dear newt - newtmas

Dear Newt,

I don't think this is my first letter. I sometimes remember writing letters to Teresa on a computer - not that you'll know what that is. But, like yours, it's likely to be my last. To you, anyway. 

I'm afraid. I've always been absolutely shucking terrified, and I guess the only time I felt some sort of peace was when you were with me, guiding me. Now you're gone... I'm sure I'm going to be lost again. Lost to something that's not the Flare, but maybe heartbreak and regret.

I remember them every night as well. I see Chuck's wooden figure on the makeshift cabinet between mine and Minho's beds and it reminds me of him. He deserved better. They all did. So did you.

The sun sets prettily here, too. It sets over the beach - over the rock with their names on it - and it feels like a promise. A promise to a new future, one without tragic loss and grief.

Frypan still makes his stew. I'm glad to say it tastes nicer! I don't know how you ate it for nearly three years in a row. I guess you had to. Also, Minho said you had bacon once a week so maybe that'd make it worth it.

You remember me.

I was scared. We were all scared, though, but the Greenie was the only one to show it. You never showed blatant fear. You were strong and feared but in a good way and lovable to me.

I'm glad you followed me. Because, otherwise, I wouldn't have known what to do. You showed me strength and bravery and you held me in my rougher times and I held you.

I'd change things. I'd change a lot. I'd push Chuck out of the way. I'd save Teresa. And you. I shouldn't have gotten the gun. The cure was a minute away but I was too weak to save you for a minute more.

I'll never change. I'll always be your Tommy. I promise now, and I'll promise forever.

Take care of everyone? Newt, we take care of each other.

I was more than your friend, Newt. 

I loved you then, I love you now, and I'll love you forever.

Goodbye, blondie.

- Tommy



how dare i

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