Its been two days since I got back from the hospital, I've been given the all-clear.

i'm stretching now in the dance studio, I haven't picked out the music yet. I look up as a few people enter the room, I had put my hair up and was wearing a red beanie and silver face mask. I scoffed when I see him, Jay Park, I crack my neck a few times. A few of my dancers come in, my face lights up because today is juworkingign out my muscles. I'm in boy mode, well I was till Z another dancer lets my hair down.

She motions to the Jay, "He is giving you the eyes." I scoff I held up my left hand, "You see this? It means I'm getting married, keep dreaming."

https://youtu.be/iBbynqAK25I

[[ BETTER NOW - CHOREOGRAPHY ]]

"Let's go, girls, I need this practice more than ever right now," I tell them as we stretch.

"Damn Kai, you move so well. It doesn't even look like you got stabbed a few days ago." Z had said.

"Shut up Z, stop airing out my business before I air out yours, not every body here at the company knows what happened. Leave, come back when you have better sense." I watch her cry and leave the studio.

"Damn you didn't have to be a bitch about it." Jay had walked up towards me.

"Bitch?!  Mother fucker. Fuck you, you don't me or what I am like. Or what've been through. Plus she should know better than to be airing out my business, Last time I checked your not an idol from YG. So unless you have a paper stating we will be working together, stay the fuck away from me. The Kai you met, is long gone." I got up and put on other music after taking off my shirt again and putting on my Adidas jacket

"Damn what the hell is up with the attitude?" She's not the same girl I met a week ago I tell my friends.

I stepped in right after Zion, decided to open her mouth. She has a tendency of saying things when she shouldn't. I make my way toward Jay and Sik-k "You know I'd be different too if I were stabbed. While I was sleeping in the comfort of my own home. On the day of my birthday. At my own birthday party. Why do you do that? You misunderstand her and automatically put her in a category she doesn't belong. Kai has had a very hard life, she doesn't know what it's like to be a normal teenage girl or now a young woman. You know how about you watch the first episode, of UNDER NINETEEN? Come find me when you want to know more, My fiancee will surprise the fuck out of you. She's only cold like that at first, when she figures out that people wish to use her, maybe if you try to be her friend first she would help you out." Jiyong had said.

I walked away and towards my fiance, I could see her anger and held her from behind. "Babygirl, YG wants to see you let's go you can come back later and dance your heart out," I tell her.

I grab my water and towel and walk towards Oppa, I stop in front of Jay, "My bad for the attitude but if you took 10 seconds and take your head out of your ass, you shouldn't judge a book by its cover, next time read between the lines it might help sometimes. You would see I'm a dope ass person to know, but I'll tell you straight to your face to drop the playboy act because it kinda feels like your a try-hard. Deuces." I walk away with Jiyong's arm around my shoulder.

"Dude she just roasted you, but she made it sound so sweet. She is definitely my bias. I think I'm in love, I'm going to go and introduce myself before she leaves." Sik-k says as he runs towards her.

"Miss Kai, please wait," I say out loud.

I look at Jiyong, "Did someone just call me MIss?" I blushed 10 coats of red.

"Yeah, how can I help you?" I turn towards him

"I'm Sik-k and I just wanted to introduce myself just in case we work together in the future," I say and bow to her.

"Hi, I know who you are besides, BIG BANG AND BTS, you're my next favorite. Don't Play is my go-to song for me every time I warm up If I still have time and my boyfriend lets me we'll see if I can dance it for you." I tell him.

I think I made him blush, I waved and skipped to Oppa who was waiting for me by the elevator. "Babygirl, I think you have a fan club look." he pointed outside YG as I see signs of GET BETTER and WE LOVE KAI.

My heart was lifted just by the get better sign, "Do you still have snacks leftover from last time?" I had asked Oppa.

We had gone to the children's Hospital, its where I met a little girl. She looked exactly like me when I was in her situation. The thing was after her parents beat her they killed themselves, my heart went out to her. I stayed for hours talking to her, while the boys made their rounds. I told her what had happened to me and the outcome. I told her if she wanted to have some company, to call me and I would be there for her.

