

"I think he was running away from home, even though he will deny it." I moved over, to help tuck the blankets in around Johnny. "He asked me for my help."

"With what?" She slid her hand down, to check his pulse. "It's there...faint."

"I won't know until he wakes."

"I'll stay," she said, her hand rounding over the swell of the baby as she moved to sit next to me. "What can I do? Anything?"

"Emmeline..." I put my hand over hers. "With the baby..."

"I am not sick, Tom." She kissed my jaw gently. "I'll be all right. We have to see to Johnny first."

We sat by him through the night. I kept the fire stoked, feeding it with fresh wood. Emmeline made sure the blankets were tucked securely around him and that his heart still beat. And as the light outside turned grey, he stirred. Emmeline, sitting in front of one of the armchairs, had nodded off, sagging against it. I dozed as well, exhausted from an already trying day and a nearly sleepless night.

"Where'm I?" he murmured, alerting the both of us to his presence again. "What 'appened?"

"You're safe now, Johnny." I went to his side, kneeling down. "Do you remember where you were last night?"

"Cold. So cold. Everywhere." His eyes found Emmeline's, and he smiled weakly. "Look beautiful, ma'm."

"Johnny." Emmeline's cheeks coloured. "This is no time for flattery."

"Do you want something hot to drink, Johnny?" I asked as he sat up, with Emmeline helping him. "We have a nice strong tea. Restores warmth like nothing else."

"There's somethin' I've been meanin' to ask you, Cap'n 'Aywood," he said, when we'd gotten him situated with more blankets and a cup of tea, his feet being warmed by the fire. Fortunately, it appeared all of his toes would survive his barefoot walk in the cold. "'Bout me father, y'see."

"What about your father?" I sat forward in the armchair opposite his. I had not thought of John Burke in months, but now my last vision of him returned in full force.

"Other boys...they be sayin' he weren't me real father." Johnny's head drooped.

"There seems to be much of that swirling about these days," I said, exchanging a glance with Emmeline. "Why, who did they think it was?"

He mumbled something to the ground, still refusing to meet my eyes.

"Speak up, boy," I said, although I knew I wouldn't be able to speak so sharply to my own son, if that was what our child was.

"You, Cap'n. They were sayin' you was me real father."

"I?" Even for the rumour mill, that was a surprise. "Where could they have possibly gotten that idea?"

"Seen you wit' me mother, Cap'n. Started callin' me ''Aywood's bastard.'" Johnny's hands shook, causing some of his tea to spill over the sides of his cup.

Damn them. They must have seen Arabella kiss me on the road. "I assure you, Johnny, I am not your father. He died at Yorktown in eighty-one."

Johnny shifted in his chair, and for a moment there was only the popping of the logs in the fire and the ticking of the clock. "You knew me mother 'fore the war, Cap'n?"

"Only as a mere acquaintance, that is all." That I could say with certainty. Before the war, John Burke was Francis's friend, not mine. The two of us fell in together serving in the same brigade, and even then we had not been more than fellow comrades until shortly before Yorktown. Arabella I'd met only once, when Francis and I accompanied John to one of his secret meetings with her. John had been expected to marry well, and when he had not, he was ostracised from his family and cut off from further money coming in.

"All wrong, then?" he said, with a note of hope.

"Yes, Johnny. That is false. You must pay no attention to it." I had long become impervious to them. As Lady Violet had pointed out, I had a disdain for convention. After all, they dictated everything from what a gentleman should do in his spare time to my choice of wife to whether I attended this ball or that social. They called me a recluse, reckless, mad, deliberately flouting my status. But I did as I pleased and paid no mind. And I was a better man for it.

"There's somethin' else, Cap'n," he said after another long silence. "Know those woods? Outside town?"

That provoked a reaction from Emmeline. She set her cup down with a clatter, nearly spilling it. Our gazes caught, for only a moment, and I saw the fear in them, like a wounded animal's. We would address that later, but for now I turned back to Johnny.

"Yes. Part of them are on the Dunbar estate." I was well aware of the family's history with illegal poaching on their lands. The population of game birds in those woods was unmatched.

"I been tryin' to feed me fam'ly, see...an' me an' another bloke...almost got caught, we did...bagged three birds 'fore they chased us away." He shivered at the memory. "That's why I'm runnin' away...know where I live, Cap'n."

I sat back in my chair, running one hand over my face. Poaching was a crime, and Johnny was party to it. If he was caught, he could be imprisoned for it. The only thing that could be done, out of duty to his father, would be to appeal directly to the Dunbar patriarch, Sir William.

"Are you aware, Johnny, that I am obligated to report you?" I said after a long silence. "Poaching is a crime. A serious one."

"Oh, Tom..." Emmeline said, her voice pleading. I held up my hand to quiet her.

"Johnny, what you have done is very wrong. Tell me you understand that."

"I do, Cap'n 'Aywood sir," Johnny mumbled.

"And that if I allow you to stay here, I may as well be implicated as a co-conspirator and sent to prison."

"I know, Cap'n, but..." He faltered, head dropping.

"But what, boy?" I rose to my feet. I had harboured one fugitive under my roof, and that had turned out fortuitously. But I could not allow a second. "We cannot allow this to continue."

"Didn't know it were private land, Cap'n. No fences."

"That does not change the fact that you willingly engaged in an illegal activity."

"Don't turn me in, Cap'n, please," Johnny said, his dark brown eyes filling with tears. "Can't spend the rest o' me life in prison."

"You must be able to do something, Tom. He's just a boy." Emmeline spoke from the settee, and when I turned to her she looked stricken, one brow furrowed and the other pulled up in the middle.

I kept my eyes on hers. She worried her bottom lip and then bit down on it. I forced myself to hold her gaze. Tomorrow was Christmas, and I was not such a hard-hearted blackguard that I would ruin it for him and his family. And were he my own son, I would not turn him over to the authorities. I would take it on myself.

"Then here is what we will do. You may remain here for Christmas Eve, if that is what you wish. Tomorrow morning I will write your mother and summon her here, with your siblings, and then we will make a further decision from that point."

"Bless you, Cap'n, bless you." Johnny pressed his palms together, as in prayer.

We left him after that, under Lucian's watchful eye, to recuperate from his night out in the cold. Emmeline stopped me at the foot of the stairs, one hand clasping my elbow. I turned to her and she cupped my cheek, her eyes holding mine.

"Would you really hand him over, Tom? Let the law have him?"

I sighed. "I would not. Were he my own son, I would take on the consequences myself."

"I know, but..." She dropped her hand to my shoulder. "I thought of how you treated me, with nothing but kindness, and how you did the same for him, without a second thought. That was why...I could hardly believe...using your obligations on him..."

"He must understand his actions have reactions, as all children should. But because he is not grown, and because of my closeness with his father, there may yet be a solution."