Breaking Wind
James, Lily, and Sirius were seated at the table in the kitchen of the flat, laughing as they ate. It was early evening yet and Remus was not home from his day at Uni, but they'd made him a plate that was keeping warm for when he arrived. Sirius was sharing his experience degnoming with Bilius Weasley and the whole story was such a laugh that Lily's belly ached from giggling so hard and so long.
It felt like home, Sirius thought, this cheap little flat in East London and it was a wonderful feeling. Lily and James fingers entwined about one another there on the edge of the table was nice and the promise that soon Remus would be home gave him a strong feeling of warmth and anticipation. He had been afraid, saying goodbye to Hogwarts at the end of term, that things would be terribly different in the days that followed, but this was certainly not as bad as he had half expected it to be. Sure terrible things had happened already this summer, but there were also some not so terrible things, too.
Sirius spun his wedding ring on his finger absently as he retold how Bilius had used his wand to accio a whole load of tiny furniture which he'd carried across the lawn for the squealing gnomes, and they'd stood watching the little blighters carry off itty bitty rocking chairs and sets of timble-sized drinkware. "Well ol' Bil gets all sentimental, right? Says he hates putting the gnomes out, and he goes and accios them all back up into a great big sack and disapparates off to put them in a park where they won't be bothered by degnoming agents." Sirius laughed, "Bil's one in a million."
"Well it was very kind of him," Lily said, getting up to refill her glass with pumpkin juice. She did James's too while she was at it, before sitting back down. "Nobody ever thinks of the gnomes."
"Have you ever seen a gnome? They're like rotten potatoes, Lillith, absolutely filthy." Sirius made a face and shook his head.
"Well good on Bilius for caring about the less fortunate!" Lily snuffed.
Sirius grinned, "Just doing my job, Lils." He glanced at James. "You've seen gnomes, you think they're filthy, yeah?"
"Don't drag me into this," James said, wiping his mouth with his napkin, "Nuh-uh. I know better. No matter which one of you lot I side with, the other will raise me bloody hell for the rest of eternity."
Lily petted James's shoulder, "Well if you know what's best for you, you'll remember a happy wife makes a happy life."
James smirked, "Oh is that how it is? Well Evans, I'll be sure to tuck that little nugget of truth right away in my mind."
"Better than a happy husband is breaking wind," Sirius said.
"Ugh! Boys are nasty!" Lily said, rolling her eyes.
"OH-HO, as if because you're a girl you don't fart?" Sirius demanded.
Lily started to give him a snarky retort when she was cut off -
"Evans breaks plenty of wind," James smirked.
She turned toward him and swatted him on the arm, "Stop that! I do not."
"Yes you do," James giggled mindlessly, something like he might've done in first year. For a moment, Sirius could see him as that ickle little firsty on the train again as James's face lit up with mischief and humor. Funny, Sirius thought, how we all carry around the children we once were inside of us, suppressed by adulthood, but never truly gone away, either. "You toot quite a lot in your sleep, love."
Lily looked positively mortified, "Well I never!" she flustered.
"It's alright, Lilith, even the Queen has to let out a few farts every now and then."
James choked on a mouthful of pumpkin juice at the idea of the Queen farting. He wiped his chin quickly, having dribbled barely-contained juice down it, and wheezed, his eyes squeezed shut as he laughed. "Wonder if the beefsteaks can smell it through the windows?"
"The beefsteaks?" Lily asked, confused.
"Bet the smell gets stuck in the fuzzy hats like something wicked," Sirius grinned.
"Beefeaters? Are you trying to say Beefeaters? My gods, you two are positively ---"
"OI -- Remember the time we all farted at once after eating a good deal of beans and Peter worried my cigarette would set the Shrieking Shack on fire?"
James snorted and doubled over laughing.
"Oh my gods."
Sirius grinned. "It was the stinking shack that night."
"Brilliant," James said. "We ought to have given it a go setting it on fire though, just to see what would've happened."
"Armageddon," Sirius replied. "That much gas with an open flame? It'd be like Frank left unattended with a crate of Filibusters!"
Suddenly there was a noise at the window and James turned to see a figure of a phoenix hovering at the window. "Dumbledore," he said, suddenly sobered from laughter. He got up and hurried to open the window's latch. Sirius stood too and Lily looked on from her chair with eyes wide with concern.
The phoenix flew into the room and hovered, ghostly, over the sink, plumes coiling with an unearthly breeze that emanated from him, the power in the apparition blowing back their hair. "The Order is needed in Bakewell immediately. An attack has been planned. Meet in the King's Court." And just like that, in a puff of smoke, the phoenix was gone.