She was 15, that was the age I ran away from home. I had asked the head nurse in charge if a family was going to come and take her. The thing was no one wanted a damaged child, I told her about my 1st adopted family and that I still go to visit every chance I get, the lady said she would check them out. I had called Appa and mom and Kevin, I introduced them they fell in love. I told the girl, by the way, her name is Kari. She fell in love with Kevin, I wished Kevin good luck and made my way to look for my fiance and our brothers.

I found them outside, signing autographs and taking pictures. "Omg, guys it's Kai. Unnie will you sign my cast please." I smiled at the young girl, I told her sure. I reached on my bag as I handed out the snacks and water bottles. I had written little messages on them thanking them for support.

Jiyong and Oppa went down to the car and got everything for me. "Oppa tell YG, I'll be p there shortly. I wish to hand these out to them first." I smiled as I made my way out the doors with 2 security guards.

"Hi everyone, I wish to thank everyone here for there support and get well messages. It makes

me speechless that you care so much for me, I hope you watch the finale in a few days. I'll be sure to give you guys a shout out." I handed everything out, gifts were given to me, a little girl even proposed to me it was adorable.

I smiled all the way up to the board meeting, I knocked on the door as I was ushered in. "Kai meet BTS and GOT7." They did they're greeting, "Jhope Sunbae, it's nice to meet you again." I bowed, "There's my favorite All-star!"

I made a face as he said that godforsaken name, "Kai despises that name that's for sure, well we are here because we wish to work with you." I held my hand up, "Yes Kai, What is it?"

I stood up "I would love to but which Kai are they looking for the Guy Kai, who is a Trainee for UNDER NINETEEN. Or the girl Kai who is just as good as the guy Kai." I saw there faces get scrunched up in confusion, I see Jhope and my boys laugh their asses off in the corner.

I throw my hands up and look at YG, "You didn't tell them did you?" I ask him.

"Nah, where's the fun in that?" he responds.

"Why do you do this to me? I thought you loved me?" I tell him.

"Come on then to the dance studio we go, My equipment is down there anyways." I walked out with Jhope grabbing me and I grabbed Jiyong, BTS's leader tapped me on the shoulder. I know what it is, so can I just hang here with you guys. He had whispered in my ear, "You're a girl but with a guys voice." I clapped my hands at RM Sunbae that he got it correct.

"So what will it be first?" I see jay and those guys from earlier all walk-up. "Count us in Kai."

When I say that, everyone that knows me was busting up with laughter, except the remainder of BTS and GOT7. "Hyung I'm gonna need help with this one put on Lullaby please."

https://youtu.be/0HSrc7gnbqc

[ Lullaby - GOT7 Choreography ]

[Pretend Kai is the guy in the blue shirt and he is wearing a mask and beanie]

"Boys, you have to understand, Kai here is a different breed he can dance, sing and rap. He also has another secret he will share with you after you have seen everything." YG Explains.

"Yoon-gi hyung, why are you making that face?" Jimin and Jungkook had asked.

"I've seen him before, I just don't know where though." Yoon-gi is beside himself, it's driving him nuts.

I finished dancing, I looked at ones panting behind. "What are you guys tired? I can go another 8 hours of dancing alone. Which do you want first Singing or rapping? You pick your poison, I smiled at them." I could hear Jhope Sunbae praising me.

I grabbed water and drank it through my mask.

"Why do you wear a mask?" Jackson from Got7 asked.

"Well I only take it off around people I know, and I don't know you very well. But I'' take off after my last performance." I tell them

"You speak very good English, are you American by chance?" Bambam had spoken now.

