|Can I clear my conscience, if I'm different from the rest?

|Monster, Imagine Dragons

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Dawn's P.O.V.

There was no sign of the guards who'd escorted us here but it seemed like more Cranks had gathered since we went into the bowling alley. They started screaming at us, throwing insults or just stood there and laughing.
I had enough, I wanted to get out of here as soon as possible and so I walked around with a loaded bow, pointing it at any Crank who came too close for my liking.

Once we left the Central Zone things got quieter and I relaxed a little. We left the crazy laughter and shouts behind and made our way through the broken homes as quick as we could. Until suddenly shouts sounded from behind us followed by heavy footsteps.

'Run!' Someone yelled. 'Run!'

We slowed down only to be caught up by the two guards. They were running at full spead and neither of them had their Launchers anymore.
'Hey!' Minho shouted. 'Get back here!'
The guard with the mustache looked back and he looked terrified. 'I said run, you idiots. Come on!'

We all shared a quick glare before sprinting after them, not even sure what we were running from.
I looked over my shoulder and felt a cold shiver run through me.
A group of Cranks was chasing us, at least a dozen. Their eyes were wild, like they all had gone crazy at once.

'What happened?' Lisa asked, her breath heavy.
'They dragged us away from the Zone,' the shorter guard yelled. 'I swear they were going to eat us. We barely escaped!'
'Don't stop running!' The other guard added and they disappeared in an alley.

We didn't follow them, running towards the main exit instead. Catcalls and whistles sounded from behind me and I felt myself tense up. I had to force myself not to look backwards.
'They can't catch us!' Thomas yelled, just as the gate came into view. 'Keep going, we're almost there!'
I clenched my fists and ordered my legs to keep on moving, even though they were burning. This was different than running in the Maze, this wasn't a relaxed pace, this was running for your life.

Finally we passed the gate and we didn't bother to close it, heading straight for the Berg, its door opening as Jorge pushed a button. We reached it and I threw myself inside, immediately turning around with my bow loaded and raised incase any Cranks came too close.
But the pack of Cranks chasing us would never reach the Berg in time. Still they kept on running, shouting and making my blood boil with their inhuman noises. The Berg rose in the air just as the door sealed shut.

I sank down on the ground, dropping my bow out of my shaking hands. My lungs were burning but I was sure it had nothing to do with our little sprint.
'Look at them down there,' Thomas said. 'Who knows what they were doing a few months ago. Living their lives, maybe going to their jobs.'
'I'll tell you what they were doing a few months ago,' Brenda spoke, bitter. 'They were miserable, scared to death of catching the Flare.'

'Who cares!' I suddenly yelled, jumping up and breathing heavily.

Minho threw up his hands. 'She's shucking right. How can you worry about them? Was I alone just now? With my friend? His name is Newt.'

'Nothing we could've done,' Jorge called from the cockpit.
My heart crumbled at the lack of compassion.
'Just shut up and fly, shuck-face,' Minho said, his voice empty.
'I'll do my best,' Jorge said with a sigh. Minho slumped to the floor, staring at the wall with an empty expression but I had no strength left to feel any kind of compassion.
'What happens when he runs out of Launcher grenades?' He asked.
No one answered.

Lisa had forced me to sit down in common area but everything seemed to pass me in a daze. I felt anger ready to burst out but at the same time there was this numbness, this empty void inside of me.
My sister sat down next to me, her arm wrapped around my shoulders. Out of the corner of my eyes I noticed she tried to take Minho his hand but he just flinched away.
The painful silence was finally broken by Minho. 'Why did he do that? Why wouldn't he come back with us? Why would he point that weapon at my face?'

'He never would've pulled the trigger,' Thomas said.
And I winced because I knew better. He would, he would've pulled that trigger.
Minho shook his head. 'You saw his eyes when they changed. Complete lunacy. I'd be fried if I'd kept pushing. He's crazy, man. He's gone wacker from top to bottom.'
I bit my lip, my heart was aching.
'Maybe it's a good thing,' Thomas offered.
'Come again?' Lisa asked, her voice small but steady.
'Maybe when their minds go, they're not themselves anymore. Maybe the Newt we know is gone and he's not aware of what's happening to him. So really, he's not suffering.'
Minho seemed offended by Thomas words. 'Nice try, slinthead, but I don't believe it. I think he'll always be there just enough to be screaming on the inside, deranged and suffering every shuck second of it. Tormented like a dude buried alive.'

I jumped up abruptly and walked out of the common area.
Lisa called my name but I ignored her. My eyes started itching and I did not effort to wipe my tears away.
I found myself in the storage room and sank down on the ground.
My whole body was trembling, trying to push out the tears I had been holding in for too long.

Back in the Crank Palace my fear of losing him and my anger towards this horrible sickness had turned me in a coldhearted version of myself but now that I sat here, alone, I felt all the pain and anger pour out of me like water down a waterfall.

He was gone, out of my reach and left to go insane all alone.

