don't kill me ik i said smut but i only wrote a handjob but it's still smut it's just not sex ok

IM SORRY i couldn't be bothered 

TW: BLOOD - other warnings midway through when you get to the smut part :')

i'm so good at dialogue literally bow down to me /hj 

"Find the fUCKING gem Newt, it's not that HARD!" Minho yelled, looking out the room for signs of any guards. He wasn't worried that any guards would come. No, of course not. It's Minho. He ain't scared of anything. Plus, he'd picture all the guards as being Newt and that'd mean it'd be easy enough to knock them all out. He occasionally, occasionally, wanted to stab Newt and blend his face in a mixer then drink a protein smoothie out of his skull. Only occasionally. 

Newt snickered to himself, looking around the room frantically, but not too frantically as he is a very calm person. Obviously. "Hard?" He bit his lip to suppress a laugh, not wanting to draw too much attention to himself and his bestie, because, hello, they were trying to steal something illegally... from someone who got it illegally themselves. Even then, they didn't want to draw attention to themselves. 

The Asian let out a quiet yet obnoxiously fake moan, throwing his head back. "You know it, baby." He grinned once he saw the blond slit his eyes and scoff with a slight smile, obviously feeling rather proud of himself.

"None of this conversation even makes any sense." He rolled his eyes, gesturing for Minho to give him another pair of gloves because fingerprints do not make the dream work. 

Minho threw a pair over from his pocket and shut the door for the 39944939th time. Teamwork makes the dream work!!! "Don't care." He stuck his tongue out. "I'm leaving this damn door. If someone breaks through then I'll get naked and they can be hypnotised by my dick."

Newt hummed in thought and put the gloves on his hands. "That'd certainly do the trick." He paused. "That rhymed. Anyway, they might faint out of utter disgust. I probably would. Yeah, on second thought don't do that."

The darker-haired let out an offended noise and strode over to the blond with his arms crossed. "Excuse me! Many people would pay to see me naked. I'd be doing it for free. Free! You hear me, Newtie? F-R-E-E-"

"Yes, free, free. We get it."

Newt and Minho blinked at each other. That voice was not the British accent. Definitely not. It sounded like an American accent, and they only knew one person with that voice-

"Thomas, why the hell would you expose us?" Teresa hissed, throwing her arms in the air in agitation and sighing.

She was wearing a medium-length red dress that had a thigh-slit, and she was also wearing red lipstick to match, along with just make-up. Her shoes were black high heels. She was very pretty, actually. 

Thomas, on the other hand, was wearing a black and white suit. Just the normal male evening wear, really. Smart black shoes, black blazer, black tie, white blouse. 

Thomas just shrugged nonchalantly, not really paying attention to Teresa but more to Newt. "Hey, blondie." He raked his eyes up and down Newt's also suited body, eyes half-lidded. He licked his lips. "Fancy seeing you here." 

Thomas's was a total bottom and it was hilarious for Newt to see him attempt to be top-like. He rolled his eyes at the behaviour and folded his arms. "Fancy that, ey?"

Thomas and Newt weren't exactly friends, you see. They pretty much hate each other. Of course, that doesn't stop them from taking their anger out on each other and sharing kisses in the dark. They didn't publicise it whatsoever, but honestly, if they did, who would they tell?

Thomas worked for WICKED, a sort of detective agency in the city. You know, the classical 'we must save lives!!!' kind of place. It was a kinda fucked up place and the pay was way too high, and you only got the job if you knew someone from inside. They don't exactly do what it says on the tin.

Newt, however, works for the Right Arm. A sort of criminal weird gang thing that Thomas always makes jokes about. They steal stuff from people who they hate, really.

Minho and Teresa glanced at each other with an expression that was practically the definition of 'ah shit here we go again'.

They were, quite simply, fed up of their pining. They might hate each other but the hatred they felt for the men was mutual. Like, just fuck and be husbands already???

After a beat of silence, Newt spoke up again. "What are you doing here? You better not be here to try and arrest us again." Minho and himself barked out a laugh at the memory of the last time they tried to arrest them. 

Thomas tripped over a rubbish bin and Teresa fell into the bin. Newt had to admit, he sort of felt bad for Teresa because she wasn't half that bad.

