"So how was your night out?" Lily asked the moment the Marauders piled through the Portrait Hole into Gryffindor Tower. She had leaped from the couch, where she'd been sitting and studying with Frank and Ali, the moment she'd heard Sirius Black's voice echoing into the common room and rushed across to the door, nearly knocking little Ollie over in her rush.

"What in Merlin's greasy beard..?" Frank asked Ali, who waved for Frank to hush as she watched Lily running over to the returning lot of Marauders, wide eyed with interest.

Sirius, the last one through, grinned at Lily as she hurried over, and in a drawling tone, he said, "It went spiffing, Lillith. You ought to cone along sometime, pet."

Lily frowned at him in response.

James snorted, "'Cause that would go splendid. I canine even begin to express howl badly that would go."

Peter laughed and Sirius smirked over at James, though Remus turned red and hurried around his mates as best he could with his sore knees, and started up the stairs. "Good one, James," Sirius said reverently.

Lily ignored this and looked James over with appraising eyes, "Well, you do look as though you're in one piece, at least."

"Mmm, yes. Well. Perhaps it's only my visible pieces. Perhaps we left the others in the woods," James said sarcastically and he grinned broadly when Sirius let out a hoot of amusement, which was underlined by Peter's snickers. James's eyes glittered, challenging her.

Lily looked stung, but she collected herself rather quickly and her eyes glinted right back, challenging him in return, and said, "Well so long as the visible ones remained in tact, it'll keep Madam Pomfrey from having to practice her stitching."

"Right," said James. "Wouldn't want to inconvenience Madam Promfrey with having to sew me back together."

Lily strung herself up, "I would imagine even Pomfrey couldn't stitch you quite right and what a disappointment that would be to all the ladies to whom you are a gift from the gods, yeah, Potter?"

James kept his eyes quite solidly latched on hers and his tone was low, "I don't know if I'd call myself a gift, Evans, but I do have a rather impressive package."

Lily blinked in surprise, and, too stunned to come up with a witty response, she gaped at him stupidly.

"Are we finished with the inquisition, then?" James demanded.

Lily's cheeks turned pink, "Quite finished." Then, as the pack of them started for the stairs, snickering under their breaths, she added, "It's my job to give a damn, you know, as prefect." She puffed herself up. "I ought to turn you three in, as it's only Remus who has permission to be sneaking out."

Sirius raised an eyebrow. "You wouldn't dare turn us in. You like us too much," he reminded her pointedly.

Lily's cheeks were even more pink than they'd been, if that was possible, and she glared at Sirius and snapped, "It's only because I'm prefect that I care is all I'm meaning to say," she said hotly. "I don't give a damn what any of you lot do or don't do or anything like that!" And she crossed her arms over her chest.

"Very good," James said, nodding curtly, "Wouldn't want anyone getting the wrong impression of what you mean by giving a damn about any one of us, now would you?"

Lily opened her mouth to speak again, but James had turned and hustled up the stairs to the Marauder's dormitory before she could, quickly followed by Peter. She balled her fists, frustrated.

Sirius's eyes were twinkling. "That went quite spiffing, Evans," he commented. "You're very good at telling Potter how you feel about him."

Lily reeled on him, "As if you were any help!"

"I'm sorry," Sirius said, then, "Did you want my help?"

"No. I'm perfectly capable of --"

"Well!" Sirius cut her off, "Then, I guess it really did go spiffing, didn't it?" Sirius grinned, and turned to head up the stairs, leaving Lily standing in the common room, staring after him and fuming.

When she returned to her books on the couch by Frank and Ali, it was to find them both turning quickly away to hide that they'd been watching the entire exchange. Frank's book was upside down, though, and Ali's eyes were wide as she bit her lower lip, only just keeping back a wide, bemused smile.

"Shut up, both of you," Lily said crankily.

"I didn't say a thing," Ali said.

"You didn't have to, I can hear your bloody thoughts right through your skull."

Ali licked her lips, then said, pragmatically, "I mean, why don't you just tell him you fancy him?"

Lily wanted to say because last time I did that, You Know Who nearly killed him, but she bit her tongue, and said, "I don't fancy James Potter." But the words were weak, even in her own ears.

