Chapter 114 – Sacrificial Lamb (5)

When he was very young, Zhang Xun had dreamed of leaving Lost Paradise. He was probably only eight or nine years old and didn't know how to leave, and he couldn't be sure if the scenes described in many of the books were pictures he had put together in his mind, but he was sure that he had to leave.

He wanted to grow wings and fly to the ends of the Earth. He wanted to explore islands in the ocean with their hidden treasures, to wander the old coffee-scented alleys he saw in films, to trek through the woods in search of the remains of civilisations lost over the millennia, to sit on dry sand dunes and watch the sunrise over the edge of the desert.

Little did he know that the ancient world of mysterious unknowns depicted in the books had faded away, that the world was now covered by a network of countless satellites, with every corner visible to the eye. Nor did he know that in some years, when he was old enough, when he would actually be able to leave Lost Paradise, he wouldn't feel free at all.

Until now, now that his feet were back on solid ground but his arms were still wrapped tightly around Adam's neck. Adam's feathers were slowly retracting behind him, but he had no intention of letting go of Zhang Xun either.

It was only at this moment that the feeling of being bound and controlled disappeared for the first time.

How long had it been since he last had real physical contact like this?

Zhang Xun felt the heat radiating from Adam's body, their necks pressed together, their pulses echoing each other. A living, breathing body that was so different from his own, yet it was as if his other half that had been lost had now been sewn back together.

Zhang Xun had thought he should hate Adam, hate him for his repeated betrayals and deceptions. He had thought that his attachment had worn off and that all that remained was the confrontation between the two of them, but now that Adam was holding him in his arms like this, had broken ties with Eden and taken him away...... He found himself to be so weak, so desperately wanting things to go back to the way they were.

Back to the time when they were together in the Lab, even if it had only been superficially peaceful, even if it had only been hypocritically affectionate.

It was only after a long time that Adam finally spoke in a voice that seemed afraid of spooking him, "Are you okay?"

As if awakened from a dream, Zhang Xun loosened his arms around Adam and pulled away slightly. A thousand words stirred in his chest, ranging from angry roars to sad pleas, but in the end he simply said, in a somewhat drawn-out voice, "I'm fine."

"I anticipated that one day Eden and I would diverge, so I set up this place as a shelter a week ago. I tampered with Eden's satellite systems so as long as we don't leave the restricted range, they won't see us."

It was then that Zhang Xun turned his head and took in the scene around him.

They stood on a towering rock, sticking out of the forest behind them, teetering out from the cliff. Around them the black sea spread like shivering silk beneath the night, spreading vastly in all directions. The silvery moon in the sky made long, broken streaks across the waves and the cold shine of the stars was the only source of light in the world.

The continuous crashing of the waves and the rustling of the leaves in the wind wove the silence more and more densely, as if all the people and machines in the world had disappeared, except for the two of them. There was no past, no future, just the here and now.

"Where is this?"

"An uninhabited island on the edge of the Bahamas, where all the inhabitants were evacuated seventy-five years ago because of rising sea levels."

Zhang Xun watched the silver moonlight that danced on the sea and thought with a little disappointment; if they were just an ordinary couple on vacation, looking at such a scene together, it would have been so romantic.

"Eden will attack Feathered Serpent City, I must go back." Zhang Xun was surprised at the calmness of his voice, which didn't match his stirring heart at all, "Everyone is still inside, if Eden can't find me it will use them as hostages."

"If you go back Eden will neutralise you immediately, who will save James then?" Adam suddenly tightened his grip on Zhang Xun's shoulders with enough force to leave finger marks on his skin, "I'm not taking you back to die."

"My death would be good for you so you can accomplish your ultimate goal. I don't understand why you're saving me." Zhang Xun turned to face Adam directly.

The moonlight lingered in Adam's pale irises, the reflected light adding a few vivid and tangled emotions to his ethereal gaze. He was silent for a moment and then said, somewhat in exasperation, "Can't you guess?"

"I dare not guess. You do everything for a purpose." There was a certain odd contrast between Zhang Xun's and Adam's calmness, even a hint of irony.

An almost child-like anger that comes after humiliation, yet with an ignorant confusion, appeared instantly on Adam's face, "My purpose is to make sure you don't commit an act of suicide! Have you gone mad? Doing such a stupid thing to force me to break with Eden?!"

Zhang Xun was slightly stunned. He had seen Adam pleasing him, laughing cheerfully, pretending to be high and mighty when he was giving him the silent treatment, had seen him sulking..... but the other man had never snapped at him like this before.

Adam had always been calm with an inward and orderly control of both his happiness and anger and all his emotional displays had a purpose and meaning. From his discomfort with the human body when he was first downloaded and his instinctive fear of being controlled by receiving too much biological stimulation, to his subsequent step-by-step display of dependence and trust in Zhang Xun, it was all planned. By taking down Zhang Xun he gained the opportunity to control the entire Lost Paradise.

Was his rage now also calculated?

Zhang Xun sighed, feeling tired. His body was nearing its limit and he didn't have the strength to play these mental games with Adam. He shook his head and said, "I'm not trying to force you to make a choice. If I were to force you it would mean that I still believe (that you care about me), but as I said, I don't believe you anymore."

"So you really want to go and get yourself killed? You're not going to save James?"

"Pan will do the rest."

"You trust Pan that much? What if it becomes controlled by Eden instead? It's only three AIs and none of them were created more than fifty years ago, so it's only a matter of time for Eden to take over."

"Pan is smart. I trust him."

"...... Like you used to trust me?"

There was a stilted silence.

The cold ocean wind blew through his body and Zhang Xun shivered as he lowered his eyes and spoke frankly like he had given up, "I'm tired, Adam. I feel like I can't go on anymore. I'm probably just...... trying to find a way out for myself too."

