The door slammed shut behind me, making me jump, and I heard Mikey call Gerard's name. It only made me worse, and I kicked off my shoes before shuffling into the front room.

I'd spent several hours wandering around, trying to clear my head, and as the hours went by, I found myself getting more and more depressed, until I was just done. The phone call hadn't helped; I was just getting more upset. So I'd ended up back at Mikey's, not sure where my despair would leave me.

I flopped onto the couch beside Mikey Way, who looked nothing short of perplexed. He was no longer my old music teacher; he was the unfortunate brother of my boyfriend. He blinked, lifting his reading glasses from his face and resting them on top of his head. He was still in his suit from the funeral, though the jacket was draped over the back of the chair.

"Are...are you okay?" He asked, and I buried my face in my hands, shaking my head. "What's happened?"

I made an attempt to organise my thoughts into some sort of order, trying to work out what to actually say to him. "I kissed another guy." was what I said first, and I wanted to punch myself in the face. That was not what I wanted to say.

"Wait, what?"

I groaned into my hands. "It wasn't supposed to happen - Gerard and I had a fight, and I went to see an old friend, and...we ended up kissing."

"So that wasn't what you were arguing about?" I shook my head. "Jesus." He whispered. "Does he know?"

"Fuck, no...I haven't spoken to him since he stormed off." I pushed the heels of my hands into my eyes, fighting tears. "This is so much worse than what we were arguing about, oh my God..."

"What were you arguing about?"

I swallowed heavily, lowering my hands and glancing at him. I couldn't read the expression on his face, didn't know whether he was angry with me or not, didn't know what he was thinking. My lips wouldn't form the words. I needed to tell him why but I just couldn't. And then -

"Gerard was drinking."

The color drained from his face, and I could almost feel the dread sinking into his stomach. He screwed his eyes up, his thin fingers raking through his hair, and he swallowed heavily.

"Oh, shit." He said quietly. "Fuck. Why? Why would he do that?"

I shrugged. "Your guess as good as mine. I honestly have no idea."

"Shit. But he's, like, he's been sober for what, three years?"

"Something like that?"

He licked his lips, and then his head snapped to face me. "Was it Bert? I swear to God if it was Bert -"

"I don't know. I don't know if it was Bert or not, but...Gerard's perfectly capable of doing this all by himself."

At that moment, the front door opened, and Mikey leapt to his feet. I stayed sat on the couch, my mouth drying up, my hands beginning to sweat. The second Gerard appeared in the doorway, unkempt and looking half-asleep, Mikey stepped forward and punched him square in the face.

"Shit!" Gerard stumbled backwards, clutching his now-bloody nose. "What the fuck?!"

"You're an idiot!" Mikey yelled. "A fucking idiot! How could you do something so stupid?!"

He glared at me, blood dripping down to his chin. "You told him."

"Of course he fucking told me! I'm your brother! He's your boyfriend! As if a secret like that was going to be kept from me!"

"I don't need you patronising me too, Michael. It's my body, I can do what I like."

"No, no you can't, not when this has happened before, and you promised - you swore on Mom's life - that you wouldn't do it again!"

"This has nothing to do with either of you. This is my business."

"Don't make me punch you again, Gerard Way. This has everything to do with us! You're not a teenager anymore!"

"I know I'm not a fucking teenager!" He cried.

"Fine!" Mikey threw his hands up in frustration. "Do what you like."

Gerard glanced between Mikey and I before storming off, and seconds later, I heard a bedroom door slam.

~

I stood in the doorway of the guest room, watching Gerard sleep. I'd finally plucked up the courage to go to bed, knowing I'd have to face Gerard, but that was the last thing I wanted to do right now. Still, I was tired, and it was late, and I really really really needed sleep.

So I closed the door behind me, changing into my pajamas and avoiding looking at the figure in bed. I licked my lips before pulling the duvet back, slipping in behind Gerard and wrapping an arm around his waist.

"Gee?" I said quietly, pressing my lips against the back of his bare shoulder. "I'm sorry."

Everything hurt. I needed him right now, despite all that had been happening, because boyfriends were supposed to stand by you, and I didn't know how much more I could take. And he was going to hate me so much when he found out that I'd kissed Bob, but I couldn't tell him. Not yet.

"You shouldn't be apologising." Came his sleepy reply, and I nuzzled my face against his shoulder.

"Yes, I should. I'm sorry I freaked out and got mad."

"Don't be ridiculous; you had perfect right to."

I sighed, holding him closer. "I'm still sorry."

"Don't be. This isn't your fault." He linked his fingers with mine, holding our joined hands above his heartbeat. "I was a complete ass, and said shit I didn't mean, and...yeah. I'm sorry." There was a pause. "We should talk about it when it's light or something. It's late now."