Thomas hummed. "Well, actually-"

"Well actually nothing!" Minho screeched, grabbing Newt by the hand and making a complete run for it. "We cannot take the risk, suckers!"

Thomas literally yelped at their exit, earning a really, really loud laugh out of the other 3 that definitely gave away their location.

——

"Get on the ground, Tommy." Newt trilled, loving, absolutely loving the situation he had lured Thomas into.

Thomas obeyed, dropping to the ground. He decided against looking up at the blond, and instead glared at the ground. "Fuck you." He spat.

The Brit seemed to be having fun and was rather amused. "How sweet. I just adore seeing you on the ground for me. Like a little dog, aren't you?" He circled the other, grinning mischievously. He bent over slightly and lifted the brunet's head up with his knife. "Just adorable."

"Get off me." Thomas shot daggers at Newt, but as much as he wanted to lash out and attack him, he knew there were probably 10 guns pointed to his head as they spoke.

You see, after Newt and Minho ran away, Thomas and Teresa followed, then possibly ran into a complete and utter trap. 

There was a groan from behind him, and Thomas hadn't even noticed Minho's presence the whole time. "Stop being kinky and shit. Janson's gonna be here any minute."

The name made Thomas perk up. "Janson? Why's he coming?"

Newt stuck his tongue out at Minho, who presumably stuck his out back, before turning his attention back to Thomas. "He said he wanted to talk. With both of us. So, I thought, let's bribe him to fuck off with you. Perfect opportunity, right?"

——

Yeah, it wasn't as perfect as Newt probably planned.

Janson came over (as planned) and wanted Thomas back (as planned again) but then Vince appeared (NOT planned) and dropped a complete bombshell on them, saying they had to work together.

Thomas, who had been released and was now stretching, stared at the pair like they grew a horse head overnight. "What the fuck?"

Newt nodded and furrowed his brows, shaking his head in disgust. "Yes, what the fuck?" He shook his head again. "I am not- I refuse to work with that-that-thatthing!"

Teresa bit her lip to stop herself from laughing, but a giggle still escaped her lips. When she got a glare from the brunet, she stopped trying to suppress her laughter and burst out laughing. Minho joined in close behind and Newt just cracked a proud grin. 

"Stoppp!" Thomas whined, sticking his bottom lip out in a pout. "Imitate me and I'll kill you."

Janson decided to ignore the bickering group, and instead continued with his explanation. "As you know, both WICKED and the Right Arm have been attempting to get the gem. We have decided, myself and Vince, that we will ally for the time being. The Right Arm will help us get the gem, and in response, they will gain full immunity."

"....WHAT?!"

——

Teresa scoffed at the pair, bumping shoulders with Minho playfully. "How long do you think it'll take for them to kill each other?" 

They were 'practice' fighting, with knives and guns and everything that'd be used in a real fight, and Teresa had absolutely no clue why they were allowed to. It's not like they were 7, but they weren't exactly sensible. Immaturity was a word that described them both immaculately. There were a few cuts on both of their bodies, specifically their faces, but they were still going to fight obviously. 

After Janson had decided they were going to team up, him and Vince also decided to move the teams in together. Stupid, really. They had also also decided that they needed to practice fighting in case of any super duper strong guards who actually know how to do their jobs properly. Because, surprisingly, this was not a movie. Sadly. (idk where tf i was going with this paragraph)

Minho shrugged with a slight laugh. Him and Teresa had grown closer over the past week, and they would actually class each other as friends now. "With their weapons or their dicks?"

She snorted out a laugh, repositioning herself on the log that was outside in the garden. "I don't honestly know. Probably both. The way they talk to each other when they try and get each other tied up isn't exactly platonic, is it really?"

"You mean Newt's sex talk?"

"Yes."

Minho smirked. God, he grew in admiration for the woman by the second. "It definitely isn't platonic, then. They're totally gonna bang."

Teresa furrowed her brows and turned to face him. "They've fucked before, you know?"

"Oh my god, seriously?" He gasped, putting a hand to his mouth almost comically. "Oh fuck, that's a turn-up for the books. Oh my god." 

