Chapter 1

T/W:

***
Steve

My life has had plenty of ups and downs, although I know there are people who have dealt with a lot more screwed up shit than I have.

For the most part, I'd say things are fairly decent at the moment. Yet it's amazing how quickly things can go to crap so easily.

And I rarely see it coming.

***
"You feeling all right?" I ask Lex, who's shifting around uneasily on the couch.

"Yeah. I just feel kinda antsy." She grabs my hand, placing it on her baby bump.  The baby is kicking up a storm. I grin. So does Lex.

"Baby is very active today," I comment. "Must be anxious to come out and meet their family."

Lex nods, lacing our fingers together.

"Baby, baby, baby!" Ari, our almost three year old daughter, exclaims. I laugh.

"Don't worry," I tell Ari. "Your baby brother or sister will be here soon."

"We still have a month to go," Lex reminds me.

"It'll pass quickly," I say. Lex gives my hand a gentle squeeze.

"I hope it will," she says. "I'm anxious to meet them."

"So am I," I admit. Lex slides closer to me, reaching out to place her fingers on my cheek, rubbing some. Whenever Lex gets anxious or upset, she'll rub my beard.

It's kinda strange, but I'm used to it by now. Apparently she used to do the same thing with Tim when they were together. It does seem to calm her down.

"Hey, it's gonna be okay," I murmur, holding Lex's hand. She nods, but looks a little weepy. Her hormones have bad with this baby. Lex will be fine one minute and crying the next.

"Of course. I'm just anxious," Lex says.  I lean over, giving her a gentle kiss. She chuckles, placing a hand on my chest.

"We both are," I say, covering her hand with mine.

"Yeah." She dabs at her eyes. "You'd think with the second one, though, I'd be less anxious."

"I'm sure it varies," I say. Lex sighs.

"You know why." I nod.

"I do, baby. But boy or girl, we'll love them." Lex smiles.

"Absolutely."

***
Lex

I'm a mess these days.  Really I am. Poor Steve. He's been such a rock for me during this pregnancy. He's my hero. He's been so patient and understanding, even when I've been a complete wreck.

If I get too emotional or snippy, he simply takes it all in stride. He knows damn well that I want a boy, so he can share the same name as Speed.

Well. Not the exact same name. It'll be Timothy Steven Speedle. But close enough. I try to remain neutral on it. If the baby should turn out to be a girl, I know I won't love her any less.

At least that's what I keep telling myself.  I just worry I'll be disappointed. I want a boy so badly. And I'm pretty sure that my in-laws would like a grandson bearing the name of their eldest son.

But there's not much I can do about that. It's not as if I can choose the sex of my baby. However if it were possible, you know I'd do it in a heartbeat.

***
"How've you been?" Knox Marshall, Speed my late fiancé's look alike and new friend, asks when be swings by after his shift.

Knox is an E.M.T. He was in a horrible car accident several years, when Speed rescued him. He chose to have plastic surgery to resemble Speed. I gotta admit; it's eerie. But I like Knox well enough.

"Tired," I reply, watching as Aria plays fetch with Otto, Knox's dog. They're the best of friends.

"How much longer now?" Knox asks.

"About a month," I reply.

"You've got to be getting antsy," Knox remarks. I nod vigorously.

"I am."

"Otto, run!" Aria is getting ready to throw the tennis ball.  Knox and I watch, laughing as Otto goes tearing after the ball, retrieving it and bringing it back to Aria, who claps in delight.

"He's really amazing at that," I tell Knox.

"I've been working with him," Knox responds, looking fondly at Otto.

"That's great." The baby kicks at the sound of Knox's voice.

"The baby's kicking," I inform Knox. "Want to feel?"

"You're okay with that?" I smile.

"I wouldn't have asked if I wasn't." Knox leans over, gently placing his hand on my stomach. He smiles.

"That's incredible."

"I know." Knox removes his hand. He's always careful to act like a gentleman around me.

"Have you dealt with many pregnant women?" I ask.

"A few," Knox replies. "Unfortunately not on pleasant circumstances."

"I figured." Knox grins.

"Yours will be the first." I chuckle.

"Glad to be the one."

***

Steve

"You holding up okay?" I've met up with my best friend, Dave, at a diner for lunch. Although we're both crazy busy with our lives, we still try to get together at least once a week.

"As well as I can," I reply. "Lex is a basket case these days."

"Dude, she's pregnant," Dave says. "Women's hormones are off."

"We've been through this before," I remind Dave. "This is more than just pregnancy hormones. She's desperate for a boy."

"Because of your brother," Dave says. I nod, stirring the ice in my Coke.

"What if the baby is a girl?" Dave asks. I know he's teasing,  but I'm a little worried about that.

"We'll deal with it," I reply uncertainly.

"Lex does know if the baby's a girl, it's not a tragedy, right?" Dave says.

"I'm sure she does," I respond. "It's just she wants a boy so badly because of..Tim."

"She'll get one," Dave says confidently.

"I hope you're right," I murmur. "I really do."

***
Shari, Lex's mom, her uncle Grant and Jay Hoyer, Shari's boyfriend, are at the house when I arrive home. It's good seeing them. It's been a while. (At least for Jay and Grant. Shari comes over as often Lex allows.)

"Hey, man," Jay greets me. "How are you doing?"

"I'm hanging in there," I reply. "You?"

"Damn good." I notice Ari is sitting on her great uncle's lap, pretending to read him a book. I grin, moving to give Lex a kiss.

"Hey. How was lunch with Dave?" She asks.

"Great," I reply, setting my bag aside. I spot dog hair on the floor, which means only thing: Knox Marshall was here.

"Daddy, Otto!" Ari looks over at me, beaming.

"Hey, baby." I step over and Ari drops her book, raising her arms so I'll pick her up. I do, kissing her cheek.

"Did Otto come visit you?" I ask. Ari nods.

"Yup!"

"Ari played fetch with him," Lex informs me. "He was awesome."

"Otto?" I say. "Or Knox?" Lex ignores this.

"We brought dinner," Shari says.

"Great!" Shari asks Ari if she'd like to help.

"Yes!" I set Ari down and she hurries to her grandmother. They walk hand-in-hand to the kitchen.

"Don't be a douche," Lex says quietly to me. She's referring to Knox.

"All right," I say contritely. "I apologize."

"Knox is a perfect gentleman," Lex adds. "And you know how much Ari loves Otto."

"Maybe we should get Ari her own dog," I suggest. "Then Knox won't need to bring his over here." Lex scowls and I know she's pissed.

"We'll talk about this later," she murmurs. Gosh, I so love having a hormonal wife.

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