"Something's the matter with Prongs," Sirius said suddenly.

It was mid-afternoon, Sirius and Remus were on the couch in the flat in East London - Remus was reading and Sirius was listening to his record player before he had spoken, his legs across Remus's lap, head on a pillow at the opposite end. 

Remus looked up from his book.

Sirius sat up, pulling his legs from Remus's lap and looking concerned as he bent forward and pulled the needle off the record that was spinning on his playing. "I'm going to pop over to the Potters, I think, and check on Prongs." Sirius got up and flipped the lid on his record player closed as he crossed the room to the hearth.

"You want me to come?" Remus asked.

Sirius shook his head, "Nah, I'm alright. I'll be back." He took the floo powder down, chucked a handful into the hearth, and stepped through into the Potter's living room. Dora was sitting in one of the chairs and watching the telly, Roger purring loudly on her lap. She looked up in surprise when Sirius came through the hearth. "Hey mum," he said, looking around. The scene was more peaceful than he'd been expecting from the anxiety he was feeling. Both Lily and James were upset, he could feel it in his bones the way one can feel a chill in the air. It sort of danced through his nervous system in a horribly unsettling way.

"Hi honey," she answered, smiling. "James and Lily are out at the moment."

"Oh," Sirius said.

Dora's brows cinched. "Are you alright, sweetheart?"

"Yeah," Sirius said, nodding, "Yeah, brilliant." He nodded some more.

"Are you sure?"

Sirius continued on nodding. "Yeah, great. Do you know when the Prongses are expected back?"

"Any time I'd imagine. They just had an appointment was all," she said.

"Oh shit, right - I mean shoot. The appointment." Sirius's stomach dropped.

"You're welcome to sit with me and wait for them to come back," she suggested. 

Sirius hesitated, then, "I was just checking in to see if James wanted to go for a lark but I reckon they're busy and I'll check back later. Tell him I came by."

"Alright," Dora smiled.

Sirius left, but instead of flooing home, he flooed to St. Mungo's.

The hospital was busy and bustling with activity, loads of witches and wizards with all sorts of maladies sat about the waiting room when Sirius came up from the hall of floos in the hospital. He went up to the reception witch. "Which way to the - er -" he wasn't sure what the office would be called, so he ad-libbed, "The wing for baby-makin'."

"The birthing center is --"

"No, no - the - er - mechanics of baby making, I guess."

"Fertility specialties?"

"That's the one."

"Level nine." 

"Thanks." 

Sirius hurried up the hall to the stair well and was nearly there when the door to the stairs opened up and none other than Lily and James came out of it. James looked rather pale, his hair a mess from having run his hair through it such a good number of times and Lily was looking at him, worry clear on her face, and her hand on her stomach. James was so distracted that he ran smack into Sirius before he realized he was there, and he stared at him in shock.

"Padfoot?"

"Hey Prongs."

"What the bloody hell are you --" then realization went across James's expression and he looked at Lily, tone irritated. "Did you call him or something?"

"No," Lily said hurriedly. "He probably can feel --"

"Bloody hell." James turned and looked at Sirius. "I'm fine. Everything is fine. We're all fine." He pushed 'round Sirius and started down the hallway, his cheeks red, "This is why I didn't want you lot doing the love magic thing on me, I didn't want --"

"James, honey --" Lily sighed and hurried after him with an apologetic look at Sirius, who turned on the ball of his foot and followed along, too. "It's alright! The doctors said there are loads of options and --"

"Can we please not talk about this in the middle of the entire hospital!?" James wailed.

"Well if you'd stop walking away, we could stop and talk about this and --"

"I don't want to talk about it, Lily!"

"But we need to. You're obviously upset and --"

"I'm not upset! I'm fine! I told you, I'm alright. See? Look - fine." He forced a smile, but it was closed-lipped and didn't reach his eyes and he looked bizarre, rather than fine. 

