- 2 weeks later -

I watched as all my unnie's act up during our practice and start fucking around. I loved them and all but this isn't wasn't me. This was far from what I had dreamed of when I wanted to be an idol. I felt foolish and stupid. The words I said to Eddie 3 weeks ago, just slapped me in my face. The sudden realization that I was being fake, why was I even here if this was how I truly felt. I shook my head in defeat, I had to go back. But being here was just a waste of my talent and time as well as RED VELVET'S, I stopped myself from thinking any further. I smiled to myself, I could hear Yongha Oppa's words, telling me to stop thinking too much.

Coming to the point where I just realized I have failed, I didn't like the outcome of the decisions I made 2 weeks ago. I stood up, the only thought in my head was to go back to where I belong, to the one place that truly accepted me for me and not the facade that I had portrayed now. I took one last look at them, on the other side of the glass I see YG meet my gaze, I bowed and mouthed out a silent thank you. He bowed back, smiling and mouthed out call me. It was like he knew, what I suddenly realized. YG has been nothing but hospitable. But he knew, where I really wanted to be. He knew I yearned for my friends that I suddenly left behind, without so much as a goodbye.

Shit, I didn't drive here. Unnie had picked me up this morning, giving me a ride to work. It was going to be one long-ass walk back to the dorms, but I think it was a must. It's like this was my fate that has brought me here, I was grateful for everything. But it was time to go back and do what I wanted to do in the first place. I was going to become me. In one week alone, YG had helped me with my voice. I could still be a boy if I really wanted to, but now I could do both voices and I was really satisfied with the outcome. I have learned a lot while I was there, apparently, I was one of a kind. Just like his one of his artists who is apart of BIG BANG and is dubbed as the KING OF KPOP, GDRAGON OPPA.

To be honest with you, I was a little disappointed when I wasn't able to meet him but YG had promised me that I could work with him in the future. I was surprised and he had written up a contract, when I become of age he would introduce us, I think I broke his eardrums that day. Back to what I was saying, the walk back to the dorms was very meaningful. It was like the inklings I would get, it was telling me that I made a mistake and I needed to go back and fix it. My true self needed to voice her thoughts, she was ready for the world to know her.

So here I was outside the dorms, looking up at the building with my luggage in hand. This building held so many memories for me, nowhere in the world held memories like that. This place holds a special place deep in my heart and soul. Seeing this place again, made be heart lighter it felt like I was home after a long time, what I really wanted to do was go find MY LULLABY and hold him close and never let go. But before I get to that step, I had a few things that needed to be done. It was for the best, that I get my affairs in order for me to proceed to the next real step.

I walked to the back of the grounds, I watched from the vending machine and see the three who bring a smile to my face. I smiled to myself when I see the other 6 with them. They were carefree and looked like they were having fun. I made sure my face was secure before continuing on to the front of the dorms, I looked around when I see Jin the cameraman. I waved at him like a maniac, I pointed to Jinsung, then pointed to myself. He gave me a hug, he understood me. I put my finger to my lips and he just nodded.

"Jin Oppa, you know who I am right?" I had asked him.

He patted my head as I pouted, "Of course, your eyes give you away each and every time. No matter what you wear or how you look or dress. I could pick you out of any crowded place. But I like your look before though, I've always wondered what your true self looked like, now I know. Even when you portrayed a boy you were still beautiful. By the way, Solji said to turn around she is waiting for you. Oh and Kai you have exactly 30 seconds before I run and tell the younger ones, who have missed you terribly, that you are finally back." We hugged again, he turned and ran. I didn't understand what he said until I heard his laughter.

"Unnie!" I yelled out in the most cutest way I could.

((This is how I pictured her to look after she spent time with red velvet.))

I had long hair now, I kept it instead of cutting it. Joy had said I would look really pretty if I kept my long hair and it would be manageable, she had me get it white and faded baby pink tips. Wearing a black graphic long sleeve, black and white graphic face mask. Silver contacts, I also had a BIGBANG snapback in my back pocket. "Oh my god, Kai? Is that really you? Did you see your boyfriend yet? I wouldn't be surprised if you guys had a moment or two." Solji had said to me.