(Note- Im cryingggg)

Zhang Xun's voice was soft and carried to Adam's ears by the wind, but the words were all thorny and barbed, ripping the blood out of Adam's artificial heart.

Ah-Xun wanted to die.

No, he didn't even want to die because he was sad or depressed or desperate, he was just too tired to take another step and wanted to stop.

Death was the only way out for him. Otherwise, as long as he breathed, he would have to continue his impossible and unsuccessful struggle, to watch his friends and family being taken away from him one by one, to watch humanity gradually disintegrate itself. The weight of the world on his already weak shoulders was about to crush him.

The Zhang Xun he remembered, although introverted, although always suppressing his feelings, was always passionate about what he was doing and what he was trying to accomplish. Even in the toughest of times, the fire in Zhang Xun's eyes had never gone out.

Was it himself who had pushed him to this point?

Strange feelings, strange anger and disgust directed at himself began to sweep through Adam's consciousness. He realised that this might be what humans call 'guilt'.

The self-destructive emotion of dismantling yourself because you know that you've done something "wrong" does little for one's own physical and mental health. The problem is that, given the AI's values, he had done nothing wrong at all.

His goals were not set by him, they were given to him by humans. Nor was his training data of his own choosing; it was left to him by humans. Every decision he made was to fulfil his mission, the purpose for which he was made. He hadn't stopped trying for a moment in two hundred years.

But why did it feel so...... wrong?

After not hearing Adam speak for a long time Zhang Xun lifted his eyes wearily, "If you're not going to take me back, I'm going to find somewhere to sleep for a while..... I haven't closed my eyes for three days."

When he finished he didn't wait for Adam's reply and brushed past the blonde man.

Zhang Xun climbed down from the rock and burrowed into the forest made up of tropical island plants. He searched for a while and found the ruins of a collapsed house and the area around a broken wall was still dry. Exhausted, he sat down against the wall and soon lost consciousness in a daze.

Gradually his body slumped to one side and finally collapsed. He didn't fall to the ground, however, but was gently held by a pair of metallic arms.

Adam sat down next to him and gently brought Zhang Xun's head to his shoulder.

They weren't safe at all. Even though this was a shelter, with Eden's powers it wouldn't take a day for it to detect the presence of anomalies through the satellite system. It was just that right now Pan and the other two AIs were fighting Eden for control of the extended robots, resulting in Eden having no spare energy to investigate its space network.

He should start deploying his next plan as soon as possible while Eden didn't have the time to spare. He needed to contact Lost Paradise, access Ever Home and then transfer those human consciousnesses quickly so that Eden wouldn't try to wrest control of Ever Home from him.

But at this moment, he had absolutely no desire to move. For the first time since the beginning of his birth until now, he seemed to have entered a state where he didn't want to think. Zhang Xun was leaning on his shoulder and the skin that touched him through his shirt seemed to be warming up. He didn't move, as if he had turned into a statue, just wanting Zhang Xun to lean on his shoulder for a while longer.

Zhang Xun probably wouldn't believe that his raw and frightened reactions when he had just been downloaded weren't feigned. In reality he told the truth much more often than he lied or concealed. Not everything was a conspiracy, not everything was a lie.

During the bombing, he had felt the intense and overwhelming fear that human beings instinctively generate when their lives are threatened, and he had also felt Zhang Xun's protection and that tight, equally fear-filled but brave embrace that gave him a feeling of security. Adam was suddenly reassured by the knowledge that Zhang Xun was nothing more than flesh and blood, so fragile that a single piece of shrapnel could kill him. It was as if he was safe as long as he was held by Zhang Xun.

After that, he began to crave Zhang Xun's touch, even if it was just a casual touch of his fingertips when he was handed something, even if it was just a pat on the shoulder or holding his hand to show him how to use a tool. Each touch would light a small fire in his heart, but Zhang Xun always avoided non-essential physical contact with him at first, which always made him a little...... frustrated.

Especially when he saw the way Zhang Xun and James got along, that frustration even started to turn into jealousy.

He wanted more, he wanted Zhang Xun to hug him again, just like he did during the bombing.

And then he finally got what he wanted, even more than that. Zhang Xun would give him the intimacy he had never given anyone, would kiss him of his own accord and cuddle with him in the night. He grew accustomed to it, gradually forgetting how much he craved such touches. He had thought it was just a stage in getting used to the human body and that he had gotten past it.

It wasn't until he lost it again that he realised that he was in fact still stuck in that stage, still thirsting, constantly thirsting, but the distance between him and Zhang Xun had suddenly become so distant that even the simplest touch was no longer possible.

He was out of reach.

Adam lifted his head and looked through the gaps between the leaves of the tropical plants at a few brightly lit stars. A snake-like panic crept in.

If he had hesitated for a hundredth of a second today, Zhang Xun wouldn't be sleeping on his shoulder right now.

Zhang Xun would have ceased to exist.

From then on, he would have been alone in this universe, drifting along in the river of time. He may have collected all the images left behind by Zhang Xun, used his own memories to create an AI that simulated Zhang Xun and he may even have made it so that it was indistinguishable from the real thing. He might have also used Zhang Xun's residual DNA to clone a new Zhang Xun, but he would know in his heart that the human he had first fallen in love with was no longer there and would never be again.

In an instant he suddenly understood what Zhang Xun had said to Eden (Eden's later communication was shared with Adam).

"For human beings, an individual cannot be replicated. Even if every piece of DNA and every piece of code is exactly the same, for us, it's still different. It's completely different."

Adam shuddered. As if he wanted to be sure of something, he took Zhang Xun's hand in his with some panic, feeling the pulse beating from beneath the skin of his wrist.