Chapter 39
SARAH
-: The previous night :-
She is just a fucking surrogate.
The words kept ringing in my ears as I stumbled backwards. My mind became numb and my surrounding blurred out.
"Ma'am!" Lily grasped my body and I looked back at her. Her face was scrunched into sympathetic look and she was looking at me and the locked door again and again.
Yes, I didn't hear it wrong. Those words were indeed uttered by him. He called me a fucking surrogate.
Tears polled up in my eyes, and I swallowed down a painful lump in my throat. How could he??
So he was feigning everything. The affections, the kisses, the tender care, the love filled glances. Everything was flase? He was playing with my emotions from the first day?
I sniffled and exhaled a shallow breath, tears were running down my cheek and I didn't bother to wipe them away. Bringing a shaky hand to my mouth I tried to control my breathing. But the pain was too much, and my chest tightened.
"Lily, you can go," I ordered her in a stern voice. I didn't want her to encounter my pathetic condition, for which I was myself responsible.
"No ma'am, let my take you to room. You don't loo...."
"Leave!" I snapped at her in rage. She flinched at my tone, and scampered away. I could feel my emotions toppling outside of my mind, as I tried a swallow a scream that was threatening to break it's way through my throat.
My stomach churned violently and I tried to gasp for breath. This was too much for me to take. The person whom I love was just using me, only for the purpose of a baby. And he was not even honest with his intentions.
I entered my room silently as shadow.
Unnoticed, unobserved. I wouldn't cry anymore. I could not blame anyone. It was all my fault.
How could I make the blunder of falling for a monster? How could I expect him to love me in the same way as I did? He manipulated me to believe that he actually care for me, love me, understand me, when all he thought of me was just a fucking surrogate.
My mind was full of questions. How could he say that? I had dependent on him, trusted him despite all the wrong that he had done to me.
My meal had been kept in my room but I had lost my all my appetite. In fact I felt like puking, whatever I had eaten earlier. My eyes fell on the medicines that was kept on the bedside table.
Chase never forgot to remind me to take my medicines. I placed my hand on my bulging stomach, walked towards the table, grabbed the packet, crumbled it and threw it outside the window.
Exhaustion wa as taking it's tool on me. I rested my little figure on the pillow and gazed aimlessly at the wall. My vision got blurred. My mind was flooded with memories; memories of me and Chase.
Images of me being kidnapped, Max being shot, my first meeting with Chase, that unknown attraction towards him, his initial arrogance, his care for me, his possessiveness for me, and the baby flashed in front of my eyes like a slideshow. Was it all drama? Can life be thus cruel?
Sleep took over my tired and depressed brain and I dozed off.
I saw Chase and me. We were standing infront od kur own little sanctuary, the cottage; holding hands.An unknown smile grazed my lips even in sleep. Our lips were inches apart from each other when I felt a tug on my dress. I looked down to see a cute little boy. His face totally resembled that of his father's.
Chase smiled at him and lifted him in his well built arms. I smiled back at him but his expression transformed to that of a frown. He pushed me away from him and began to move away from me with the baby in his arms.
'No! Don't go, don't leave me!' I tried to shout, but my throat was clogged and I couldn't.
His intentions were fulfilled and there was no need of me anymore.
My eyes shot open, and I jerked up in my bed. Tears welled up in my eyes. I did not want to leave him but I had to and I definitely would. All this would be coming to an end in a few months.
My thoughts were broken by sudden creaking sound on the door. It had to be him.
Wiping my tears, I turned my face away from the door. I did not want to see him anymore. My depression, my frustration, my grief and my sorrow transformed into extreme anger. I could not be weak. I would not cry, at least not in front of him.
I stood up with a heavy heart. Life had played tricks on me enormous time, but nothing had been this heart breaking.
"Love?" He entered the room silently and I turned away from his face. I knew if I looked at him, I could crumble down.
"Sarah, what are you doing here? Why aren't you in our room?" He asked, his voice strangely agitated.
He is acting, don't fall for it. He doesn't care about you. He just want the baby.
"You could have just told me your true intentions Mr. Morgan," I shallowed down the lump in my throat and asked him a gravelly tone.
"Wh..what?" He stuttered, his tone on the verge of panic.
Taking a deep breath, I clenched my jaw and turned to look at him. His eyebrows were furrowed as if he didn't know what was going on.
I faked a chuckle at his expressions. How could he act so well?
"Sar...,"
"You called me your home...," I whispered, and my eyes zeroed to his strong arms, where he nestled me so many times during my dark days. My voice cracked a little and I hated how much power Chase had over me.
"You chased my nightmares away, holding me to your chest." My tone was aimless and flat. I didn't know what to do or say.
