i read windfall and there was a dialogue part in it that was like "what do rich people buy?" "dunno, a camel?" and i was like

wait.

thomas would do that.

also i searched it up and apparently, if u live in the us, you could, hypothetically speaking, buy a camel. taylor swift, for example, could wake up one morning and be like "i want a camel" 

nah mate im marrying someone rich and buying a camel thats it i want one (theres a wholeass wikihow page on how to buy a camel??)

also this is bad but i kind of love it its meant to be absolutely chaotic 

There was a camel.

There was a camel in his fucking garden.

Newt was going to strange someone.

Well, not just any someone - that'd be extremely psychotic. No, he was going to set fire to his stupid boyfriend. 

Newt took a deep breath, trying to compose himself, whilst looking at Thomas, who was grinning from ear to ear, petting the damn camel. 

"Thomas," He began. "Why is there a camel in my bloody garden?" 

----

"It's technically not my fault." Thomas huffed, folding his arms whilst sat at Newt's island in his kitchen. "Minho told me to." 

"And you listened to him because...?" Newt opened a cupboard and grabbed a beer. He did not care that it was two in the afternoon. 

Thomas watched the way Newt's lips pursed around the bottle lid. He blinked blankly; whether it was from the question or his stupid thoughts or both, he didn't actually know. "Uh." 

"Bloody hell, my boyfriend is an imbecile." 

The brunet stuck his lips out in a pout and followed Newt's gaze to the kitchen window, looking out to the garden. He couldn't help but bite his lip to suppress a smile, and he looked back at Newt, who was... smiling? 

"You're smiling." Thomas grinned. "That means you like Sir Gruntington." 

Newt instantly span around, beer bottle mid-air, and narrowed his eyes. The smile was long gone. "I absolutely hate you. No, I absolutely despise you." 

He put his hands up in mock surrender. "I searched up camel names-"

"Why the fuck would you do that?"

"-and it came up with Sir Gruntington! I think it suits him. Don't you? Mine's called Madam Gruntington. Oh my god, can we get baby camels?! We'd have to have a Gruntington family!" 

"Wait, wait, wait, rewind." Newt was going to kill someone or himself - he didn't know which. "YOURS?" 

----

Newt stared, dumbfounded, at Thomas' garden.

"There's a camel."

"Yes."

"You bought a camel."

"Yes, two actually."

"We have two fucking camels." 

"...Yes." 

"Did- I- What?" 

"...What." 

"I have a pet camel." 

"Yes." A beat. "Are you okay? You look a little pale, Newt." 

"Oh my god." 

----

"How much was Mr Gruntington?" Newt asked. The name kind of suited the camel. 

Thomas yawned, turning over in his bed to face the blond. "Uh.... $5000 or something. Why?" 

"You spent $10,000 on camels?" 

"No." He propped himself up on his elbow, eyes still sticking together slightly. "It was more like $20,000 because of all the vaccinations and stuff." 

"Oh my god. I'm actually going to sell Mr Gruntington." 

----

Newt did try and sell him. He got a seller called 'super hot sexy rich man' and he was not surprised whatsoever when Thomas strolled up to his front door, wearing a suit, with a handful of money in hand.

(Newt kicked Mr Gruntington out. He lived in Thomas' garden, and when Newt moved into his husband's house, he spent much more time in the garden with Mr and Mrs Gruntington than he'd like to admit.)

HELP I WROTE THIS IN LIKE 20 MINUTES IDK WTF THIS IS