5.

Ten days have passed since I left that hospital. I haven't stayed in the same place for more than one night and that has been going on since long before I got to the hospital, though I cannot be sure as to how long I had actually been unconscious during the time I was there. I can only presume it had only been a few hours as other than that cut on my face, I had not been hurt prior to arriving there. There was nothing too serious with which I needed time to recover.

I, by this point, no longer have a dressing on my face, pity I couldn't avoid getting that scar or what will become a scar once it heals as well as it can. I travel from town to town, not really knowing where I am going until I hop on a bus or train and it doesn't really matter where any of these trains or buses are going as no sooner as they reached their destination, I know I will be moving on again, just as quickly as I arrive.

Mostly staying in cheap hotels, I try as best as I can to keep a low profile. I don't want to draw any unnecessary attention to myself, so I do not do anything fancy and mostly just sit in my room at any of these places. I don't go exploring, I don't get to have fun of any kind. I want my life back, I cannot go on doing this for the rest of my days, living like this is not living at all.

Trying to settle somewhere and pretend that I am not who I really am will not work, just look at how spending time on a fishing vessel turned out. It wasn't good, not good at all. I kinda had pinned myself in and such a thing isn't good.

That guy from the fishing vessel, Alex, his face haunts me at times. It is quite likely that we will never cross paths again, depending on his actually part in all this, that is, but sometimes when I close my eyes, he is right there, taunting mr over and over. Freedom, can I ever truly have that again? Only time can answer that. Thing is, is time my friend? Or is it my enemy? A bit of both perhaps?

I seriously do not want to view what is on that memory stick for fear of what it may tell me next or where it may next lead me, even with the possibility it may continue to work to my advantage. I wish I had never found the darn thing at all, though if I hadn't then in which direction would my life be heading right now?

Is it possible that the memory stick to bring me back to my original timeline, one where I once again move along the beach but without finding that darn bottle? Couldn't that be thought of as some kind of paradox? How can two timelines co-exist?

From that first video I guess, if there were no memory stick, I would be on my way to somewhere else in time where I would not be happy for it is the main reason why I send this memory stick back through time with the purpose of my younger self getting to see its content. Thus, this is the paradox. Happiness though, does that actually have an effect on any of this, whatever this is.

For a very brief moment, I consider taking my own life. How would that be for a paradox? Screw you ... time, mess with me and I will mess with you. Taking my own life, I know I would never go through with something like that, could I ever become desperate enough that I see no other way out?

Even if I wanted to do it, I know that I am incapable of putting an end to it all in such a manner, I am incapable of harming myself, besides it will get better, won't it? It has to. Are the future videos of myself proof that I do not call it quits? Or can it still be an option to take at some point?

The rest of my life can't possibly suck this bad. Incapable of harming myself, now there is a thought. How much do I or can I change in the years to come? The videos have altered so there is some leeway there. Maybe the version of me I am right now is very different to the version of me I become in the future, any future. Just the thought of taking my own life, could it actually be done?

Sending myself a message from the future and taking my life before I get to that future would mean I never get the message or even ever record it in the first place? Maybe it would be like hitting some sort of reset button? Or maybe any attempt I may make at taking my own life would only work out to be unsuccessful? It would be futile to even try, right? I don't know. Temporal mechanics definitely has never been a strong suit of mine.

Anyway, enough of the headache that is thinking and more onto focusing om when and where I need to be. It is true though, thinking really does hurt. Time to get back to moving forward. I arrive at a new destination, find myself a hotel to spend the night, check myself in, under a false name of course, ... head up to a room and place my things down before heading out to eat at a small cafe I had previously noticed not far from this particular hotel.

I quite fancy getting myself a really good feed. I have been losing a bit too much weight since all of this started. The memory stick does not stay in the hotel when I head off; obviously enough, it stays with me at all times.

Don't know why but once I get myself something to eat, I sit myself down at a table by the cafe's window to enjoy that food and the view of the great outdoors. My reflection is caught in that café window. What I see does not look all too bad. To me by this point, my facial wound doesn't really look so bad, it's growing on me I guess, kinda like a war wound that I can wear proudly.

It could be dangerous to remain where I sit, I might be seen by those who are coming, but I stay right where I am anyway. Maybe it is because I want to feel somewhat human again; maybe it is because I really do want to watch as the world passes me by.

As I do stare out, I am sure that for a moment I see a slightly familiar face. It was only a brief glimpse, so I try to shake it off thinking that I am letting my mind wander a bit too much. After all, the whole world is not out to get me, then again maybe it is.

