Chapter Twenty- Five

A bit closer

It's been about a week, I still haven't talked to Hange and honestly I beginning to really rethink our friendship. I love Hange, I really do and she's the only one I have here. I wanted to address the tension and I knew I didn't want to push the problem away. 

I needed answers.

I'm not so much in the loop with the kids and I found out Connie had passed away, sadly I was not as close to him and I know the kids took it really hard.

Even Captain Levi was sad, I knew he was but he didn't show it. I see him crack everyday though, it takes a lot to really recognize it.

I saw Natalia getting better though which was good, Jean, Marco, Sasha, Armin, and Mikasa... Wow. They were just kids and they improved so much.

"You're not supposed to let the dress drag on the floor." A voice interrupted my thoughts, I was on the balcony of my room trying to hang the dresses for the upcoming ball in a few days.

"Ah," I turned to see the one and only captain enter my room since my door was wide open, I didn't mind keeping it open since I had nothing to hide and it was better for customers to come in easily. "The prick has returned."

"I will have you on cleaning duty," He threatened and clenched his jaw as he walked onto the balcony closer to me.

"Pfft," I snorted and hung the dress in my hand. "Aye, aye, captain."

"I don't understand why you think you're higher than me in all of this." His glare remained on me. "I could really write you up for this, take it to Erwin." 

"And what?" I scoffed. "You haven't yet, I'm guessing I'm getting on your good side." 

I raised my eyebrow at him while he looked away immediately and dusted off the hem of the dress that touched the ground. 

"Whatever," He turned around and headed for the exit. 

"Wait-" I sighed and sat at the small table on my balcony. "Can I talk to you? On a real level." 

"Hmm?" He turned to look at me with a suspicious look before groaning and sitting across from me. "What is it now."

"I know we aren't close and all... Y'know what this is stupid." I shook my head.

"It's not stupid," He interrupted and stared into my eyes, it felt so familiar. "If it has to do with the mission-"

"I just don't want to sound stupid for feeling guilty." I blurted out. "I know you're a strong soldier and I'm not even sure how many people you've lost but I know how you must've felt. Does it ever get any easier?"

"You're what? 4 years into this? You haven't even felt everything there is coming your way," He replied and shook his head. "I don't struggle anymore." 

"That's a lie," I shot back and leaned in closer. "I know it kills you every time." 

His eyes widened as he stared at me, he quickly gained composure and scoffed before turning to look at the sky. 

"Don't spew out nonsense," He grumbled. "You have to be strong, you fight and you don't look back even if those who you once knew are ripped apart. It's your job."

"I'm not going to judge you." I leaned back. "It's okay to feel, I just wish I could've done more to save my comrades. I don't even want to go to the balls anymore." 

"Huh?" He turned to look at me. "Why not?"

"It feels like a punch in the throat." I shrugged. "Why should I attend a ball in honor of my comrades that have fallen? Hange on top of it, I can't get it out of my head."

"What the hell happened between you guys?" He groaned. "You guys seriously haven't talked?"

"Doesn't matter if she won't talk to me," I looked down. "It's just not fun anymore."

"Listen," Captain Levi caught my attention. "Go to the ball, I don't think anyone would blame you for going. The point of the damn thing is to relieve yourself and forget about the fucked up world we live in. Go destress." 

"Come to think about it," I sighed facepalming. "I kind of asked a guy out to attend the next one and he said yes. Fuck."

"Don't leave him waiting," He stood up and eyed the dresses hung all around my room and balcony. "Wear something nice, doesn't have to be all fancy."

"What does not fancy look like to you?" I furrowed my eyebrows.

"This looks simple enough," He touched the red dress I had hung in my closet. "Red looks good on you." 

My heart paced at his sudden compliment, that was weird. Really weird. Why would he compliment me like that. 

I'm confused.

"And if the guy doesn't show, I'm sure you'll find someone to dance with." He said before leaving my room.

Wow.

Okay? Got it. Wear the red dress.

Wait, why was I listening to what he was saying?

What the fuck.

I have no idea what's going on, but I guess I'm going to the ball wearing that dress.

What do I have to lose?