"No, unnie. Business comes first. I need to see the CEO like now. I'm ready, to reveal to the world and everyone else. Who I am and embrace it. This girl that's in front of you isn't the same one who you met months ago, I've changed and I just realized I made a mistake. I'm back now and I'm ready to put in the work that I managed to fuck up. Not only was I selfish for only myself but I left my friends behind, what kind of person does that. But now I realized what I did wrong, please take me to the CEO."

I looked around, people were pointing and looking at me. "Unnie, did you tell anyone I was coming back?" I had asked her. Nevermind it was Jin the cameraman.

I think someone was screaming my name, I turned around quickly as the younger ones tackled me to the ground. "Hey boys, I hope you guys have been good and you have been eating, sleeping and staying healthy as well."

Suren finally came to his senses, he helped me up from the ground and hugged me tightly. I ruffled Suren's hair playfully, he turned away as he crossed his arms while pouting. "Noona, not the hair." He swatted my hands away playfully.

I had a different mindset I knew what I wanted, I rolled my luggage down the hallways. While the younger ones went back to wherever they had come from. I stopped in front of the familiar door, I made sure my mask was in place, I didn't even bother knocking. Me being me, I slammed open the door, everyone in the room jumped up. I see a few of them fall to the floor and a few of them scream like little girls. I just bowed, I turned closing the door. I said in a super sweet voice, "Miahne, I'm sorry it took me so long to come back, I can't believe it took me this long to figure out everything. I figured out that I almost ruined my future, what little control I had over it anyways. That I almost failed in accomplishing what I wanted out of my life, I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me!"

It was so quiet you could hear a pin drop. "Excuse me, but do we know you miss?" I looked at the guy who said it, it just so happened to Jinseok. I stood there and giggled quietly.

I thought for a second, I took out my phone and played my song from when I first performed. My mask still in place and I let my lyrics flow. I pulled the mask down this time, I smiled. "Did you miss me?" I gave them an award-winning smile.

Suddenly the room became really noisy, I just stood there as question after question was thrown my way. "Look guys the sell-out is back." I looked around the room for where that statement came from. He glared at me long and hard, "Oh, It's like that now? You think just because I didn't like you when you tried to cop a feel on my ass, that I would treat you any differently. I told you I would forget but I would never forgive. In what frame of mind is that okay? I trusted you, but you betrayed my trust when you put your creepy ass hands on me! I'm not an idiot, even when I act totally clueless sometimes. But I did pull you aside and told you I didn't see you like that, there is only one person for me here. But he doesn't even know that I am back."

Just then the door slams open again, as all 9 of them walk through the door. "Hey who's the pretty girl?" Taewoo says out loud.

"Taewoo, she's taken by one of your members. I guess your not the only one who falls for a pretty face." Hyun had said.

I've had it with all the sarcastic remarks, I was pissed as fuck. I slammed my hands on the table, making a few them back up and out of my way. I walked up to him, I was about 2 ft in front of him.

"You know what your no better than the people of my past, you like to push people till they snap. Me, I try to avoid the trouble if necessary. That's why I left in the first place, I would push aside my worries and my burdens and try to help others. But I was selfish when I left and it was the biggest mistake of my life. You wouldn't understand, what it took to come back here with my tail tucked between my legs. I know everyone in this room has hardships, but I have had it worse than you. Did someone try to poison you, while you tried to make sure you weren't a burden on your team? Did you cough up blood and spit all over the studio floor while trying to practice? Did someone take your things and hide them in the most unreasonable places? Did someone try to out you because you decided to hide who you truly are because deep down I was ashamed of myself? GODDAMMIT, Do you even think? Before your bullshit comes flying out of your mouth, you know I'm not the only one you've stepped on? But I am damn tired of you putting people down. When things don't go your way, you have a tendency of taking it out on us. The answers to all those are A BIG FAT FUCKING NO! SO PLEASE GET YOUR FUCKING HEAD OUT OF YOUR ASS AND ACT LIKE GOD HAS GIVEN YOU SOME SENSE!"

I had ripped my mask off, in my angered state. While my tears were flowing down my face, "You know I really thought I would be accepted back, that you guys who I have considered as my friends and my family. But I guess not, I guess you can't always get what you want. I guess I truly don't belong here."