Frank murmured, "Right, and Gryffindor has a shot at winning the match on Hufflepuff even if James doesn't return to the team."

Ali and Lily looked at him.

"I'm just saying," Frank said. "Since we're telling lies."

The doe stood in the midst of a field of flowers - wild flowers, purple and white and pink and yellow and orange and red and blue, all spreading out in every possible direction under a cloudless, perfectly cerulean sky. She had speckles of white on her back and neck and wide eyes with long, perfect lashes. Her leathery black nose twitched as she munched on thistles, her slender neck bending low to grasp the plants and tear them up, mouth munching in little circular chews.... dainty little doe chews... And his eyes traveled to her perfectly cloven hooves, to the ringing tail on her behind, and he felt his heart rate quicken. He was utterly convinced that in all the universe, there had never, ever been a doe as beautiful as this one.

When he honked, she grunted back.

He felt his thick, sinewy legs carrying him through the flowers toward her.

"Hello," he said, and it only half struck him as odd that his human voice was coming from the throat of his stag figure. After all, anything is possible in a dream...

And the moment he thought of what he was seeing as a dream, the illusion broke and he realized he was laying in his bed, in the dormitory - not walking through a field towards a doe. And he sat up, his heart pounding so hard he could feel it in his ears, and he took a couple gulping mouthfuls of air, trying to clear his head.

Had he seriously just been having a dream about.... a deer?

"Oh bloody hell I've gone mad," he murmured and he rolled onto his side, looking out over the sleeping forms of Peter, Sirius, and Remus. He shook his head in disbelief at himself. "It was a deer, you bleedin' idiot," he turned again and punched his pillow several times, then smashed his face into it, letting out along and exasperated sigh. He closed his eyes.

It then occurred to him that this was the first time in as many nights that he hadn't been awakened by his own dark and twisted nightmares, all featuring the calm, too-perfect-to-be-considered-handsome face of Voldemort. That doe had managed to chase off the effects of the torture that had been singing in his every pore. That, he thought, was very intriguing, and he shifted and shuffled until he was laying on his back again, staring up at the canopy over his bed, his mind reeling.

"So let me get this straight," Sirius said, "You have a crush.... on a deer."

James twitched uneasily. "Okay, but don't take it out of context, mate. It isn't as though I was strolling through the woods as a person, cruising for does or something. I, too, was a deer. A stag."

Sirius grinned, "A hot young buck."

"I dunno about hot, but --"

"Of course you're hot. I'll bet that lady deer saw you and was like oh my fucking gods, look at that guy and went back and told all her other lady deer friends what a fantastic beast she saw by the lake."

James stared at Sirius.

Sirius grinned all the more - that wild, manic grin.

"I've been meaning to tell you," James said, shaking his head and turning to the fireplace, nudging the log with a flick of his wand, "You simply must stop doing that ridiculous face. It looks like you're pulling a muscle, mate, or that you've got positively mad. Either or. Perhaps both."

"Pulled my madness muscle," Sirius said, and he rolled over on the Gryffindor common room couch so that his legs were sticking up over the back of it and his head hung down where his feet ought to go.  "Always knew I'd go cracker, hey Potter?"

"From the first moment I laid eyes upon you, I said to myself - Self, that bloke's mad." James smiled.

"Actually," Sirius said, "If I recall, on the Hogwarts Express, you thought I was cool."

"I thought you were alright, rather," James answered.

"Stuck to me like glue, you did," Sirius continued, ignoring James's input.

"More like couldn't get rid of you."

"...practically worshipped me..."

"...bloody groaned when you got put in Gryffindor..."

"...begged the Sorting Hat to let you be put in the same house as I was..."

"...prayed you'd have enough and go off to Slytherin like the rest of your filthy family..."

"...knew it was your life's ambition to be my best mate..."

"...still can't believe I put up with you and haven't cast a single tongue knotting spell on you yet."

Sirius's eyes glittered with amusement, "I'm actually rather shocked you haven't done that yet myself," he laughed. "I never shut the fuck up, do I?"

"Never," James agreed.

Sirius said, "I rather like the sound of my own voice, is all."

"You don't say."