Does first love always hurt so bad?
"What are you say...?" Chase was trying to interrupt me, but I didn't allow him. His shoulder was tensed as if he knew the reasons why I was saying, what I was saying.
"You shared your safe heaven with me, and taught me how to draw." I took a step towards him and looked at his eyes.
The grief in me for his betrayal was turning into rage. Something, which doesn't come out often.
His brown orbs were filling up quickly with dread and he was continuously swallowing down.
"Didn't you?" I asked, and Chase nodded. He took a few slow steps towards me as if he was worried if he act too fast I would collapse.
"Then why the hell did you call me a fucking surrogate?" I whispered, in a dead tone.
There was a sharp intake of breath and his eyes bulged out. He eyes snapped towards me, and his face twisted into terror.
Exhaling a shaky breath, he raised his hand trying to grasp my arms but I pushed his hand away.
"No! Don't! Just answer my question," I snarled and he flinched at my tone.
"Sarah, love... its not what...."
"Don't you dare call me Love. That endearment is for loved ones, not for fucking surrogates!"
His face twisted into grief, eyebrows furrowed and frown lines appeared on his forehead. His lips turn upside down, and he raised his hand trying to comfort me but I again took a other step back.
"Sarah, please. Let me explain. It's not what you think," he begged me but I laughed sardonically.
How much more did he want to lie?
"What is there left to explain?" I asked, my words cracking and my knees felt to weak to stand. Chase stumbled towards me to hold, but I pushed him away.
"I didn't mean those words Sar..." he deadpanned and I shook my head turning away from him.
Empty.
Dead.
That's what I was feeling right now. My heart was splintering into pieces and I just wanted it to stop.
Chase took me off guard and pulled me into him, tightly wrapping his hands around my waist, as my back collided with his chest.
"No! Let go of me! You monster, I hate you! Leave me," I snarled and thrashed in his hold jerking violently. But he didn't loosened his hold.
"No, no, no... Sarah. Please, I didn't mean those words. Please believe me," he pleaded and a painful sob broke out from my throat.
This was all my fault. I shouldn't had let this ruthless men into my heart, I shouldn't had let him comfort me or soothe me. Then I wouldn't have been in this situation today. But I already did those, and now all I was left with was pain and anguish.
I sanked down on the floor, choking on my sobs as Chase gathered me up in his arms and I wailed on his chest. He soothingly rubbed his hand on the back of my head.
"Shh...love. Calm down, please calm down," he cooed me and buried my face in the crook of his neck.
"I considered you my everything Chase. Why did you do this? Why did you break my heart?" I mumbled brokenly over his chest as he rocked me back and forth.
"I thought you cared about me, I thought you...," love me, I wanted to say but I swallowed my words. I won't give him any more reason to break me again.
"I do Sarah. You have no idea how much I care for you. You are my saviour, you pulled me out of a dark abyss once. You have captured me love, and you exist in each and every nerve of mine. Trust me Sarah, please," he soothed me in hoarse voice as if seeing me in this condition was also breaking him apart.
But his every words felt vain to me, this was all a ploy. He never cared about me. It was always the baby he cared about, that's why he took care of me. He didn't wanted to stress me cause indirectly it would hurt the baby too. He helped me to overcome my coma cause it would have been harmful for the baby had I been in coma for a long time. It was always the baby, not me.
Never me.
Sniffling, I swallowed down a painful lump I my throat and untangled myself from him. Standing up on my unsteady leg I glared down at him and he too stood up with a pleading look on his face.
"Leave," I ordered in a hoarse voice.
"What?"
"I said get out from the room right now."
He shook his head and his fingers curled up in a fist.
"No Sarah, I won't. You have to give me a chance to let me explain..."
"I don't want to hear anything from you. Leave the room right now Chase!" I snarled at him and he flinched at my tone. His face twisted in grief and hurt flashed in his eyes. But it was nothing infornt of what I was feeling.
"No! I won't leave. Please, let me explain," he pleaded in a desperate tone but I was loosing my calm. Anger started bubbling up in me once again and my head clogged with ferocious thoughts.
I growled and pushed him away. He stumbled backwards but looked back at me with the same fervour and desperation.
"Sarah please, calm down. Just give me a single change." he pleaded and I turned away from him, my hands flying to my hair and I started pulling them in despair. The hurt and the pain was too much and right now I wanted nothing expect to leave me alone.
"See love, I made something for you. It was from the depth of my heart. Look at it once...."
Chase was saying something but my eyes fell on the fruit bowl that was kept on the night stand. The glistening blade of the knife was urging me to step towards it and that's what I did.
