ZAKRIYA ISLAM

2 months later

Her constant crying and moaning jolted me awake. I turned to her and rubbed her back.

"Shh, it's okay," I murmured in a comforting tone. Turning her towards me, I quickly embraced her and tried my best to calm her down. "Make it stop, please!" She cried and beseeched, her nails digging into my shoulders.

"Shh, it will, calm down first," I kept on rubbing her back but her cries wouldn't subside and she did what she's been doing to calm herself: she jaws met with my bare shoulder and her teeth sank in hard. I squeezed my eyes shut and pursed my lips together and tried to bear with the pain: my brain and body had become sort of habitual so what I was doing was not only blocking out the pain but just perceiving it as pressure.

After a few seconds, the pressure was relieved, her cries died down and her body loosened under my hold. Carefully, I laid her head on the pillow and planted a chaste kiss on her forehead. Even after all this time, her tear stained face and pain stricken expression while she slept twisted my stomach and wretched my heart painfully.

I sighed as I entered the bathroom and rubbed my face to get rid of the drowsiness. But the stinging feeling coming off of my neck and shoulders was stimulating enough to wake me and keep me awake. I walked towards the sink and leaned on it as I stared at myself in the mirror: the huge bite marks were still red and painful.

It's April now and she's still in withdrawal.

Sometimes it gets so painful for her that it's even difficult for me to watch and when I embrace her to help her cope with the pain, she bites me really hard but I don't mind; anything to help her through this difficult time.

The withdrawal sighs and symptoms had toned down a bit but according to Haleema, the psychological effects would take time to clear off.

After taking a cold shower and performing ablution, I cleaned the wound with alcohol and applied ointment on my shoulders and dressed it appropriately. When I got back to the room with nothing but a towel covering my waist, I went to the closet to fetch myself some new cloths. I drew the curtains from the windows and carefully opened them so as to not make any noise. Amber was sound asleep now and unlike other nights, she looked restful today.

There's so much work that needs to be done: I need to look for a job because of my recent dismissal from my old one. I needed to get groceries and pay the bills. And it was all thanks to the money that Gran had left me that came in handy during this difficult time.

Grabbing my morning coffee, I unlocked the main door and took the newspaper from the doorstep. As I sipped on my coffee and went in with reading the papers in search for a suitable position: I don't mind if it involved hard work as long as I get to make a decent and humble living, then it's okay.

When my eyes caught sight of a job offer for the position of financial consultancy requirement at MA investments, I almost choked on my coffee when I saw the name of the owner of the company.

Shehzad Atish; it's the same American guy I had met at a bakery a couple of months ago. I hope that I still have his card with me. I entered the bedroom to retrieve my wallet and thankfully Amber was still asleep.

And I was even more glad to find the card. Dialling the number, I waited with a pacing heart as the number ringed. Oh Allah please let this be the solution to my problem.

"Asalam alaikum, Shehzad Atish speaking," came the reply of the guy. I sighed with relief; for a second I thought he wouldn't attend a call from a random stranger.

"Walaikum asalam, Mr. Arisha, this is Zakriya Islam speaking. You might not remember me but we met a couple of months back at a bakery and you had helped me out,"

"Ah, yes of course I remember. How may I help you Mr. Islam?" He said in a friendly manner.

"Actually I was hoping that we can help each other: I read your ad for requirement for a financial consult and currently I'm in need of a job." I explained bluntly.

"I see, well as h don't you come in for an interview along with your resume and I'll see what I can do."

"Actually sir, I have a bit of a problem. You see, my wife is very ill and she doesn't have any immediate family members available in this city who could help me out with her so I'm confined to my home in order to help her get through her treatment. And her situation is really bad due to which I can't leave her side. I was dismissed from my previous job because it couldn't be handled well from home,"I explained as discreetly as I could muster, praying hard that he understands.

"I see but if that's the reason for your dismissal, then why should I consider hiring you when you're in a tight spot at the moment?" He inquired professionally.

"Sir, the only reason I got dismissed was because my work couldn't be handled well
From home. But I can easily handle financial consultancy from my home. Believe me sir, I'm a capable accountant and my resume will be the proof of that." I said honestly. "And the reason why I called you directly instead of the recruitment department is because you told me to contact you in case if I needed any help. And what better way to help out a fellow American and Muslim brother when he's in trouble, sir,"

There was silence on the other side for a few seconds. "I'm going to text you my personal email address. Please send in your information and resume." He instructed.

I smiled with relief. This was the best news I've heard in a long way. "JazakAllah khair sir, you don't know how much this has brought me some relief in this stressful time."

"Please don't assume much, let me first take a look at your resume and I'll contact you ASAP if you're services are required."

"Thank you,"

"Allah hafiz Mr. Islam."

