As Benedict rode home, his body was still on fire for Natasha.  He could still feel her tiny callused fingers caress his face.  He abhorred the fact that she was so young and had to work so hard in her father’s home, especially since he knew he paid a more than decent wage to Daniel.  Why did they not hire help to assist Natasha?  Why did his Natasha have to slave like a common labourer?  He thought about the army of foot men and the many maids and servants that enjoyed working in his household

Benedict sighed, as he remembered the way Natasha had looked up into his eyes and smiled, as she lay beneath his body.  The herbal scent of her hair assaulted his senses.  A knot twisted in his stomach as he recalled the words Natasha had softly pleaded to him;
“please don’t ever come into your library when I’m there, and please don’t ever ask to dance with me again…” 

But Benedict could promise no such thing to her and he’d told her so.  Just looking into the depths of her adorable emerald eyes, made him want to carry her off to the nearest bed and make wild passionate love to her.  How could he deny himself any opportunity to be in her presence?  Did she not know that he needed her, just as his lungs craved fresh air?  On the seat next to him, his fingers caressed the shimmering warm, sensuous and expensive lengths of cloth in the various shades that he’d bought for his Natasha.  He could not wait to see the exotic gowns that she would create from them.

He wanted to scream at the tops of his lungs and tug at his hair at the predicament he found himself in, but his cruel fate had been marked out for him, so he would have to forget about ever having Natasha in his arms again.  He was the thirty six year old Lord Benedict Brinley, destined to become the twelfth Duke of Crowcombe.  Best he had to remember the role he was groomed to play from the day he had been born.

Two days later, when Natasha got home, she found Crystal and Lady Louisa pouring over her design.  Crystal looked nervously at Natasha as she walked in.  Lady Louisa had brought some various shades of cloth to test the sample against.  The material looked beautiful, but none compared to the luxurious and magnificent gift that Benedict had given her. 

Benedict, not mine anymore. 

Natasha had not seen him since she had pleaded with him to stay away from her.  He had instructed a groom to escort her every evening back to her cottage.  Natasha swallowed guiltily as she looked at Louisa.

‘Natasha, is this not the most divine cloth you have ever seen?’ Natasha recognized the false tone in Crystal’s voice.

‘Good afternoon Lady Louisa,’ Natasha dragged out with much effort as she walked to the table where they sat.

‘Natasha,’ Louisa sneered. Condescendingly making an elaborate display of showing just how distasteful she thought Natasha’s beige shirtwaist and long chocolate brown skirt looked.  Louisa herself looked immaculate in a beautiful afternoon dress of soft green and lemon shades, fitting perfectly around her curvy figure.  It irked Louisa that Natasha was indifferent to the way she was dressed or to Louisa’s view for that matter of her poor dress sense.  Even Crystal looked beautiful in a silk dress the colour resembled a, sometimes misty blue sky.

‘I hear the duke is recovering well, so he will not need you there much longer,’ Louisa’s eyes projected a satisfied glint.

‘Yes he is doing remarkably well,’ Natasha smiled brightly. 

But Benedict is going to need me.

Louisa was at a loss for words, when she looked at Natasha’s happy face.

‘I would use lace for the bodice and satin to form the skirt,’ Natasha spoke quietly, as she looked at the velvet and silk samples that Louisa had thought would do justice to her design.

‘I would much prefer to hear the opinion of the designer,’ Louisa threw over her shoulder, as she discounted Natasha’s words.

‘I beg your pardon my lady,’ Natasha pursed her lips.  Please forgive my intrusion.  Good afternoon,’ Natasha removed herself from the table.

‘Er---my lady, I think I agree with Natasha,’ Crystal’s fumbling words echoed in the air, as Natasha walked up to her bed chamber to prepare a bath for herself.

Natasha was rubbing her hair with the towel, when she observed Crystal hovering at the door to their chamber. ‘The Lady Louisa has left?’ Natasha asked, not really interested in the response.

