A/N

This WILL contain spoilers for 'Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker!'

***

"I can't believe the saga is almost completely over." Olivia said, wrapping her and Loki in a blanket and holding a bowl of popcorn. Maya brought a bowl of assorted candies and four sodas.

"I know, right? I hope this movie wraps everything up nicely." Peter said.

"Me too. This whole trilogy has just been amazing in my opinion. And if all goes right, I have a couples costume idea for next Halloween..." Olivia added.

"You two are such nerds." Maya said good naturedly.

"You're one to talk, Miss I-Gush-Over-Horror-Movies-And-Anime." Peter retorted.

"You got me there, Spider Boy." Maya said.

"Shall we get on with it?" Loki asked.

"Yes!" Olivia said excitedly as she pressed the play button.

~We now move into broken commentary mode~

Beginning of the movie~

"Okay, but my question is how is Palpatine still alive?" Peter asked.

"I don't know, something to do with the Force." Olivia said, shoving more popcorn into her mouth. "Oh great, he's fixing the mighty duck mask. DON'T HIDE YOUR BEAUTIFUL FACE."

Loki looked at her with an odd expression.

"Someone's jealous...." Maya said sassily, giggling.

"Shut it, Adams." Loki said.

"I'm kidding. Kind of." Olivia said.

***

Rey and Poe argue about BB-8 and the Falcon~

"Pfft, they're fighting like you and Thor." Maya said to Loki.

"It is very sibling like. Could Rey be a Dameron?" Olivia wondered aloud.

"Okay, now I know you're scraping the pot for anything other than Skywalker or Solo." Loki said to her.

"I just want her and Ben to fall in love, is that too much to ask??" Olivia huffed.

"We'll see." Loki said, smiling and playing with her hair.

"Besides, Poe needs to be with Finn." Olivia muttered under her breath.

"Amen to that." Maya said.

***

Rey vs. Ben Transport tug of war, Rey uses force lightning~

"Come on, Rey, save Chewie..." Peter said.

"Why the tug of war? Does it really matter?" Maya asked.

"Now that you mention it, why would Ben want the transport to leave? That'd put him in close proximity with his Uncle Chewie." Olivia said.

"Uncle Chewie?" Loki chuckled.

"It's canon, shut up." Olivia said.

"HOLY SHIT, DID YOU SEE THAT?" Peter exclaimed.

"HOW'D SHE LEARN FORCE LIGHTNING??" Olivia yelled.

"Hey Lore Nerds, the transport exploded." Maya pointed out.

"CHEWIE!!!" Peter yelled. "NO!!!"

"This is like when the dog dies in the movie." Maya said.

"Only WORSE!" Olivia said.

"That's a stretch." Loki said.

***

C-3PO Mind wipe~

"Why do they have to wipe Threepio's mind?" Peter asked.

"Uh... They said his programing is in the way?" Maya said.

"Yeah, but I'm sure they could hack his programming to avoid this." Peter said glumly.

***

Ben realizes where Rey is, Hux is the spy~

"Heh heh.... He just basically announced that a girl is in his bedroom." Olivia snickered.

"You have a serious problem." Loki said.

"I sail with my ship." Olivia said, waving off the comment.

"Wait, why is he personally executing them?" Maya asked.

"I don't know. Maybe because he's an actual piece of shit?" Olivia said.

"I agree- HOLY BABY YODA!" Peter screamed.

"HUX IS THE SPY??" Olivia asked.

"Still think he's a piece of shit?" Loki asked.

"Yes, cause he is." Olivia grumbled.

***

Rey's identity~

"Come on... Who is she?" Olivia asked.

"Does it really matter?" Maya asked.

"It matters in case she's a Solo or Skywalker." Olivia said, staring at the screen.

"Oh." Maya said.

"There will be no incest in my good clean household." Olivia said.

"You literally are obsessed with Game of Thrones?" Loki said.

"Yeah, and I don't ship any of it."

"Shhhh!" Peter said.

"SHE'S A PALPATINE????" Olivia shrieked.

"NO FREAKING WAY!!" Peter replied.

"Wait, so that scrotum looking dude is her grandfather?" Maya asked.

"This means that he had to have had se-" Loki started.

"Ewwwww, I don't wanna think about that." Olivia said, cutting Loki off.

"Hey, he could have had Rey's father before he got old. She's 20, her dad could've been like, in his mid thirties or so when he had her. That's at least fifty years. He could have been at least mildly attractive fifty years ago." Loki said.

