The wind howled so loud that it shook the shutters of the Shrieking Shack. Thunder rolled somewhere in the distance as rain pelted off the window shutters.

The Shack was the only place Sirius had found that he felt safe turning human in for longer than a few minutes at a time. He knew the amount of magic protecting the place, he knew every creak the old place made and the difference between the house settling and somebody walking across the floor so he couldn't be snuck up on, and best of all, however grubby and broken down it may be, the bed was still upstairs and, covered in cobwebs and crackling with static as it played, the old turntable still worked - as a radio, at least, seeing as the records were all gone.

So there he lay, staring up at the ceiling, listening to the rain, the thunder, and modern rock and roll.

He was pleased to hear a couple familiar voices - though Elton John was much older now, and the BeeGees had taken a funny turn it seemed - but he couldn't help picturing the amount of time he might have enjoyed singing along to this new number by somebody called Meatloaf of all things in which the man sang a bleedin' opera about how he would do anything for love -- but he wouldn't do that, whatever that was.

Sirius smiled to himself, thinking of all the things he could have sung that line in response to, how many everyday situations might have become that by his annoying his friends singing the song at them. He imagined the eye rollings from Remus, the giggles of Lily Evans, the loud guffaws of James, and the "I don't get it" whining from Peter and...

A growl emitted from his chest. Even in human form, he growled at the thought of Peter.

He sat up quickly and began pacing, the radio no more than backgroud noise as he stormed from one end of the room to the other, the song switching as he paced and paced, muttering to himself wildly, "Bloody bastard, bloody betraying rat bastard. We trusted you, we trusted you, we trusted you. He trusted you. He trusted me. Trusted you with their lives, with Lily, with Harry. Bloody betraying bastard. I'll wring your little neck and send you straight to Hell where you belong with the rest of the Judases and demons, you piece of dung-shite... We trusted you..."

Suddenly the door creaked and Sirius turned about, whipping out his wand and aiming at the door, eyes wild with panic. He'd let down his guard - for how long? He expected dementors or some other attacker and --

But it was only Roger Crookshanks, who stepped carefully 'round the debris in the room and neatly up onto the bed, where he started purring loudly. Sirius put away his wand, staggering over, and ran his hand over the cat's soft orange fur. The purring seemed to calm his nerves and the urge to pace and curse and mutter slowly melted away, and he felt suddenly quite tired and knelt by the bed, his forehead against the little ball of fur's back.

He closed his eyes.

Bamp, bamp.

Rodger had tapped Sirius with his foot to wake him up from a sleep Sirius hadn't realized he was falling into. He must've done for a good time, too, because the morning had come, however dreary it may have been, and his knees hurt something terrible. He was stiff as he stood up and his back cricked as he groaned.

The radio was still playing.

If I should stay I would only be in your way
So I'll go, but I know
I will think of you every step of the way...

And I - I - I will al-ways loooove yoooooou
I will always love you
My darling, hmm...

Bittersweet memories
That is all I am taking with me
So goodbye, please don't cry
We both know that I, I am not what you need...

And I - I - I will al-ways loooove yoooooou
I will always love you, youuuu

Sirius went over and wrenched off the radio, his heart breaking over the sound and the lyrics and the pain in the voice of the woman singing.

It had been the full moon, the night that had just ended, and Sirius had stupidly let his mind imagine that Remus might come and that he might spend some time with him - if only in their wolf-and-dog form... But he hadn't come. Of course not; why would he? He didn't need Sirius anymore, after twelve years apart, Remus must have alternate resolutions to his furry little problem... And after the stir he had likely caused by shredding the portrait of the Fat Lady last month... after having woken and spotted Sirius at the shack... It was probably just a miracle Remus hadn't come out here with the dementors himself. The way things were going, Remus would never come knowing Sirius was here.

He felt all the heavier.

He could feel Roger Crookshanks staring at him.

Finally he melted into the form of the dog, sinking down to the floor as his fur speckled up all over him, the human emotions dulled, but didn't go away. He felt heavy and exhausted and lonely.

Roger Crookshanks sat at the corner of the bed, waiting, staring, while Sirius transformed, and the moment he had finished, Roger said, Welcome back to your proper form - why you'd choose to become a two-legger is beyond me... Even being a dognis better than a human. Right helpless things, they are.

Sirius didn't respond. He felt a bit as though the radio had betrayed him. Usually music was a lark, a way to feel better, but that song had filled him with an unbearable amount of emotions.

Roger Crookshanks stared, then began his report. I tried several times to get into the dormitories last night. My Harry kept stopping me. He's friends with the Roonil boy and that one doesn't want me near the rat, so My Harry has taken up helping keep me off.

Sirius stared at the knots of wood in the floorboards.

My plan today though is to try at sneaking up again when the boys are at their quidditch match --

Sirius looked up. Quidditch?

Yes they have a match today, which means they'll be out of the dormitory for a good part of the after--

Harry plays quidditch?

Yes of course he does, Rodger said, And it will be the perfect opportunity to --

I want to go.

What?

I want to go to the match.

Whatever for?

To see Harry. I want to see Harry play quidditch. The dog was on his feet, the most excited he had felt in years, and he spun in a loop, excited. Please, please, take me to see the quidditch. Please, oh please oh please...

