The Making of…

Chapter 42

Need You Now

A day off. Normally I would be jumping for joy – a whole day to myself. No early morning, no makeup, no filming. A whole day for me to spend with my friends… With Viggo.

But that wasn’t the case anymore.

In reality, today was a day where I had no excuse to see Viggo. I’d been trying so hard to avoid him, but at least I normally got to see him once or twice a day. Today I had no excuse, and it was killing me.

I rolled out of bed and stretched, my t-shirt riding up over my stomach as I raised my arms above my head – then I relaxed and it slid back down. My bare feet padded over the cold floor of my trailer as I made my way to the bathroom and turned on the shower. The tiny room filled with steam as I stripped off my pyjamas and stepped under the falling cascade of water. I stood there for some time, seconds, minutes… I wasn’t counting. Hot water streamed down my bare back and as I tilted my head downwards, it fell in torrents from my face. Down my cheeks and off my chin. I wasn’t feeling calm. I hadn’t felt calm in a while – not since the last night I’d spent curled up on a sofa with Viggo whilst we watched a movie. It was a simple moment like that which I longed for. But it was something I couldn’t have.

No, I wasn’t feeling calm. Just quiet.

I shook myself out of my daze and picked up my shampoo, breathing in its familiar smell as I scrubbed my hair. Green apples. Viggo had once told me he liked that smell. The soapy lather fell away with the water as I continued with my routine. Conditioner, facial scrub, shower gel. As the water began to run cold, I shut it off and wrung out my dripping hair, before stepping out and wrapping myself in a warm towel. I dried off and changed into a pair of dark blue skinny jeans and a lilac t-shirt. I pulled an oversized blue-checked shirt over the top and then caught a glimpse of my reflection in the mirror. For the past few days I’d taken no notice of my appearance, but for some reason I felt like I should make an effort today. Looking good on the outside makes you feel good on the inside, right? Or should that be the other way around? I wasn’t feeling particularly good inside either way… I might as well pretend that everything’s ok on the outside.

***Viggo’s Point of View***

I sat on the edge of my bed, staring at my phone. No new messages, no calls, nothing. But really, who was I kidding? She wasn’t going to call. It had been days since she’d so much as uttered a word to me, and even longer since we’d had a meaningful conversation. Anything I managed to strike up with her these days was something weak and pointless that barely counted as a conversation. How many times had I commented on the weather in a vain attempt to get her talking again? I stared at the phone again, willing it to ring. I probably wouldn’t even catch a glimpse of her today, let alone hear her voice. I groaned and flopped backwards onto the bed. Was it already too late to apologise? I hoped not. I missed her so much that it hurt. I sighed and ran a hand through my hair. This was getting ridiculous. I needed to talk to her.

I sat up and snatched my phone up and quickly punched in her number. The phone rang a few times, and then I heard her voice.

‘Hi, this is Kira!’ It was her voicemail message, but I listened nonetheless, it was nice to hear her sounding cheerful, ‘I can’t make it to the phone right now – sorry about that, but–”

“Hey Ki, what are you doing?” I was surprised to hear my own faint voice appear on the message, as if I’d just walked into her trailer.

“Do you ever knock?”

“No.”

“Ssh Vig! I’m busy!” She scolded me in a laughing tone and I smiled, remembering the conversation.

“Busy with what? I’m hungry; let’s go get something to eat.” I laughed at my own naivety as it continued.

“Yeah alright just a second!” I could imagine her looking over her shoulder to answer me as she said that,“Leave a message or call me back, ’kay?” She hurriedly spoke into the phone, and then I heard the beep that demanded that I leave a message. I sighed and hung up. Hearing the recording had reminded me of the days when things were easy… Why couldn’t we have those days back?

I needed to see her. I needed to hear her voice. I stood and slipped my phone into the pocket of my jeans, striding across my trailer to where my script was lying. I picked it up and weighed it in my hand as I debated with myself. I wanted to talk to her, face to face. All I wanted was to hear her voice. We didn’t even need to have a conversation. I didn’t need to tell her how I really felt.

Was it a good idea? My plan certainly wasn’t solid, but it was worth a shot.

I’d never know for sure until I tried.

With my mind set, I tucked my script under my arm, and made for the door of my trailer.

***Kira’s Point of View***

I screwed the cap back on my mascara and set it by the bathroom sink. At least I looked half-respectable. Not that anyone was going to see me today either way. I jumped as I heard my phone ring. I left the bathroom and saw it sitting on my bed, vibrating with each ring. I could see the caller ID from here. Viggo. I rushed forward to answer it, but as my fingers closed around the small object, it stopped ringing. ‘1 Missed Call’, flashed up on the screen and I sat down on the bed, my hand holding the phone limply as I stared at it.