"Still, it's gross. But hey, not a Solo or Skywalker!" Olivia said brightly.

***

Hux gets shot~

"Good riddance, you slimy asshole." Olivia said.

"Hey, he is pettiness goals, though." Peter pointed out.

"Still, I hate his guts."

***

Water fight, Leia's death, Han vision~

"STOP FIGHTING AND FREAKING LOVE EACH OTHER!" Olivia said.

"My god, you're trash." Maya said.

"Excuse me?" Olivia asked.

"Trash, as in, you're obsessed with the ship." Maya explained, remembering that while she was adjusted to Midgardian culture, Olivia was still from Asgard.

"Oh."

"WAIT, LEIA, NO!!" Peter said.

"SHE GUTTED HIM!" Olivia shrieked.

"We have more pressing matters, Livvy." Peter said.

"No...... Leia!" Olivia said, her voice laced with emotion. "Why.....?" Loki wrapped an arm around her shoulders to comfort her.

"Rest in peace, Princess." Peter said.

"Amen." Olivia said. "She's healing him, thank Frigga."

"She's legit stealing his ship, how's he supposed to get off this planet?" Maya asked.

"Wait... Who just said 'Hey, kid?'" Loki asked. Peter and Olivia's eyes lit up.

"HAN!!!" They yelled at the same time.

"Isn't he dead?" Maya asked.

"Not the point." Olivia said dismissively.

"Oof, the parallels to his death though..." Peter said.

"YEET!" Maya said. Everyone turned to look at her. "What? He yeeted the thing, I couldn't help myself."

"It's more important than a 'yeet,' Maya. There's symbolism involved." Olivia said.

"Ugh, you sound like my English teacher. Symbolic how?" Maya groaned. Olivia grinned wide.

"It means that Ben Solo has returned." She said.

***

Star Destroyer guns~

"HOLY SHIT, THEY JUST BLEW UP THAT PLANET!" Peter said.

"Great, ANOTHER planet killing weapon." Olivia said, rolling her eyes.

"Wasn't that chick with the helmet on that planet?" Maya asked.

"Oh my god, you're right." Peter said.

***

Rey and Luke on the island~

"LUKE!" Peter said excitedly.

"Guys, she's burning Ben's ship. It's like she's destroying his car after he was caught cheating." Maya said.

"Well, he didn't cheat on her, but I like the subtext you're picking up." Olivia said.

"He trained Leia?" Loki asked.

"Awwww.... I love that digital de-aging thing. Really takes you back to the Original Trilogy." Olivia said.

"Yeah... Good nostalgia points." Peter said.

***

Battle of the Resistance~

"Ooh, I just love a good space fight." Peter said.

"This is it!" Olivia said.

***

Rey faces Palpatine on Exegol, Ben arrives to help, ~

"I'm getting so many weird vibes from this. Is it like a ritual?" Maya asked.

"Yeah. And I agree that it's kind of weird. Like, would she be posessed by Palpatine or be her own Sith thing?" Peter asked.

"Low key kinda want to see that... Pun intended." Olivia said, smiling up at Loki.

"HE'S IN A BAGGY SWEATER AND SWEATPANTS!" Peter said, absolutely dying laughing.

"GOOD BOY SWEATER!" Olivia said, also cracking up.

"Are they on drugs?" Maya whispered to Loki.

"Maybe." He replied.

"HE'S GOT A BLASTER!" Olivia squealed. "He is his father's son!"

"Crap, it's those Knight guys." Maya said.

"They connected again!" Peter said.

"Your Skype call has been connected." Maya said.

"SHE GAVE HIM THE SABER!!" Peter yelled.

"BENDEMPTION IS REAL!!!" Olivia said.

"They're definetly on something." Loki said to Maya.

"FIGHT TOGETHER! BE TOGETHER!" Olivia yelled excitedly.

"Agreed." Maya said. But on the inside, she was enjoying watching Olivia, Asgardian and over a thousand years old, fangirl.

"WAIT, NO!" Peter said.

"Did he just suck out their life?" Maya asked.

"Not all of it, but it's not good in any way, shape, or form." Olivia said.

"This is taking a nosedive." Peter said.

***

The cavalry arrives~

"Now THAT'S a fleet!" Peter said.

"My god, that's a lot of ships." Maya said.

***

Rey and the Jedi Past, Reylo, and Ben's death~

"Try and pick out the voices." Olivia said. "I've got Obi-Wan, Anakin, Luke, and Yoda so far."

"I think that's Ahsoka!" Peter said.