"I am Pacific Islander to be exact. I was born in the states and ran away from home after I graduated at 15 yrs old. I don't live a normal teenage life, If you don't mind I'll just do the rap I made for the show okay, that way you will understand my upbringing and my life." I told them.

https://youtu.be/oQQsYiT-Zgk

[ Ludicious - Hope ]

( you guys are probably tired of this song, but if you sit down and really hear the message it's very sad but beautiful all in the same. )

Hope Lyrics:

It's been a while now,
feel like I been stuck inside of this moment
The weight of the world on my shoulders is pulling me down
I have been trying to hold it

Everyone's dealing with issues
Most of us don't get the courage to show it
A lot on my mind gotta expose it
This is the path that I have chosen

I gotta lotta bad days, so I write
When I'm in a bad state of my life
I have been living at a fast pace
I'm alright, but I really feel I lost faith

This is the place that I turn when the world that I live in is darkest
I got a message for all of the people
Who think that their life's become garbage
Late at night when you can't decide if you wanna live or you wanna die
Hard to sleep and you can barely breathe
Feel the pain inside as it amplifies

Bad things happen that we can't explain
You can let go of the past but the scars remain
You gotta lot of anger that you can't contain
Now you need to find a way to let it go and change

Star on fire, I'm trying
To burn without collapsing
Hanging in the balance
Caught in the middle of silence
Light me up, I'm searching
Looking for one reason
Tryna find the beacon
To guide me home

Hope
Now that's a word that I'm pretty new to
Stuck in depression
Now that's something that I'm pretty used to

A lonely road
Who knew that people would like me because of my YouTube
But I'm grateful
That's what I feel every time that I see I got new views

But I'm so confused
What's the point of a view if I'm a slave to it
This day in age is pretty dangerous
Why is Facebook determining relationships

Kids overdose in the basement with
No clue what do when their parents split
Started to slip, they were losing their grip
Couldn't bare to repair their embarrassment

When you feel like you been living in a dark maze
Scream why when you looking up and stargaze
You lose sight in the storm when it's all grey
You can't fight
You really wanna part ways
But think twice
For your life's a gift, it's alright
When you feel you can't find it just reach out a hand
And somebody will show you the light

Star on fire, I'm trying
To burn without collapsing
Hanging in the balance
Caught in the middle of silence
Light me up, I'm searching
Looking for one reason
Tryna find the beacon
To guide me home

Yeah
It's been too long, I been falling
Lord knows that it's all been exhausting
I feel that my soul is evolving
I'm done with the pain I have been causing

I've waited for strength to resolve this
I hear that my angels are calling
In the rain of the storm, I'm calm it
I'll crawl if I have to, I'm all in

I've been waiting for so long
Can't do this on my own
I need to know there's more than this feeling

Star on fire, I'm trying
Oh I'm burning, but I'm not collapsing
Light me up, I'm searching
For a reason, I found the beacon
To guide me home

I was tired of sitting, I was back in my groove. I stood up cos I knew what was coming, I opened my eyes as every jaw in the room was dropped besides those that knew me. I saw a few with tears.

"Damn Kai, I deeply apologize for categorizing where you shouldn't be. I'll make sure not to do that again." jay had approached me.

I took a sip of my water, "It's fine everyone makes mistakes, it shows them they aren't perfect. Shit, If I was perfect do think I would have gone through the bullshit I went through as a kid. I'm the youngest one in this room about to be married and only those in the corner behind me and you and Sik-k know the real deal."

I turn towards the group of people sitting in front of me, "Who wants to take a stab at my secret before I start to sing? Any takers? None good because I'm bout to throw you way off. I'll do a new cover one that I haven't even made the music to yet deal. If you can guess at the end, besides those that know already Dinner is on me but if not then it's your loss."

https://youtu.be/f7_KFk8aUKg

[ just pretend this is kai and they are in the dance studio and pretend he is wearing a beanie and mask ]

I turned to my laptop setup and pressed record, I grabbed the bass guitar. Then I get up and walk towards the piano playing a few keys, I see Yoon-gi Oppa stand up and check out what I am doing. "Hi! What do you need? I ask him, he shakes his head and closes his eyes. His head bobs to the melody. I go back and pick up the guitar, the music coming together nicely in my head as imagine all the sounds coming together. I see the look of ones with a puzzled look on their faces, I try so hard not to giggle. "Don't worry it will sound amazing once it plays altogether."

