Grinning like a child that had received the most desired gift on Christmas morning, I pulled away slightly from Oliver's chest, placed my hand just above his pounding heart, and looked at him.

"I'm feeling so good now that I can wrap 6 boxes instead of 5, what do you say?!" I suggested and he laughed.

"I have no doubt you can do them all in half the time it takes me to do one of them, but we had a deal - 5 for you and 2 for me," he replied.

"Okay then."

"Come on," he urged me, and before letting me go, he kissed me on the head again. Then on the forehead, on the cheeks and finally, he placed a soft kiss on the corner of my lips, sending new wave of pleasant warmth all over me.

I let out a disappointed sigh as he stood up, not very pleased with his absence and already feeling the cold without his body heat next to me. Ahh, but we had work to do!

I took the first box of my last 5 and started the process all over again. After this adventure, I might need a long and well-deserved break from gift wrapping for at least a year or two, or maybe longer. But I would most certainly make an exception for Emma, Betty's daughter deserved that little sacrifice and more!

"Since you're so pleased with the future I described, why did you say you're also sad?" Oliver spoke up after a while.

"I don't know," I thought, "Maybe it's because the love you described reminded me of Mom and Dad. They always looked at each other like nothing and nobody else mattered. Yet they never made us feel less important. They have always given us their sincere attention and have shown us unconditional love, to Holly and me. But after mom... "

The muscles in my throat tightened and I swallowed hard.

Suddenly the wide smile disappeared and the pleasant warmth left my body. I felt like I was having such a great time gliding across a frozen lake, all warmed up and with tingly joy inside me, and then I accidentally stepped on thinner ice and fell into the frigid water, deprived of air, heat and light.

I shivered, feeling the frosty bites of the imaginary water. My chest tightened painfully, and the air in the room seemed insufficient. I took a shallow breath and tried to concentrate on my hands and the work they were doing, but to no avail.

The darkness had already enveloped me tightly, and when I closed my eyes, looking for some strength within myself, I did not see how I could resist it.

"Ashley, I'm sorry! I shouldn't have said anything," Oliver's worried voice pulled my mind out of the ice-cold water as his arms pressed me against his chest, warming my body once more.

Little by little I started breathing again, but my head was a little dizzy from the recent lack of oxygen, and I was still shivering.

I blinked a few times and took another big gulp of air, feeling it fill my lungs before pulling back slightly to look at Oliver. I wanted to look him in the eye when I thanked him for saving me from this 'drowning,' even if it was just metaphorical. No less painful though.

But when I lifted my head and my gaze met his, I saw that pain had again darkened his eyes and distorted his features. Then a surge of anger filled me with fire, I stopped shivering and the last traces of cold evaporated.

I was angry. Angry at myself!

"Don't! It's not your fault. Things are the way they are, whether I can accept it or not. I'm the one to blame, not you. So please don't be sorry! Just don't!" I blurted out, leaving myself breathless, and after taking a painful, deep breath that seemed to cut through my insides, I said, "We'd better... we'd better finish wrapping." Then I forced a small smile and added, "I'm okay, don't worry! Please!"

He nodded restrainedly because he knew I wasn't and sat back down in his seat on the floor directly across from me.

I wasn't okay... but it wasn't his fault. It wasn't Oliver's fault that this pain always found a way to cloud my happy moments. It was my fault and mine alone because instead of accepting the past and moving on, I continued to let it harass me and steal my happiness.

The truth was, I couldn't go back in time, I couldn't change the past. I couldn't bring Mom back. I knew it, but it was still hard for me to come in terms with it.

Tears welled up in my eyes, but I didn't let them overflow.

I wasn't able to erase Dad's pain, neither Holly's, nor mine. And I couldn't restore my previous relationship with my sister. Our prior love and closeness had now become an open wound that I didn't know what to do to close it, to heal it. I felt powerless, helpless, weak, and that hurt me even more.

"As much as we want to, we can't go back in time, we can't change the past, Ashley," Oliver said gently, reflecting my thoughts once more.

I smiled unwittingly and sniffed.

"What?" He asked.

"You read my mind again," I answered and looked at him, not that I could see through the veil of tears. The reluctance to let them flow was caused by my stubbornness to show myself that I could do at least that - to hold back my tears.

The fuzzy outline of his mouth widened to the side and I knew Oliver was smiling.

"Maybe because they were written on your face," he said.

I shrugged. "Maybe now - yes, but earlier they weren't."

He nodded.

"I really shouldn't have said anything, you were so happy just minutes ago, and now... you're about to cry again," he said angrily after a short moment.

I shook my head and blinked away the tears.

"I told you, it's not your fault!" I paused, then added, "One day... one day I will stop allowing this darkness to feed on the light in me, on every happy moment I experience."

One day I would really do it!

Oliver reached over and put his hand on mine.

"I'll be right next to you and I'll help you," he said.

"I know," I replied. "Thank you!"

"You don't have to thank me," he said with a slight smile, one that now I could really see, then sat down again and added in a serious tone, "but I hope when you're ready to tell me everything, you'll do it. I want to hear the whole story, to know the things that cause this darkness. If I know what you're struggling with, I can fight alongside you, not just keep your back and catch you when you're about to fall."

"Well, now if I cry, it won't be because I'm sad. Oh, here we go..." I dropped the duct tape that I hadn't realized I held and started waving my hands to drive away the tears, "I'm not usually such an emotional mess, I promise!"

"I don't mind if you are," he remarked.

"Oh, you really want to bring me to tears with your kindness, don't you?" I retorted.

He shook his head, "No, by no means."

A grin spread across his face, maybe because I was smiling again, and his eyes seemed brighter too.

"But you do it anyway," I teased him, brushing away an escaped tear.

Then I laughed, and he joined me.

I breathed a sigh of relief, and with a smile playing on my lips, because of Oliver - his words, his attitude, his warmth, his love... just because of him alone, I returned to the wrapping in a better mood.