PC Anderson and Sergeant Fisher sat in their police car, parked at the mouth of a narrow road between two buildings, chatting through their boring shift. Anderson had a cup of coffee while Fisher floshed some undercooked chips in a pool of ketchup. 

"The wife's been on me to be cuttin' my diet, says she had to let out my uniforms again," Fisher complained. He held aloft the greasy tray of chips, "What she don't know won't hurt me." He chuckled.

"Oh I know the feelin'," Anderson said, shaking his head and sipping his coffee, "Gertie's been on about her own weight and somehow that effects me - suddenly we're both on this new fangled diet thing she's tryin' out and she's pisser at me because I've lost weight and she 'int lost but a fraction of what I 'ave and somehow that's my fault."

Fisher shook his head. "If Barb knew half what I eat when I'm out on patrol she'd leave me I swear, she's that militant 'bout it," he grumbled.

The radio in the police car crackled to life suddenly and Anderson reached for the knob to turn it up as Fisher lowered the tray of chips. "10-33 emergency in progress, pub on Highgate West Hill, 10-10 fight confirmed, possibly armed - resident called in, units dispatched to scene, all officers in North London on standby for further instruction - 10-12."

Fisher looked at Anderson, "Ah good, I don't have to stop eatin' my chips," he laughed and Anderson chuckled and took another gulp of his coffee. 

"Keep it up in Highgate, that's what I say," agreed Anderson.

"I almost pulled Highgate tonight, too," Fisher said, grinning, "Dodged that bullet, I did."

The pair of officers returned to their conversation.

It was about ten minutes later before the radio cracked again with descriptions for a city-wide look-out for two young males, black hair. Supposedly the chef of the pub had seen them slip out the back door; it had been a violent attack of some sort, possible firearms involved, unknown vehicle used for the escape. Cleared the whole pub, witnesses were being brought in.

"All this racket over a bar fight," Fisher rolled his eyes. "Wouldn't even have given that air time back in the day."

"Getting more frequent, the killin's in the city," Anderson pointed out, "You noticed? Seems like there's a new horrific killin' nearly ev'ry day these days. You heard 'bout all them people up in Blackburn? With that serial killer they've been dealin' with?" He let out a breath of air - "Whoo-weee. Glad that innit 'round our beat, 'ey?"

"That's off there in Blackburn, sure, but 'round here there's been loads of mysterious killin's just the same," Fisher pointed out. "Three cases I worked last week - people dead as dead can be but not a thing wrong with'em. Perfectly healthy, apart from bein' dead. Not a mark on 'em."

"Bleedin' weird," muttered Anderson, shaking his head.

Fisher nodded, "Bleedin' weird." He'd finished up his chips and was wiping his hands on his pant leg, crumbling up the paper tray they'd been in. He shoved it into a plastic bag and threw that in the backseat. "Alright, let's do a couple laps about the block," he muttered and he shifted the car into gear, rolling forward and about to pull into traffic when --

Anderson spit a mouthful of coffee in shock. "The fuck was that?!"

"A - a motorcycle?" Fisher flipped on the lights and sirens and pulled out of the alleyway. 

Anderson looked at the radar. "No way." He turned the radar gun toward Fisher. "Take a look at that, will ya?"

Fisher glanced over as he pressed his foot to the pedal. "That's damn impossible."

"You see the number as plain as I do."

"No motorbike can go that fast," Fisher shook his head - the car picking up speed, racing down the roadway after the speeding motorbike.

Anderson stared ahead in disbelief as the police car shot after the motorbike.

James clung onto the back of Sirius. "Bloody hell Padfoot."

"What? Are we not in a rush?" Sirius yelled over his shoulder. "So tell me what's on? What's Fumblebore got you lot up to that's gotten Alice taken away?"

"Getting information!"

"Gonna need a bit more information than that, Prongs!"

"You Know Who is trying at making an alliance with the vampires! So we've kidnapped ourselves a vampire - Dumbledore's got him now - and we polyjuiced to try to get in to talk to You Know Who's death eaters to find out the terms of the treaty they're working on. Another spy's taken polyjuice and gone to try to get information from the vampires' side of things - as far as I know that side didn't have any problems - Dumbledore didn't give us any information aside from what we were doing on our end..."

"Vampires!" Sirius glanced over his shoulder at James. "Because that's what a wanker like You Know Who needs is more literal blood-thirsty liaisons, 'ey?"

"Watch where you're driving!"

"Right. Not airborne. My bad. I forgot. I'M SORRY!" Sirius shouted as they only barely avoided hitting an oncoming car, which laid on their horn as they shot past so close James's knees only just missed the side mirror.

"How fast are you going?!" James demanded - the city seemed a blur.