She nodded vigorously, a bright smile appearing on her face. "I'm literally the head of the Newtmas ship." She suddenly recoiled, grimacing. "Okay, now I think about it, it's really weird that they've sexed."

"Sexed?" Minho questioned. "Newtmas? I love it."

"So many questions. You're literally Thomas 2.0." She huffed, stretching her legs out. "It's odd. I mean, I guess i'm just happy for them? If they're happy then I'm happy."

Minho just smiled and looked at her with adoration.

——

we're at the smut after 1.6k words oh god

TW HERE: knives, knife play (not really just thomas being like ok sure idc about knives killing me), thomas being like 'kill me then lmao ik u cant'

at the start it's SORT OF non-con but it's not really, because thomas can easily push him away (i know that doesn't make it ok) and he was sort of insinuating for them to kiss :') alao newt does ask for consent so idk

Newt let out a pissed noise as he threw another knife at the target. He couldn't get over the fact that Janson was making him and Thomas work together. Also the fact that Vince had agreed to it for immunity. He supposed he had to understand that; he was relatively glad he was having a chance to be completely clean and free of felonies. Even then, he was sure he'd probably go back into the life of crime straight away. Unhealthy but it was the only thing he ever knew.

"Still having a tantrum, are we, blondie?" 

Newt span around, slamming the person against the wall and pressing the knife against their throat. Once he fully processed the imagery in front of his eyes, and the voice, he slit his eyes. He hadn't heard Thomas walk in at all.

Thomas seemed to pick up on his thoughts, because he smiled and raised an eyebrow. "You need to snap out of your thoughts. Could've murdered me then. It'd be devastating." 

The Brit scoffed. "Absolutely tragic. I'd hate to do such a thing." He debated whether he should actually push the knife into the brunet's neck or completely abandon the knife. He decided neither of the options, and stayed with the knife just touching his skin.

"Huh." The brunet smiled once more. An evil smile that somehow managed to make Newt uneasy. "Go on then. Do it. Kill me. Slit my throat." He licked his lips, eyeing the blond. "Watch me as I scream your name for you to end my suffering."

A hand slithered up Newt's back, settling on the dip in between his shoulder blades. Newt swallowed thickly, snapping his eyes shut. "You know I can't."

Thomas just laughed. "Oh, I do. If you hurt me, you'll be killing yourself." He trailed his index finger up and down the dip, biting his lip. 

Newt let out an agitated groan, pushing the duller side of the knife slightly into Thomas' throat now. He knew the brunet was right. He had the Brit wrapped around his stupid little finger, and if they hurt each other, then they would be sacrificing their entire teams to the other side. "Stop acting so high and mighty, Tommy."

"Or what?"

Newt threw the knife onto the bench beside then and grabbed Thomas' arms and put them above his head with one of his own hands. "Do you really wanna know?"

Thomas tilted his head to the side, seemingly unbothered by the actions. This pissed the blond off even more - he wanted a reaction out of him. "I wouldn't be asking if I didn't want to know, blondie." He exaggerated the nickname, looking up at the blond with such stupid doe eyes that did not deserve to be so cute and heart-like.

"Alright, love." Newt mocked the exaggeration, and wasted absolutely no time in pressing his lips, no, his whole body, up to Thomas' and capturing his lips in a desperate, annoyed kiss. It was messy and panicky, and honestly, it was unlike any of Newt's usual kisses.

Thomas smiled at the thought. He was somewhat proud he made him pissed off. It made it all the more fun. Newt's kisses were usually methodical and he thought them through, being careful and teasing, but still being a horny idiot. He ran the hand that was on Newt's back before through his hair, ruffling all the blond locks. Once again, another thing that pissed the male off. God, he was having so much fun.

Newt didn't complain about his hair being messed up, but did pull away from the kiss. He looked at the brunet for a split second, memorising his puffy, swollen lips and red-tinted face for.. future references, before gesturing towards the bench with his head. "Sit."

The brunet obeyed, walking over to the bench and sitting himself down on it. He felt rather disheveled but hoped he wasn't making too much of a fool of himself. His brain suddenly supplied him with a picture of himself sitting on a knife and, well, making a fool of himself and he had to suppress the urge to laugh.

