Chapter Twenty- Seven

Friends?

"Feeling better?" A handkerchief was given to me as I patted down my eyes.

I was in his office, Levi's office. 

Come to find out it was the same office I made out with.. A particular someone... 

This is awkward.

"No," I sniffled as I looked up at him, I was sitting on his desk and I felt bad since he had that shit going on with germs and I was basically on his desk.

"You're cleaning the desk tomorrow." He sighed as he leaned against the wall with the door closed. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"I don't know are you going to make fun of me?" I frowned. 

"Not like I gave a fuck?" He put his hands up in defense. 

"You do care," I pouted. 

"I don't." He turned away.

"Why don't you ever take your gloves off, a couple of germs won't kill you." I scoffed holding the handkerchief.

"No, but your irritating voice might just do the job." He said sarcastically crossing his arms. "If you don't have anything more to say-" 

"I can't just trust you with everything," I glared. "What? Why do you expect me to give my everything to you when you don't even say shit to anyone. I don't just easily tell people my secrets."

"And you're smart for that," He nodded. "Which is why bottling this shit up instead of telling Hange is stupid. I'm used to keeping everything inside that's how I always been so it's easier but you cannot. You're practically falling apart silently." 

"Oh shut up! You think no one notices? Or no one cares?" I scoffed and laid back on his desk. "I know you've been dragged through the mud and your poor attitude shows it! I don't know your whole history but at least I know my place and I don't pry." 

He rolled his eyes at me before walking in front of me making me sit up, his hands on opposite sides of my legs. He leans in and inspects my face not saying a word, I felt my heart drop.

I might actually just die in this moment. 

"You are so fucking stubborn." He cursed staring into my eyes. "I won't make fun of you, I'll just listen." 

Listen? Just listen?

"You promise you won't just go and tell anyone?" I looked at him nervously.

He sighed and rolled his eyes, "Do I look like I talk to people for fun?" 

Right.

"Promise?" I stuck out my pinky finger to him. 

"This is stupid," He stood up straight.

"Promise!" I grumbled and took his hand. "Take your glove off, this is a real promise."

"Just tell me," He groaned.

"Aren't you dying to know?" I snickered.

"I despise you," He took his glove off and stuck out his pinky finger intertwining them together sending butterflies in my stomach.

I smiled as I looked at our fingers laced together, it felt nice to not have to be mad at him all the time. I let go of his pinky before swinging my legs and patting the spot next to me on the desk.

"I'm not sitting on my own desk." He deadpanned.

"Please?" I pouted.

"Don't you ever just shut up?" He sighed giving up and sitting next to me. 

"I plan to settle down and have a family." I started. "I want to protect Armin but I also want to have my own life to live since I feel like my childhood was taken from me.... Erm... I had to take care of the kids when they were young- Armin and the 3. Eren was always getting into fights and there were many times where I wanted to be there for Armin but I couldn't because I had to help support the family. I know it sounds stupid but I've always wanted to fall in love, I want to find a partner I can share the rest of my life with. I feel like love is the only thing that I crave in this fucked up world."

He sat still and listened as I ranted more, it felt nice to finally let all of this out. And he didn't speak or judge, not one single time.

"When Hange told me to leave, that was the first time I felt something die in me." I swallowed harshly. "I was never close with my comrades and all I ever did was joke around with them yet we worked well in a team, so why did this happen? He could've survived, if we had just got him to a medic he could've."

"But there was no time." Levi spoke up and glanced at me. "Hange did what she knew was best at the moment, I'm not sure what went through her mind but she's always calculated her decisions. She's smart. You have to make hard decisions as a leader."

He jumped off the desk and adjusted his gloves before looking at me.

"Don't blame her, but most importantly don't blame yourself." He added.

I looked at him before standing up and nodding my head.

"I hope I can talk to her soon." I frowned.

"You will, but how about we let you have some fun before calling it a night?" He offered and extended his hand towards me.

My eyes widened at his proposal, it felt almost magical seeing how he acted towards me.

Why was he being so nice?

He was a good captain, I appreciate him a lot more now. I hope I can still be as good as him and maybe even better someday.

He was a good friend to keep around.

If we were even friends.