Chapter Thirty- Six

Requited

I lied, I want to fight.

     "Let me go!" I banged my fists onto his back and I felt like I was flopping like a fish. 

     "Will you shut up already!" He snapped and placed me on the floor, we were outside my room in the hallway. "You're so aggravating, do you ever just shut up?" 

     "Don't fucking talk to me like that!" I fell to the floor because of my wobbly legs and he scoffed as I was on the floor, he stared at me with no emotion but anger and I didn't know why he would ever volunteer to take me here. "Leave me alone!" 

I see Levi taking a step back and turning his head as he let out a deep breath, his head fell into his hand and he looked like he was tired of me like always. 

     "Why didn't Jean just take me-" 

     "Because he doesn't want you!" Levi shouted at me and turned to me his eyes filled with poison. "Are you that naive? Are you so desperate to find a partner that you turn to any guy that gives attention? Are you that stupid?" 

     "Fuck you," I argued and tried to get off the floor. "Why do you care? You rejected me! I don't give a flying fuck about what you think about me, so what if you rejected me? Am I supposed to give up my life just because of one guy rejecting me? Am I supposed to spend months and months trying to get over a guy like you who doesn't even bother to treat me with respect?" 

     "Don't speak to a higher-up like this," Levi cursed and began to walk away.

     "You haven't talked about it, you won't ever speak about it because you're a dick and you're scared." I started to cry. "I'm sorry I threw away our friendship like that but I'm moving on! You should too." 

     "Move on?" He scoffed and turned to look at me. "There was nothing to move on, you meant nothing to me."

Those words shattered my heart, in an instant I picked myself off the ground and I felt the soberness hit me like a punch. 

     "You're right, I am desperate." I wiped my tears away. "Why wouldn't I be? I'm turning 25 soon and I don't want to end up like you with no partner and be miserable."

He rolled his tongue and walked towards me with his eyebrows raised, "Miserable? You think I'm miserable because I have no partner?"

     "You will never be loved, Levi." I laughed hysterically. "If I'm still single by 25 I might as well get myself killed out there because there is no future for me here." 

     "Don't say stupid shit like that-" He glared and gripped onto my arm. "Shut up and head to bed, you're drunk."

     "I quit." I shrugged and headed to my room.

     "What?" He looked at me, his glare softening. 

     "I'm leaving the corps, I'm done with this." I pushed the door. 

     "You're weak," Levi scoffed walking a bit closer to me. 

     "You know what, I get it." I nodded. "I'm not protesting anything you throw at me, I know you think it might motivate people but it doesn't work like that for me. You're fucking right, I'm weak and I was weak this entire time. I'm sorry I can't work as hard as you." 

     "You can't just leave like this," Levi breathes out. "You can't-"

     "I'm letting Erwin know first thing in the morning." I walked into my room. 

     "He won't let you-" 

     "He will," I confirmed and stared at him. "You won't have to deal with me ever again, the egotistical soldier who makes your team look bad."

     "Your brother-"

     "He's fine and in good care over here, he has people looking out for him and he doesn't need me anymore," I say in defeat. 

     "He's uh- He's always going to need you." He clenched his jaw and stared at the floor before looking back up at me. "You're his big sister."

     "Whatever, Levi." I rolled my eyes but he barged into my room and slammed the door shut.

Holy fuck, my heart was beating fast yet I had no intention of doing anything gentle with Levi at this moment. He already destroyed his own image for me, I didn't want to talk with him anymore. This stupid self-centered captain. 

I had a simple crush that he took way too far up the ass like I was in love with him which could never happen. Did I really want to marry someone? Fuck yeah. I don't think my dream is to be a captain or even be the best of the best I think Levi made it pretty clear I won't ever get there. 

      "You're not leaving," He looked at me. 

     "Leave my room." I fall onto my bed. "Or I'm reporting you."

     "Why are you- Fuck," He cursed and turned away from me. "You and your stupid dresses, your stupid ideas, and your skills."

     "Well fuck you too." I cursed back. "Why are you all of a sudden wanting me to not quit? You should be thanking me-"

     "Can I try something?" He said and stood in front of my bed.

     "What?" I scoffed. "No! Get out!" 

     "You're making this hard," He glared. "I need to make sure you won't leave this room-"

     "What do you have in mind?" My eyes softened and I felt myself grow tired from fighting. 

The alcohol is definitely fucking me. 

My mood swings were off the rails and I knew his mood swings were quicker than mine so I didn't know how to even deal with this, it's like he's trying to decipher something in his stupid old brain. Maybe he needs a reboot because of how ancient he is. 

      "Close your eyes," He demands.

What the fuck is he on? Should I even trust him? No. Athena, what are you doing? Think straight! 

I closed my eyes and I felt his leg in between my thighs, my hands were propped on my bed behind my back and I was shocked to feel a tingle on my lips.

He kissed me. 

A soft gentle kiss was placed on my lips and I opened my eyes when he pulled away, we were inches apart and the only thing I could focus on was his eyes. There's no way this fucker just kissed me. If it weren't for the alcohol I would've slapped him right then and there.

     "Levi," I breathed out and the room was quiet I could probably hear a pin drop. "What did you- Why?"

     "I'm sorry," He began to back up but I placed my hands behind his neck pulling him close to me.