I couldn’t keep this up anymore. I needed to talk to him, see him, anything. I just needed to know that he was there, and that I hadn’t pushed him away for good. My fingers shook as I dialled his number, but before I could press the call button, I heard a soft knock on my door. I quickly hit the cancel button and set my phone down.

“Come in.” I called weakly, and my heart fluttered as the handle turned. It probably wasn’t him. I shouldn’t be getting my hopes up like this…

“Kira?” His familiar voice called me as he walked in, his eyes instantly meeting mine.

“Viggo.” I breathed. Just the sight of his face was a relief, the fact that he was here was a blessing. He smiled gently at me, and I only noticed that he was holding his script when he held it up.

“I was wondering if you wanted to read some lines with me?” He asked, and I felt a smile cross my lips – something I hadn’t done in a while.

“Sure.” I nodded, grabbing my script from where it sat on my bedside table. I timidly patted the space on the bed beside me, and he walked over and sat down, smiling a little. “So, um… Where do you want to start?” I asked, leafing through my script. “We haven’t gone through The Return of the King yet…”

“Yeah, let’s take it from there.” He murmured softly and I glanced up at him, our gazes connected for a brief moment and I found myself blushing.

‘Get a grip Kira.’ I told myself, tearing my eyes away from his. Things were going well… It was almost like the days before I screwed up everything. I didn’t need to mess it up even more.

We started reading, and as we went through each scene, I began to feel more comfortable, more like my old self. Viggo would make me laugh by imitating the voices of the other characters, and he would laugh with me as we pretended to act out battle scenes. I became totally absorbed in what we were doing, and by the time I happened to glance up at the clock, it was already past midday.

“Do you want to stop for lunch?” I asked as we finished a scene.

“Alright.” He smiled as I stood and went to make some sandwiches. I worked quickly, and when I turned back, I saw him staring intently at something that was in his hand. My stomach lurched as I realised that it was my sketchbook. I’d left it open beside my bed. I silently cursed my carelessness as I walked back to him and sat down. I watched as he flipped through the pages, finding sketches of landscapes and people. I hoped he wouldn’t realise that he was a reoccurring theme. He stopped at one I’d drawn from a photograph, one of the ones I’d taken months ago, on that day we spent down by the river. He had been fishing whilst I was taking photos. At the time of drawing the picture, I wasn’t pleased with the way I had captured Viggo’s expression, so in the corner of the page I had done a close-up of his face.

“Those aren’t very good…” I murmured, picking at my sandwich. He set the book down and lifted his sandwich from the plate I was holding.

“You know, true art isn’t appreciated based on accuracy, but instead on the message it speaks.” He said softly, as he looked at my from under his dark eyelashes. I was suddenly lost in the depths of his eyes. Their pale blue hues dashed with flecks of silver captured me and held me, I was trapped like a deer in the headlights of a car – until he blinked and released me. I felt my cheeks colour and I let my fringe fall in front of my face to hide it as I quietly ate my sandwich. Once we’d both finished I took the plate back over to the sink and then returned to his side. I sat cross legged, lifting my script and opening it at the page I’d left it at, trying to pretend that the moment back there had meant nothing.

We read quickly, moving through the scenes with ease until we were getting close to the end. I knew what scene was coming up. The scene where Aragorn genuinely kisses Rana for the first time. Viggo put on a low, growling voice for the Mouth of Sauron, making me laugh to myself, and then the mood became more serious, as we reached the point I had been anticipating.

“So, is this it?” I asked, pretending to be standing in front of the Black Gate as an impossibly large army of orcs advanced upon us.

“I hope not.” Viggo replied softly, and I paused for a second, before delivering my next line.

“If this is to be our end… I’m glad I’m by your side.” I whispered, my eyes trailing down to the next command on the page. The kiss.

I glanced up from my script shyly, meeting Viggo's gaze. “And then…” I murmured expectantly, preparing to skip past the command, and I waited for his next line, but it didn’t come.

I stared into his eyes, and something there confused me. Something within them seemed torn, as if he was caught between a choice. He lifted his fingers to my face, delicately brushing away a strand of hair that had fallen into my eyes. His hand lingered on my cheek, and then his other hand came up, cupping my neck gently as my heart raced, sending blood to my cheeks as he moved closer, and I found myself leaning towards him.

Somewhere in my subconscious, I knew what he was going to do, but it didn't stop my eyes widening as his eyelids dropped and he softly pressed his lips against mine. After a brief second of realisation, I let my eyes fall shut, not even noticing that my script had slipped from my hand until it hit the floor. His lips were softer than I remembered, and his kiss was gentler, more meaningful than any other time before now.

It felt right.

He pulled back slightly and my eyes fluttered open as I stared deep into his captivating, stormy blue eyes. They still seemed torn as he parted his lips and spoke.