‘Yes---she would like me to make the gown with satin cloth,’ Crystal spoke nervously.

‘So you managed to convince her then?’

‘It was quite a task.  She insisted young maidens would look good with satin, and that she preferred velvet.’

‘She is very beautiful.  She would look good in satin.  Why does she think otherwise?’

‘She mentioned something about it not befitting someone of her age,’ Crystal answered half- heartedly.

‘Nonsense, anybody can look good in satin.’

‘So will you help me cut the pattern?’ Crystal pleaded.

‘What do they teach you at your design school Crystal?  How do you pass your tests?’

‘You might as well know, I have not passed the last two tests.’

‘But your mother mentioned how proud she was of your results the last time you came home?’

‘I lied to her,’ Crystal whispered, quickly looking away.

‘What?  So can you do any designing?  Do you know how to even cut a pattern?’  Natasha had not once seen Crystal cutting any material to design anything.

I can do some,’ she whispered, ‘but not as good as you.  How is it you are so good at it Natasha?  You have never been to school.’

‘Before father remarried, I used to spend a lot of time with the maids at the church.  I watched them.  Once I went to London with father,’ Natasha smiled.  ‘I saw the most beautiful gown I had ever laid eyes on.  I asked father for some money and bought a pencil and some sheets to draw the pattern.  Father said the pattern was very pretty and took me into the store and bought me some material, and asked me to make myself a dress just like the pattern I had drawn.  It took me two days, and no sleep on the first night,’ Natasha laughed, ‘then I showed father the dress, and he was so proud of me.’

‘I wish I could be like you Natasha.  You are good at everything.  Cooking, cleaning, caring for the duke.  You are like a mother to Ben.  Everybody likes you.’

Not Louisa.

‘I am so sorry for treating you badly.  You are such a good sister,’ Crystal sobbed.  Natasha wondered if this was an act to get her to make the gown for Louisa.

‘I am going to tell Lady Louisa the truth about everything and ask her to find another modiste to make her gown.  I am so sorry for demanding to use your glamorous gown as well.  It really was the most beautiful gown, I have seen.’ Crystal confessed.

‘Yes, it was beautiful,’ Natasha agreed softly, remembering Benedict’s fingers brushing over the soft---. 

Forget about Benedict.

‘I beg you to forgive me Natasha.  I will try to be a better sister to you and Ben.’

‘That is okay,’ Natasha opened her arms to offer Crystal a hug.

‘Thank you,’ the tears streamed down Crystal’s cheeks.

‘I will teach you how to cut patterns,’ Natasha offered.  ‘So you can make the gown for Lady Louisa.

‘You will?  Oh Natasha I do not deserve anything from you.’

‘Perhaps not,’ Natasha laughed softly, ‘but I want you to do well in school.  So I want to see you doing a good job for Lady Louisa.

‘I have some beautiful material myself,’ Natasha hinted.  ‘You will only see the gowns, when I have completed it, not a moment before.

‘Oh I can not wait,’ Natasha received the first genuine smile from Crystal.

‘Natasha what happened?’ The baroness Sadie rushed into the library almost in hysterical tears.  Surely she was groomed to exercise some restraint in view of the hired labour.

‘My lady?’ Natasha exclaimed, dropping the journals on the floor.   ‘Is ---something wrong with the duke?’  Natasha gripped Sadie’s shoulders with concern.

‘I overheard father and Benedict setting the date for his marriage to Lady Louisa,’ she answered with a distraught voice.  A searing pain like a knife twisted at Natasha’s heart.  She had not seen Benedict in the last four days.  He seemed to be heeding her appeal to stay away.  Sadie’s words just escalated the debilitating loss she felt.  Natasha’s hands dropped from Sadie’s shoulders.

‘You must know it was the duke’s plan for Ben---Lord Benedict to wed the Lady Louisa,’ Natasha spoke quietly, turning away from Sadie.

‘But Benedict cannot she sobbed.  ‘He does not love her.  I know he does not.  I have seen the way he looks at you.’