He fell onto me and I hugged him tightly, I felt tears roll down my cheeks and I heard him act concerned. I felt something boiling inside of me and I felt irritated at his actions, he told me to get out of his office and didn't want to do anything with me except he was here now. He picked me up to take me to my room and didn't ask anyone else to do it when Hange could've done it and he forced himself into my room to kiss me. What the fuck?

     "It's just the alcohol, I get really emotional when I'm drunk." I sniffled and let him go. 

He nodded and stood awkwardly in silence before turning to my door.

     "Levi," I called out causing him to stop. "You're a mess you know that right?"

      "Don't you think I already know that?" He murmured. "I have to go, I have to think."

     "Please don't leave." I frowned as I felt the anger die down, I was starting to feel bad for him for some reason and I knew I was going to press on for more answers in the morning. Here I was wanting him to leave my room but after one kiss I didn't want him to leave my side ever again. "Please?"

     I was still leaving the corps regardless, this life wasn't for me honestly, and every day I started growing depressed bit by bit. I did want to fight but the thought of not starting a family was drowning me inside. I felt weak and I knew I had to stay strong for others it was stupid to feel depressed about this topic. No one around the corps has ever talked about starting a family and raising kids it's like an insult to even think about it. I know Erwin is hesitant about starting a family because he doesn't know if he'll die from a mission, bringing pain like that to your family must be horrendous.

He let out a deep sigh before looking at me. "I really have to think."

     "You may think that I'm just into you because I'm looking to marry anyone but you're wrong," I confessed. "I have pretty high standards, I've had my few share of flings and I can explain what went wrong in every one of them."

He took a seat across from me and nodded for me to continue.

     "There was no connection, I never shared my deepest thoughts with them, and every time I did... They ignored me, they didn't take me seriously and I knew I was dealing with immature men. That's why I don't go for younger men because somehow they always fail me, they don't go for things long term and they like to mess around. I thought I was fine and I could mess around but deep down it always hurt to know nothing ever lasted." I explained and rubbed my knees for comfort. "You are the only guy I've ever shared enough of my problems with, you listened to me and yes at times you judged me or teased me I could tell you looked at me like you were listening carefully. That's why I wanted to listen to you, I want to help you too."

     "I don't need help," He replied. 

     "You do," I replied staring at him in the eye. "You never accept help but you need help, you need someone to care for you, Levi. I care about you, I care about your day, I care about what you eat and how you train, what your thoughts are." 

     "I care about your thoughts as well." He confessed and leaned back in his chair. "You were the first person to stay and listen even after how much shit I've said. I can't lie I didn't know how to react to your confession at first because of- This thing... But knowing that you wanted to be with me I felt like I lost the person I could tell anything to." 

     "Why would you ever lose me?" I frowned. 

     "I would never prefer to have my partner know all these important things about me." He shook his head. "It's too much to bother them with-"

     "Levi, a partner is supposed to know these things about you." I chuckled. "Where your deepest thoughts lie, what your interests and struggles are."

     "No- Not for me." He fought back. "I don't need a partner knowing that, it's my job to be there for them." I sighed before crossing my arms. "Levi, you're a very stubborn and clumsy guy when it comes to relationships aren't you?"

      "What?" He scoffed. "No!" 

     "You're blushing right now." I looked at him amused and stood up to stand in front of him. "You know nothing about relationships, that is why you chose to run away."

     "You don't know anything," Levi glared at me. 

     "Levi," I said softly as I moved myself onto his lap and wrapped my arms around his neck, he didn't push me off though which I thought was a good sign. I wanted to be near him and be closer to him than I've ever been. Maybe it was the alcohol or the fact I somehow couldn't get him out of my head. "You're really cute when you're annoyed."

He opened his mouth to argue but nothing came out, he just looked down trying to avoid my gaze but I placed one hand on his jaw to make him look at me. "Look at me."

He was completely melting under my touch I felt his body relax and slowly his hands finally held my waist tightly. One point for me! 

     "Athena," His eyes filled with lust. "I'm not perfect and I make a lot of mistakes when it comes to these things- I-"

     "I know," I replied.

     "And someone could make you happier-"

     "Nope."

     "I'm very busy and sometimes I don't know how to show affection-"

     "It's okay." 

     "But I'm not the best person to go out with."

     "I don't care." I smiled pressing my forehead against him. "As long as you can commit to me, and we get married soon I don't care about the mistakes you make."

     "I also have something to tell you," He grumbled.

     "Save it for tomorrow," I replied.

     "But it's important," I could tell he was nervous and he didn't need to be. 

     "Don't tell me important things today, I'm drunk." I giggled. 

     "But you just confessed-"

     "Shhhh!" I giggled before leaving his lap and jumping on my bed. "Stay?"

He shot me a suspicious look before he moved his chair next to my bed. "I can watch over you." I nodded at him before getting under the covers.

     "I'm not sure about marriage." He frowned.

I stared at him with a nod, it's okay to be scared and I hope I'm not pressuring him to marry me or go out with me so I need to make sure. 

Maybe I can wait, I can wait for him.

     "Then we don't have to think about that, I'm willing to wait," I reassured him and held his hand. "Do you want to do this?" 

     "I do," He said almost like a reflex. "I will do my best to be good to you."

And after he said those words I drifted off into a nice sleep that I knew I would wake up promptly with a huge headache.