"I dunno, it's magic powered, the engine doesn't actually turn on so the speedometer doesn't exactly work."

James's face felt like it was being blown backward off his skull from the velocity.

"So Alice got caught impersonating a vampire?" Sirius asked, "How bad ass!"

"No - well, yes, but that was the plan, really, except we had a designated spy - dunno who it is, though because God forbid Dumbledore tell anyone anything of importance - and he was supposed to switch us off and suggest to Dolohov that they go back to headquarters. He was supposed to find out where they've been operating from and report back, as well as get the information about the treaty... But something one of us said during our time speaking with Dolohov must've triggered him. He had Alice in a choke hold so bleedin' fast... but we didn't really know it was her - we thought it was the spy and Snape thought it was Lily - and - blimey, we've got to get her back. No tellin' what they'll do when Snape realize it's not Lily."

"So Snivellus was there?"

"He's playing the look out. We confused him so he wouldn't know for sure if it was Lily they took... Dumbledore really wants Snape to come to the light and join the Order. Thinks we need a legilimens."

Sirius scowled. "There are other legilimens - ones that don't stink like yesterday's rancid oil."

James shook his head, "Dunno. But Lily's convinced he's going to change over and me, I'm just -- biting my tongue. I don't understand why she keeps giving that arsehole a --" Jame suddenly stopped. He'd glanced back over his shoulders. "Uhhh... Padfoot?"

"Prongs?"

"Theres -- there's some gents following us."

"Following us?"

"On brooms."

"On brooms?"

"Yeah."

"What for?"

James squinted. "Fuck. I - I dunno. We don't have time for whatever this is - we're supposed to be saving Alice - gotta get to the MInistry - to Underhill --"

"Reckon it's aurors?" Sirius asked.

"You said this thing is magically powered?"

"Yeah."

"Damn, it could be. Muggles must've seen it. Triggered some sort of alarm over the statute."

Sirius grinned, "It's alright, we'll just out run'em."

"Out run'em? Aurors? With Ministry issued brooms? Those things are supposed to be twice as fast as -- WHOA!" James slammed himself into Sirius's back, afraid of becoming unseated.

"Don't worry Prongs! You aren't goin' anywhere mate! I've got you stuck on with a permanent sticking charm!" Sirius grinned.

"Great so if the bike crashes and burns I'm going with it."

"Well I'd release the spell then obviously - before you crashed and burnt, that is."

And suddenly there was a flash of light from an alley - a loud wail of a siren - and Sirius let out a loud howl of laughter, grinning with all of his teeth. "MUGGLE POLICY MEN!" he shouted, "Bastards always think they can catch me on this thing and they're bloody wrong!"

"Sirius! watch out. Please look forward, bloody hell! We have to be alive in order to help Alice Longbottom!" 

"I KNOW!" Sirius shouted, grinning. He slammed his palm on a red button and the motorbike shot forward all the faster.

James paused. "What d'you mean they ALWAYS think they can catch you on this thing? How often have you been chased by the policeymen?"

Sirius laughed wildly.

James glanced back. The policymen AND the aurors were gaining on them.

"Oh bloody hell," James murmured and he turned and shoved his face into Sirius's back. "Sirius, we haven't got time for this."

"Here we'll lose them --" Sirius announced and he took a sharp turn, the motorbike's tires shrieking against the pavement as it went pummeling down the road.

"Maybe we should just --"

"HANG ON PRONGS!"

They turned, the road was narrow, the buildings on either side high and tightly packed. The sound of the squad car crunching on the side wall made James turned back. "Bleeding hell! Those muggle policeymen are tenacious, aren't they?"

"Most definitel--oh fuck."

"What?" James turned forward and saw what.

It was a dead end road. 

"Of course it's a bleedin' dead e--" James didn't get to finish the sentence because Sirius hit the brakes and the motorbike careened 'round, the front tire stopped and the back one still going so that they spun about a 180 degree circle. James felt like his stomach had been suspended in air and left behind and he was bloody thankful for the permanent sticking charm on his arse for if it hadn't been in place, he would've been thrown clean from the seat. "Godric Gryffindor's quaffle-sized bollocks!" James yelled, feeling as though he were about to retch.

Sirius let out a loud barking laugh and clapped his hands.

The headlamps of the policeymen car glared at them down the alleyway, which was crashing toward them like a growling, luminous-eyed predator. It screeched to a halt, and James wondered whether it was physically able to come any further as the paint seemed to be scraped off parts of it from taking the turn and the doors could only just open. The policeymen pushed themselves out of the car - barely able to wedge themselves between the car and the door.

One of them broke the mirror off on his backside, which made Sirius hoot with amusement.

