"KISS MY ASS. I'M WINNING." Thomas screeched, throwing a handful of the paper monopoly money down on the board to buy yet again another property.

 He, surprisingly, had the most money. It was probably his luck - Minho and Newt kept landing on 'go to jail' and it was annoying the pair immensely. But Thomas was thriving off of it. He almost had the whole yellow set - only needing Piccadilly. Once Newt realised this, he muttered a 'Makes sense. You'd need the whole bloody circus to win this stupid game. Stupid Thomas.'. Thomas didn't hear the remark, but Minho did and burst out into laughter. (P.S. 'Piccadilly circus' is a tourist attraction in London (a circus, unsurprisingly), so if you haven't heard of it then I hope that clears that up)

Minho scoffed and picked up the dice. "Not for long, sucker,-"

"Shut the fuck up Minho, you don't complain about me being a sucker when I'm sucking your stupid dick."

"- I'm coming past Mayfair, and I already have Park Lane." He held up the card with the navy strip of colour on it, grinning. He threw the dice down with a tad more aggression than needed and watched them roll, internally begging for a three. If he didn't get a three, his two boyfriends would make fun of him and he'd never, ever be able to live it down.

There was a moment of silence before something was thrown at Minho's head.

Newt let out a pissed groan, throwing himself back in his chair. "You annoying bastard." He huffed. "Of course you get Mayfair! I'm the fucking Brit here, I should rule this goddamn game."

Thomas let out a shout, throwing something else at Minho's head - a pencil - before pouting and folding his arms. "I fucking hate you, you absolute asshole."

Minho let out a whoop once he fully registered the two dice's numbers - a one and a two. Which makes three. Which means Mayfair is his. If he chooses to buy it. He imitated his brunet boyfriend's earlier words, grinning. "Shut the fuck up Thomas, you don't complain about me being an asshole when you see my asshole." He snorted. "Seriously though, I'm not gonna buy it."

This piqued the interest of his boys, who span around to face him, eyes twinkling with delight. "Seriously?"

"Yeah." Minho nodded, smiling softly. "I love you guys so much and I don't want to see you guys sad. So, I'm not gonna buy it." He moved his item thingy-majig 3 spaces up the board onto Mayfair, but didn't make any actions to buy it.

Newt leant over the table, pecking his lips. "Love you too, Minho." He looked over at his other boyfriend. "I'm going to fucking wreck you. I'm getting Mayfair, you stupid bitch."

Thomas snickered. "I'd love to see you try, pretty boy."

"LOSERS!" Minho suddenly yelled, laughing, making them both jump. He leant across the board, grabbed the Mayfair card, and dropped the money to buy it in the box. He looked at Thomas and Newt, who both looked like they were going to run to the kitchen to pick up the sharpest knife they could find. "You should- You should see your faces!" He couldn't stop laughing. The pair were too easy to trick and it was hilarious.

(A/N FUCK hilarious autocorrected to hula riot on discord AND I CANT STOP LAUGHING)

Newt grabbed the dice. "It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. Nobody ever lands on Mayfair anyway. It's fine enough that you will not break up with your boyfriend, Newt." He paused. "Nope, it's not. Minho, I'm breaking up with you."

Thomas looked from Newt to Minho then Minho to Newt, before biting his lip to suppress a laugh from escaping his lips. "Look what you've done now, Mean hoe." He tutted, grinning. "He's talking to himself, he's probably having a heart attack and he's going to kill you in your sleep."

"Uh." Minho blinked blankly. "Sorry? I can't tell if you're joking or not."

"Do you think I'm joking?"

"I don't know. That's why I just said I can't tell." He shrugged.

Newt glared and completely ignored Minho. He put a £50 in the bank to get out of jail, not wanting to waste any more time. 

He was going to demolish Minho's existence.

——

He was not going to demolish Minho's existence.