‘Just let it be, my lady,’ Natasha whispered.  Her eyes tightly shut.  She did not need to hear what she knew in her heart.  She tried to block the embattled words that Benedict had cried out four nights ago when he had held her in his arms.  Perhaps she should stop working for Benedict.  It was way too painful being here, secretly hoping he would walk into the library, yet reason was telling her he should keep away.  The only reason she had not yet quit, was the more than fantastic wage she received each week.  And every week she observed, it was higher than the previous week.  Benedict seemed to justify that she was not only keeping the ledgers.  She was also still the nursemaid, so essentially she should be paid more.  When he had put it that way, she was able to allow her conscience to then increase the purse she was storing for Benjamin’s medical studies.

‘How can I let it be?’ Sadie cried openly.  ‘No wonder my brother leaves home before you get here each morning, and only returns after sunset.  He seems to spend his days toiling on the farm.  I bet he is just punishing himself.’

‘Stop it please,’ Natasha begged.  ‘Do you know what you are doing to me?  Do you think it is easy for either of us?’ 

It was absolute torture every day and every night, when she did not see him, or hear his voice.  She missed Benedict dreadfully.

‘I do not understand.  Help me understand,’ Sadie urged.  It was not Natasha’s place to speak on Benedict’s behalf.  She could not school Sadie on the ducal politics that the Brinleys faced.  Sadie would have to question her brother if she wanted answers.

‘There are more significant things at play here than an attraction between Benedict and I,’ Natasha breathed, finally deciding to forgo the formality of addressing Benedict.

‘For the life of me, I could never imagine my Nicholas sacrificing his love for me for his father or mine,’ Sadie claimed.  ‘Nicholas was prepared for us to escape to the continent, if my father did not consent to our marriage.’   

Let us compare apples with apples.  Firstly Benedict is not in love with me.  Secondly you are a gentle lady, and your Nicholas was a gentleman with a title.  I am a commoner and the hired help in the Brinley mansion.

‘I am quite pleased that you were able to marry the man you loved, my lady.  Treasure what you have.’  Not all of us humans were blessed with good fortunes on the day we were born.

‘Good afternoon my lady,’ Natasha smiled with more bravado than she felt, ‘I do believe the groom is waiting to escort me home.’ 

Natasha heard Sadie mumble something as she walked away.  She knew she had left the library in a mess.  Dusty journals that she should have cleaned and filed away were still standing on Benedict’s table.  She had dropped something from her hand when Sadie had barged in.  She hoped she would be able to get in a bit early tomorrow morning and clean up before Benedict could see the mess, but she knew he stepped into his library every night. 

Every morning when she walked in there, she smelt the scent of him, and honeysuckle.  She also knew he picked up the garment she was making for herself.  For she smelt his scent on the ivory material she was busy with.  She folded it neatly and stored it in his second drawer that was empty, and although he had tried to replaced it as neatly as he had found it, it had not been in the exact position she had left it there. 

Natasha had smiled when she pictured Benedict tracing his fingers over the garment.  She could picture his grey eyes darkening, as his fingers would brush over the fabric. 

Natasha smiled at the footman who was standing at his carriage waiting to escort her into it, as she walked out.

Benedict looked out the window of his father’s chamber.  He knew Natasha would be leaving about now.  He had heard the carriage coming to a halt outside the front entrance.  He missed Natasha sorely.  He ached to have her in his arms.  Hell, he would give his right arm, just to see the beautiful smile that lit up her face.  He found her expressive green eyes captivating as well.  If only he could hold her just one more time----. 

‘I do not believe it,’ Benedict murmured to himself as he watched enthralled as the little eagle they had set free swooped down and settled on her shoulder. 

What did she call it__Citrus? 

It had returned!  It had not gone to join the rest of its species out in the nearby woodlands.

           If you love it set it free ... if it comes back it is yours.  If it does not ...it never was.