Rodger Crookshanks watched as Sirius let his dog excitement play out, however odd it looked.

Is that wise? There will be dementors guarding the play area, Rodger warned.

I'll stay a dog; they won't recognize me as a dog! Its just I have to see Harry Potter play quidditch!! I have to! Oh James would be so bloody proud! Is he good? What position does he play?

Rodger rather primly licked his foot. I've never been to it when they play.  He paused, seeing the eagerness in the dog's eyes. He's a seeker.

Of course he is! Brilliant!

I reckon he must be alright, the way they talk.

Of course he is; he is a Potter!

It took a bit more convincing, but at last Roger agreed to help get Sirius up into the stands of the pitch. He barked with excitement all the way down the stairs and only stopped in the tunnel because it echoed dreadfully and Crookshanks threatened to scratch his nose if he didn't stop.

They made their way to the grounds, dew heavy on the grass as they walked down to the quidditch pitch. The rain was dreadful, but it didn't stop Sirius's excitement, even as Roger Crookshanks became more and more agitated the closer to sopping he became.

Luckily, because of the rain, there wasn't nearly as many spectators about as their might usually be. Sirius was grateful for this especially because he was able to find an empty spectator box that wasn't too terribly far up, where, apart from the rain, he had a rather good view.

And oh! What a sight it was! Sirius could barely believe it, watching Harry Potter fly about the pitch, robes whipping behind him, looking so exactly like his father that Sirius found himself thinking Good one James! whenever Harry made a particularly good dip or roll on his broomstick.

They were playing Hufflepuff, and the Puffs were doing quite well. They had a good captain, Sirius could tell by their clean plays and the tight formations. The Gryffindor defense was brilliant, luckily, that was the only reason they hadn't been sacked already by their competition. But the offense seemed a bit off, like they'd practiced for a different strategy and were thrown off for the one they were playing. Sirius could see their potential, but it was clear they were struggling, and their keeper's frustration was obvious even from a distance.

The rain wasn't helping, it must have been awful trying to play in this weather. Sirius remembered even mildly rainy days, trying to stay on the broom and balance the beaters bat had been downright near impossible. The fact that the Gryffindor beaters were doing so well spoke a lot toe their talents. He felt rather bad, after all the horrid weather was, in a way, his fault as the dementors were circling the grounds because of him.

He watched the Gryffindors take a time out, huddling under an umbrella on the pitch.

Get down.

Sirius had forgotten all about Rodger, and was surprised by the command. He flattened himself under the back row bench and lay still and silent. The door of the box opened and the boards creaked as somebody came into the box, walking slowly, moving down the rows to the front of the box. There was a groan as the newcomer took the seat in the front center row.

Sirius knew that groan.

Knew it better than any other groan.

He lay even more still, breathless and petrified feeling.

It must have taken Remus Lupin this long just to reach the box, as slow as he walked after a full moon night. It was a miracle he'd made it at all.

Slowly, Sirius sat up. Remus Lupin's back was to him, leaning low against the rail, hunched against the rain. Sirius stared as the rain soaked Remus's shoulders, his shabby tweed jacket clung to his tiny frame and Sirius as astonished that Remus was nearly as gaunt as he himself was.

Below, the game resumed. Sirius sat up on the bench, watching the game, watching Remus, and he could feel a hundred thousand emotions flooding him. It was like the good old days, in a way; a funny, detached way... He was here, in a box, watching a Potter, with Remus Lupin right there, and he could almost imagine it was nearly two decades prior and they were cheering on their mate at the tourney...

Remus's hand moved against the ledge of the deck and there was a flash of lightening so bright,'it was nearly blinding - especially though because when it flashed, it caught the gold band on Remus Lupin's finger.

Sirius's heart stopped.

Without even thinking, he fell forward, transforming, the only thing in his mind was to talk to Remus; to talk to his husband. Suddenly the song from that morning rushed his mind and his heart swelled - not just as he became a man over a dog but as the thought came that he, Sirius, would always love Remus and if Remus hadn't taken off the ring then perhaps he, Remus, felt the same and -

What are you doing?! You fool, the dementors are all arou--meeeooowww...

Rodger's warning was cut off.

Remus turned around at the sound of the meow, and gasped as Sirius Black struggled to sit up from between the rows. Remus couldn't believe what he was seeing -- but then there was a scream on the pitch and he turned and saw about a hundred dementors rushing toward the box from every direction -- they sensed Sirius, but they were there in the pitch among the kids playing and the spectators and he instantly thought of Harry and the horrible way he had reacted to the dementors on the train and without hesitation he raised his wand.

"Expecto patronum!"

Sirius scrambled to stand, heard the crowd shouting, and in the confusion he saw Harry falling to the ground, saw the horror on people's faces as Albus Dumbledore stood up and shouted out the arresto momentum to catch him... Sirius saw the dementors sweeping through the air -- and he knew they were there because of him. Because he had changed. What a bloody idiot he had been!

"Run!" Remus Lupin's voice was stern and sharp as he glanced over his shoulder at Sirius.

He threw himself to the floor of the box again, scrambling to get out to the steps that wound their way up to the box, determined to draw the dementors away before they could hurt any one else.

He didn't think about the fact that Remus had spoken to him until he was in the tunnel on the way back to the Shrieking Shack.