Newt didn't follow, and instead paced up and down in front of Thomas. He smiled with such pride and it was really annoying. "You're such a dog. Obeying me like that. Adorable." The words went straight to Thomas' dick and he fucking hated it. He hated how vulnerable it made him seem - as though he wasn't pissing off the blond a few seconds ago. 

The Brit didn't sit down. Nope. He just patrolled the area around, slowly, slowly, making his way over to Thomas before running a finger across his abs and dangerously close to his waistband. "Come on, sweetheart. Why don't you whine for me?"

Thomas bit his lip and lifted his head up to look at Newt with fiery eyes and a challenging smirk. "Who said I was gonna do anything for you?" He tilted his head to the side and his expression changed to a slightly more serious one. "Because I won't. I will not do anything for you, blondie. Absolutely nothing."

Newt just smiled as though he were slightly expecting the response. The hand was stuck down into his waistband and Thomas had to visibly stifle any noise from escaping his mouth. But, before any pleasure could come, he brought it back out again and painstakingly, he dragged his finger on the outline of Thomas' clothed, bulging dick. "Is that so?" He trilled, leaning forwards and practically purring the words into the brunet's ear. "Well, Tommy. Do it for yourself then. I'll touch you and give you the pleasure you deserve if you don't try and cover up that pretty little mouth of yours."

i'm so good at writing dirty talk get on my level bitches

Thomas let out a whiny and whimper-y 'fuck', and bowed his head in complete submission. Newt grinned at the response he got and pulled the other up off the bench and pinned him against the wall. "You're such a bitch, aren't you?" He unzipped the other male's jeans, undoing the belt and allowing them to fall onto the cold flooring. Said 'other male' stepped out of his jeans and just tossed them to the side, shivering as the cold air hit his legs. "Look at you. You're not even trying to have some dignity." Newt suddenly stuck his hand down Thomas' boxers without any warning, causing him to let out a moan and jerk his hips in the blond's direction. 

"Stop-" Thomas panted, throwing his head back against the wall with a bang. "Stop teasing."

Newt didn't reply, instead, pressing his lips down on the brunet's neck, sucking and leaving marks there whilst his hand still teasingly stroked him. Thomas let out a guttural moan and grabbed onto the blond locks of hair, pushing his head further into his neck. 

He pulled away, not to the brunet's avail, and trailed his tongue across his own lips whilst looking at him with such a lustful expression that made Thomas want to come right then and there. "Beg for it."

"What?"

Newt hummed with a slight nod. "Beg for it." He repeated. "Tell me how much you want me to make you come. Tell me exactly what you want me to do, Tommy. And I'll do it." He watched Thomas' Adam's apple bob and grinned.

"I'm- I'm not begging you for it. I'm not a beggar." He glared. "I don't even want you to touch me." 

Newt cocked his head to the side. "Oh. Alright, Tommy. I'm not a rapist, you could've said that earlier." He removed his hand from Thomas' underwear, earning a disappointed noise that was so quiet he didn't know if he'd imagined it or not. He assumed he hadn't, considering the fact the male was moaning loudly like one second ago.

Thomas quickly grabbed onto the blond's wrist, pulling him back. "Touch me. Put your hands all  over me and memorise all the different parts of my body, Newt." There was a sense of urgency to his words, like he just wanted them out of his mouth so he'd never have to think about them again. "Make me moan your name. Make me come for you." A pause. "Please."

"Fuck it." 

Newt spam around, slamming him against the wall again (a much louder thud was heard this time, though) and sticking his hand down the brunet's boxers. A moan escaped out of Thomas' throat, and the noise itself made the blond let out a groan-y noise. Thomas arched his hips into Newt's hand, throwing his head back and allowing a string of curses to come out of his mouth - not that he could do much to suppress the words.

His body was on fire and it was just screaming more, more, more, more and Newt, Newt, Newt, Newt and it was too much and-

"Shit, Newt-" He snapped his eyes shut. "I'm gonna-" Newt understood what he was trying to get at, so stroked him through his climax, leaving hickeys all over his neck and shoulder. He probably looked diseased.

But, no, Thomas wasn't done. 

Not at all.

He grabbed Newt by the hips and pulled them together once more, having no idea where his confidence came from when he uttered two words.

"Fuck me."

well