The hits kept coming one after the other, "When you're spoken to, your better reply back in a civilized manner. Maybe if you listened to me and your father you wouldn't get beat half the time." That's me, the little girl on the floor. I'm being punished for listening and not listening if that even makes any sense at all.

Every time my birth mother asks me a question, I just block her out. Because she is speaking nonsense about the neighbors daughter again, about how nice her voice is. How she always listens and how she gets average grades. I laugh at the second one, well because I'm super smart. I'm 12 yrs old in the 9th grade, I'm average looking but my Oppa says I'm prettier than girls his own age.

But this is how it all started, when I spoke my first words at 5 yrs old, ever since I could remember my life has never been what you would call a normal life, no I would say I had a very bad upbringing. Every single person that I was related to, hated my guts. Everyone has tried some way in any shape or form to rid me of this world, all because I was born with a boys' voice.

Yeah, you heard right, when I able to form complete sentences. My voice was distinguished as male, coming out of daddies little princess. Back then life never went the way I wanted it to, at school I was bullied mentally and physically. My mother said I was supposed to be the perfect daughter, but in her mind and her way of thinking her plan went down the drain.

Having civil conversations in the Santos Family household was never what you thought it would be like, I never said a word. I brought shame to them, so I would just stay quiet and only made gestures to communicate with them. I was never allowed to talk, once I walked through the front door. I was to remain silent, sometimes I would even forget what my voice sounded like.

One thing you should know, about Mr. & Mrs. of the Santos household, don't let my mother's appearance fool you. Granted she is a beautiful lady on the exterior, but despite all of that she was a real bitch. Always bitching at me and her more than ruthless words tearing apart my existence. It hurt the most when she said she should've had an abortion. My father was a strict man, with business and home life

When my mother would leave to wherever she would go, it was then and only then was I free to talk and I wouldn't receive any punishments whatsoever. Papa said he loved me, but it all stopped when mother would make up lies and he would start hating me and degrading just like she did all the time.

My egg donor that's what I call her now (mother), was a very traditional lady if it wasn't how she was taught and shown from her heritage. Then it wasn't good for you and it wasn't the correct way of doing it. Every rule she would recite, must go her way or else I would get punished. Punishments would get more extreme as I grew older, crying out and begging only made it worse.

The days when father wasn't around were the days I hated the most, I would rather take my chances at school with the school's bully than stay stuck at home with the wicked witch of the west. Many times I would ask myself, what I did in my previous life, to be treated like this and be on the receiving end of all this hatred? Was I really a bad person in my previous life, that I am subjected to live my life through all kinds of abuse.

At 13, my egg donor killed herself. In the note my sperm donor of a dad found stating if I was still living the life she gave me, then she saw no use being around anymore, so she killed herself. When I got back from school, who knew my father was waiting in the shadows to hurt me. It was my fault she killed herself, so he had to make me pay. I got beat that night so bad, that my older brother found me not breathing outside on the porch.

The sperm donor starting dating this lady who had a son from a previous marriage, she was super nice when he and her son were around. But when they were nowhere in sight, she would do some terrible things to me. One night the sperm donor came back home from a business trip, to find me hanging by my wrists attached to the front porch.

All he did was loosen the ropes a little bit, I looked into his eyes I could see the guilt in them. I thought I was hearing things but, I think he said he was sorry for all of the abuse. But suddenly she opened the front door and he raised his hand hitting me in my face. I had that inkling that something bad was about to happen again.

To show her that he was on her side, he said "Your stepmother has been beating you in front of the house again, hasn't she? From what I understand you have been bullying a foreign exchange student by the name of Akira. Not to mention you've been acting up and school, getting bad grades and ditching." Father's face was getting red at each word that came out of his mouth.

I was so scared when I found myself falling then being kicked with such a force. Soaring through the air, hitting the wall you could hear bones break. I slid down painfully against the wall, I pressed down on the pained area, having me faint from the pain I was in.

My inner subconscious, was scolding me like I was a 13 year old self. You still don't get it, do you? No matter what I you say or do, I will forever be wrong and I won't be able to escape this hell hole.

That was the second and last time my father ever laid a hand on me, but can you imagine your 13 yr old daughter covered from head to toe, with bruises, cuts everywhere. I was the one who was wrong because I was born to a family of assholes and dirty people, yet leave the scene unscathed.

I made a decision that night, my 13-year-old body, could not take any more pain or punishments. One day the egg donor and stepmother came into my room. Looking me dead in the eye, they both said: "If you so much as let out a whisper, laugh, snort or cough the wrong way after today, your father and I will beat you till your black and blue and can't move no more."

I think about everything that has happened to me since I was born, over and over again. The abuse back then wasn't as bad as it was now. But my stepbrother was there, while my Oppa was in school far away from his family and home.