"Merlin's tit, Prongs, you're scaring the children with that face."

"There aren't any children, Sirius, which is precisely the point," James said sharply as Lily winced. "There aren't any and there aren't going to be any."

Sirius raised an eyebrow and looked at Lily.

"We had some challenging results," she explained, "But the doctors said there are options and--"

James let out a sound of frustration and turned down the hall of floos. 

"Wait up, Prongs." Sirius bolted after him and Lily trotted along behind. "Hey c'mon mate. What d'you say we go home and ta -- not talk about it," he interrupted himself and lamely finished, seeing the look on James's face.

James shook his head, "I don't want to go home right now."

"James, it's alright," Lily tried, "I told you, it's alright. I know it'll be alright. I know we'll figure something out, I know it. If we just keep trying --"

"Keep trying," James laughed. They were standing in the lobby of the hall of floos, surrounded by fireplaces, witches and wizards going in and out, passing by them, giving them barely a glance as they went, just stepping 'round them, on their way in or out of St. Mungo's. James looked down at his trainers, "Lily, I --"

Sirius could feel it.

He could feel the words James wasn't saying.

"He never stops trying," Sirius said.

Lily looked anxious, "But --"

Sirius looked at her for a long moment, then turned to James, and back to Lily. "Lilith, I need to borrow your husband for a few hours."

Lily frowned.

He looked at her. "I've got this," he promised, then he stepped forward, wrapped his arm 'round James's shoulders, and pulled him quickly away from the floos and back toward the street entry of St. Mungo's. He glanced back to see Lily staring after them and called out, "I'll have him back to you shortly, darling, please don't worry your pretty mind."

Lily watched them go, feeling uneasy and upset, and really rather terrible because at the same time as she was feeling bad for James and worried for James, she also had the tiniest bit of relief that at least it wasn't her after all.

The Grindyswallow Pub was packed, but joyfully so, and Sirius pulled James inside and over to the bar, where he ordered them a double shot of firewhiskey each and turned to James, shoving the first into his fist. It no sooner was in James's had than he had thrown back the drink and making a face as the heat of it burned down his throat and into his stomach, it was gone. 

"Alright," Sirius said, knocking his knuckles on the bar for a refill, "So we mean business, then."

"Yeah," James said. "We mean business."

Sirius threw his own double shot back and put his glass down, plucking the refills off the counter and handing James his. "C'mon, over here." He led the way to the usual booth that he and Bilius Weasley used to haunt after work when they were partners at Gomer's. Luckily it was recently vacated and Sirius waved his wand to clear off the previous occupants glasses and slid into the booth opposite James, who sighed and slouched in the bench, put his shot glass on the table, and ran his palms over his face, his hair flopping sadly over his forehead as he let out a long, low groan.

"So," Sirius said, "I have to know. How did they test it? Was  it a wand up the --"

"You have to wank into a cup."

Sirius thought about it a second, then, "Was it a sexy cup?"

James looked up at him.

"I mean, I'd hate to have to wank into an ugly cup."

"Please explain to me what a sexy cup looks like."

"I dunno! Maybe it's... more of a champagne glass than a mug, for instance... or one of those glasses like they serve fancy cocktails in?" Sirius waved his hands in a feminine, hour-glass-like shape, "I mean, that could be a sexy cup. If you're into that sort of thing." He shrugged and took another sip of his whiskey.

"It was plain plastic with a screw on lid like a bloody stow-away for left over dinner," James said flatly. "And the room was sterile and -" He laughed. "Sterile." He shook his head, "Of course it was."

Sirius frowned into the whiskey. "Oh come now, it can't be that bad, mate..."

"Honestly, Sirius, have you ever tried to do that when you know there's at least three people waiting for you to hurry it up and get it done?"

Sirius thought about it. "Performance anxiety? Never known you to have stage fright before, darling."

James grabbed the shot glass on the table and slung it back.