I nodded, closing my eyes. He let go of my hand and turned around in my arms, throwing an arm around my waist. He tilted my chin with up to seek out a kiss, and I let him, placing a hand on the side of his neck as I shuffled closer. We made out slowly beneath the sheets, my heart beating faster with every minute that passed. His hand slipped up the back of my shirt to rest on my skin, and he bit down on my lower lip.

He broke the kiss long enough to say, "I love you.", and then he was pulling me on top of him, my legs fitting either side of his waist as he kissed me again. His hands stroked my thighs, held my hips. I was wearing a sweater so it was getting quite heated, but I didn't dare take it off.

We hadn't kissed like this in so long, I couldn't help but sink into it, my hands either side of his head. I just didn't know what to think about anything anymore. I didn't know if this was right, or wrong, or what was going on.

"Mm, baby..." He pulled away, leaning up and nuzzling his face into my neck. "Aren't you hot in that?"

"No, I'm fine." I lied, rolling off of him.

"Sure? It's kinda warm tonight." He lay beside me and kissed my cheek, his hand resting on the skin of my hip.

"Yeah, I'll be okay." I pulled my sleeves over my hands, looking up at him as he frowned.

"Frankie..." He said slowly, and I blinked.

"What?"

He sighed. "Nothing, baby." He pulled me closer, letting my head rest on his chest. "Mikey's really pissed at me, isn't he?"

"Uh-huh. I think he, like, wants to kill Bert or something."

"This isn't Bert's fault." His voice was quiet, barely audible, and his heartbeat seemed to pick up beneath my hand. "This is all me." He exhaled, his cheek pressed against the top of my head. "This is all me." He repeated in a whisper, and I squeezed my eyes shut.

I wanted to tell him not to blame himself, but the words wouldn't come. My mouth wouldn't open and my tongue wouldn't move and I couldn't speak.

And what sickened me most was that maybe, deep down, I blamed him too.

~

Mikey tapped his toes impatiently on the floor. I could see that Gerard didn't want to speak, not in the slightest, but I needed answers. We both needed answers.

He had his head on his arms, which were folded on the table. His brother stood behind him, his arms also folded, but for a different reason. I was sat opposite Gerard, a mug of coffee in my hands, and I couldn't seem to take my eyes off of my boyfriend.

"Well?" The younger Way said, leaning against the counter.

"Mikey, please..." Gerard begged, his voice muffled. His inky hair was tangled and falling over his arms, in desperate need of a cut. I wanted to brush it back but my arms just wouldn't move.

"I don't understand you, Gerard. I never really have. You're supposed to be the older brother but here you are, wrecking your life - again."

"Mikey..."

"Why are you doing this again?" Gerard didn't reply. "What would Mom say?"

"Mom doesn't need to know."

"Jesus, Gerard..." He pinched the bridge of his nose, taking several deep breaths. "You have no idea how much it scares me when I'm told that you're drinking."

"You don't need to be scared." He raised his head and set his bloodshot eyes on his brother. "I'm not going back to all that."

"That's what you said last time - and what happened? Drink after drink after drink, and then, lo and behold, you end up in hospital!"

I blinked, my stomach seeming to drop. "He ended up in hospital?" I squeaked, ending up with two sets of eyes on me. "You never told me this."

"It was noth-" Gerard began, but Mikey cut him off.

"Don't you dare bullshit him and say it was nothing." He hissed. "Go on, Gerard. Tell him."

"I don't see why you're making out to be worse than it was -"

"You got alcohol poisoning at twenty years old, that is pretty fucking bad."

I went all cold inside and there was a lump in my throat that made it hard to swallow. I didn't know what to say. There was nothing to say. Gerard was looking at me like he wanted me to say something, but I couldn't speak.

I lowered my eyes to my mug, licking my lips. I had nothing to say. So Mikey spoke for me.

"Listen, Gerard. You...you can't do this. You know what this does to us. You need - you need to get Bert to rehab, because -"

"This isn't Bert!" He cried, and he shot to his feet, the chair scraping back against the floor. "Will you two get it into your heads - this is not his fault! I told you - I fucking told you - I am perfectly capable of destroying myself, and I don't need anyone to help me."

Gerard and I shared one last glance before he stormed out, and the last thing I heard was the front door slamming, before Mikey buried his face in his hands, and he began to cry.

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Hey guys, how are you all? I hope you liked this chapter, it's not my favourite tbh, the only part I really like is the end:')

Uh so if you've been on my message board at all, you'll have read that I've decided on an ending for this now, and I'll be uploading chapters slowly-ish over the next month or so. Also, I'm gonna be taking next week off to recuperate and stuff - I'm unbelievably worn out, and I need a little break, so I won't be updating until after November ninth, by which time I'll have gone to Cardiff to see a very very special person :)

Anything else? I don't think so, I'm back up and running again with my snazzy new phone, and..yeah! Hope you liked this and thanks for 5k votes!

Thanks Pete,

-xøcharr <3