The thought of it made me cry harder, my lips trembling and my throat raw. I knew I should be strong, that I should stop feeling this way like I told him to, but I couldn't. I didn't have any strength left.

Time passed and I lost all track of my surroundings. I heard Lisa call my name, telling me dinner was ready, but I simply ignored her.
I couldn't face them, show my red stained face to them.

It must have been late in the evening when my crying had finally died down. I had crawled up in a little ball, sobbing every once in a while. The darkness of the storage room had swallowed me and I was okay with it.
Nothing was even real to me anymore. How could I fight Wicked when I didn't even know what I was fighting for anymore?

It wasn't when my sobs had finally died down and I was left with painful hiccups that the door to the storage room finally opened. A ray of light fell on my face and I winced.
'Dawn?' It was Lisa, though her voice was different, more confident and strong.
My hiccup was the only answer I gave her. I could almost feel the small smile on her face as she made her way inside and sat down next to me.

'Are you-' She interrupted herself, probably realising halfway how stupid that question really was.
I shrugged, chewing my lip.
Lisa took a deep breath but I didn't feel like breaking the silence. 'Listen, I can't imagine what you must feel right now but you can-'
'What? Talk to you?' I interrupted her, my voice cold even though I didn't want it to be. 'I know I can talk to you,' I went on, a bit calmer this time. 'You just wouldn't understand so I honestly think there's no point in trying.'
'I want to understand,' Lisa whispered. 'Newt was my friend as well.'
I threw her a glare. 'Newt wasn't my friend. I loved him!' I bit my lip, my eyes tearing up again. 'I love him, and now he's gone.' I closed my eyes, forcing the tears to stay back. My whole body was trembling again and I wanted to sleep, to just lay down and not wake up for a long time.

'You're right, I don't understand and you don't have to talk about it if you don't want to. I just wanted you to know that I'm here.'

I let out a shaky breath and put my head on her shoulder. 'I know,' I whispered.

We just sat like that for a while, both of us lost in our own thoughts.
It wasn't until Lisa shifted uncomfortably that I knew she hadn't just come here to comfort me. I sat up straight and looked at her.
She stared back, her face unreadable.
'Why don't you just say what you came here for to say?' I whispered.
'We decided to stay here for a few days, we all need some rest and then we go searching for Gally and the Right Arm,' she folded her arms, taking a deep breath.
I narrowed at her. 'That's not all you came to say, is it?'

She shrugged. 'I don't think this is the time to tell you that I got my memories back.'
My heart skipped a beat and my eyes widened. 'How?' I muttered.
She gave me a sad smile and then started explaining everything that had happened in Denver. When she was done talking, silent tears were running down her cheek.

I sighed and hugged her.

We were silent for a couple of seconds before I let go of her and turned to sit in front of her.
'So, what do you remember?' I asked her, my voice hoarse from all the tears spilled.

And so we talked. About mom killing herself, dad selling us to Wicked. About me training the Subjects and Lisa designing the mind controlling devices. About Lisa's deal with Ava Paige and my fake mission to capture Newt and his sister. About me falling in love with Newt and Lisa disapproving, but only because she was scared it would be used against me.
About Lisa finding out what Wicked was really doing and creating the Right Arm with Hans his help. About the plans being discovered and fleeing into the Box, with the plan to safe our friends. And then my memories stopped.

'You don't remember what happened after climbing into the Box?' Lisa asked, surprised.

I shook my head, curiousity filling me. 'I mean, we both knew in the Maze it was a mistake we were being sent there but I still don't remember how we lost our memories.'
Lisa took a deep breath, her eyes suddenly dark.
'What?' I whispered, suddenly afraid.
'Who else was in that elevator with us?' Lisa asked, her voice calm even though her expression was angry.
'Teresa,' I whispered, then frowned. 'But she was in a coma?'
Lisa shook her head. 'Not yet, she was still awake, something we both hadn't counted on. She injected us with a serum designed to take your memories away, but the serum isn't as effective as the method used on the others. Which is why-'
'Why we both had those dreams,' I interrupted her.
She nodded. 'It's also why you attacked those guys in your sleep, remember? The serum gives makes you violent when your vulnerable, which is why Wicked kept on developing it and only used it in cases of emergencys.'

'Wait, but that means...' I whispered, suddenly realising something.
Lisa nodded, the anger on her face now turned into pure hatred. 'Teresa her memories weren't removed, that's how she knew she had to inject us with the serum. All she ever did was pretend. Her memories, were never really gone.'

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So, if you guys have no idea what they're talking about, you should read the last page of the Fever Code. :)

I dont actually hate Teresa, you know? I mean she did what she thought was right and I can't blame her for that, I just don't agree with those choices.

Also...

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYBODY!!!!

I just wanted to say thank you all for making my 2018 a bit brighter. I really enjoy spending time here and writing this story. Your votes, comments and messages really mean a lot to me. So I hope you will keep supporting me in this new year.

xXx

UYM