I heard my door slam closed and the sounds of keys in the lock clicking. I could hear my stepbrother through my thin walls, "Kai if you can hear me, I am here for you okay. I'll try to figure something out, so the abuse could stop for you."

All I could do was just lay there as he had played music for me. I snuck out of my room and snuck into my Oppa's room. He was here when I was younger, but after awhile the sperm donor sent away to study better, and to be away from me. Sucks right? Well, welcome to my world, just turn around and walk away. Just ignore the sounds you hear, becauae nothing you say or do can help me escape.

Only I can free myself from the prison I've been locked for so long, we live and breathe in this fucked up society. Where they want everyone and everything to be perfect as them. While they could care less about you, no matter what you are wrong each and every time.

I swiped my Oppa's phone, I didn't dare go back to my room with it. So I did the next best thing, I climbed to the one place that they would never look. The attic, it was my little slice of heaven, no listening to them complain and yell for me so they could hit me. I remembered the lyrics that I heard, I lowered the volume as I hear his voice.

Yeah, Yeah*****
I was too harsh that night
I didn't know you would really leave
The words, "I'm Sorry!",
is too difficult for us that we take it to the end.

Because I'm ill-tempered
We fight over stupid things numerous times a day
You take off crying
I look around think,
She'll come back tomorrow.
She'll def call me first in the morning'

***** [[ If you can Name the Song and Artist, the next chapter is dedicated to you. ]] *****

I graduated school a lot earlier than I thought I would, I had just turned 15. This day was a lot more special than any other birthday. It had meant I could actually leave this hell hole. They would no longer be able to control my life, to celebrate me graduating and leaving I decided to chop off my long hair.

That symbolized that I was no longer going to take anyone's bull shit, I would tell them If they had a problem with me. Well I'm not really a fighter but they could just kick rocks, I would go in defense mode and run around like a scared little girl. "I see you giving me that look, I have to pull the girly card somewhere you know. So just chill Bruh."

But with me leaving and my new style, I still made the choice to cover my bottom half of my face. I had to pretend to be a boy, Why not right?! There are plenty of celebrities that do that sort of thing. I think, well I don't know for sure but I've seen some shows on Netflix that have done this.

(( QUICK AUTHOR'S NOTE: Well I have seen, two shows like that, One was called Rise of the Phoenixes, while the other was called "You're Beautiful", K-PoP Survival.))

I had a face mask to hide my girly face. I wore only boys' clothes, I knew what I wanted to do with my life. I would take the tragedy of my life and write a beautiful story, one that isn't too bloody. A story where I conquered my fears and my doubts and the burden on my shoulders. I wanted to be an Idol ever since I heard Bad Boy by BIG BANG, but not just any kind of Idol.

But a k-pop Idol, but my problem had me overanalyzing everything. From all the bad things that could happen, but then I started to list off all the good things. I felt the weight lift of little by little. All these thoughts were going to drive me up the wall.

Was I really ready for all this freedom? Well yeah, other was I wouldn't have left the house. Was I really ready to pursue my dreams? I am always ready, every single second of the day I practice to become great at Rapping, Singing, and Dancing.

At school on the day I graduated, I was asked to come up to the podium. I was asked to read a pre-written speech. I looked down at the words, I scoffed in annoyance. I crumpled the dirty letter and threw it behind me, it had landed in the Principales Toupee which was very entertaining for a few of us.

I gave a sigh and said this:

"Fuck this school, you guys are assholes."

I just bowed and walked off the stage and left the auditorium. There was no real reason, why I should still be there.

The one thing I would never miss is and was my 3rd-period teacher. Mr. Smith, a fat balding guy, stands about 6'2, Irish & German and is racist as hell. Many times I have seen him getting bullied by the Seniors of our school. I thought I was being helpful, but I guess my kindness was taken for granted a few times too many. Well, I ended up getting banned from ever stepping foot on campus, I kinda stole his car keys and drove it into the canyon behind the school.

The one thing Mr. Smith did teach me was. "That I am the one who decides is I pass or fail, I hold the power of over my own fate. No one else can take it away or steal it, because, in the end, it will only come down to me."

As soon as I stepped on the asphalt outside the school I was actually glad that I am a tomboy, no more stupid as uniform. I ripped off my skirt and threw it in the trash next to the bus stop outside the school, its time to leave. I picked up the phone, I waited for him or her to answer. I could hear their quiet breathing and a sigh in the background.

"Listen, I know you really don't care about me and I know you have never loved me. But I thought I could give you a little of the respect. Even though both, you and I know that you don't deserve anything from me. But I thought to myself If I did feel the love you gave me, then it was when I was a small child. I just wanted you to know that I have cherished what little bit that you have given to me till the very last drop. Since you are one of the two parents, I was birthed too. I'm leaving and I'm never coming back, I hope I was a good daughter for you when I was still here. But FUCK YOU AND GOODBYE!!!"

