The Making of…

Chapter 41

Complications

It was set to be just another day filming out on the plains. Just filler scenes, floating around amongst the extras, very few lines, very little screen time – at least, that’s the impression I got at the beginning of the day. It’s funny how an on-the-spot decision can change everything, isn’t it?

At lunchtime, I was sitting in my chair beside Viggo, picking at a sandwich and sipping from a bottle of really gross strawberry-flavoured water. I mentally made a decision to go for the plain water next time... Or the lemon-flavoured at least. It was just another totally mundane day on the set – that is, until Peter walked up to us.

“Hey guys.” He smiled cheerfully at Viggo and myself, “Do you two mind doing an extra scene today?”

“Sure, what’s the scene?” Viggo asked as I sat forward in my chair.

“Well, remember the last kissing scene you did in the studio? The one I didn’t direct because I was editing?” I nodded simply whilst my stomach churned, “Well I was looking back at it and it just… Doesn’t seem right.” He waved his hand to accompany his explanation, “I was wondering if you’d mind doing it again?”

“Here?” I asked, gesturing to the area around us. It was pretty empty, apart from the small lake that sat about twenty meters away.

“Yeah, it seems like a better setting than the studio.” Peter shrugged, “So, are you guys ok with it?”

“Yep, we’ll be here.” I nodded, nervously glancing at Viggo. His expression was passive, keeping his emotions hidden. Peter walked away and I tossed the remains of my lunch into a nearby bin – trying to act as casual as possible whilst in my head I was repeating to myself, ‘It’s only another scene. It’s only another scene.’

For the rest of the day that we spent on the scheduled filming, I tried not to let my nerves – or my emotions – get the better of me. Ok, so it was a kissing scene. I’d done them before, why was this different? Well, mainly it was different because I now knew that I had feelings for Viggo… I’d been hoping that we wouldn’t have to kiss again until we started on The Return of the King, as I’d assumed that I’d have my feelings under control by that point… It seemed like that little plan had just merrily flown out the metaphorical window… I was so screwed.

*

Evening rolled around – just like it does every day, but it seemed to come too quickly for me. Cameras were packed up, horseboxes were town away, cast members retreated to their trailers and the extras went home. The set seemed empty, although there were still several people waiting for us to start our scene. Floodlights were lit as the sky darkened, and Viggo and I walked down to the shore of the lake, where we would be filming the scene. The reflection of the almost-full moon rippled on the surface, merging with the reflection of the white, artificial lights.

“Ready to go Ki?” Peter’s voice broke through my strangely observant haze and I glanced to the side, seeing him settling down in his chair behind the camera. He’d been talking to Viggo, giving him pointers about how to carry out the scene, how to make it better than last time. He was giving him advice on kissing me. The whole thing suddenly felt like a sick joke. A sick joke designed specifically to make me squirm inside. “Ok, let’s get going!” Peter clapped his hands together loudly, snapping me out of my daze and dragging me back to my inconvenient reality. I smiled weakly and went to take my place down by the waters edge. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw the temperamental fog machine getting kicked to life, and it almost coaxed a laugh from my dry throat, but then I spotted Viggo taking up his position out of shot, and suddenly it seemed like my throat had closed over altogether. I forced myself to draw in a shaky breath, and then slipped into character. It was easy today, like slipping on an old, well worn pair of shoes. It was nice to escape reality and fall into Rana’s world – even if her world was as confusing as my own. “Action!” Peter called, and I felt the camera on my face, tracing my movements as I stared out at the lake.

“Rana?” Viggo’s voice called me, and I turned, a smile creeping across my lips. He walked to me quickly, gently taking my face in his hands, just like he had done last time. I allowed an expression of confusion to cross my face before I spoke.

“Aragorn, what are you-” I had been expecting him to cut me off with his kiss, but I hadn’t been expecting my own reaction. It took all my willpower to stop myself from melting under the gentle pressure of his lips on mine. I closed my eyes and he kissed me again - something Peter must have told him to do - but the kiss was urgent, and I felt a certain reluctance in the way he sighed as he pulled back from my lips. I wanted to pull him back, I didn’t want the kiss to end, but this was just a scene. Why couldn’t I make myself believe that? I realised that somehow, my fingers had become caught in the front of his shirt, holding him to me as he held my face close, his fingers beginning to tangle in my hair. I felt his lips trace my jaw line, moving across my neck as I sighed softly. I wanted him to continue, but at the same time, I wanted him to stop. This could end badly if I didn’t manage to control my feelings for him. His lips reached my ear and I could feel his warm breath on my skin, and I held back a slight tremble as he whispered his final line in my ear.

