Recording done on 24 December 2012

I miss you!!  Why can't you be here with me Derek?

I wish you were here with me. Today more than any other time. I need you Derek. I need to believe that I am loved, that there is someone who knows everything about me, I need to believe that you are something more than my figment of imagination, something more than just recordings and entries.

Dad has turned from bad to worse. Literally. Nanna is always trying to keep me away from him, but I know even without seeing it that he comes home with ladies of different types, drenched in sweat, falling in a drunken stupor.

Honestly, I have never seen mother, I don't remember her, and I do not really love her. I mean, of course a corner of my heart is reserved for her, but what I really love is her memory, or the lack thereof. I do not remember my mother, I love a lady of flesh whom I imagine to be my mother, and so I wouldn't mind if dad brought in some other woman. He has been alone for too long and I would understand if he needed someone, everyone does. But what he is doing is wrong Derek.

He cannot expect to spend each day with a different woman and be respected in this society. I am so scared Derek. Not just for myself but for him. For us. His business is failing him, and very soon his health will fail him too, and I can't let that happen. I can't Derek. I am all alone. However distant he may be, I need him.

Help me Derek. If you are really listening to this please help me! Hellllp me.