Benedict watched as Natasha took the little blighter into her arms, cradling it like a little baby.  Instinctively, as if she sensed him there, she looked up to the window.  Benedict immediately stepped back.  He shut his eyes, for when she looked up her eyes were filled with tears streaming down her cheek.  He dipped his head and stole a glance.  She was patting her palm gently over its body.  He could see her lips moving.  She was talking to her bird.  Benedict held his breath, transfixed as she placed a kiss on the head of the bird.  The bird seemed to love the attention, and tweeted noisily.  Benedict smiled.  She brought joy to the bird’s life, to his father’s life…to his life, but he could not have her.  He had more money than he knew what to do with, but it could not buy him what he most preciously desired.

‘Citrus! You came back,’ Natasha exclaimed in a jubilant voice.  ‘I cannot believe it.  Why have you not gone back to your mommy?’  The bird just tweeted noisily as she patted his back and kissed him softly on his head. 

‘Oh, how I wish Benedict could see you now,’ she whispered.  ‘He told me to set you free.  He told me, you did not belong here.’ Just as I do not belong here, Natasha thought to herself.  ‘You and I must have an affinity for punishment,’ she whispered to the bird. 

‘Well I do not know if you are going to spend the night in the home Benedict built for you, or if you prefer to roam the wide open spaces,’ Natasha smiled at the bird, ‘but I have to get home, and the footman is patiently waiting for me.  ‘So Citrus should I put you in the cage?  Perhaps I can leave the gate open.’  Natasha mistook his noisy chirping for consent and placed him in the cage, with the gate left wide open, but as she hopped into the carriage, she heard Citrus hovering about the air just above her.  Natasha hoisted her upper body out the carriage window, to see Citrus circling about energetically.  She laughed and stretched her arm out.  The little blighter eagerly settled on her elbow.  ‘Oh I do love you so much,’ she cooed to the little fellow.  ‘I guess I am going to have to find you some supper,’ she got back into the carriage.  Leaving the window opened, she carefully placed him on the ledge, but he did not fly away.

 ‘Miss Natasha, what are you doing?’ Benedict’s unmistakable angry voice pierced the air.  Natasha turned around to see Benedict and the nervous butler at the library door.

‘My lord---I am sorry.’ 
She swallowed the rest of her apology as she stared at the handsome gentleman.  She had forgotten how good looking he was from not seeing him for so long.  How had she survived the past five days?  Natasha was oblivious to the butler next to Benedict.  She stared into his eyes.  Then her eyes lowered to his broad shoulders.  She admired how the expensive garment fitted so perfectly over his muscular chest.

‘What are you doing with that cabinet?’ Benedict’s voice interrupted her inspection of him.  She stared with her mouth opened as he walked towards her.

‘I am so sorry my lord.  I will put it back.  I just thought to rearrange---.‘ 

Benedict’s hands took hold of the cabinet.  His warm breath caressed her face.  She inhaled deeply the tantalizing scent of honeysuckle that emitted from his body.

‘Allow me,’ he murmured, his eyes not leaving hers.  ‘Where would you like it to stand?’ he spoke softly.

‘There,’ her arm pointed to the spot below the huge windows without her eyes disengaging from his.  Benedict dragged himself away, carrying the cabinet to place it where she indicated.  Natasha took a moment to regroup, telling herself, there was safety in numbers.  They were not alone the butler was there in the room.  For all the chemistry flying off between them, they could very well be alone.  Neither was very conscious of the third person present.

‘I am so sorry for leaving the library in a mess my lord.  I meant to put the journals away.  I wanted to separate the ledgers from---.’

‘Thank you Arthur,’ Benedict dismissed the butler.  Natasha could tell he was angry at her rearranging his library.  He probably did not want her interfering and preferred things the way he had them.  He never smiled often, and he was definitely not smiling now.  She knew she was in trouble for taking liberties.

‘Yes sir,’ the butler took his leave.

Benedict looked around the library and wondered where all the additional space had come from.  He had been meaning to break one of the outer walls to increase the size of his library.  Now it seemed he just needed to clean the mess he had created and he would have more space than he required. 