It is not easy for me to be outside now, for the fear that there is someone out there lying in wait, ready to pounce at any given moment. I would love nothing more than just to stroll from one place to another as if I haven't got a care in the world, but I am constantly on edge, always looking over my shoulder, and if anyone even looks at me, I can't help but think who are they? What do they know? All of this is getting to me, bringing me down somewhat. How can I go on living like this?

I make my way back to this hotel where I plan to stay only just one night and when I get there, I am sure I get a glimpse of her again, that slightly or rather in some ways more than slightly familiar face that I thought I saw when I was staring out of that cafe.

This somewhat familiar someone is a little way ahead of me and she had entered the hotel that I arrived back to, only she got there seconds ahead of me. I kind of want to go right after her and I also kind of don't want to go anywhere near her either. I have to remain alone, right?

I can't allow myself contact with others, though what damage could talking to her do? Thing is, is she trying to find me? Is she from this future that I am trying to escape from?

The decision as to whether or not I should make contact is taken away from me for she saw me enter as the hotel lobby and makes a kinda friendly beeline towards me and then ... I am greeted by this lady. It is only at this point that it hits me as to how I recognize her. She is the younger nurse from back at the hospital.

Most odd this. She is a long way away from her job. My mind can't help with the way I have been thinking lately but I start to think as to if our meeting in the here and now is something more than just a coincidence. There has been a few of those as is.

'Hi, fancy meeting you here. How are you getting on?' she says as her brisk movement halts right in front of me.

'Fine, thank you, ... and you?' I actually thought we were gonna collide for a moment.

She extends her right hand out towards me, and I hold it briefly rather than shaking it. She looks well, really well. A beautiful nurse in uniform can be a heck of thing if that is your thing, this lady here ... in something other than uniform, well, it's something I certainly wasn't ready for.

'Doing good, hope all is well since that incident at the hospital. I hope that you are not still on the run' she speaks trying to come across in a fun or friendly way.

I look away rather than responding. How am I supposed to respond?

'Oh, I am sorry, I don't mean to pry. I mean no disrespect.'

'That is alright', I say, 'to be honest I haven't seen either of those two men since that day at the hospital.'

'If you don't mind me asking, who are those guys? And why are they after you?'

'I have no idea who they are and to be honest once again, it is a little complicated, so much so that I am not sure if I completely understand it myself.'

'By the way, I have just realised you don't know my name. It's Linda', she points over to some seats in the hotel lobby.

'Mine is Lewis', it isn't actually Lewis, this was just the first name that came to mind, I had never given a name back at the hospital, at least I don't think I did. I woke there and was gone before they could take my details. 'Actually, the hotel bar is just over there if you would like a drink?'

I do not particularly want to sit around in the hotel lobby where anyone can come in or go out, at least the bar is slightly out of the way and thankfully, she responds positively. I get us both something to drink and we sit in the most out of the way corner I can find. She thanks me for the drink as I sit. I shouldn't really be drinking, can't afford to lose any kind of awareness but it has been so long since I last had a drink.

'So, what has you here?' I ask, 'you are not on your own, are you?'

'Oh no, not at all, I am here with some work colleagues. There is a medical convention in town, and I take every possible chance I get to learn and progress in the medical profession.'

'Good for you.'

Our conversation continues for the next ninety minutes or so. I am amazed at how easy I find talking to her is though I do not completely tell her of my predicament. I really enjoy the chat. It has been quite a while since I last had a decent conversation not related to my situation with anyone. It felt good, though after those ninety minutes or so and when our most recent beverages had been finished, I begin to make a move to leave.

'Well, it was a pleasure running into you, I am glad it happened' I tell her.

'Hey, you are not gonna get away from me so easily this time.'

This time?

She moves closer to me, leans in and kisses me, on the lips no less. To say that this surprised me would be a major understatement. She would come back to my room with me, something I most definitely had not been expecting, and it would be something I would not run from either. What am I doing?

A little while after our more than pleasant experience in my hotel room I get up to use the bathroom. Something which would soon surprise me was the fact that my laptop rests in the bathroom. I did not leave it there. I had my trousers on, and the memory stick was still in the pocket where I had left it.

As far as I was aware, Linda was sleeping so maybe at this precise moment in time I am supposed to once again view the video. I presumed it had altered itself again since the last time I viewed it and guess what? I was right.

Once again, it would be short and similar to what I had viewed before, like that of which I viewed on the fishing vessel. My older self basically tells me '... to get the hell out of there' and I presume my alternate is referring to the hotel room I am currently in.

He is future me, right? So, he would know where and when I would view this message. I presume this all works in this way. I exit the bathroom and there she is standing right before me, just a few feet away.

This nurse lady who calls herself Linda, is standing right in front of me and as well as that she has both her hands clasped upon a gun and the gun is being pointed right at my head. Aw, how stupid am I?