Sirius was grinning. "Aw Prongsy, if you can't talk about the operations of the Prong Down Under with me, then who?"

"Apparently a Mediwizard named Ernest Flemming."

"Flemming? What an unfortunate name." Sirius paused, then laughed, "Good name for a doctor though, I suppose."

James groaned and put his head down on the table.

"Seriously mate! C'mon."

"I don't want to talk about it with anyone at all, ever, for as long as I live." James stared out of the corner of his eye at the wood grain pattern on the table top. It seemed like it might be moving slightly and James wondered if a double shot was really two shots like the name implied and if so then he'd technically had four shots of firewhiskey, not two, and was that enough to make him drunk? It had been awhile since he'd drank any firewhiskey - and honestly he'd always been a bit of a weird drunk because he couldn't tell he was drunk until afterwards when he had a good look back at the things that had transpired during the past twelve hours and then he could point at it and say oh right that's what I'm like drunk, but it didn't really feel like anything except maybe a little top heavy in a gung-ho-let's-do-anything-we-want sort of way, as though his head were propelling his body forward on a whim.

Or maybe the table top wood grain really was moving.

It was a wizard bar after all.

Maybe it was part of the atmosphere.

Real wooden table tops you can watch the rings grow on.

He looked up at Sirius.

Sirius was grinning at him.

James closed his eyes.

Sirius reached into his pocket and pulled out the pack of cigarettes. The Grindyswallow had a no smoking policy but it wasn't particularly enforced back then - so Sirius discreetly lit the cigarette and took a short drag, then held the cigarette under the table, leaning forward. "Prongs, Lily said it wasn't the end of the world, that there's options, alright? And like she said, you can keep on trying." He thought of how clearly the face of the boy in the graveyard was in Lily's mind. "You've never been a quitter, hey?"

James sat up. He looked around the pub, at all the smiling faces, at all the girls and their men and he couldn't help but think about how any one of them could go home and end up pregnant that night without even trying and here he was, unable to get it done after months of trying. And now he knew why.

Inadequate - that had been the word the doctor had used. He hadn't called it impossible, nor had he said that James was 100% sterile, but rather closer to 90%. The sperm count wasn't completely void, it was simply inadequate. 

"You're right," James muttered, "I'm not a quitter. We need more of these things." He tapped the side of the shot glass on the table.

"Alright. I'll go get some more," Sirius said, and he slid out of the booth. "Hang on. I'll get it and be right back."

James nodded.

Sirius pressed his way through the crowd to the bar. 

James watched him for a moment, then he, too, slid out of the booth, but instead of heading for the bar, he headed for the door.

When Sirius returned to the booth a moment later, it was to find that someone else had sat down at the table and James Potter wasn't there.

It was Thursday night and Jasper Odair sat in the second row of the folding chairs that he'd help to set up in the church room, listening to a girl talk about some bad habits she'd developed over the past couple years. He sat forward, concentrating, feeling profoundly sorry for the poor girl, and praying that the help of the two dozen supportive people clustered around would be enough to renind her that she wasn't alone next time she needed help. She finished up her story and she dabbed her eyes with her handkerchief, then dismounted the podium. 

There was a few minutes silence, an open mic standing at the ready for anyone who wished to speak... Jasper sat quietly, waiting, and when no one had stepped up after a few minutes, he started to slide out of the seat and he was nearly out of the aisle when Meg caught his hand and pulled him back down. 

He looked up.

James Potter stood on the platform next to the podium, looking at the little microphone like it was a wild beast he was sneaking up on.

Jasper sank into the seat.

There was a long silence, everyone in the room looking at James with expectation.

Finally, James took the last two steps to the microphone, cleared his throat, and said, nervously. "Hi. I - I, um... My - My name is James Potter and I am inadequate."

There was a longer than usual pause from the crowd, then Meg said boldly, "Hi James."

A general murmur of "hi James" echoed through the room.