I turn and start to sing, I turn to look at them as their eyes widen, God their reaction will never get old, Taeyang Oppa went behind and did the harmony for me. I was having to much fun as the lyrics bored out of me. I did a high note, I swear jaws dropped again. I was secretly stealing glances at Jiyong as he blew kisses at me. I blushed as I kept singing. The song was over too soon for my liking, but I think I left them stupid. They were unmoving, still like statues.

I took off my jacket, "Can I have your attention, I'll be unmasking myself now." I've never seen heads whip towards me so fast it was hilarious. I take off my beanie as my black hair comes tumbling down, I run my hair through it as I untie my mask and wave.

"Anyways I'm Kai, it's very nice to meet you!" I start to laugh as there is just pure silence

"Prove it, we have to hear you sing like a girl." the younger ones of both groups say at the same time.

"Sure, That's not a problem at all." I speak into the Mic, I look at Jiyong, "Oppa, Trust me okay?!" He gave a hesitant nod.

https://youtu.be/lfn81WElegk

[ Ysabelle Cuevas - Love Exists COVER ]

I sat on the stool and waited for the intro to begin. I was singing, I saw Jiyong fidget. T.O.P and Taeyang Oppa were holding him. Telling him to calm and chill and just to let me finish. I saw a few tears fall and he was getting mad. I felt my heartbreak when his anger took over, I watched him get up and leave, I decided to stay and finish the song, let him cool down. As I was singing this song, I felt the weight I had on my heart and mind, I was ready to move on and complete my life with Oppa now. But why did that feel like a mistake, that I didn't follow him? I should have known it was A huge one!

I was full-on crying, hurt that he left. I excused myself, I ran out and called out for hi. He just ignored me and got in his car and left me there. I decided to just walk back to the apartment, what I didn't expect was to find all of my belongings thrown all on the living room floor. I felt wrong, but I knew in his eyes I had wronged him. But I think he thought, I was singing to Jinsung. But in all honesty, I was thinking of the past memories of him, how we met and all the small moments. I slid my phone out of my pocket, I sent a text to T.O.P Oppa to send the video he took and send it to Jiyong.

I looked around the living room for my box, the one from Oppa Kevin. I kept everything that I thought was important to me me. Pictures, small things. The ring Jiyong had given me was gone, our pictures ripped up. I grabbed my bag and my blanket and pillow making my way to the gym, That night in the dark I cried my eyes out, he just left. He didn't even give me a chance to explain., I denied all calls that kept coming in. I ignored work, I but I still got up for the finale.

BIG BANG stayed away, every night I would eat ramen and kimchi by myself at the convenience store. I would stay at the studio and work on the songs, I've been working on many things. I wiped a stray tear as I uploaded a special song. I left the studio, my hair in a bun. A baggy g-dragon hoodie and black sweats, I walked by YG. He pulled me in his office, "Kai sweetheart. You don't look so good. Has he talked to you?" He had asked me.

I shook my head as fresh tears fell down my cheeks, I thought I had cried everything out. "Appa, after the finale I'm leaving. I can't take it being here If I can't have Jiyong. Then there's no point in me being in Seoul. My plan is to go to Beijing, please just let me go even if it's for a short while. Just so my heart can heal, okay?! I'll come back but only then.

I was blindsided, I was tossed over a shoulder and ran out the door. There was no use fighting back. But just by noticing how far of the ground I was, I had already known who it was. I was sat on a medium-sized concrete ledge, "What the hell is this bullshit? You're going to leave us? What the hell Kai." T.O.P had yelled at me

I looked up as the tears didn't stop yelling, my voice all rough and raspy. "Don't yell at me okay?! I know I fucked up, well sort of. But he shouldn't have left, he would have seen the video I had made. If he hasn't talked to me now, I don't think he ever will. I'm tired of the hurt, even if it was accidental or provoked. I will do what my heart wants, but I can't do anything when my heart wants something I can't have. I'll come back, but just being in your presence. I feel lonely as ever and abandoned. I tried making the effort, but when I saw that girl hug and kiss him. I just can't, that's twice already and i'm not even 20, where I can drink myself into oblivion."