With Oppa's cell in hand, I took the bus to the airport. Buying a one-way ticket for Seoul, to never come back.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 2 years later ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I was deep in thought again, thinking of how far I've come since leaving the USA, I was stuck again thinking of my past and how much of it had sucked big donkey balls. It took me 2 years to realize that I was damn good at rapping and dancing. Singing tho, I thought it was nothing special. Because when I choose a song to sing, I generally choose to sing solos.

In my defense, I choose them to practice. I never know when I could get my chance to be a famous K-pop Idol. I am now 17, I have a job and a place to live. I don't have to fear that I would get beaten and I could speak freely. The people who had adopted me, have given me so much. Mrs. Lee, excuse me, My mom was so freaked out at how skinny I was, it was even worse when she the bruises and the scars.

A hand I recognized as Mikey's got my attention, telling me that my phone has been ringing off the hook for about 30 minutes. I was so dead if this was the BOSS calling.

While I waited for the other person to decide if they wanted to respond to my hello, my thoughts and concentration on the audition video that I sent in a while back. I don't know what it was but I had that vibe feeling again, that inkling feeling. If I had to guess it though, I would say it had to do with Appa and Oppa. My adopted father and my adopted brother.

The audition video I had sent in was to be a contestant for a new up and coming show called UNDER NINETEEN, but if I were to be excepted, I would ask them to meet in person. It was the only way for me to accept it, I would take full responsibility and all the consequences that followed. I knew I am lying, but they would have to understand from my point of view.

"How would I Kai, be able to get myself on that big stage where all of those trainees will perform? How would I grace the fans with my heartfelt lyrics and dope ass dance moves? If I didn't take this chance, I would be filled with so much regret."

I can and will literally cry my girly ass eyes out if the person does not speak in 30 seconds, I announce to them "If you do not answer in the next 30 seconds, I will hang up the phone and call the police because it feels like you are stalking me and I feel totally unsafe right now." I hung up the phone and put it on silent, I wasn't in the mood for any bullshit right now.

My thoughts still on my mask, which is currently on my face. But the good thing about it was you really couldn't tell I was female until my mask came off and I never took off my mask like ever.

Oh Shit! My bad, where the fuck are my manners? My name is Kai, I dropped the last name because I didn't need any baggage that was holding me back. I was determined to accomplish my dream by giving up everything that was connected to my old life.

Saturday Morning

I received a call, as I was on my way to open the Caffe.

The voice on the other end sounded so cheery this Saturday morning. I thought of messing with her but thought better of it.

"Hello, I am looking to speak to Kai! This is Kim, I am the main assistants to one of the two producers of UNDER NINETEEN."

I dropped the phone on the sidewalk, I scrambled to go and pick it up. But my dumbass is clumsy as fuck. I just say there for a second and remembered the Noona on the other end.

"I apologize, but could you repeat that once more. I didn't catch the last part that you had said." I responded all too quickly.

Before they could say anything else, I was quick to say: "Wait before you say anything I have to say this. If this is about accepting me as a contestant for the show, I really need to discuss something with you that is very vital to me.

I will need solid verification from both PRODUCERS in charge. Only then will I be able to really accept my place, among the 57 other contestants that have auditioned and got accepted." I had spoken what I needed to say.

"Well, Kai, you're in luck they both said they will meet with you. The address to the place you will meet Caffè Bene Ilsan Western Dome Store. Kai, Don't be late be there in 10 minutes."

I looked down at my cellphone, my mind in disbelief. They chose the Cafe where I am a manager at, "You are not going to believe this but, I won't be late. I just so happen to be the manager at that cafe you just mentioned. I'm here, I will have drinks and snacks provided. Thank you Noona."

I hung up the phone, still looking at it and listened to the dial tone sound off. Finally letting out a sigh of relief and dread, I looked up at all the employees jumping for joy. But they quickly stopped knowing my situation.

I had tears of happiness and frustration falling down my cheeks. I took a deep breath releasing it slowly and wiped my tear stains off my cheeks. Good lucks and all the bests were said as they slowly one by one started their shifts.

Before leaving me in my thoughts the looks in their eyes were full of happiness and they were all sincere with their words not an ounce of pity was found. The afternoon shift knew me best, we all grew up with each other. They knew my struggles and they still accepted me.

Giving them a cute aeygo, I asked them to prepare a few things as well as the best table upstairs. Along with my equipment, which was upstairs where the karaoke machine was located for the night shift customers.

