A/N

I love these little SHIELD Recruit Survival Tips things. I find them all the time on Pinterest. I stumbled upon this one a few days ago, and with a little help, I developed a few ideas.

***

This is crazy, this is crazy, this is crazy. Maya thought to herself one afternoon. Her cookie dough was finished and she only had to do one last thing. She took a full salt shaker out of the cabinet and dumped it's contents into the batter. All of it. She mixed it in and formed the dough balls in her hands. She put them on a cookie sheet and began to bake them in the oven.

Peter Parker and Maya Adams don't need reasons to dare each other to do things. They can just walk up to each other and say things like "I dare you to hide Thor's shampoo." and the like. But today was different. Peter approached Maya that morning with a new dare.

"I dare you to make a plate of cookies with salt in them and give the platter to Loki." He had said.

"Do you hate me that much? That is a) most likely going to get me killed and b) is going to fail. You can't prank the prank master!" She said, horrified.

"I'll take the fall if worst comes to worst." Peter replied, handing her a printout of a chocolate chip cookie recepie. Maya rolled her eyes, but went to the kitchen.

Maya took it a step further and pulled out a container of green Funfetti icing and put salt in that as well. Start writing my obituary, Peter. She thought as she mixed the icing. That's where she was when Clint strolled in.

"What smells so good?" He asked.

"Nothing for you." Maya replied, waving the green icing covered spoon in his face.

"Talked down to by a teenager. What's next?" Clint said sarcastically.

"My funeral." Maya said, still stirring aggressively. "Or maybe Peter's, it depends on how this goes."

"The hell does that mean?" Clint asked.

"None of your birdy business." Maya said, now pulling out an oven mit from a drawer. Clint raised his hands in surrender and walked out. Maya pulled the cookies out and began to frost them, thinking of her story to tell when she presents the cookies.

"You looked sad so I made cookies?" No, for once, Loki's been in a good mood the past few days. "I made cookies, you want some?" That works. Maya said as she stacked the cookies on a platter.

She made her way to the lounge where the Avengers were gathered as usual. She put on a smile and winked at Peter, who sat nearby.

"Hey, Loki, want a cookie?" Maya asked sweetly. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see Peter containing his laughter. He did a good job, but his cheeks were growing red and he was biting his lip.

"Sure, I guess." Loki replied, reaching for one. Tony tried to take one as well, but Maya gave him a degrading look.

"Not for you, Tony." Maya said. Tony, albeit a bit shocked, drew his hand back. In return, Loki gave Tony a smug look that said 'See, I'm more well liked than you,' and he took a bite of the cookie.

His mouth contorted and his eyes went wide. He shot up and filled a glass with water from the nearby bar area and drank it down, spitting it into the sink. At this point, Peter and Maya exploded in laughter as Maya set down the rest of the booby trap cookies. Clint, Tony, and Pietro joined in as while they didn't understand how or the details, Maya did the impossible. Olivia ran up from her seat to where Loki was and filled another glass for him, asking if he was alright, patting his back, and the like.

"Maya, you have earned my eternal respect. You pranked Rock of Ages, a long thought to be impossible feat." Tony said, laughing and wiping his eyes.

"Hey, don't thank me, Peter dared me to." Maya said, though she was flipping her hair like a movie star. After his coughing ceased, Loki came back over and held the half eaten cookie in between two fingers. He strode over to Maya and stood towering over her, intimidating to anyone else, but Maya was on cloud nine at that point. She was undaunted in her excitement at having pulled the prank off.

"Maya, what the hell was in these?" Loki asked seriously.

"Salt." She replied simply. "Again, Peter's idea."

"Dude, you got pranked by a sixteen year old!" Clint called, still doubled over laughing.

"Thank you, Barton, I was aware." Loki huffed at the archer. Maya narrowed her eyes and smiled a little.

"Some might say you just got... Loki'd " she said smugly. At that point, the whole room exploded in laughter. Tony sank to his knees and pounded the ground with his fist he was laughing so hard. Even Olivia couldn't hold back an extremely loud laugh.

"He also got OWNED by a sixteen year old." Pietro commented.

"That's how it's done!" Nat called. Loki stared at Maya for a good long moment. Then his lips curled into a small smirk. That's when Maya started to feel scared.

"You won't know when, and you won't know how, but I WILL get you back." He told the girl.

"That sounds like a declaration of a PRANK WAR!!!" Tony announced loudly. "Oh, and it's not limited to those two. How about a WHOLE COMPOUND PRANK WAR!!!"

That's how the Avengers Prank War began.

*Two Days Later*

"What's with the Twinkies?" Steve asked Tony, whose arms were filled with Twinkies.

"I'm thinking Clint's arrow fletchings need an upgrade." Tony said, smirking and running away, dropping a pastry on his way. Steve picked it up and stared in the direction that Tony went in. He sighed and opened the wrapping and ate the Twinkie. Down another hall where a vending machine was, Steve could hear Nat.

"Where the щеколда are the Twinkies?" She asked, slipping into Russian.

"Ask Clint." Steve called back.

