whenever i read the fever code purge part where thomas is stabbing chancellor anderson to kill him peacefully, the newtmas-infested part of my brain + heart says:

'huh. thomas knew newt wasnt immune, so, hey, imagine if he imagined anderson as being newt whilst he was killing him.'

i love making myself cry apparently 😍👍😍😍😍👍😍

also its in present tense because theres no gift like the present!!!! hahahaah lies the best gift would be a newtmas spinoff 

thomesa is there if youre looking for it :') not noticeable but it just makes me happy yet sad when i add in a bit off boohoo thomesa

the yuh yuh is from break up with ur gf 

my brain keeps saying 'yuh yuh' like stfu ariana grande i didnt ask for ur yuh yuhing to be in my head

"I'll do it."

He doesn't know why he's offered to kill Chancellor Anderson. 

Maybe it's the letter he wrote. Admitting they're evil. Thomas wonders about Chancellor Anderson's childhood. He vaguely remembers having a conversation about wanting Christmas back with him. He wonders if Anderson used to have a bright green bike, just as Thomas did. He wonders if his mother swung him around, just as Thomas' did.

She must have. What type of mother abandons their child? 

Rachel and Aris merely nod. They don't know Thomas that well. They don't hear his controlling thoughts of 'This is wrong. This is wrong. This is wrong.' that he wants to get rid off. They don't hear how cynical he can be, how he wishes to be in the Maze, how he wants to be with his friends - the Gladers.

But Teresa? Teresa knows Thomas. She hears his thoughts, his words, his actions. She's shocked by the offering. She would've done it much easily probably, telling herself that Chancellor Anderson isn't a human. No, he's a Crank. He's a Crank who's going to kill her and everyone if she doesn't do it first. But, Thomas? Thomas thinks that he's still human. He might improve. Why do you want to kill him, then? She wants to ask. But she doesn't. She's learnt that sometimes asking questions isn't the best thing.

So, instead, she whispers. "Okay, Tom."

Thomas exhales a shaky breath. He doesn't know why he's doing this. He's scared and he should let Teresa or Rachel or Aris kill the first Crank, but he doesn't. He gets the small needle out of his bag carefully, swallowing the lump in his throat once he notices Chancellor Anderson looking at him, panicked. He doesn't want to cry. 

"I'll hold him down." Comes Rachel's voice. A strong voice. She knows what she's doing and she's confident about it. Even if she's not, she doesn't show it. She's a strong female.

"Mm." He only hums in response, edging closer to the older man hesitantly. 

"NO! Get away from me!" The pained screams make Thomas want to just run. He wants to run away and curl up in a ball and cry. He wants to become the vulnerable little 5 year old he was when he arrived at WICKED, torn away from his mother. 

Thomas doesn't think twice. He lunges forward, dodging the lashing hands as much as he can, waiting it out until the other three can hold him down and attempt to soothe him in his last moments of living. When the trio do, he looks at Chancellor Anderson's face. He's crying. There's thick, black veins running down his veins. He tries to think, 'He's a Crank. He's going to kill me.' but he can't. He can't look at his face and do it.

So, he doesn't. He looks down when he plunges the needle into his arm, snapping his eyes shut. He wishes he could go deaf when he hears the pleads, and he hopes, begs, that he's wanting to be killed. 

He wants to make himself deaf by screaming when Chancellor Anderson mutters his last four words.

"I love my wife."

They remind him of Newt.

Thomas jerks back, snapping his eyes open. And he doesn't see Chancellor Anderson's body laying there. God, no. He sees Newt. He sees Newt with a knife sticking out of his heart, black veins running everywhere, a matted hole where his right eye should be. Thomas tries to look away, but he can only look down Newt's body because he's hypnotised, it seems. What he sees is even worse. His leg is cut off. His leg is cut off and it's bloody and he thinks he's going to be sick.

He closes his eyes. He forces them closed as much as they're drawn to Newt's dead body. But the image only lives behind his eyelids, so he's torn between closing his eyes and opening them and he doesn't know what to do-

"Open your eyes, Tom."

The nickname is too much like Tommy and that's what Newt called him and there's tears there's tears dropping onto his hand and leg and he can't breathe and Newt is dead, not immune and he tried to commit suicide and he didn't succeed then but he has now because he's a Crank.

"It's me, Teresa. Open your eyes, Thomas. It's okay. You didn't do anything wrong."

Teresa's wrong. He's done everything wrong. If Newt hadn't have gone in the Maze first then-

He opens his eyes.

"Newt-" He tries to cry out but his voice comes out as a hoarse whisper.

Something that looks an awful lot like realisation flashes across Teresa's face. She's knelt beside him, frowning. "It's okay. He's okay. You're okay."

But he's not. He's not okay.

And neither is Newt.

Because he's not immune and he's going to die one way or another.

yuh yuh

that ending did not mean to be so sinister oops

ONE WAY OR ANOTHER IM GONNA GET YA IM GONNA GETYAGETYAGETYAGETYA ONE WAY OR ANOTJER