Before he could decipher what I was doing, I stalked towards the nightstand, clasped the knife in my right hand and pointed its edge towards my wrist.
"Sarah no!" His voice full of pain and dread echoed in the room and I bared my teeth at him. His eyes were bulging out of his sockets and he just about to take a step towards me when I roared, "Take one more step and I am going to plunge the knife into my vein, Mr. Morgan. It would be too late for anyone to save me or your baby."
His face twisted into despair and desperation and his muscles tensed, as he stood there, his hands in surrender position.
"Sarah..." he begged but I was beyond the point to listen anything.
"Leave." A single order and be obliged immediately.
Glancing at me for the last time with eyes full of desperation and longing, he turned back and left.
A painful sob broke out of my throat and I violently started choking on it. The pain in my chest was getting unbearable and I rubbed my fist on my bossoms to ease the pain. My eyes fell on the paper that was lying on the floor beside the door.
Wiping my tear, I walked up to it and slowly picked it up. Fresh tears started wailing up in my eyes when I glanced at it, and a shaking hand flew to my mouth.
It was a picture of me, looking at myself in the mirror, caressing my pregnant belly. My reflection in the portrait was carrying the baby in her arms.
It was still the baby, it had always been the baby whom Chase cared about. That's why he walked so quickly when I threatened him about harming his baby.
Anger bobbled up in me and I saw red. Crumbling the papers, I made it into a ball and threw it away. It meant nothing to me, absolutely nothing.
Sniffling for the last time, I trodded towards the bed with sank into the blanket. My heavy eyelids dropped down and the craving to forget every pain and angst overtook my every other sense. I let sleep overtake me.
*******
After the episode with Melissa, no one dared to enter the room. It had 1.5 hours since I drove her out of this room and now my stomach was growling every 5 minutes.
Of course this little monster was hungry. It wouln't even let it's carrier live in peace for sometime.
I rubbed my stomach in a gently soothing manner and the grumbling subsided for a few minutes.
A gentle knocking echoed in the room and my ears perked up in anticipation. I didn't care whoever was there as long as he or she was bringing some food for me.
"Come in," I said rather softly compared to my mood last night. The door opened and Diana peeked inside the room with only a jug of water in her hand. I swallowed audibly cause I was expecting food.
She didn't say anything and her face was complete blank as she stepped inside the room and handed me the glass. I was so thirsty that I dranked the whole glass like a starving traveler in the desert.
After a few minutes, when I had atleast 4 glasses of water I kept the glass aside and burped. My cheeks reddened in embarrassment and I glanced up at Diana.
A small smile was playing on her lips and she muttered under her breath, 'You are still the same.'
She sat down beside me on the bed and I looked at her, expecting her to give me a lecture on how I should forgive Chase and listen to him. I was ready with my retort too.
After a few second she sighed and shook her head. "I am not here to give you relationship advice. Neither am I gonna justify Chase's actions. What he did was terrible, and I don't expect you to forgive him and move on."
To say I was shocked at her statement would be an understatement. I was baffled. Wasn't she supposed to take her brother 's side?
"By the look on your face I can say that you didn't expect that I would take your side. Isn't it?" she asked, wiggling her eyebrows. I nodded and look down.
"Sarah, I know how you are feeling. I was also hit with betrayal." There was a hint of sadness in her tone and as I looked up at her there was a look of sorrow in her green eyes. But she quickly shook her head to clear up whatever was going on in her mind.
She was talking about Draven. And that question was almost on the tip of my tongue, but I didn't ask. Cause the last time I talked about him she ghosted me for more than a month. And I was in need of some kind of companionship right now.
Melissa was out of question as she was loyal to Chase. Lexi was his aunt, Andrew, his father. Keven and Ares were Chase's lap dogs. So the only person whom I could rely on for now was Diana.
"Thank you," I whispered and my voice shook a little.
"Don't worry about it." She shook her head and held onto me as I climbed down from the bed.
It was time for my ultrasonography, and I wanted to get this done as soon as possible. I had nothing to do with Chase, or anyone related to him.
I was just about to step my foot out of the door when I halted and looked at Daina. Keven was standing further in the corner and was giving me a brooding look.
"He is sitting outside," Daina whispered and I peeked my head out of the door and looked left. Indeed Chase was sitting on the ground beside my door. His head was resting on the wall and his hands were resting on his lap. He was a snoring lightly.
"He was sitting here all thought out the night," Keven muttered from beside me and I gave a him a sceptical look, my eyebrows pulled down.
He worked for Chase, he would obviously take his side. No matters what Chase would do from now on, I won't let my heart melt.
Without giving him a second glance, I turned away from him and strode towards the medical room. Diana and Keven were behind me and a few guards nodded their head whenever their eyes connected with mine.