It was a couple hours later that Clint angrily and unintelligibly yelled about the Twinkies on his arrows. Not 10 minutes later, he appeared in the lounge with five arrows with yellow pastries in his hand, eating one off like it was a roasted marshmallow.

*The Next Day*

Despite the mayhem, training continued as usual. Steve was getting ready for his round, putting on his Captain America uniform in the locker room. However, once he did, something wasn't quite right. He turned around in the full length mirror and saw a huge hole had been cut in his suit...

...So that it left a large, square window to his boxers.

Steve Rogers wasn't usually one with a short temper, but he was a LOT more pissed than normal when he saw Clint whistling and spinning a pair of scissors around his finger and walking out of the room.

"BARTON!" Steve barked. Clint looked back nonchalantly.

"Hey, people say that's America's Ass. Might as well show it." He said before speeding out of there before he could get caught. Steve sighed and took the suit off, planning to take it to Tony to have him fix it or get him a new one.

He skipped training that day.

*The Next Day*

The Avengers were enjoying the sun one day by spending some time in Central Park. They had a small picnic which really consisted of take-out shawarma, pizza, and Taco Bell as no one could ever agree on what to get. Thor scarfed down his second five layer burrito without much care at how he looked while doing so.

"Thor, you should slow down, those aren't the best for you." Olivia told him as she ate another bite of her cheese quesadilla.

"But they're so good." Thor said before taking another bite.

"She is right, I mean, the calorie count on that..." Carson said, taking a bite of his pizza.

"Not to be hypocritical, but Thor is used to eating a wild boar or two when he's hungry, maybe even a chicken." Olivia said.

"Say, has anyone seen Loki lately?" Wanda asked, eating her shawarma.

"He told me he had to use the bathroom and take a break from watching Thor eat the burrito." Olivia said, shrugging and eating more quesadilla.

"Hey, look, a snake!" Carson pointed out. Sure enough, a green snake had slithered up to the group. It coiled up and wrapped around Olivia's arm and it licked her wrist for a moment. She smiled at it and it made it's way to Thor, who sat next to her.

"Hey, I love snakes!" He said, picking it up in his hands. It wrapped tightly around Thor's left arm and he stood up with it, taking a step back from the group. No one noticed Olivia biting her lip. Suddenly, the snake shimmered and it turned into Loki with his arms and legs wrapped around Thor's arm

"MYEH! It's me!" He said, before sticking Thor with a tiny dagger in the side. Thor yelped in pain and Loki stood on the ground. Everyone looked shocked at what they had just witnessed, but Olivia burst into a fit of laughter, choking on her food.

"Are you ever not going to fall for that?" She asked, clutching her stomach from laughing. Thor rolled his eyes and pulled out the dagger before he continued eating.

*One Week Later*

Maya was on her toes.

It had been a week and a half and no one had pranked her yet. She was one of the few left besides Bruce for fear of angering the Hulk, and Natasha because everyone knew she would kick your ass if you tried anything.

Tony at one point hacked into her phone with his tech to change her password. That was short lived as she just hacked into her phone with ease and reset the passcode again.

Olivia had decided that she would put stickers on Bucky's arm. It might sound lame at first, but she stuck a few on with super glue that she had found so only about half of them would come off when a simple peel off was attempted. She wasn't much of a pranker when everyone else was doing pranks left and right; she left that duty to Loki.

Carson's bit of fun was a two step process. He was still a little salty about the whole Loki's helm incident, so he hid about half of Olivia's books, buying exact copies of them and throwing them in the pool outside. Olivia was horrified at the sight, nearly ready to skin Carson alive until he produced her real and unharmed books. They decided they were even at that point.

Bucky's prank was simple. He just put his newly decorated metal arm into Tony's bed and waited for his horrified shriek as he went to bed.

Wanda had used her magic and a little help from Tony to put super strong magnets on Pietro's shoes so he couldn't run in the training room with the metal floor.

Needless to say, it was utter chaos in those few days and Maya knew she was next. She had gone out with Peter, Ned, and MJ for lunch that day to arrive home to the Avengers gathered in the lounge. That was normal.

What wasn't normal was the fact that a VERY pissed off Nick Fury was waiting with them... Covered in a bright neon pink paint.

"Uh, Director Fury, what hap-?" Maya started.

"It appears, Miss Adams, that your teammates were waiting to dump this paint on you and Mr. Parker when you walked in the door. However, I got here first to check up on the team and got the brunt of it instead." Fury said coldly.

"It was his idea." Tony said, pointing to Loki on the couch. Loki raised his hands in defense at the accusation and Maya finally understood that this was meant to be her long awaited pay back for the cookie thing.

"I don't care who's stupid-ass idea it was, this 'prank war' ends here. Understood?" Fury asked.

"Yes, Sir." The team said in unison. Fury cleaned himself up and marched out the door.

A/N

Can y'all imagine what it would have looked like to actually SEE Fury get doused in bright pink paint? Like, how he'd stare silently at the team, but you could feel his murder intent spiking?

You might say he'd be...

Fury-ous.

That was awful, I'm so sorry.