part 2 of i'd kill FOR you, love (the title is not a mistake on either) 

guess where this is going!!!

what can i say other than happy newt day?

oh, and: 

TW: BLOOD, INSANITY (well, crankiness), SUICIDAL THOUGHTS IG

it's basically tdc w my own twist on it xx and newt's thoughts xxx crank thoughts xxxx

This wasn't how it was meant to go.

Newt was meant to get the knife out of Janson's body, then put it through his own. It'd save all the Gladers a lot of grief and effort, and, well, he wanted to be dead.

He knew it was bad, and he knew his Tommy would hate him for ever thinking that. Maybe that realisation was why he threw the knife across the room like it held a disease when the end of it brought blood from his shirt.

But, the more he thought about it, he realised he was the one with a disease.

His veins were black. Black, like the sky in the Glade. Standing in burning Denver was nothing like the Glade. He missed it. Sure, he might have been agitated there, and he might've been scared out of his skin at times, but at least they were somewhat safe.

At least Tommy was safe there.

Tommy.

The name made him want to cry and smile stupidly at the same time. 

He betrayed him. He knew it was too late for Newt, but he didn't kill him when he had the chance. He didn't get his gun out, and shoot his lover in the head whilst Newt still had some sense of sanity.

And now, - Newt flexed his fingers, smiling at the feeling of the dried up blood on them and the knife in his other hand - he was going to pay.

He couldn't wait to see his Tommy with his own knife in his heart.

Wait. Wait, no he didn't. Did he?

The blood started pumping through his head... differently? He didn't know what he was feeling and meaning, but he felt guilty. He loved his Tommy. He wanted the best for Thomas - he wants him to be alive. Not dead because of Janson. Not dead because of Ava.

Not dead because of Newt's insanity.

"Newt?"

But then the stupid, stupid, stupid thoughts came back because who does Thomas think he is, coming to see Newt again after betraying him?

Newt turned around. The knife was still in his hands, and he revelled in the feeling the cold end of it gave him. It was gone as soon as it was there, though, because he saw Thomas and his big, doe eyes that were watering and he wanted nothing more but to pull them out. "No." 

Thomas' eyes flickered down to the knife in Newt's hands and he seemed to decide whether to take a step forward or backwards. He must've decided on the former, because his hand reaches out towards the knife and he takes a tentative step towards the Crank he still recognises as his boyfriend.

"Newt, please." He begged. "Snap out of it."

"You betrayed me." It felt like he hadn't used his voice in ages, and he hasn't in a way. It'd been ages since he last spoken in such a broken voice. "You betrayed me!" He repeated, jerking his hand backwards so Thomas couldn't take yet another thing away from him. "You said! You promised!"

Thomas furrowed his brows and brought his hand back hesitantly. Then, something must've clicked, because his eyes flashed with recognition and realisation and his other hand prodded his pocket. "You know I couldn't do that, love."

It was a moment before he responded, but when he did, the pet name itself made Newt let out an angry cry and launch himself at Thomas, crashing them both to the ground. The knife in his hand was now up against his- his lover's chest.

 He watched Thomas' eyes, the way they opened with shock, whilst putting pressure onto the knife, sending it into his chest, releasing blood.

And he loved it.

He loved it.

He loved the pain he could bring him - the pain he had felt himself because of so many goddamn things. The maze Thomas had put him in. Bloody Teresa. Thomas being incapable of doing the simplest fucking task.

Thomas sobbed out a cry of pain and sent the knife hurtling across the tarmac away from his body. 

Then his hand reached up to Newt's cheek and cupped it.

Newt looked down at Thomas.

Thomas, the boy who sent him into the Maze. No, the boy who saved him from the Maze.

Thomas, the boy who kissed him softly and made jokes when he was feeling down.

Thomas, the boy who's smile lit up his world.

Thomas, the boy who didn't deserve any of this.

Thomas, the boy who dared to love him when he couldn't love himself.

"I'm sorry." Newt choked out.

"It's okay." Thomas whispered.

Newt forced the knife into his own heart.

if you wanted to make this more depressing, have an alternate ending:

Newt forced the knife into his heart, just as Minho ran round the corner.

happy newt day <3