"This isn't funny," James hissed, "We don't have time for this. And bloody hell Sirius if we get arrested by those damned aurors --"

"GET OFF THE BIKE!" bellowed one of the men loudly.

The blue light flashed so bright James could barely see past it. He squinted as it reflected off his glasses. "Bloody hell." he murmured. He glanced at Sirius.

Sirius was grinning with amusement. With a flick of his wrist, the permanent sticking charm released and James practically fell from the seat and stumbled a couple steps before catching his balance.

"No helmets!" The fatter of the policeymen yelled - he was the elder, too, clearly the one in charge. "Exceeding the speed limit by.... a considerable amount!"

"Told you you were going ridiculously fast," James hissed.

"That's the fun of it, darling," Sirius whispered back.

"....failing to stop for the police! Violations all over! The both of you are in big trouble!"

"Just where d'you think you lot were off to speedin' like that anyway?" demanded the smaller of the policeymen.

"Look," James said pragmatically as the pair of them approached, "We'd have loved to stop for a chat, only we were trying to get to the Ministry on account of --"

"DON'T GET SMART! You two are in a heap of trouble!" snarled the smaller policeyman. "Names!"

Sirius grinned. "Names? Er - well, let's see... There's Wilberforce, Bathsheba, Elvendork..."

"Elvendork?" one of the policeymen echoed.

"Elvendork?" James also repeated.

"Yeah. You and Lilith should consider it. Since you're trying again and all."

"No," James said.

"But it's an excellent name," Sirius argued. "It's unisex."

"What's he just said?" asked the older of the policeymen, who'd never heard such a ridiculous name before and was certain he'd heard wrong.

"Elvendork???" repeated the younger policeyman, confused expression on his face, also unsure if he'd heard right.

"Yes, Elvendork. That's what he's said," James said, and he looked at Sirius, rolled his eyes, and looked back to the policeymen, "What's nice about that one is apparently you can use it for a boy or a girl."

"WHAT! ARE! YOUR! NAMES!" yelled the fatter policeyman.

"Oh OUR names did you mean?" Sirius laughed and glanced at James, eyes twinkling, "Really -  did you know that's what they were after? I certainly didn't - you should've said. Very unprofessional, being so unclear. This here is James Potter and I'm Sirius Black!" He grinned at the policeymen, then waved with the tips of his fingers only.

"Couldn't make up names NOW, could you?" muttered James.

The policeymen were madder than ever. "Things'll be seriously black for you in a minute, you cheeky little --"

"Oh fuck," Sirius said suddenly.

James looked at Sirius, followed his gaze, and saw the forms of the aurors that had been after them coming down the alley way, having relocated their targets. "Blast," he muttered.

Sirius and James both drew their wands.

Both policeymen reacted by jumping back and reaching for their muggle firearms.

"Drumsticks???" asked one of the policeymen with confusion. "Right pair of jokers aren't you? Right, we're arresting you on a charge of --"

But before they could finish the sentence, Sirius shouted, "FLIPPENDO!" and the policeymen's squadcar had done a sort of funny somersaulting cartwheel down the alley, the machinery groaning as it went. The aurors broke formation, flying backward and up to avoid being hit by the motorcar. One of them hit the car with a crunch.

"Get on the bike!" Sirius yelled and James ran for it.

"Are you MENTAL?" James yelled.

"Yes?" Sirius jumped aboard the motorbike also. "Hold onto your knickers, Prongs!" Sirius waved his wand to start the bike up - it roared to life, magically powered. "We're just over the Thames from the Ministry, we'll take it on air!"

"We're going to be in so bloody much trouble," James muttered.

"Not as much as if they caught us now - Underhill and Moody will be too distracted by the emergency to remember to punish us!" They took off, the motorbike rising up over the policey car. "Oh - " Sirius looked back at the two men standing in the alley, mouths dropped opened. "THANKS VERY MUCH," Sirius shouted to the dumbfounded policeymen, who were staring at their turned-about car, which still hummed with life, sitting at the mouth of the alley as though they'd parked it there on purpose. "We owe you one!" 

"Yeah, nice meeting you!" James shouted - because, at this point, why not? "Don't forget - Elvendork! It's unisex!"

Sirius snorted loudly, clapping his fists against the handles of the bike as they flew over the dizzied auror whose broomstick was in shambles on top of the policeyman's car.

James glanced down.

"Uhhh... Sirius?"

"Yes Prongs?"

"That was Gideon Prewett."

"OH! Well excellent! If it had to be anyone, at least it's someone who'll get a good laugh off the whole situation!" Sirius looked down and blew Gideon a kiss as the motorbike shot over the embankment toward the opposite site and the entrance to the Auror Training Center.