ok right  urfrenhopefully requested this and its really shit so dont even think this is gonna be good

mentions of suicide 

help i need to actually do serious oneshot names... then again who cares

Newt could feel the flare inside his brain.

It made him remember things he wanted to remember but not at that specific time. It made him remember Sonya, made him remember all the Gladers before they were sent into the maze, made him remember his Tommy.

It made him remember he was going insane.

He felt the flare creeping around his brain, infecting all the nooks and crannies. He felt it in his bones, the way it contaminated his skin. 

He didn't want to hurt Tommy. Thomas was his everything, and he was Thomas'. They were made for each other.

The flare was biting at him, making him do things he had no control over. Like when he forced Thomas to leave him, when he attacked Thomas, when he-

"No!" He cried out, heart thumping in his ears. It was all too real. The flare was growing in him, eating away at any small amount of sanity he had left after everything he'd been through. "Tommy, get away- Tommy!" He pawed in front of him, Thomas was sat on him and it was too much and he was going to kill Thomas and they was going to die. Die because of him.

There was a hand capturing his own, brought up to a heartbeat. 

Newt snapped his eyes shut after opening them for a split second. He couldn't bear to see the black veins running up his hand, reminding him of the inevitable. He should've killed himself when he had the chance, before he met his Tommy.

He almost opened his eyes in shock when he heard himself. Maybe the flare was spreading quicker than he thought. He didn't wish he was dead, god no, he'd do everything over, and over, and over again if it meant he could have an eternity with Thomas.

"Newt," The voice came - soft and gentle. "Open your eyes, love." 

His boyfriend's voice was so unlike his own. When he spoke, it came out rough, and husky, and sharp around the edges. "I'm going to kill you, Tommy." It wasn't a threat, it was the opposite. It was 'i'm so worried about hurting you so please leave me alone'.

There was shuffling, and his hand that was on Thomas' chest was moved, making his own heart quicken. He couldn't feel his lover's heartbeat now. The thought of him already being dead panicked him even more.

But when his voice returned, he was sure he visibly relaxed. "Open your eyes for me. Please, Newt." He didn't want to. He really did not want to. 

However, Thomas' voice was just too hard to refuse. "Okay." He swallowed thickly, swallowing the lump in his throat to get rid of any tears that threatened to spill "Okay, Tommy."

Newt opened his eyes and although his vision was blurred, he could make out the inquisitive brown eyes that belonged to his boyfriend. They held such love and warmth and made the blond feel things that he thought he'd never be capable of feeling. 

"You're okay. I'm okay. Everything's okay." Thomas murmured, cupping Newt's face and wiping his tears away. "We'll be okay." 

We'll be okay. 

They might not have been okay then, but they will be. The future tense put Newt at ease in a weird way. It implied that they will be together in the future, and they'll make each other okay. They'll fix each other's breakages.

Newt just nodded, exhaling a shaky breath. He couldn't find the words to reply, so just kept quiet. He knew Thomas wouldn't mind, and that was one of the most comforting things about their relationship.

Thomas took the silence and nod as a cue to continue. "You don't have the flare, Newt." 

Newt jerked back, ripping his head and arms away from Thomas in absolute horror. "What are you talking about? I'm dying. I'm dying, Tommy. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." He choked out, shaking his head and snapping his eyes shut in an attempt to shut everything out. He wanted to hide from the world.

But Thomas was his world. And Newt would have to try harder to hide from Thomas.

"No, you're not. Look at your arms, love." 

Newt forced his eyes open once more, and looked at his arms. And, they were clear. Not a black vein in sight. 

The sight made him heave a relieved breath and a choked out sob. "Tommy," He muttered, looking back up at Thomas. "Tommy." He repeated, edging closer and resting his head on his boyfriend's shoulder. 

 Thomas smiled softly, rubbing Newt's back slowly. "Yes, Newt?" 

"I love you." 

He hummed as a response, keeping quiet for a few moments. "I love you too, Newt. I love you too." 

----

Newt sighed restlessly, throwing his blanket over his face with an irritated groan, turning his back to the wall for the third time or three-hundredth time. Who knew?

He could not sleep at all. Thomas was at the opposite side of the bed, facing the wall, and he was silently debating whether or not to roll over towards his boyfriend and cuddle the bloody hell out of him.

Newt could hear the lack of energy in his boyfriend's voice when he spoke. New'?" His voice was slurred and he couldn't even say Newt properly. 

Thomas definitely meant for Newt to speak, so he did. "Tommy." He murmured, rolling over with a frown. "I can't sleep." 

The brunet also rolled over at the confession that was fairly obvious, so that they were now laying face-to-face. "Wanna cuddle?" Thomas' voice has cleared now, and it was if he had completely woken up as the thought of cuddling was more important than sleep. Understandably.

Newt prayed for his boyfriend to not see his blush. It wasn't like them to be so intimate - they had spent what they can remember of their life running from grievers and WICKED. Now they had peace, they didn't really know how to be so sweet with each other without being awkward. "Yes please, Tommy." His voice came out much weaker than intended, and he let out an internal groan at his stupidity.

There was shuffling, and a hand was swept around his waist, pulling him closer towards Thomas. Thomas put his head on Newt's, interlocking their legs together and the close contact almost made Newt die there and then. "This okay?" Thomas mumbled, hesitantly. 

Newt hummed a 'yes' sound and let out a shaky yet relieved sigh. He was so goddamn nervous but he was also so goddamn happy. "More than okay."

Thomas laughed, sending a shiver down Newt's spine. "Good. I wasn't planning on moving." 

"I love you." 

"I love you too."

ugh this was so shit i hate the ending and everything ok