The moment I was in front of the medical room I saw Andrew standing there, with his hands crossed on his chest. His gaze was fixed on the floor and he was in deep thought. I padded towards him and his eyes shot up at me.
Glancing at him, my papa's face flashed in front of my eyes. Tears accumulated in my eyes and my throat constricted with emotions.
"Shh, little one. Don't waste your precious tears on that fucker. He doesn't deserve you," Andrew pulled me in fatherly hug and cooed me, gently rubbing my back.
I was surprised by the fact that Andrew was here, beside me. I expected that he would take Chase's side cause he was his father and he didn't like me in the beginning. But I sighed in relief as he patted my head. At least I had two supporters.
I sniffled and bit my lip to swallow the agonizing cry of pain that was about to break out of my throat. Steeping back from him, I passed a small sad smile and steeped into the medical room. Keven, Diana and Andrew stayed back.
Lexi was standing there along with Melissa and I didn't bother to look at look at either one of them. Climbing up on the bed I lied down and glanced at them. Lexi shook her head and told Melissa to bring something.
"Hope you are doing okay Sarah. Did you drink ample amount of water?" Lexi asked.
I gave her a curt nod.
Melissa was back with a tray and Lexi told me to gather up my dress. The moment I did it, she gently applied a cream on my protruding stomach and I flinch back at it's coolness.
"Sorry it can be a little cold." Lexi passed me a sheepish smile, but I kept my face blank.
Taking s small device in her hand she glided it over my stomach and the screen beside me illuminated with a dark image.
My eyes zeroed to the slight blurry image on the screen and I glanced at it with awe. Everything else faded out for me. The head and legs were quite clearly recognizable, and I could even see the ears.
"There he is," Lexi whispered glancing at the screen with sparking eyes. My eyes snapped towards her.
"He?"
"Yes, it's a boy." She said with a gentle smile playing in her face, and glided the device on my belly again.
My throat constricated with emotions and a lump formed in my throat as I gazed back at the screen away.
A boy? My son.
This felt so surreal, and tears of happiness glided down my cheeks. How did I ever speak ill of him? He was my little boy, and I wouldn't let anyone snatch him for me.
He was a piece of mine. My flesh and blood.
I was gawking at the screen when a load roar thundered on the other side of the door.
"YOU CAN'T DO THIS. LET ME ENTER!"
Chase.
The door of the room slammed opened and I flinched at the bloodshot eyes of him which was glaring fiercly at me.
But as soon as he set a foot inside the room, Andrew and Keven lunged at him from behind and started dragging him outside.
"YOU FUCKING ASSHOLES. LET ME SEE MY BABY, OR I AM GOING TO BLOW YOUR BRAINS OUT!" His voice harsh and sharp as he started thrashing in their grip. It was getting difficult for even the two of them to handle him.
"Chase, don't create a scene here. We don't want the baby to get traumatized from your continuous verbal assaults," Lexi snapped at him and stood in front of me.
"As the father of the baby I have the right to be here. Let me go!" He snarled and elbowed Keven.
"Enough!" My temper flared and I bellowed at him. He was so infuriating. Even after what he did yesterday, he had the nerve to come here and demand to see the baby. My baby.
Everyone's eyes in the room snapped towards me and Chase fierce glare softened. I turn my face way from him and released a harsh shallow breath.
"Sarah?" He called out soflty and I clasped my eyes shut, trying to keep the tears at bay.
"Tell him to go. I don't want to see his face." I murmered but the voice was audible.
"You heard her. Leave." It was Keven.
"No! I am not leaving until I see the baby."
I clicked my tongue in annoyance. Why couldn't he let me live in peace for sometime? I needed space.
"We won't let you do that." It was Melissa now and I turned my head to look at her. She had always been scared of Chase, but now she was standing along with Lexi, Keven, Diana and Andrew guarding me for Chase's prying eyes.
A figure appeared at the door, and my eyes flew at him. Ares silently entered the room with a grave serious face and touched Chase's shoulder.
"Boss, let's go." He said and didn't even glanced at anybody else.
"No! You stay out of this Ares. I won't let anyone put a barrier in between me and my baby." Chase's said in an aggitated voice, protectiveness laced in his tone.
"She doesn't want to see you now boss! Sarah need some space. You staying here is worsening the condition." Ares said in a passive voice and Chase's shoulder sagged un defeat.
He gave a look full of desparation and pain but I kept my face emotionless. It was for the betterment.
"Come." Ares held out his hand towards the door and Chase, giving me a last lingering look strode out of the room.
<<~~~~~~~~~~~~∆~~~~~~~~~~~~>>
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