T/W: Mentions suicide and wanting to die, minor nudity.

***
Steve

I'm just leaving a meeting with a new client when I receive a puzzling text message from Lex. It simply says 'I'm sorry.' Frowning I quickly dial her up. Luckily she answers.

"Stevie," she whispers, her voice choked with tears.

"What's wrong?" I ask, getting a weird feeling.

"I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry."

"For what?"

"I want to be with...Speed."

"Baby, talk to me," I say in a panic.

"I'm sorry." The line goes dead.

"Shit!" I try Lex again but it goes straight to voicemail.

Shit!

I quickly call Grant.

"I think Lex is going to try and kill herself," I say, climbing into my truck.

"Why?" Grant asks.

"She just called me, crying, saying how sorry she was and how she wants to be with...Tim."

"Shit!"

"Do you know where she went?" I ask.

"Maybe the beach?" Grant sounds unsure.

"That really narrows it down."

"I'll call Horatio," Grant says. "You call Eric. One of them has to know something."

***
Twenty minutes later, we still have no clue where Lex is. As each minute passes, I become more and more antsy,  worried that by the time we do find her, it'll be too..late.

****

Lex

I'm standing knee deep in the ocean, all these memories and emotions swirling within me. I could have sworn that I saw Speed standing just a few feet away from me. I smile, as I walk further into the ocean.

"Come on, babe," Speed says, holding out his hand to me. I reach for it.

"Lex!" I don't automatically react to whoever is calling out to me.

"Lex!" I finally turn. Jay is standing there, wading closer to me, his hand stretched out towards me. "Come back, Lex."

"I'm going to be with to be with Speed," I say.

"Baby," Jay says quietly.

I want to be with him!" I suddenly shriek. I faintly hear car doors slamming and a moment later, a mad rush bodies appears, including Steve, Uncle Grant and Eric.

"Lexie, please don't!" Steve sounds like he's going to cry.

"Go away!" I shout, inching closer where the drop-off is in the ocean.

"Baby, come away from there, please," Jay says. I stare at him.  I know I could be faster than Jay. All I'd have to do is step off and I'd be under the water

Uncle Grant is wading in towards me. I turn, searching for...Speed. But he's gone. Again. My resolve crumbles as I break.

Uncle Grant scoops me up into his strong arms, lifting me up as Steve comes closer, taking me from Uncle Grant, cradling against his body as I sob.

"It's okay, Lexie," Steve whispers, his voice choked with emotion. "I got you."

***
Steve

As soon as Lex and I returned home, I hustled her straight into a hot shower, standing under the spray of water, trying to warm her up.

She'd stood as still as a statue, her head down, refusing to make eye contact. When we'd come into the bedroom, I'd pretended not to see my brother's shit that Lex had obviously unearthed and sent her into a suicidal tailspin.

"Baby?" I whisper in Lex's ear. She tenses up, sidling away from me, reaching for the faucet, shutting off the water and pushing past me to get out.

I let her, knowing if I push her, its not going to end well. I let Lex grab a towel first, watching as she wraps it around her slender frame before stepping out of the shower.

"We need to talk," I say.

"Why?" Lex exits the bathroom, heading into the bedroom, her gaze immediately going to Tim's...shit. I want to snatch it up, throwing it out the window and force Lex to talk shit out.

"Because you had a major relapse and I want to know why," I say.

"Screw you!" Lex snarls, surprising me. While Lex can get really angry, it's not often.

"Baby, you scared the shit out of me," I whisper, tears filling my eyes. Lex ignores me, snatching clothes out of the dresser. I start to get dressed myself, but stop when I see Lex pull out one my t-shirts and slips it over her head.

As soon as Lex is dressed, she comes to me, pressing her body into mine, burying her face into my chest. I gently wrap my arms around my girl, resting my chin on top of Lex's head, just holding her.

"I'm sorry, Steve. I am." I kiss her forehead.

"Just don't scare me like that again," I whisper.

"I won't."

***
Lex

Steve and I are lying together on our bed, me rubbing his sideburns, which is something I used to do with...Speed whenever I was feeling upset or anxious.

"Is this okay?" I murmur, worried that I'm annoying him.

"It's fine, baby," Steve whispers, curling his arm around me.

"I'm not hurting you, am I?"

"Not at all."

The first time I did this, Steve was a little taken aback by it, but he seemed all right with it.

"You haven't done this in a while," Steve adds.

"I'll stop if you want," I say.

"I don't mind." I continue on for a while longer before finally stopping. I squirm away from Steve, sitting up.

"I didn't mean what I said before," I say.

"You need have to clarify that," Steve says.

"About wanting to be with..Speed."

"You weren't thinking clearly," Steve reasons, sitting up.

"That's a lame ass excuse for scaring everyone," I argue.

"Probably," Steve agrees. "But it's the truth." I can feel the tears coming.

"It just really pisses me off," I mutter. "Maybe that makes me a bad person for saying so, but it does."

"It pisses me off, too," Steve admits. "And I think it's a natural response." Steve scoots up closer to me and I lean against him.

"You really think it's natural?" I ask.

"I do."

"I'm just so...scared, Steve," I whisper. "Scared that I can't be who you need me to be."

"You don't have to be scared of that, Lex." Steve takes my hand, raising it to his lips and kissing my fingers. The tears spill down.

"I'm gonna need your help," I whisper. Steve let's go of my hand, wrapping his arms around me.

"That's okay," he murmurs. "I'm up to the challenge."