He noted Natasha had been hard at work.  She filed all his ledgers on one shelf.  All his journals that pertained to the farm activity were in one specific cabinet by itself.  Personal journals about his family, and the previous Brinley generations were at the huge window.  It seemed she wanted to file that separately away from where the other business related materials were filed.

‘I am so sorry my lord,’ Natasha twitched her fingers nervously.  ‘I should not have interfered, I will---.’

‘I like it,’ he interrupted her, walking towards her.

‘You like it,’ she swallowed, walking backwards.

‘Yes,’ his unsmiling eyes held hers. ‘The library looks more spacious, more office space, saves me breaking the wall.’

‘You want to break the wall?’ she stammered, as she came up against his huge mahogany desk.

‘I thought I needed more room,’ he murmured, as his eyes lowered to her lips.

‘I am sorry for leaving everything in a mess last night.

I just needed to get away from Sadie.’

‘I did not notice the mess,’ his fingers grazed over her bare arms.

‘You did not notice the dirty journals on your table?’ her eyes were locked on his.  She tried to ignore the sensation riding up her arm, his touch was nerve wrecking. 

What happened to staying away?

‘Benedict, you are not supposed to be here,’ she whispered, feeling her resolve disintegrating.

‘I have stayed away for five days,’ he groaned.  ‘I miss you,’ his palms clasped her shoulders

You are marrying somebody else.

‘Tell me you did not miss me,’ he challenged.  ‘Tell me you do not think about me.’

She could not lie to him.

‘You know we should not be together,’ Natasha whispered, losing the battle not to touch him, her fingers lifted to his lips.

‘I can not stay away from you, do not make me,’ he pleaded, as his mouth took possession of hers.

‘Benedict,’ she cried out against his lips, her arms twisting around his neck.  ‘I can not have you,’ she sobbed.  ‘You belong to another.’

‘I belong to you,’ he refuted, ‘as you belong to me,’ his lips captured hers in a searing kiss.  He forced his tongue into her mouth, weakly she submitted, allowing her tongue to mate with his.  His hands wrapped around her shoulders pulling her closer.

‘Benedict please stop.  Somebody could walk in.’

‘I am beyond caring any longer, damn it.’

‘I could be shamed,’ Natasha murmured.  ‘My father would be devastated.’

‘’I need you Natasha.  Meet me tonight.’

‘No,’ she pushed him away.  ‘It is over between us.  Have you not already offered for Lady Louisa.’

‘Yes,’ he stepped away.  ‘I did it two days ago.  We are to be married in three weeks.’

‘That quick?’ Natasha cried out, turning away from him.  ‘I have to stop working here.  I cannot---.’

‘Natasha donot.  Please.  Promise me you will not quit the job.  I need you.’

‘Do you not know what this is doing to me?  How can you expect me to see you every day and not---.’

‘The same way I feel each day, knowing you are a mere few feet away, yet I am denied, your presence, your company. You have ordered me to keep away,’ he pleaded.

‘You ask too much Benedict.  I just cannot do it.  ‘We cannot go on this way it is killing me.’

‘Stay for the next two weeks,’ he pleaded.  ‘I’m forced to walk into a death trap of a marriage.  Don’t you turn against me too Natasha.’

‘Why?’ she cupped his face, ‘Why did I ever meet you?’

‘We are meant to be together---.’

‘No we are not,’ she pushed away from him. 

You are marrying another.  We are not meant to be together.

‘You cannot deny what is between us,’ he pulled her into his arms again.  His mouth aggressively taking hers.  She should resist.  She should run like hell, but she was weak to fight her attraction to him.  A long moment later, it was Benedict who stopped the kiss.

‘I want to take you home tonight,’ Benedict whispered against her ear.

‘No!’  Natasha shoved him away and ran out of the library.  She ran outside and found solace in the cage of Citrus, who had seen her enter there, and descended on her shoulder again.

                                                             -end chapter thirteen-