I reached into my back pocket, "I made you guys something for the next mission, it was me trying to apologize but it was worth a shot. I don't want them, I really have no use for them so do what you want. I don't care anymore, I guess this is the price I pay for the life I've chosen."

I swiped my mask off the floor, then walked out the door not even looking back. I didn't care I just wanted to leave, the place I considered home no longer felt like it was. It was now just a place, I felt my arm being grabbed in a tight grip. I looked up at a straight face, a not too happy expression on Jinsung's face. He led me to a spot near the cafeteria, near our special place. Now it wasn't so special anymore since I've seen him with other people there.

He let me go and looked down at me, I could see frustration, anger, and sadness in his eyes. "Kai, why are you being like this? Why didn't you tell me? You know I found out from N, he has been open with me and Do Yum. How could you hide this from me? How could you push aside your health? Your wellbeing? Is it because you didn't think I wouldn't be able to handle it? I thought when we agreed to date one another, that I would be your shoulder to lean on. Did you forget about that part? I'll see you later, I can't even look at you right now? I might say something I might forget!"

"So you're going to leave just like that? You're doing it again, this is what? The third time now? Let me guess you're going to turn your back on me too? Wow, this isn't how people who love each other act, Jinsung. I hope you have a good reason for scaring me, for getting mad at me for no apparent reason. You know what? If this is how you're going to treat me then I guess you really didn't love me at all. Goodbye Jinsung."

I ran to the front, in unnie's hand was my luggage.

"Can I borrow uncle's motorcycle? I know it is here, I saw him park it then hand you his keys. I need to go straighten out my brother and see what bullshit he has been telling Jinsung, I am so god damn tired of all this bull shit."

"Wait! What happened? It's only been 3 minutes since you walked out of the studio door?" She asked me as she handed me my uncle's keys.

"How the fuck should I know? I have been just accused of hiding something from my boyfriend, and to be honest I have no fucking clue what the hell he was talking about. But when I do find that asshole, all I know is that he better fucking run. It's all thanks to N, that I just lost the love of my life."

I watched her try not to stumble and cry, I know she wanted too. I see Do Yum, "Yeah, you come here right now! Explain to me why my Donsaeng said she and Jinsung are no longer together? Explain to me or I'll have Kai come back and get information out of another way." I see Kai's best friends face scrunch up in distaste.

"Noona, I think N's prank went a little too far. He has been calling all the trainees and playing pranks on us. He tells us that our loved one is hiding something and they would die soon."

--- Upstairs in the dorm that they use to share ---

How could she come back all happy like that? Not a care in the world, why did she not tell me that she was dying? My heart was breaking it literally stabbed with no regret. N called me a few days ago, he said he was sorry and he didn't want to hide it from me. I looked at the phone and the guys, Yongha & Eunhyuk said he was drunk again because he missed you. But the words he said, sounded so real. "You know your loved one, she's hiding something from you, The fact that she is dying and she didn't tell you kind of sucks." I tried to call out N's name, but I guess he didn't hear me at all and hung up. The next day I asked him why he told me that about Kai, he gave me a what the fuck look and walked away. I played the voice note for him, he didn't say anything again.

I haven't seen him since that day when I asked him about it, was it all a joke? Did I just fuck my first relationship with Kai?? There's no way this was a joke, you don't joke about people dying. Oh god, I hope this wasn't a joke, I bundled myself up in the blanket and cried, that's how the boys found me. A very worried Do Yum was muttering something. I sat up quickly.

"What? Repeat that again!" I looked at Do Yum.

"Kai's been missing for the past 2 hours, I guess she borrowed Eunhyuk's motorcycle. She told noona that she will be back and that she was going headhunting. She told me she didn't know that she was dying, she has no idea why you think that, but I think you should know that N has been pulling this prank on all of us. We thought you knew that, so that's why we didn't say anything to you. He said he would explain what happened but you haven't been answering your phone, so he had me and the guys come and explain to you what happened. He was actually reading a script for a series he got the role for, he was supposed to tell you what it was for but I guess he forgot."