"Wait, so she's dead now? Damn, that sucks." Olivia said glumly.

"Come on, Rey." Maya said.

"YES! FIGHT BACK!!" Olivia said.

"GOOD RIDDANCE, PALPATOOTS!" Peter said.

"Peter!" Maya said, laughing hysterically.

"The fleet is saved! The Resistance won!!" Olivia said excitedly.

"Wait... Rey?" Peter said. "Oh no..."

"It was too much for her..." Loki said, looking down at Olivia, who was picking her lip.

"No, no, no, not after all that! She can't die!" Olivia said.

"What just happened???" Maya said, looking a little distressed herself.

"YES! BEN'S ALIVE! GO TO HER. SAVE HER SOMEHOW!!" Olivia said, leaning forward on her seat.

"Come on, come on..." Peter said.

"YES!! HE DID IT!!" Olivia said.

"They're making eyes..." Maya said.

"Are they gonna...?" Peter asked.

Olivia then screamed for about ten seconds.

"YESSSS!!!! REYLO IS REAL!!! IT'S CANON!!! AAAAAAAAHHHH!!!" She screamed, jumping up and down in her seat to the point where Loki had to put a hand on hers to calm her down.

"Uh, Loki, what is she doing?" Maya asked. She'd fangirled, but never to this extent. Loki couldn't reply cause he was terrified of Olivia falling over. She made a few last squeals before she took a few deep breaths and sat back down.

"He's smiling for the first time in this entire trilogy." Olivia said. Her grin was practically splitting her face in half.

That is, until it was wiped clean off a few moments later.

"Wait... No no no, this isn't happening." She said.

"What?" Maya asked before realizing what was going on. "Oh. Oh no."

"Noooooo..." Peter said.

For the second time in one minute, Olivia screamed again. Though, rather than it being an excited yell, it was more like a banshee's wail.

"Shhhhhhh.... It's okay..." Loki whispered to her, stroking her hair soothingly.

"NO IT'S NOT!!" She yelled back.

"What the heck...?" Maya said. Then she noticed Peter, who was on the floor, wrapped in a blanket, visibly shaking. "Hey, Peter, are you okay?"

Peter didn't reply.

"THEY WERE HAPPY, WHYYYY????" Olivia wailed.

"Well, would you rather her die, or him?" Loki asked.

"NEITHER. HE DESERVED TO BE HAPPY WITH HER AND GO HOME!" Olivia replied.

"I am honestly so confused right now......" Maya said.

"You have a good reason to be." Loki replied.

"Yeahhh, because of a movie my boyfriend is in a blanket in the floor looking like he just saw a ghost, and Olivia won't stop crying...... so yes... I'm not just confused... I am completely and utterly confusled." Maya said as Olivia curled into a ball on the ground.

"I think I'm gonna throw up." She said.

"You have every right to be, Maya." Loki repeated.

"It's not okay, that was not okay. Not okay. I'm not okay." Olivia mumbled as she wrapped herself in her blanket. She burst into tears again.

"There's still some movie left." Maya said.

"WHY DOES IT MATTER??" Olivia snarled. Maya was slightly taken aback.

"Should... Should we do something about this?" Maya asked,

"Probably." Loki said.

"THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN DO!! NOT UNLESS YOU CAN FIX IT!" Olivia wailed.

"That I don't think we can do." Loki said.

"Then leave me to mourn." Olivia said, slumping back over.

"Dove, I've literally died?" Loki said slightly incredulously.

"Actually, it's a psychological fact that your brain can't distinguish between a real and fictional death. All it knows is that you're feeling really strongly." Maya said.

"That may be true, but based on what Thor told me, she's acting like she did after I fell off the Bifrost. She was depressed for months and crying non-stop." Loki said.

"It's also possible that she sees a lot of Ben in you, Loki. You are pretty similar. Maybe there's some psychological aspect to that." Maya suggested. Loki looked down at Olivia's sobbing form.

"Hey, Peter, you good?" Maya asked. Peter didn't reply. "EARTH TO PETER PARKER!"

"Huh, what? Oh. Sorry." Peter said.

"Don't scare me like that." Maya said.

"Alright, up you get." Loki said, picking up Olivia bridal style, heading for her room. She continued crying, burying her face into his chest. "Did you at least like the movie?"

"I loved it. Ten out of ten, destroyed my life." Olivia mumbled.

***

A/N

Most of these are like my internal monologue while watching the movie. The other parts are created in part by Shipsrlife2.