"Allah hafiz Mr. Atish,"

I disconnected the call and raked a hand through my hair as I slumped into the chair and breathed deeply with relief. Thanks to Allah, maybe this problem will be solved soon.

I was about to start cleaning the house when Amber woke up. She came to the living room with a pillow clutched tightly to her chest, her hair in a mess and skin looking pale and clammy. I passed her a smile and walked to her. "Good morning beautiful," i chirped and cleared her face of her disheveled hair and passed my hand through her head, combing her hair down. She stared at me blankly. I craved to see the glow of life in her eyes again but I wasn't getting much of a reaction from her ever since the hard phase of the detoxification ended a few days back.

She was mostly silent now, always lost in her thoughts, zoning out. She wasn't being violent anymore to which I was grateful however, her silence was just as maddening. She was thinking too much and it worried me: it's as if the walls that I had worked so hard to break down are back up ten fold and now I'll have to work ten times as hard to break them down again.

"Come on, let's get you in a bath." I offered and took her to the bathroom, she obediently followed. I had bought a small tub for her because I didn't know how else to give her a bath. Turning on the warm water, I waited for the tub to fill up. She was sitting on the bed and staring into space, the pillow still tightly clutched in her arms. I went to her with the bath rob and crouched on my toes beside her. I took the pillow from her and caressed her cheek. Her eyes were on the floor. I pulled up her chin and stared into her brown orbs.

"Come on, let's go," I murmured and took her hands. Standing up, I helped her slip out of her cloths until only her underwear was on. I didn't feel comfortable making her whole naked and I know that she doesn't feel comfortable either: she won't say anything but her arms always go up protectively to cover her chest and I respect that. Placing a towel on her shoulders, I guided her to the bathroom and into the warm tub.

I took a sponge and soaked it. Unhooking her bra at the back, I began to stroke the wet sponge on her back. Her back which used to be so broad and fat padded was now skinny, her ribs and shoulder blades protruding out as she sat with her knees tucked under her chin.

"I think I have found a good job," I started. "I just hope that I get it. Root for me Bree." I mused and scrubbed her back and then began to wash her hair. She was quiet like all the other times I try to talk to her and she's always lost in her thoughts. I sighed and lathered her hair.

Sometimes, it's really difficult for me to take this. It's been so long since that she's been this way. There isn't even one moment of lucidity. She won't talk, speak or do anything. It's almost as if I'm only treating and caring for her body that's just an empty vessel while her soul is still suffering. I'm trying so hard to reach out to her but she's isn't letting me.

After I was done and helped her in her bath rob, I took her back to the bedroom and sat her down on the bed. I stared at her as I dried her hair: I can't believe that she's he same person who hated depending on me and now she was completely dependent on me. Was that boldness and daring head-fastness all a result of the cocaine or is her real personality just like I thought; broken and destitute?

To test that theory, I leaned forward and just as I was about to kiss her, she flinched back and gawked at me in horror. I grimaced. I was right.

"Amber, please," I mumbled and caught her wrist but she began to quiver and back away. "Please don't," she whispered, shear fear evident in her voice and eyes.

I sighed and raked my hand in my hair in frustration. "What do you want from me Amber?" I got to my feet and stared at her. "I'm trying so hard to help you but all I get from you is this silence." I grumbled and flank my arms on my waist. She stared at me in trepidation. "Come on, talk to me, say something." I snapped when she went all quiet again.

"What do you want me to say?" She whispered.

"Tell me," I began and crouched back to my toes. "What you are thinking? Let me in your head, baby," I murmured sultry and touched her cheek. She flinched at my touch. But her eyes began to stare at me with a sense of fortitude.

"You lead me to this, why did you stop me from doing coke in the first place?" She grumbled and glared at me. "You've opened the flood gates for me and now I don't know what to do," she claimed, her tone rising.

That glint of anger entered her eyes and she grabbed me by my collar, much to my surprise. "I'm suffering right now and it's all because of you. If you hadn't interfered in my plans then everything would've worked out well." She hissed. And then her eyes welled up with tears, breaking my heart in the process. "Why did you do this to me? Why are you making me suffer? Why did you interfere?!" She screamed, tears rolling down her cheeks. She wiped them away vehemently and glowered at me.

"I hate you Zakriya Islam and I won't forgive you. You made me remember everything that I wanted to forget. You've pushed me back into the abyss that I had struggled so hard to get out of." She jeered in a low voice.

I blinked twice. Finally a moment of lucidity.

I smiled and cupped her face. "But I love you and I won't give up." I claimed and release her hands from my collar.

Her eyes went empty again and she walked away. I rubbed my face and felt my phone vibrate in my pocket. It was a text message from Haleema.

'Aaliya is back from Islamabad. I told her that you want to meet with her and she wants to meet with you ASAP.'

I smiled and texted her to send me the address.

Now I'm about to find out the truths that I've been looking for. And inshaa Allah I'll get it.

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