i did this absolutely ages ago and i wanted to remove it as it's own story and put it on here so i did

this is shit and i hate it

"would you stop being so fucking jealous all the time?!" thomas spat, pacing around the room.

"well, that'd be easier if you actually spent more time with me and less with all your friends!" newt stood up.

"less time with my friends?! didn't know i'd be signing up for abandoning my friends when i got into a relationship with you."

"i'm not saying you should abandon them! think about my feelings, not just your friends."

thomas sat down on the sofa. "your feelings?! not my fucking fault you haven't got any friends to talk to when i'm with mine!"

"you fucking bitch! it's always about teresa! i always hear 'teresa teresa teresa'! if you like her that much, maybe you should go fuck her instead of me!" newt took a shaky breath, forcing himself not to cry. he wouldn't. he refused.

thomas, however, didn't care less. his eyes were at least glassy. "i don't like teresa! she's my best friend! plus, i'm gay! i don't understand why you think i like teresa! it's you i daydream about, it's you i think about when i'm trying to fall asleep, it's YOU i fucking adore with all my heart! not teresa! i love her as a friend!" his voice cracked. "only a friend, newt." he willed himself to stop being so weak.

"you're the one who hardly ever compliments me, or tells me you love me! i tell you i love you, what? 2 or 3 times a day, minimum? newt, you need to think about me as well. i do my best to love you. i need some love as well, i cant be in this relationship if it's one-sided."

"i'm fucking scared, thomas!" newt lashed out, making thomas frown. i guess the nickname tommy is out the window. "i get so jealous because i'm scared! i think you're going to leave me. i know you're gay, it's just, teresa infuriates me! she's so... insufferable."

"psh. what a great apology. insult my best fucking friend why don't you!" thomas stood up suddenly. "i cant do this anymore! do you want me to get up and leave, huh? do you want me to break up with you?! because i'm very fucking close! ah wait, i know what you want. you want me to sit here and be a fucking boxing bag! well guess what, i'm not going to be! i'm fed up of your shit. i love being with you, but remember, i can live by myself. and i will, if it comes to it."

newt flinched. "tommy-"

"don't tommy me! what happened to badass newt saying thomas? oh, now i've actually lashed out you feel bad!"

"why do you think i tried to kill myself, thomas?! just my parents? no! i felt like i couldn't give you enough! you only see one half of it!"

"maybe everything would be better if you did kill yourself!"

they both looked at eachother, eyes wide open, tears rolling down their faces. thomas was the first to recover.

"fuck, newt, i didn't mean-"

"save it."

"newt..."

"i said save it!"

newt clenched his fist weakly.

"just.. get out."

"but-"

"tommy."

"newt.. please.."

"please, tommy, please."

newt turned his back on thomas, walking out of the room. thomas walked into the hallway, crying still. he put his shoes on and grabbed the car keys. getting into the car, he rang teresa.

"tom?"

"i messed up, tess! i really fucking messed up."

"woah, what happened? calm down." anyone could tell that she was stressed and worried for her friend.

"i- newt-" his voice cracked.

"alright, how about you come to mine and we have some ice cream and we can binge watch whatever you want to watch?"

"thank you, tess. i'm sorry." he coughed in an attempt to regain his voice's strength back.

"of course. don't apologise."

—————————————

"minho, can you come round?" newt sniffed.

"why do you sound like you've been crying?" he completely ignored the question, although both boys knew it was a 'yes'. "was it thomas?! what's wrong, newt? i swear, i'll kill him!"

"minho, stop. please, stop. don't lay a finger on him." he croaked.

"alright, alright, i won't. but, what happened, newtie?"

"can you just.. come round to ours? mine? his? whatever it fucking is!"

"of course. i'll be there in 5."

"thanks."

—————————————

"tom... you really did mess up." thomas was laying next to teresa, who was sat up, playing with his hair. in a purely platonic way, of course - they act like siblings.

"tell me something i don't fucking know!"

"tom, calm down. i know you're getting stressed and pissed, but you don't need to take it out on me. i'm just trying to help." teresa frowned.

"i'm sorry. i'm just.. panicked he's going to do something again. i can't believe i said that. he's gonna go back to smoking, and oh my god it'll be all my fucking fault and he'll end up being upset again and he's probably worse than me right now!"

"thomas. are you listening to yourself? he has minho. they're best friends. he'll be fine. don't think about him right now, just think about yourself. or, just take your mind off it. think about how amazing i am."

"amazingly stupid, more like."

"rude!" she stuck her tongue out at him.

"what if he breaks up with me?"

"then you'll move on."

"i made him flinch like 10 times."

"did he have a panic attack?"

"i don't think so. he might be having one now. fuck, tess, i'm overthinking aren't i?"

"glad i don't need to tell you that myself." she smiled sympathetically. "do you want me to ask minho if he's there with newt?"

"please."

—————————————

"teresa is asking if i'm with you." minho looked at his phone.

"tomm- thomas is probably with her." he swore under his breath as he nearly said tommy.

"you love him, don't you?"

"of course i love him! i just don't know how to express it and it comes out as jealousy and who the fuck knows what! he hates me, and i should hate him! but i cant, minho. i fucking can't. i love tommy. so fucking much." his voice cracked.

"i know." he smiled softly. "it's thomas, though. he's probably having a breakdown with teresa right now. probably panicking that you'll break up with him, that you're getting suicidal thoughts, that you hate him. who knows. well, teresa does, but still. he'd never hate you. anyone can see he adores you. you should see him when he's with teresa, he makes heart eyes at you like it's a stupid school crush." he chuckled.

"idiot." newt smiled fondly. "what do you think i should do, though? he thinks i hate him and just.. ugh! this is stupid why do i get so jealous in the first place?!"

"nothing. you both need time to calm down, thomas will come back eventually. just wait until he's ready."

"i guess, but what if he doesn't come back? what if he doesn't love me?"

"teresa just told me that he's having a breakdown because he's panicking that you're debating suicide. i think he loves you."

"oh."

"he'll be back like, next week, mark my word."

—————————————

and he certainly was. thomas was fumbling with his keys around 5 days after, trying to open the door. his hands were shaking because he was so nervous - he couldn't stop his nerves. his eyes were probably very puffy, as well. as he got into the house, he took his shoes off and began his search for newt. he walked around downstairs - he wasn't there. so, he went upstairs. there he was, on the balcony, smoking a cigarette.

thomas stood there for a second, just staring. newt felt a presence somewhere in the room, and could hear a noise. so, he turned around.

"tommy."

he didn't reply. he just stared. newt got rid of the cigarette.

"you just gonna stand there and stare, or are you gonna come here?"

it was like something clicked. thomas instantly burst into tears, and practically ran towards the other.

"i'm sorry, i'm sorry, i'm so fucking sorry!" he sobbed into newt's chest. he just rubbed thomas' back, kissing his forehead.

"i'm sorry too, tommy."

"i hate you, i hate you, i hate you! you're so annoying! but i love you! i fucking love you so much, don't ever leave me, please!"

he lifted up his chin and cupped it. "i love you too, tommy."

and their lips met.