I rushed down to the employee lounge, where our lockers are. I called the regional boss. "Boss, this is Kai, can I ask you a favor? Can you be here soon? The CEO and Producer of UNDER NINETEEN will be here shortly, I need all the moral support I can get. I see you like my Oppa, a brother I could lean on. You've been so good to me since I came here two years ago, besides you and the guys you're all I have in this world that supports me." I told him over the phone.

"KAI! Take a deep breath and turn around."

I watched Kai, stiffen and turn around quickly, she launched herself into my arms crying quietly. Man, this girl is killing me.

flashback 2 years ago

My father had seen, Kai one day busking a few streets away. He came running back to the shop, "Kevin, hurry and prep some food, a warm blanket, and a hot drink." I had finally found her, I knew it was Kai when her mask fell as she was dancing. I knew her father, we grew up with each other. She is also stepsister to N from the group Vixx. That's a whole other story, for another day.

But it's all thanks to him that I was able to find her for him. Apparently, N knew, Kieran. Kai's older brother, but the thing is he had died instantly when the military plane was shot out of the sky. From what N had told me, he had made a promise to

Kieran that he would keep his little sister safe and out of trouble. But he didn't know that his mother could be so heartless, to one so young. He was there when both of their parents stormed to her and basically threatened the 15-year-old, He had no idea that she had it this rough.

It was hard for him to digest, but He had talked to Kai a few times. But each time she would never respond, he got curious one day. "Kai, how come you never respond when I ask you something. You always text me, I always wondered how pretty your voice would be." N had told me.

That she had gotten so pissed at him that she picked him up and tossed his ass out of her bedroom window. I had laughed so hard, when he told me this story. Serves him right, for being so fucking nosy. N, gave me his permission to take care of her.

I even sent him a video of her rapping in front of the radio station where he was giving an interview at that time. He hasn't spoken to me since then, well besides coming in every once in a while for food and to secretly check up on her.

One day he came in, bruised and angry. I had asked him what was wrong. His response was, people are talking shit about his lil sister and he was getting tired of them and their noise. So he shut them up, he was almost unscathed until someone elbowed him to his lip. "Yo! Kai, Can you please bring me the medkit and one of your specials please."

He watched her with a dazed look, as Kai brought the food to my table. The look in his eyes, he wanted her acceptance. He wanted her to talk to him, he had loved the sound of her voice. He had told me, he would play it over and over again until he fell asleep. He just didn't want her to be lonely anymore, he wanted her to know that she still had him.

"Hey dude, if you don't stop staring. I'll call my brother who is a K-Idol and he is from the group called Vixx. I'll have him beat the living shit out of you."

She looked at me secretly, winking. Making sure N didn't see her. Kai was like an old soul, you couldn't wait to be around her, she was always happy, she was funny and she cared what happened to you. Even if she just met you, she would still care a lot. She was often absentminded, but never stupid.

She knew when her stepbrother came in to check on her, it wasn't even so secretive most of the time. But he was determined to bring her home, from my knowledge he has only met her a few times not counting when he comes to the Caffe.

Never having the luxury of having a normal teenage girl life, like most girls her age should be doing. From being bullied and shunned and her father knew that he should have done something about it.

But he had left all the decisions to her mother, which soon she took her life because her daughter was a disgrace and she couldn't live with that. But her mother had made choice, to live in despair of her own misgivings.

I finally understood when I heard her talk, and start to rap the very first time. I understood why she was doing this. I soon brought everything to her once Kevin my son had given me the things I requested him.

I stood a few feet away from her, scared she would run away. I waited till everyone had given her money and left thanking the masked performer for they're performance. Once the last one left, I walked up to her "Excuse me, miss these are for you." I placed the warm blanket around her shoulders, "Don't worry I won't out you to your stepbrother N. You know he contacted me a few days ago, looking for you he has been worried. But I figured you could take care of yourself, I won't ask. I'll just wait till your ready to tell me."

----- back to the present -----

It was then dad came back with luggage and sleeping girl in his arms is when I swore to protect her. I knew her, she was a year below me in school. I always wondered what happened to her, now I know. She ran away from home, dad had told me she was N's stepsister and she wasn't accepted by her mother who in the end killed herself due to Kai's problem.

From what I have seen, she looks like a normal girl. "Dad? What do you mean by a problem? She looks pretty normal to me." I had asked me and stated what I see.

"In time Kevin, trust me Kai her is really special. But with her being so special, a lot of heartache, pain, self-doubt have met with her. We are her family now, and the only ones she has. Enough now, we'll talk at home. I already called your mother, lock up I'll bring her home."

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Hey My LIL Islanders,

How'd you like the first Chapter? I love 1THE9, this story was actually in the making while UNDER NINETEEN was on the air. I wanted to write about a different set of k-idols. Let me know what you think in the comments

Eat Well ｡◕ ‿ ◕｡ Sleep Well ｡◕ ‿ ◕｡ Stay Healthy

Peace