A/N

Based on the song/animation above. I was fricking OBSESSED with this song years ago and recently rediscovered it.

I realized upon my relisten that if you were to rework a few scenarios and lyrics, it's perfect for a situation in an area I really have yet to explore:

The year gap between Thor 1 and The Avengers when Loki is presumed dead.

This chapter is mostly gonna be Olivia singing on her balcony with a few flashbacks. Lyrics are in italics and might differ from the original song (obvi).

***

~Asgard, A Few Months After the Bifrost Was Destroyed~

The palace was quiet. Most everyone had gone to sleep a long while ago. Except for Olivia. She hadn't even tried to fall asleep yet. She knew the attempt would inevitably prove futile. She had lost a lot of sleep the past few months, whether she be awakened by nightmares, sobbing fits, or not even sleeping in the first place. It was hard sleeping knowing Loki wasn't just down the hall like he usually was. It was hard sleeping knowing she might never see him again.

Frigga was the only one who seemed to understand what she was going through. Olivia wasn't expected of anything for Frigga. Thor tried to understand, he really did. He lost his brother, but he didn't really understand what it was like to lose your other half. Odin was another story entirely that Olivia didn't care to go into. It angered her that he went about like usual. Like nothing had happened. There wasn't even a funeral. It was just Thor, Frigga, and Olivia lighting skylights. That was it.

Empathy, Frigga. Sympathy, Thor. Indifference, Odin.

Loss, Olivia.

The moon and the stars shone brightly over the kingdom. The lights from torches illuminated the ground area. Olivia alone sat outside. There was a stone bench on the balcony outside her room. She sat upon it, her arms resting over the railing and her chin upon her arms. She couldn't fight the tears that gently leaked down her face.

Frigga had told her that pretending like Loki was nearby so she could talk with him might help with her grief. So, she did. Every night, she had long, one-sided conversations with Loki as if he sat next to her on her stone bench.

"It's been hard without you. I've had to put up with Odin and Thor by myself. It's been a while since I've been in the library. That was our space." She said that night, looking up at the sky. Olivia sighed.

"I've been working on a song for you. A lullaby. I'm not exactly good at it, but I think you'd like it, no matter how badly I butchered it." She laughed shortly, sadly. She sniffed and wiped her eyes with the sleeve of her nightgown. "I hope I can get through it without breaking down. I hope you can hear it, wherever you are. I hope it's lovely where you are."

She took a breath before starting.

"Fate has been cruel and order unkind. How can I have let you stray? The blame was my own, the punishment yours. The harmony's silent today. But into the stillness, I'll bring you a song and I will your company keep till your tired eyes and my lullabies have carried you softly to sleep."

Olivia wrapped the blanket she had brought outside with her tighter around herself. She wiped her eyes on the corner of it before continuing.

"Once did your brother who shone like the sun look out on the kingdom and sigh. He said 'surely there is nobody so mighty and well-beloved as I.' So great was his reign, so brilliant his glory that long was the shadow he cast. It fell dark upon the young brother I loved and grew only darker as days and nights passed."

Olivia remembered many a day she passed with Loki, neither of them being looked at like they were perfect. That was Thor's job. Everyone loved him, he was the crown prince and the golden child. Olivia saw how much it bothered Loki, and she tried so hard to bring him some joy.

It was hard to erase the years of Odin's coldness towards him. Finding out Loki was a Frost Giant made it all the worse.

"Soon did your dove take notice that others did not give you your dues. And neither did she love you as you deserved. I watched as your unhappiness grew. But such is the way of the limelight, it sweetly takes hold of the mind of it's host. And I foolishly did nothing to stop the destruction of you who had needed me most."

The memories of that night started flowing back faster than the tears flowed down her face. Loki tried to have Thor killed. Their plan went awry. Something had changed in the man she loved more than life itself. She didn't know how or why everything had suddenly caved that night. She didn't understand why Loki would ever want his brother dead.

It hit her like a flash.

They had grown up thinking Frost Giants were monsters. An enemy to be attacked. Did Loki think Thor would try to kill him as well when he found out? Olivia knew Thor would never in a million years even consider that. But did Loki know that?

Unfortunately, probably not.

"Lullay my prince, goodnight lover mine. Rest now in moonlight's embrace. Bear up my lullaby, winds of Asgard, through cloud and through sky and through space. Carry the peace and the coolness of night and carry my sorrow in kind. Loki, you're loved so much more than you know, may troubles be far from your mind. And forgive me for being so blind."

It all happened so fast. The wormhole forming, the Bifrost becoming unstable. Thor breaking it. The flash of light. Olivia trying to hold onto Loki like a liferaft. She was scared to let go. She didn't want to let go,

Loki did it for her.

She wanted to go after him. She valued her own life less than her love for him. This time, Thor held on to her like she couldn't to Loki.

A moment later, he was gone and so was the portal that had swallowed him. Never to be seen again. She was dragged back onto the broken remains of the Bifrost, the shattered edge mirroring her broken heart. She probably could have filled a river with the tears she shed that night. Possibly yet another with the tears she shed.

Months had passed and her sorrow persisted. There was no light at the end of the tunnel.

"The years now before me, fearful and unknown. I never imagined I'd face them on my own. May these many winters swiftly pass, I pray. I love you, I miss you. All these realms away. May your dreams be sweet tonight. Safe upon your bed of moonlight. And know not of sadness, pain, or care. And when I dream, I'll fly away and meet you there."

Deep down, Olivia knew she'd probably not see Loki again while she was still alive. She prayed one day she'd wake up and find him in Valhalla. Until then, all she could do was wait. She missed him more than words could describe.

"Sleep... Sleep... Sleep..." She finished, wiping away more tears that had streaked down her face. Olivia looked back up at the moon with a sad smile.

"I love you. More than you'll ever know. I know you're probably telling me to go to sleep. I'll try. I really will. Meet me in my dreams, alright? And, if you can, say hello to Mother and Father for me. I love you. Goodnight." She said, before standing up and walking back inside her room. Sliding under her covers, she stared at the small flame on the candle on her bedside table.

She smiled before blowing it out.

***

A/N

Hi, yes, I probably shed more tears writing this than is probably acceptable.

And, not to make this any worse....

The dramatic irony is Loki isn't dead like Olivia thinks. She sings for him and tries to ask him small things. She hopes he's in a better place.

What the reality is is that at that moment, he's probably in a dingy cell on Thanos's ship, crying himself to sleep because of the pain of Thanos's torture and the pain of knowing Olivia thinks he's dead and can't help him... No matter how much he wishes he was with her.

That made it a million times worse, I'm so sorry.