I jumped down, "do me a favor okay? If you still consider me your little sister. Can you give this USB to him? It's for him and only him. I just sent the file to your phone, I hope he will understand my intentions after hearing it."

"Kai, lil one sing it for me? If you plan on leaving me just do that." I asked her

I looked around when I noticed a small stage with a mic, looks like someone was going to perform here soon. I walked up to the lady with the clipboard and tapped her on the shoulder.

"Excuse me, but may I use your equipment and stage. I can pay you, just name the price." I tell her.

"Omg, my act can't perform. If you can perform anything for me, I will be forever in your debt. My boss's wife was supposed to perform here tonight, but sadly she went into labor and can't be here." I had spoken to the girl with pretty green eyes.

I nodded my head, "Sure, Thank you. This is will be my first and last performance tho on the streets. If you wish to call everyone you know, tell them, Kai, a trainee from under nineteen is performing for you. They'll come running I promise you this.

I walked on the little stage, I synced my Spotify account to the ladies system. Soon a medium-sized crowd had gathered. I cleared my throat, "T.O.P Oppa, I hope this song will prove my point on how much I love your leader and brother!"

"Jiyong, if you don't get here in the next 30 seconds. You will forever regret it." I say into my phone.

Jiyong has been moping around the house, mainly in his room. He only comes out when Kai is nowhere in sight. I want to spank them both and ground them, these two are getting on my nerves. Taeyang and I have staged this whole thing, I had purposely told bossman about their problems. With a little incentive, I was able to convince him to help, or we would lose both of them forever.

I had made sure to cover everything from head to toe, so no one would notice me. I could hear her all the way by the car. I exit out, my heart hurts as I see her. She's lost some weight and looks like her sleep is irregular. I knew I was wrong, but I really really thought that song was for the other guy. Until Hyung sent me a video, It's when I noticed the video behind her playing on the studio wall. I regret everything, I was going to tell her but I haven't seen her for 2 weeks. All I know is she was delaying the finale.

https://youtu.be/D3N2R0Z_C0Q

[[ Just pretend this is Kai on a small stage outside on the streets and that She is wearing her mask, But she is flossing a G-Dragon Hoodie ]]

I untie my face mask and watch t flutter to the floor. "Excuse me, Hello, If you guys didn't know! My name is Kai, This will be My first and last performance on the streets as my true self. This song is dedicated to someone I love so deeply. Someone who took me in when they really didn't know anything about me. Someone I was able to trust wholeheartedly, To this special someone if your here. I'm sorry I fucked up, I'm sorry if I'm a burden to you. I just want to say I love you and I thank you for everything."

I felt my world shatter as those words went on loop in my mind, what the fuck do you mean first and last! I watched in awe as I listened to the music flow from the speakers behind her, I didn't know what this was but it was sent to my phone by Hyung. She had tears in her eyes, her eyes were searching the crowd. When her eyes landed on mine, I saw the sparkle in her eyes come back to life. Her voice was mesmerizing, I had goosebumps as her song lifted me up.

"See I knew if you didn't come you would regret and she would too, remember she is family Jiyong, we don't ignore family," I tell him

We looked at each other, then we continued looking at my baby girl and his beloved little sister, She took steps towards me, she was maybe about 2 ft away when I could hear the music building into something powerful. Her hand reached towards me, I took the few steps and grabbed her hand. 

"Oppa Saranghe, Please forgive me." She said to me as she just confessed her love to be in front of a bunch of strangers.

"Miahne baby girl, please forgive me for misreading the situation. I promise to be a good huband as long as your by my side."