The three of them stared at the place where the patronus had been, in a sort of suspended animation for several moments. Then James said, "Bloody hell." He turned and bounded for the bedroom to fetch his wand, as Lily hastened to put their dishes in the fridge and Sirius twisted his hair up into a knot to keep it from flying in his face in case of a fight.
"Leave a note for Remus," Lily said as James returned to the kitchen, still buckling his belt after having put his wand holster onto it. Sirius nodded and with a flick of his wrist, a quill and paper appeared and began scribbling down a hastily worded note, alerting Remus of their whereabouts, and then they ran to get down the stairs outside the flat, hurtling themselves into the alley way and disapparating off to Bakewell as quickly as they could.
Remus returned from uni feeling positively elated after the day he'd had. He could tell already that his classes were going to be marvelous, that the professor he was learning from knew all his stuff and the other students were friendly enough to him - he'd even befriended one girl who sat next to him that vaguely reminded him of Meg Johnson. They'd made jokes off and on throughout the class, and when he'd run out of parchment for the notes he was taking, she'd leant him some of hers with a smile and a wink.
Stepping through the floo into the flat in East London, Remus shouted, "I'm home!" He tore off his bowtie and put his briefcase down on the coffee table as he walked toward the hallway, shrugging off the tweed suit coat. "Sirius, it was bloody brilliant at uni, it really was, I'm so excited. I've got to tell you about my classmate Eleanor. She's so funny, you'll really like her." Remus was shouting so that Sirius could hear him, wherever he was in the apartment, though he expected Sirius to be in the bedroom and was surprised, upon reaching the bedroom, to find Sirius was not there after all. Chucking his suit coat down on the bed, Remus pulled the tie out from beneath his shirt collar and tossed that beside the suit coat, then sat to untie his shoes. "Really, she's just the sort of person I could picture you having a good time with!" he shouted, continuing his one-sided conversation.
The flat was unusually quiet. There wasn't even noise coming up from the restaurant downstairs, though there usually was at this time of evening.
Remus tugged on a pair of thick wool socks and shrugged a jumper onto his shoulders, unbuttoning the top few buttons of his shirt.
"Sirius?" he called, stepping into the hallway. He supposed Sirius would be in the kitchen, though it was odd, he thought, peeking a head 'round James's open bedroom door, that James wasn't home yet from Auror training. He ought to have been hours ago. Remus glanced at his watch as he walked down the hallway back toward the living room and kitchen. "James?"
The living room was just as he'd left it, his briefcase sitting on the coffee table. He passed by it and stepped into the little kitchen. Empty as well. They weren't at home. Remus's brow stitched together. The table was still crowded with dishes and half finished drinks, the bottle of pumpkin juice opened and everything. On the stove sat a plate, being magically warmed.
Remus's senses pricked up. Something was wrong. He very slowly drew his wand and looked around carefully for signs of Death Eaters having broken in, suddenly terrified that his friends had been taken, that something positively awful had gone on here. But the windows were still sealed just as they'd been since he himself had set protection charms upon them the day they moved in, and there was no signs of a struggle.
Walking back to the living room and then on up the halls and into each of the bedrooms, Remus checked each of those windows as well, only to find that the perimeter of the flat seemed quite safe. He returned to the living room and sat down on the edge of his seat on the couch, his wand still gripped in his hand, uneasy.
Then he saw it. The corner of the note was only just sticking out from beneath his briefcase. Remus reached for it and tugged it free.
Dumbledore summonsed Order. Bakewell. Lords Court. Love, Sirius.
Remus stood up immediately and rushed to the floo, clutching the sheet of paper. He realized suddenly he didn't know if there was a floo connection to a muggle tavern like Lord's Court and he put the little jar of powder back up onto the mantel then rushed, still in his stocking feet, out the door and down the steps to the alleyway.
Bakewell. Lords Court. Where Sirius is. It was the clearest instruction he had for determination - and do he turned on the spot, repeating the words - Where Sirius is - as he disapparated away from East London, clutching nothing more than his wand and the sheet of paper.
With a crack, he stumbled and fell against a rubbish bin to catch himself. He'd managed to come out in a back alley, presumably behind the Lord's Court. He could smell food and when he fell into the bins there was a shriek of a cat and a streak of black fur as it ran away, disappearing beneath a rickety old fence that closed off the end of the alley. He could hear shouts and the whistle and crack of sparks of magic, and his stomach churned as he looked toward the mouth of the alley way to see flashes of red and green and all sorts of colors and he could see there was a battle raging.
Remus rushed down the alleyway, clutching his wand all the tighter in his fist. He reached the square before the Lord's Court and froze in his place, his eyes wide. "Bloody hell," he whispered.
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