It then dawned on me, that I just god mad at the love of my life and possibly destroyed our love and our relationship. I started to cry all the boys hugged me and said everything would be alright, they said they would me fix what I had just done. But I had my doubts, I don't think she would ever forgive me after this. My life was over, "I made the worst mistake ever, I just yelled at Kai and I made her cry. I am the worse person ever, to exist right now."

--- Somewhere on the road ---

I was going to call up Kevin, but then I thought about it and what if when didn't answer. I could hear Oppa N in the back. I took out my phone and pinged Oppa's whereabouts. They were at the Caffe, I revved the engine a few times as I peeled out of the parking lot. I wasn't caring about anything, the only thing I actually cared about was Jinsung. He was probably thinking I was mad at him, I was more scared than anything.

So when I enter the cafe, I see Oppa stand up thinking he was quick.

"I swear to god if you don't start talking, I am going to start swinging, I just lost my boyfriend due to your fucking pranks. I don't know who you are to fuck around like that, I thought you wanted my acceptance and that you would support me as well as my decisions I have made for my life. Who knew you would try to sabotage me like this. I hate you with every fiber of my being, please just do us both a favor and don't ever talk to me again. From now on you are no longer my oppa, and I am no longer your little sister, we are just strangers. I hope you regret what you have done, I hope the guilt you have eats you alive, I hope you have a nice life because you just ruined mine."

I left the cafe, I was done and I ignored both of their pleas to sit and talk about this. But I just couldn't. I called up Unnie, "Solji, I won't be coming back tonight. I don't know what to do, but I know where to go. If you call me, I won't pick up I need some time."

I had called up YG, I had asked him if I was still allowed to use the studios. He said it was fine, just that I clean up the mess I make and put everything back the way I found it.

"Jiyong, I need a favor. I need you to check out a new artist, that will be singing with us soon. Kai should be in the dance studio if you hurry. Call me if I should put this person in a group or have them go solo!" I hung up the phone quickly before he had the chance to talk back.

So here I am walking around the familiar halls, the memories of coming here. They were good and bad times, I say to myself. I could hear the sounds of a familiar song, bouncing off the wall of the building.

https://youtu.be/BhqOOgvU58g

[[ Just pretend he has a mask and beanie on and is the only one there. goes up to 1:17 ]]

I stood just inside the door, arms crossed as I watch this person dance to our song FXXK IT. They weren't bad at all, towards the end of the song this person ended being really good. I walked in further to see them lay on the ground breathing hard, I searched my pockets and found a chocolate bar.

I sat against the mirrors, "It looks like your having an off day, you don't see anyone dance as hard unless they're either performing or they're having an off day. I thought maybe some chocolate could help you. I just got back from the military, plus I needed some studio time. You look like you could use some company, I like your dance btw. Do you mind if I stay and watch some more? I might be a little rusty but maybe I could help you? You're probably new here, aren't you?" He looked at me as he said everything.

He looked really familiar, but my mind wouldn't register who it was. Until he smiled that is, that's when I knew who I was talking to. "Thanks, I definitely needed something sweet. Well to be perfectly honest with you, I just broke up with my boyfriend a few hours ago. I needed something to take my mind off of it since I'm too young to drink, so my life is kinda fucked at the moment. So I apologize for not entertaining you at the moment, by the way, I'm Kai. It's nice to meet you, G-dragon. I'm a huge fan."

I think he was shocked, till he got an excited look in his eyes. "You're Kai, the one YG said was working with RED VELVET?"

I was still laying down on the studio floor, "do you mind if I practice something next? YG wants me to be ready for anything that he throws at me. You know chocolate is better when it's shared?" I tell him as I stand up.

https://youtu.be/uso7whIUicQ

[ I know Kai is supposed to have long hair, but just pretend the girl in the video has long hair (=^ェ^=) ]

I took off my hoodie, facemask, and beanie. In my head, I could hear only the music and forgot everything that transpired in the last 2 minutes. I totally forgot that G-dragon was still in the room.

I watch as he takes off his hoodie and beanie. It's when I see his hair tumble down from atop of his head. "WAIT! YOU'RE A GIRL?!"

"Oh that's right, besides RED VELVET no one knows about me yet!!