“I’m sorry,” He whispered, pulling away a little, “I shouldn’t have-” I reached up and gently caught his face, my fingers lightly tracing his jaw line as he turned back to me.

I didn’t want him to go; I didn’t want him to be sorry, but any words that I wanted to say caught in my throat, so I gently pulled him closer and lightly kissed his lips.

He hesitated for a brief moment, before he kissed me back, his lips moving against mine as my other hand moved to his face, caressing his cheek. I began to timidly kiss him back, carefully responding to his kiss, until I began to feel light-headed, and I realised that it was because I hadn't breathed in a while. I pulled back only slightly so I could draw in a ragged breath of air.

“God, Kira...” Viggo gasped breathlessly against my lips as he held my face close to his, “I’m so in love with you.”

“Viggo...” I moaned quietly, my fingers entwining themselves in his soft hair as I pulled him closer, pressing my lips against his. I couldn't hold him close enough. I wanted to tell him everything, but I couldn't pull away. He lips moved over mine as I yielded to him. He gently parted my lips with is own and I sighed softly. I could taste him on the tip of my tongue as he deepened the kiss, his hands moving from my face so he could wrap his arms around me. The desperate need for oxygen was the only thing that managed to part us, but I still held him close as we both panted for air. “Viggo?” I whispered hoarsely.

“Yes?” He replied, tenderly kissing my lower lip and sending shivers up my spine.

“I... I love you.” I stammered slowly, finally admitting the truth, lowering all my defences and placing my total trust - and my heart - in his hands. He held me gently, yet still protectively, reassuring me as I leant my forehead against his.

“You know how I feel.” He whispered and I nodded slightly as he closed the gap between our lips. I waited so long for this moment, and now that it had come, I didn't want it to end. My sudden burning need for him was almost too much to bear, which was why I had to resist pulling him back to me as he broke away again, leaning his forehead against mine, our lips inches apart. I yearned to close the gap, but I waited, opening my eyes and looking up at him. I saw him gaze at me in a way that he had never done before, but it made me feel protected, and needed. His arms reluctantly moved from where they had been securely wrapped around me and I shifted on the bed so I was facing him properly - so close that I was almost sitting in his lap as his hands cupped my face, sweeping my tangled hair out of my eyes as he kissed my forehead. I closed my eyes and sighed softly as his lips moved to my cheek, and then he softly kissed my closed eyelids. I waited patiently for his lips to reach mine as they moved across my jaw line, pausing at the corner of my mouth. I felt him sigh against my skin before he gave in and slipped his arms around my waist, pulling me closer as our lips connected.

I couldn’t breathe, but I didn’t care. My arms curled around Viggo’s neck holding him closer, until he gently broke away and I fully opened my eyes. He was smiling at me, and I smiled back.

“I’m sorry for pushing you away Viggo.” I whispered, brushing away an unruly strand of his hair that tickled my face. “I had no idea…”

“That I was desperately in love with you?” He murmured, finishing my sentence for me. “I thought you were avoiding me because of the kiss.”

“It was partly that.” I explained softly, “But it was my fault. I was afraid that I wouldn’t be able to control my emotions around you, and that I might accidentally tell you how I really felt and then… Everything would be messed up.” I sighed, leaning my head on his shoulder.

“I was an idiot for not telling you sooner.” He whispered in my ear, “I would have, but I was afraid of screwing everything up.”

“We’re both idiots.” I smiled. His fingertips lightly brushed my chin, and I looked up at him as he covered my lips with his own. I relaxed into his gentle kiss; it was less rushed than the one before. We had time now. Everything was out in the open, and as far as I could see, nothing had been messed up. “You never kissed me like that on camera.” I murmured accusingly with a smile as he pulled away slightly, but kept his arms wrapped around me.

“Of course not. That would have made you fall uncontrollably in love with me.” He smirked as I playfully thumped his shoulder. “Ouch.” He mumbled as I raised an eyebrow, and then leant forward and softly kissed him.

“Better?” I murmured against his lips.

“Not really, but for the sake of sounding romantic, I’ll say yes.” He smiled.

“You’re such an idiot.” I grinned, tousling his hair. “I bet it didn’t even hurt.” He only smiled more and held me tighter. I rested my head on his shoulder again, and he rested his head on top of mine. “I love you.” I whispered. The words felt foreign on my lips, but they felt right.

“Is it going to sound really cheesy if I say that I love you more?” He asked, his warm breath making the exposed skin on my neck tingle.

“I see your cheese and raise you a cliché argument.” I smiled.

“And that argument is…?”

“Impossible.” I whispered closing my eyes as I felt his lips in my hair. He breathed in deeply and laughed a little.

“Green apple shampoo. My favourite.” He murmured as I laughed and wrapped my arms around his middle, holding myself to this impossibly perfect moment.

I don’t know how it had happened, but somehow, everything was working out… And I was loving every second of it.