Instead, Newt was going to throw the stupid board in the bin, along with his boyfriends, where they all belonged. He kept landing on 'go to jail'. The dice were rigged, clearly, as the blond should've been winning because he was the most sensible and he didn't make rash decisions. He was mature and was the best at sorting out bills and yet he had the least amount of money. And he had the fucking green set. Which was a good set. Like, second best. Thomas still didn't have the full yellow set because nobody could land on Piccadilly, and honestly, if someone other than the brunet landed on it, they'd definitely buy it and not trade it for something of Thomas'. 

That was a half lie. Newt would probably feel pity and would trade it for the two orange his boyfriend had, considering the fact he already had one. Minho, on the other hand, would just laugh and refuse.

"I'm putting another house on Mayfair." Minho declared proudly, hands on hips as best as he could sat down. "If any of you land on me now, then that'll be.... £1400! I have 3 houses on it because I'm better than you two."

Thomas hummed. He seemed to be neither lucky nor unlucky. He hadn't been landing on anything that was anyone else's property, but he also wasn't landing on anything other than his own property. He wanted more property. He needed more property. He was going to get more property whether the makers of the game liked it or not.

And he did. 

He rolled the dice, not really expecting much, although he wanted a lot. Once he counted the rectangles, he let out a, "PICCADILLY!", and moved his dog onto the Piccadilly rectangle with a cheer, throwing his hands into the air. "Get left in my dust, fuckers!"

"You don't complain about us being fuckers usually, Tommy." Newt huffed, irritated that his stupid boyfriend finally had a whole set and just ugh. 

Minho threw the box upside down, letting out a pterodactyl screech. Thomas merely laughed, throwing his head back with his arms still in the air in pride and happiness.

Newt had to admit, it was quite sweet.

Not sweet enough that he wasn't going to demolish Thomas' existence.

——

It was sweet enough that he wasn't going to demolish Thomas' existence.

Well, it wasn't just Thomas' actions being sweet, of course. It was also the time. He was exhausted and it was midnight and he needed his sleep - he wasn't Thomas who could wake up at 5am and have a whole party.

Minho was also someone who needed his beauty sleep, but clearly destroying his boyfriends' monopoly ego was more important and romantic. Clearly.

"I forfeit." Newt stood up, yawning almost on cue. "I'm bloody exhausted and I've had enough of hating on you two. Love you both, don't kill each other and go to sleep soon. Please." He walked out the room towards their bedroom.

Thomas and Minho blinked at each other.

"I'm still gonna fucking wreck you."

"Kinky?"

"Thomas, shut up."

"Make me."

"...You offering?"

——

Newt wanted to strangle his stupid boyfriends and push them out their window. He was woken up from his slumber by a scream. A 'signature-Tommy-scream' that only occurred when horrid things happened and so Newt physically had to get up incase something terrible had happened.

Of course, nothing bad had happened. In his eyes, anyway.

Thomas had realised, in his 3am state, that Minho was probably going to win the game. The game that had gone on for like 5 hours now.

Newt was going to kill someone.

Minho snickered. The chairs that were usually around the dining table were scattered, one of them was on its back on the floor, and the monopoly board took pride of place on the centre of the table. "Of course I am." He looked absolutely exhausted, but it was his own stupid fault.

Thomas groaned. "Get me alcohol, I can't do this sober."

"Your drunk-ass would kick the board off the table. There's no way we're drinking, Thomas." The raven-haired huffed, sitting back down on a chair. 

Newt pinched the bridge of his nose with a loud sigh. "Just go to sleep and carry the game on tomorrow." He put a hand on his hip, grinning slightly now. "Plus, I know something that'd be a bit more interesting."

He swore he'd never seen his boyfriends back out of competition that easily.

my brain is dying

me and my mum watched like 4 episodes of citizen khan its sort of rude but it's hilarious and addictive dudjjsj 

but like as a muslim myself i dont get offended by it so

idk anyway this was fun to write

but hdjdncns i have to fast again tomorrow because im off my period again :(( oh we