“Le melon.”

For a brief second, he lingered close to me, before I heard Peter say ‘Cut’. My eyes fluttered open and I backed away from Viggo. Every inch of my skin that his lips had touched tingled like I had been given an electric shock. I tried to keep my facial expression neutral and passive. I couldn’t afford to let it betray my true feelings.

“That was a great take guys, much better than the studio stuff.” Peter grinned, and I felt relief wash over me as I realised that he was unaware of the insane battle being fought inside me. Maybe I was better at hiding this than I thought… “I don’t think we’ll need another one, so I’ll see you in the morning, ok?”

“Sure, see you later Pete.” Viggo smiled and began walking towards me. Just the sight of him sent my heart hammering, and it had only just calmed down after the scene. I couldn’t be around him right now. I needed to be on my own.

I turned and walked away from him, but not before I caught the look of confusion on his face. I wanted to run to him, to be in his arms again, but I was disgusted at myself. I was letting a scene get to me. I shouldn’t have let my feelings get in the way of it. The plain desire I’d felt for Viggo disgusted me more than anything. Was I so incapable of controlling myself around him? I couldn’t let something like that happen again. It was screwing me up inside.

I walked quickly, but I could hear Viggo’s footsteps behind me. Too close. He didn’t call out for me as I made my way into the maze of trailers, ducking behind the nearest one and flattening my back against the wall as he passed by. I watched as he walked up the steps of our makeup bus, and disappeared through the door. In my mind, I’d already made my decision. Until I had my feelings for him properly under control, I would just have to avoid Viggo. I couldn’t trust myself to not do something stupid when I was around him. I’d gotten myself into this situation; it was my responsibility to get myself out.

***Viggo’s Point of View***

I’d gone too far.

I’d let my feelings for Kira get the better of me, and I’d crossed the line. Peter hadn’t asked me to kiss her like that; it was all my own doing. It was all my fault.

I knew she was avoiding me now. I’d pushed her too far, and in doing so had pushed her away. How had I let myself do that? Had I so little control?

I had to sort things out. I loved her, I needed her. I couldn’t let this happen.

I needed to make things better, before I lost her forever.

***Kira’s Point of View***

The following days passed slowly. It was impossible to totally avoid Viggo, but I did the best I could – even if it meant waking up an hour earlier so I didn’t encounter him in the makeup bus, and then at the end of the day, I’d hide out in my trailer until I was sure that he’d left the bus, and only then would I go and get my makeup off. When we were forced to spend time together, I barely spoke a word. Slowly, I was distancing myself from him, and I hated every second of it. I could see that he was hurt by it, and I hated myself for doing this to him. I punished myself with the fact that not being around him made me desperately miserable. I’d realised before now, that when he wasn’t around me, it was like a piece of me was missing. Right now it felt like every single part of me had been torn to shreds and the pieces scattered. And still, I knew deep down that I was still at risk of revealing my true feelings to him. Therefore, I still had to avoid him.

What made it worse was my new-found knowledge that I needed him.

Every second without him was torture, but at the same time, every second with him was torture, but a torture of a different kind. Being without him was unbearable, being with him was unbearable. I was stuck in the middle of this tangled web of emotions, the more I struggled, the more tangled I became.

I tried to fill the empty hours of my day – hours that I normally would have spent with Viggo – but I couldn’t. My mind always turned back to him. If I was reading and any mention of romance appeared, my thoughts were on Viggo. If I was playing my guitar, he was there in my head. If I was mindlessly doodling in my sketchbook, I would look down and his face would be staring back at me. He was impossible to escape, but I knew that really… I didn’t want to escape him. I wanted things to go back to the way they were… But how could they?

How could things ever be the same when I knew how much I felt for him?

How could I be the same person when I knew how much I needed him?

How could we go back, when I knew how much I loved him?