Sirius kicked his feet and grinned up at the mismatched stockings that covered his toes. Then, "In all seriousness, mate, I don't think it's odd you had a crush on the doe. I think it's natural. Like you said - deer hormones and all. It is spring. Don't deer mate in the spring?"

"Dunno, I don't know a bleedin' thing about them."

"Odd, given you are one." Sirius rolled his eyes.

"Yes, well."

"Perhaps we ought to consult the Zoo Books."

"Perhaps." James waved his wand and a new log flew onto the fire from the short stack of them the boys had asked the house elf tending it to leave out for them so he wouldn't be popping in and out to interrupt their midnight conversations. "I missed these times," James commented, "You and I. Tea in the middle of the night."

Sirius said, "Not that we're drinking any tea."

"You know what I mean." James said, "Besides, tea is for when we've had nightmares, or we're sad. Neither of us is sad."

"Thank gods," Sirius said. "I missed them, too. They're my favorite times, honestly." He did a rolling backflip off the couch and fell onto the carpet ungracefully. Scrambling, he sat next to James and his voice was very serious. "James. If there's anything you wanted to talk about... I don't mean to pry or sound like... you know, everyone else or what have you. But I wanted you to know... I'll listen. Alright? I might not be able to fix whatever it is, but if I can I will. And if nothing else, sometimes it helps just to be heard. You know what I mean?"

"Thanks, mate," James said.

Sirius answered, "You're welcome."

They sat in silence for a long moment, both of them watching the fire flicker and dance across the fresh log, ash tumbling from the old one into the hearth, the embers fading glow from red-hot to charcoal dust.

"I didn't think I'd be coming back you know," James said finally.

Sirius looked at James in profile, and his face seemed to glow from the light of the fire. He looked much older than he ever had, Sirius thought, wiser. The boyish feature were gone and there they were, the features of a man, the remnants of knowing thing about the world and how it works that no boy could understand. He wondered if those features were gone in him, too. They'd never been there in Remus at all, he thought, but Peter still had them sometimes. Though even Peter had aged a great deal through all of this...

"I thought I'd die there in that cell," James continued, "I fought it, fought him and his torture, clung to my mind by just the tiniest thread at times. But whatever fight I had, I thought I was just holding out. I didn't think I'd ever leave."

"But you did," Sirius said, "You made it out, you're here."

James nodded slowly, his face twitching slightly as he digested the words Sirius had said. "Earlier," he said, "When we came back from the moon... when we came in the door, Evans said, you're in one piece, and I joked that only my visible parts were."

Sirius felt his stomach knotting up, already knowing what James was about to say.

James looked at Sirius, their eyes meeting.

"Perhaps the invisible ones really are a bit more broken than I let on?"

Sirius leaned over and put his arm 'round James's shoulder. "Well that's alright. We'll fix 'em just the same as we would've done the visible ones, mate."

James felt hot tears burning the edges of his eyes and his voice croaked like a toad's, "I'm just so bloody afraid he'll come back for me... to torture me again, Sirius. I couldn't take it. I couldn't bloody take it a moment more, I'd rather he just curse me and be done with it. I'd rather die than be tortured again."

Sirius squeezed James tighter. "I won't bloody let him do either alright, James? I won't. I'll do anything. I'd die myself before I'd let him touch you. I swear it to you. Alright?" He bent so he was looking into James's face. "Don't let that old blighter scare you. You're James fucking Potter. And you fought him. You bloody fought the bastard. You made it out of there alive, you escaped. Mate, you bloody defied the most evil wizard in the world, in the history of the world at that! You're James bloody Potter. And one day you're going to be an auror and you're going to kill that old bastard once and for all, I swear James, I swear you'll be the most bloody brilliant opponent that snake has ever seen. He'll look on your face and he'll see his death."

James was shaking with tears.

Sirius sighed, and grabbed his wand, waving it over the coffee table so that two teacups appeared. "Perhaps we need some of this after all?"

James nodded and Sirius handed him the cup, then waved his wand and there was a chocolate bar from upstairs floating to them. "My boyfriend always says it helps you feel better if you have a bit of chocolate," he said, breaking the bar in two and giving James the bigger half. "Eat, you'll feel better," Sirius said, imitating Remus's voice.

James choked on a laugh.